Sorry for leaving you guys hanging for awhile, but I have been quite the busy fellow pursuing a few other plot ideas, even going so far as to update History of the Death Munchers, which hadn't been done for six months or so. But now I have left my loyal readers to be bored for two months. For this I apologize, for I know many writers make up excuses! I personally wish to blame a person named Lugia Storm. He is an evil little bugger, always wishing to be Hokage and such. Most of you won't know who this, well let's call him "LS". Rest assured however, he sucks.

Oh, and as for the chapter title, well, pay attention to the first Konoha citizen to appear as way of explanation.

I almost forgot to mention my great reviewers. While I never will require people to review for an update, it is nice to see so many people enjoying my story. Thank you for taking the time to review, and I hope you continue to enjoy Arahi's adventures.

Now enough of my prattle; enjoy.


Chapter 7

My Reviewers suck at guessing

Minato held the Konoha citizen up in the air as his Rasengan was charging up in his left hand. Minato's intent to kill was oozing off of him.

"What do you know about the treatment of Uzumaki Naruto? Tell me or you are going to hell!" Minato's voice had risen as he went on.

The six year old boy proceeded to soil himself.

Minato wasn't exactly being discreet with his hunt for the truth. The former Hokage had waited all of five minutes in the damnable white space until the Queue Button had signaled someone had arrived. Minato's master plan had him jumping every single person until someone from Konoha arrived. Luckily for him the first person who happened to die (and what a bad time to kick the bucket…) was from Konoha! Success!

… Too bad it was a six year old boy who didn't even know Naruto's name from a ramen topping, much less anything to do with his poor treatment.

Minato had the presence of mind to look sheepish, even though he didn't give a damn (at the moment) about the kid.

What could have happened next was Minato would proceed to put the little boy down calmly, apologize in a proper manner, and send the little one on his way.

Alas, Zabuza chose this time to pipe up once again.

That wasn't very wise.

"And they say I am the pedo"- The sentence that Zabuza had chosen (poorly at that) was interrupted by a Rasengan to the jaw; the force behind the blow was enough so that Zabuza couldn't even see the white in the damnable white space anymore. The feeling of impact calmed Minato as he lost his crazed and uncaring demeanor and just sighed heavily in defeat.

If you couldn't tell, our young judge of souls wasn't dealing well with the news that the village had not heeded his request that his son be seen as a hero. Minato didn't believe that Naruto should be spoiled, nothing wrong with keeping a kid's ego in line. But this was obviously despicable.

One could argue that jumping every person who came into his jurisdiction for answers wasn't the responsible way to handle this situation. Although any "One" which might wish to argue this point would likely be taking a very nasty trip to hell before they came to the meat of their argument.

Minato's hands began to shake as the tension was starting to spill over. Rare was it to see a veteran ninja to shake like this, rarer still was for them to feel as powerless as Minato felt now. It brought back memories of a time when he was still a fledgling Nin.

Flashback

"B-but Jiraiya-sama, my hands are shaking. The handbook said this could be dangerous even for simple Jutsus." The concern in Minato's young voice was evident. Jiraiya didn't seem to share the concern as he waved him off.

"Those books are for beginners, for naturals like you it wouldn't matter if you did it on your head, it'll turn out just fine."

"If you say so…Henge!"

The following explosion set four world records including most unique way to make a boy under the age of 13 bald.

"Oops." Jiraiya's voice was unnaturally meek for once.

Of course the great and mighty Jiraiya had failed to inform his young (and oh so naive) apprentice that the two times that he had attempted to perform a jutsu while on his head the nine tailed fox demon had caught wind of the disturbance and thought it'd go have some fun with whatever caused it. Sadly the third time this occurred, when Minato was older, Jiraiya was out of Scooby Snacks.

Fast Forward

Minato had thought for a long time that Orochimaru had been the one to unleash the demon fox. However when he told the Shinigami this it had merely scoffed at him.

"Honestly Hokage-kun, you think that halfwit testing dummy of mine could summon something like a greater demon, much less the strongest of them all? No, I am afraid your theory is very off." Minato couldn't keep the frown off his face, and chose to ignore the "halfwit testing dummy of mine" for the time being.

