A/N: yeah so sorry for the hiatus. my muse for this fic is dead. also things are a little sexual at the end of the fic so if that bugs you just skip over the end i guess. also filler chapter is filler, bluh
and i never dreamed that i'd be so happy that i could die
By the time you get back to your school and pick up your stuff and Tavros, you're thoroughly exhausted and in dire need of a nap again.
When you opened up the doors without complaint or, without any sort of word at all to your younger brother, Tavros quirks an eyebrow at you. Kurloz ambles out of the open doors of the van and wanders towards the door of your shared high school; Tavros watches him go, and then crosses his arms and gives you a sour look.
"...When were you going to, uh, tell me about that one?"
Tavros' honey-colored eyes are settled on your neck (that you tried to hide by popping up the collar of your jacket) and he's glaring at the various little nips left there. Today he doesn't seem to be accompanied by his tall gangly friend (Gamzee? Was that his name? Whatever) and a couple of cute girls that you easily recognize as his larping friends wave at him and bid him goodbyes. Sometimes you thought it was a shame that Tavros didn't date more, because he was obviously well-liked and had no problems talking to girls; but then you would think of your own fucked up 'love life' and then you were a little proud of Tavros telling that Serket girl no, that he wasn't interested.
It was a hell of a lot more than you had ever done, and sometimes you were a little jealous that Tavros didn't let her pressure him into anything he didn't want.
Your hand goes to your neck and you advert your eyes and have the decency to blush. "Tell you about what, man? There's nothing to tell."
The younger of the two of you rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue, and then he starts to lift the ramp up to take himself into the van, and you help him buckle himself in like you normally do. "No, I'm pretty sure that, those are fresh. I don't remember, you having any of those before. So, spill. I have a feeling that it wasn't, Damara or Horrus. And you still haven't, um, told me about your date."
At times like this, you wished you had some sort of function on this damned van where you just dump Tavros ass-backwards onto the pavement and drive yourself home, rap and little brother free.
You close the doors and resist the urge to throw anything at Tavros and keep a straight face. You hop back into the van and another wave of fatigue hits you. You sigh and let the front of your forehead bump up against the steering wheel. Unfortunately, you have little to no grace or care left in you today, so you bump your arms against the horn of your van and scare the hell out of you and Tavros, and of a couple of teenagers who flip you one.
"Did I agree to telling you about my date...? I don't remember that..." Just after you relax a little from scaring the hell out of yourself, Kurloz is suddenly opening the passenger door up for himself and jumps in, and dumps all of your books and your bag on your lap and the floor between the two of you.
Kurloz smiles at you and pays no attention to your younger brother, and when you glance at Tavros through the rear-view mirror, he is glaring at you.
The thought that maybe, just maybe, putting your little brother and the boy who seemed to have a huge crush on you in the same, cramped space wasn't a good idea. When you don't smile back at him, Kurloz makes a what? gesture and you simply sign back no. No kissing, no hand-holding, no flirting, no notes, nothing. The blue-eyed boy stares at you for a moment before he leans back into the seat and buckles himself in. Tavros chucks his ipod at your head and you try your hardest not to groan.
"Why are you here?" Tavros demands, giving Kurloz a slightly less heated look than the one he had given you. Kurloz glances at you and then at your younger brother and he starts to move his hands, gesturing from himself to you to Tavros, smiling amiably at your little shit of a sibling.
A sigh leaves you. "Kurloz was...helping me with some shit. We're gonna...hang out." Which wasn't really a lie, because as tired as you were, you definitely wanted more alone time with this boy.
"Hang out?" Tavros sounds offended for some reason. What was his problem? Had he met Kurloz before or something? You glance at Kurloz- he didn't mentioned anything to you before about his brother, and you figure that's probably important. "I didn't know you two, were even friends. When did, this happen? If we're, uh, driving Kurloz home, shouldn't we drive Gamzee home, too?"
This seems to strike some sort of chord with Kurloz because he visibly tenses in your peripherals and he starts to fuck around with his hands. Anxiety wasn't a new thing to you, and you were starting to figure out that you had a really bad fucking case of it, and so you were starting to (slowly) pick up on your little tweaks. Hand rubbing was one of those little things you did, and you didn't really see anxiety on Kurloz often, so this was weird. "Gamzee?" You ask, probably sounding a little stupid. "Why would I drive him home...?"
Tavros sighs and rubs his forehead. You pull into your neighborhood and start to steer the van towards your house. "You know, that guy I've been, hanging out with, for a couple of years now? He doesn't come over often, but, he's one of my best friends, you asshole. He's, uh, Kurloz' younger brother."
You look over at the apparently older Makara you had in your front seat, and he looks in the other direction. Tavros also seems to be giving him sort of pointed look.
"I guess I should have given him a ride..." Is all you can say to that. You hadn't heard or seen or known that Kurloz had a younger brother, and you think the name sounds a little familiar, but you really don't know. Your own social life is hell to keep up with, let alone try and sort out Tavros' relationships and keep track of. You knew about Vriska because she was half the reason Tavros was paralyzed and you didn't like her. Aradia was Damara's pretty younger sister who freaked you out just about as much as Damara did herself and she was Tavros' childhood friend and- well, there were a few of his friends that you could name if you tried hard enough.
You didn't remember anything about a Gamzee, or about a younger Makara boy. Having one juggalo present in your school seemed troublesome enough.
"Yes. Yeah, you should have. Asshole." Tavros chides. You pull up to your street and soon enough your house. Kurloz takes it upon himself to jump out of the van and open up the doors while you help untangle Tavros from the straps holding him into the van. Once you're close enough and eye level, Tavros yanks the collar of your shirt down to stare at your fresh hickeys.
You shove him out onto the ramp and almost tip him (not ass-backwards like you had hoped) face forwards onto the pavement and he shrieks.
"So."
After you dropped that little shit you call a brother off at home, you decided it wasn't appealing to go back to Kurloz' house and possibly run into this Gamzee guy. For a reason you couldn't really pin down, the fact that Tavros had established a good, stable relationship with Kurloz's younger brother for a while now and that Kurloz had never mentioned it bothered you.
"Did you know that my little brother and your brother were hanging out...?"
You feel a little guilty about not paying more attention to Tavros when he talks. That kid could really talk when he felt like it. So could you.
The hand that Kurloz had on his teacup twitches.
Without really asking if it was okay, you had driven the two of you back to the coffee shop. This time you let Kurloz pay when he jumped in front of the counter and dropped money onto the countertop pay for what you ordered. You also ordered Kurloz' drink, because you weren't a total asshole, then you were seated back at the table you had your date at.
Yes, is what Kurloz simply signs after what seems like some sort of mental debate.
You raise an eyebrow. "Really? Shit...I feel kinda bad for...not knowing. I should pay more attention to Tavros..." He could be such a little shit, though. You don't say this. "I wish you said something...uh. No puns or anything intended."
Another thing you also had to remember was to not poke fun at Kurloz' inability to speak, not that you had been trying to. The jibe doesn't seem to bother Kurloz.
["...It didn't seem very important. I also thought that maybe you were already aware."]
You had to give him that one. If you chose to be ignorant, you couldn't really blame anyone else for not bringing you up to speed. You sigh and shake your head and take a sip of your latte. "Yeah...yeah. I'm an asshole, I know. But...it's not like...they're like...uh. You and me." You didn't even know what that meant. "Right?"
The smile that Kurloz gives you seems to be forced.
["Right."]
Once you get back home after you dropped off Kurloz (and he parked himself in your lap and had his mouth on your neck again and wow you needed to not focus on that) your dad slapped you upside the head anyways.
It wasn't for skipping school, because apparently you got off scott-free on that one. The school hadn't called and enlightened your dad about your absence, but your coach had called him asking where one of his best players had gone to.