"But I have charts! There are dozens and dozens of charts!" Minato's voice sounded pleading as he held up many multi-colored diagrams that seemed to have taken many weeks to prepare.

The Death God cocked an eyebrow at his tone.

"You are wrong." The deadness in the Shinigami's voice matched his appearance for once.

"I don't want to be wrong!" Minato's whining didn't have the desired effect on the noble and infallible (his own words to boot!) Death God. Merely than continuing arguing with his precious Hokage who was in an "uncontrollable fit of denial" he pulled out two objects: A ritual knife (used for "official" deaths, if you ask too much about unofficial deaths you'll be one) and a piece of string. The string had a singular piece of paper which had a name on it: "Uzumaki Naruto".

Minato looked at the string for a moment before pouting.

"That's cheating." The Death God merely smirked. Actually it was more like the most evil and vile facial expression one would hope to never see in their life. But if Death calls it a smirk, no one is going to disagree. That's just how life works.

"I never claimed to play fair." With a shake of the fist Minato teleported away from the Death God just as Assistant-Sama stepped out from the shadows.

"One of these days he is going to realize that those strings are meaningless." The Shinigami turned his hateful gaze to his assistant.

"Let us hope that no one gets drunk and tells him this, hmm?" The nervous laughter that followed was music to the Shinigami's ears.

End Flashback

Minato's somber mood was worsened when he had to fight back a smile at the memories of training with Jiraiya. There wasn't any pain there except for a loss of hair.

Had he lost his edge as a Shinobi? He remembered a time where he could contain all the righteous fury in his heart and hundreds would lie in his wake… had death made him soft?

"I don't believe so Minato-kun, you always had a good heart and you realize no one around you is the enemy. You give yourself too little credit."

"Shut up Sarutobi"- Minato mouth had spoken before his mind caught up. Turning around before he saw the Sandaime Hokage, robes and all, in front of him with a gentle smile on his face.

"Long time no see, Yondaime." Sarutobi tipped his hat towards the younger man before taking it off all together and sitting down in front of Minato's desk. Minato was standing stunned as the Sandaime lit a pipe and seemed to be waiting for him to continue the conversation.

I can't believe it. He is dead? How? Why? This old man was more stubborn than I could ever hope to be. First the Kazekage and now Sarutobi? Why do I get the feeling some major shit is going down in the world of the living?

Yondaime stiffly walked over to his desk and planted himself in his chair and breathed deeply.

"Explain." The one word prompt was all the Sandaime needed as he began to speak.

"First off the Shinigami sends his regards, Minato. I must once again praise your genius and humbly thank you for creating the death seal, for it has now saved Konoha twice." Minato raised an eyebrow although the pieces were connecting quite clearly for him now.

"Orochimaru, under the guise of the Kazekage, snuck into Konoha with plans to invade it. While I obviously am not privy to how it ended, I can safely say that without the use of his arms Orochimaru, as prideful as he may be, will realize he is no match for the rest of Konoha and retreat." Minato's eyes darkened.

"You didn't have the strength left?" Sandaime chuckled at the inquiry and took another smoke from his pipe.

"I am afraid not. I knew I was no match for him, but I had thought that if you could contain the Kyuubi then I could do so to Orochimaru. If I were to hypothesize, I'd suppose my mistake was underestimating your life force in comparison to the Kyuubi." The old man had a faint smile on his face that was hard to place. Meanwhile Minato's face had hardened the more Sarutobi explained.

"You still feel responsible, don't you?" The question was vague but Sarutobi answered nonetheless.

"Yes."

Minato would never have openly accused Sarutobi of holding back because it was his former prized pupil, but both men knew the truth. Sandaime had done his duty to the village and at the same time spared Orochimaru's life. Sandaime knew that Orochimaru was unredeemable, but it seemed too cruel to Sarutobi for the person who was somewhat responsible for his twisted turn to be the one to end his life.

Minato straightened up a few loose papers on his desk and decided it was time to get to the subject of Naruto.