Your dad kindly relayed your coach's message to you (which really meant he tackled you to the ground and messed up your hair because he knew that your really hated that and he sat on you) and then he demanded to know where you went instead of practice. Usually you were pretty good about getting early to practice and letting your coach know if you couldn't make it, but...your head was just in all the wrong places today, it seemed.
When your dad had finished crushing the life out of you, he hopped onto his feet and let himself into your room, and you really hoped he didn't rifle through your closet for any drugs or anything else (your hentai and yaoi dvds were also stacked in there), because then you'd be fucked. Really fucked. You could literally kiss Kurloz goodbye then.
Instead of coming out with the cigarettes and whiskey Damara had given you, your Dad came out with the entire series of Madoka Magica and the movie you had of it. You must have given him the most pathetic look you could make because he beamed at you and he left the room without another word.
Fuck. There were times you really hated the fact that you, Tavros and your Dad were as close as you were. Your dad knew how to cheer up Tavros wordlessly (fast food) and how to let you know when you were in the shit. Sometimes your dad would sit around and watch anime with you or he'd make fun of Tavros and be a backseat player to his video games. Other times he'd chase you around the house with foam swords and you would run around the yard in costumes.
The point was that your dad is insane, and you blamed how much of a dork you were on him.
You were re-watching Madoka and you were forcing Tavros to watch it, but it seemed you had to occupy yourself with another anime until your dad deemed you innocent again. You sighed and removed yourself from the carpet and dragged yourself to your room with your bag and dumped yourself on your bed.
A glance at your phone told you that Horrus had tried to call you (why? Didn't he hate you?) and Damara had left you more texts in her shitty, broken Japanese and Kurloz hadn't bothered you at all.
You groaned and dropped your phone onto the sheets and you started to roll around, sliding off your jacket and your pants. Leather and jeans weren't made for lounging, so those ended up in a pile on the floor. That left you in your shirt (which was the insane clown posse shirt you stole from Kurloz) and your socks and your boxers and you felt like you could just fall asleep on the spot.
You wonder why Horrus could have possibly called you. Didn't he hate you? Shouldn't he hate you? Was he calling to yell? You remembered his old violent streaks when he'd shove you aside or kiss you roughly or yank on your clothes hard enough to part the seams. Meulin had been a godsend to you, because she would occupy Horrus enough for you to catch your breath and retain some semblance of your sanity, and she seemed to know how to pacify whatever anger issues he had.
Damara texting you didn't faze you too much. In fact, you had been expecting it. Maybe Horrus had confronted her about what you had told him and she knew. They both probably knew everything now. And for some reason, you just didn't have the energy to give a shit today.
It was surreal. You had broken up with Horrus. You had finally, finally told him no. Today you didn't care about what Damara said. Today you had also managed to muster the courage and the confidence to wrap your arms around Kurloz' hips and pull him in for a kiss. A lot of kisses.
You had also managed to not soak your hair in sweat today and ruin it in basketball practice, though your dad had taken it upon himself to ruin your hair for you.
Today just didn't seem real.
You remember the look that Horrus had given you. The betrayal and the hurt and the guilt written all over his face that spilled over into his body language, making him cagey and desperate. Today was a bad day. Today was an awful day. Today left you with nothing.
You remember the way Kurloz brushed your hair and wrapped up your fingers in bandages and kissed your forehead and your lips and your hands and smiled at you, and even told you he loved you. You knew he was joking, but it was still sweet.
Today was a wonderful day.
Something had caved in today several times on you. Maybe it was the particular chill of the early morning and it soaked into your bones a little more this morning, or maybe it was all the anime you had watched the night prior making you feel emotional. Whatever it was, it had given you the strength (or the stupidity) to get over yourself and break up with Horrus and kiss the hell out of Kurloz.
Now that you're situated nicely on your bed, alone and done with everyone and everything today, you think it's safe to think a little more about Kurloz.
After you kissed him the first time today, he just didn't quit. You ended up standing in his kitchen making out for like twenty minutes, which is when you got all those hickeys on your neck. His boney hands ended up on your ass and he had groped you a couple of times, which is also when you shoved him away and told him no. Kissing was fine, and the neck-kissing had been pushing it- touching and groping was your breaking point, though. It left you flustered and more turned on than you wanted and he just smirked at you.
Then that asshole had the audacity to go back to the musty books he pulled out and acted like he hadn't been all over you. Then when you had managed to focus somewhat on the diagrams in the book, he started leaning over and kissing your jaw and lips all over again.
You bite your lip and settle your hand on your lower stomach. Just thinking about Kurloz was making you excited. You felt warm and he had made you feel so safe today. A sliver of your stomach poked out from under your shirt, which your thumbs brushed up against, reminding you of the bandages all over your hands again.
When you dropped Kurloz off at his house, he had decided it would be a good time to drop himself into your lap and start kissing you again. His ass hit the horn a couple of times, scaring the hell out of you from all the loud honking for the second time today, and then he laughed his cute little breathy laugh at you and your expression for forever before he started kissing you. Your hands had found his hips and his waist, encouraging him just a little, making him lean in just that extra inch or two. Tongue was involved here and there (a lot) and he was a little less practiced at kissing than you were. His hands also ended up on your hair (messing it up anyways, you think now, your hair was doomed from the start today) and he tugged on it and cupped your jaw when he pressed his lips to it.
You were kind of proud of yourself at the time for not getting hard, because if you had really wanted, you were pretty sure Kurloz would let you touch him. If the innuendos and the flirting was anything to go by, it was that he really liked you and was alright with it.
You weren't alright with it, but that didn't stop you from having an erection now. You fidgeted on the bed at the memory from the heat coming off of Kurloz and his lips and hands kind of being everywhere.
You think of the look he had in his dark blue eyes when he taught you how to sign I love you.
Fuck, that was it. You let out a breath you weren't aware you were holding and shoved your boxers down and took a hold of yourself. Kurloz wasn't your boyfriend and you didn't love him and you were far from ready for more than sloppy makeouts, but that didn't stop you from at least thinking about it.
A small sound leaves you as you start to slide your hand up and down your length. The tip of your thumb drags across the head of your dick and your start thinking about Kurloz' hands on your ass again and you jerk your hips up a little instinctually. Right about now you were really regretting not letting him touch you some more but that could still happen later, right? You think about how you had shuddered when he stroked your hair and how his nails just happened to run across your scalp right as he left another bruise on your skin.
You gasp softly when you try to imagine this blue-eyed boy doing this for you, jerking you off and kissing your neck again. Maybe your hands would be on his erection too, and there would be less clothing involved. You try to picture yourself on his bed and you let out a soft groan when you slide your hand upwards with a little more speed and pressure.
It seemed like Kurloz liked using his teeth, because he had bitten you a little, too. Then you thought about his mouth and lips being elsewhere than on your neck, maybe around your erection. You would suck him off if he wanted- actually, you would probably do anything he wanted you to do. If he wanted to fuck you he could, and if he wanted you to find yourself in him that would be more than alright with you, too. Your breath hitches and your thighs shake slightly when you think of the look he could give you as he gives you head, of those eyes, and then you're coming, saying his name over and over as you do.
Once you're done making a mess of yourself, you lay there for a moment, trying to collect yourself. Now you're really done. You have absolutely no energy left, not even for thinking about this boy who had managed to wedge himself into your fucked up relationships and make himself important to you.
You stare at your hand, touching your fingers together to watch the white stick together and dribble down. Then you sigh and sit up, grabbing some tissues to wipe your hand and stomach off and wash your hands in the bathroom.
When that's all done, you toss yourself into bed. You also turn off your phone and toss it into a pile, not wanting anyone else to bother you. You wiggle your way into the sheets and comforters and fall asleep almost as easily as you had fallen asleep in Kurloz' bed.