Meanwhile, with the Shinigami

When you have existed for eons you expect little in the way of surprises. Sure, the occasional "sorry that I knocked your daughter up, boss" happened to a stray God every now and then. Purely personal pursuits lead to most of the surprises after so long. But for the Shinigami, it seemed like his work always challenged him.

And so he sat across from two hands, both giving him the middle finger. You might believe that there was a body attached to these two arms, but no. For these were the arms of Orochimaru, now in the land of the dead dealing with the Shinigami while the Death God let Sarutobi talk to Minato. In retrospect it didn't seem like such a fine idea, but the Death God as cruel and uncaring as he was to most, could not shun his Minato in the same way.

"So Orochimaru's arms. Do you remember my voice?" The Death God spoke plainly, as Arms didn't have the best sense of hearing. They seemed to talk to each other through sign language for a moment before both hands nodded.

And then they latched on to the Death God's neck in an attempt to choke him. It was all the Shinigami could do to keep his eyes from rolling. Swatting the hands away he rounded the corn of the desk and picked the struggling arms up.

"Orochimaru-kun, even without your brain you remember me. I am flattered." The Death God's face contorted into a very nasty smile. Orochimaru's arms shuddered in fear.

Flashback

Orochimaru was close to finally achieving the immortality that his dreams had described. Countless bodies lay in his wake towards his goal. It had taken many years, but at last all those that had wronged him would pay. Well, not really. Gaining immortality meant little if you couldn't overpower an entire city of ninja and then kill your former sensei. But god damn it all it was a good start, okay?

So a few "Kukukuku"s later Orochimaru was ready to begin the ritual when everything stopped. The fumes of the potion had frozen in mid air; the sweat on Orochimaru's body had ceased to drip. It was as if time had stopped completely.

In fact that is exactly what it was, but "as if" makes it sound cool and mysterious.

A man in a black robe whistled as he made his way passed the dead bodies, touching each briefly so that their souls could rest in peace. Looking upon Orochimaru he rolled his eyes.

Oh Orochimaru-kun. Who could have guessed that destroying everything that kept you sane could in someway turn you into a maniacal and manipulative madman? The Shinigami shrugged his shoulders and walked over to the now frozen form of his favorite mortal. He stuck a bony hand into his coat and retrieved a vile of dark liquid that was suspiciously unmarked. Taking off the stopper the Death God poured it into the drink that Orochimaru was about to devour, the one that would supposedly make him immortal.

Sorry Orochimaru-kun, while I dread the day I have keep track of you, even I have a limit to my sadistic side.

With that task done, the Shinigami opened a portal to the realm of death, letting time start up once more as he passed through the gateway.

Minutes later the sweet sound of an infuriated man with a newly acquired snake lisp could be heard throughout the halls of the dead.

It turns out that the Shinigami had been lying when he said he had a limit to his sadistic side.

End Flashback

The Shinigami decided that having the arms experimented on by some of his researchers would be the proper course of action for now. He knew that eventually the arms would find a means of escape and set loose across the complex. Then the fun experimenting could begin! Smirking to himself the Death God thoughts lead him to his precious Hokage-kun. Deciding to check up on him, he opened a portal to the damnable white space to see how the meeting was going. What he found didn't shock him very much.

Three minutes earlier

"Am I right to understand that the reason you did not step into the situation more vocally was for fear that the council of elders, or perhaps the clans, would unseat you as Hokage?" Minato was the picture of serenity as his arms were laced under his chin, seeming content to patiently wait for the Sandaime's response.

"Yes Minato, that is correct. Although I may be the leader of the village, I do not have absolute power." Sarutobi had been over this again and again; so far his one time successor was taking it amazingly well. However he knew that this wouldn't last.

He had kind of hoped that it would have lasted more than two seconds after he had thought that.

"Sarutobi don't give me that! While technically you had to cede some points, if you pulled for something hard enough no one in that entire country would fight you on it. You bring too much prestige and are too respected for them to just throw away your opinion!" Minato was beginning to lose his composure, and although the 3rd Hokage didn't blame him for being upset, he didn't want this to get out of hand.

"Minato, you must understand"- It turns out that was the wrong thing to say, as Minato broke his desk in half while standing up, looking murderous.

"I don't have to understand anything Sandaime!" Sarutobi was taken back by Minato's harsh use of his title, and merely looked upon the younger man.

"I trusted you Sandaime, I trusted you with my child. The rest of Konoha are ignorant fools, too scared to fully understand that the demon will not escape the cage that I built for it. While I don't have much love for the village, neither can I find much hate. They just plain don't know any better. But you Sarutobi! You I entrusted. I died in your arms; my last words were for my son to be seen as a hero. Why wasn't this done? Threats to his life? Are you joking? There is not a single rock Nin who could hope to compare to Kakashi's skills (Minato failed to mention that was due to him killing them all), and I am sure those skills have only improved since my death. Caution is one thing, but you allow my son to grow up to be hated? Give me one reason why I shouldn't send you straight to hell right now." Minato's eyes were narrowed as he seemed to be asking a genuine question to Sarutobi.

The Shinigami, having arrived in the middle of the tirade, decided enough was enough.

"Minato-kun, stop being such a drama queen." The Sandaime couldn't keep himself from chuckling as a little bit of the tension left the air. Minato didn't seem to take too kindly to the slight and began to open his mouth to speak when the Death God cut him off.

"Stop being so petty Minato-kun. While it is pathetically cute to see you whining like a little girl over such a minor thing, I must ask you to refrain from threatening a member of my collection." The Shinigami's force smiled benignly, which to most everyone looked like a horrifying scowl.

The Yondaime rolled his eyes and let out a lot of hot air, deciding it was best not to get so worked up when he couldn't Rasengan something in the immediate future. The Death God smiled at Minato, this time putting his best foot forward to look somewhat like a human smile.

"Anyway, since you have stopped your childish fit, I can tell you I have brought news of Naruto that you may be interested to hear." Minato's boss proceeded to remain silent waiting for some sort of reaction.

Does he honestly think I am going to be so impatient that he is going to have me jumping up and down like a school girl when she is in heat?

The Shinigami looked towards the Yondaime and coughed politely.

Asshole…

"Oh what news do you bring Shinigami-sama? Oh I am so very excited to hear what you have to say!" The Shinigami slapped Minato on the back of the head for even attempting to mock him.

"How very sincere of you, Minato-kun. While I was summoned to the world of the living to take care of a few loose limbs, I thought to check on your son. Despite your best attempts to look like a fool, your son is doing excellently and I do not expect to be seeing him to join you for many years." The Death God patted Minato on the back good naturedly whose mood had been helped by the good news.

"Ah Minato-kun, a couple of items of interest before I leave you. I have happened upon an updated version of my beloved queue button. It isn't much of advancement, but it does conveniently tell you the number of people awaiting your services." The Shinigami turned to Sarutobi and motioned for him to go through the portal he had created when he arrived. Waving one last time to his pseudo-apprentice, the third Hokage of Konoha made his exit. Well, for the moment anyway.

Curious as to how many souls were waiting, Minato pressed the designated button to bring up a digitalized number on the screen.

1022

I am comforted only by the fact that this day can not get any worse.

"Oh, one last thing Minato. Since Zabuza seems to have fell down a set of stairs or something of that nature, my Assistant shall be taking over his duties for the next few days." Bowing slightly, the Death God left Minato to his thoughts. At the moment, only one clear thought was running through the man's head.

Minato – 0, Cruel Fate – 1


AN: Well there you go. Hell or high water I promise my next update is going to be faster than that pathetically slow one! LS (referred to in my first AN) is a person who has been helping me with my writing, but I'll be damned if I'll be grateful to anyone but myself in this fic. Next chapter is less about Naruto's main plot and more about random Konoha citizen day in the damnable white space. I am considering just shortening it 'DWS' every time I say it. It'd be the hip thing to do. But yeah. Also I am going to have a neat Technicolor flashback sequence to when Minato first met our beloved Shinigami. Also I might have a chapter without a very cruel and ironic Orochimaru joke.

Not really, I just wanted to make you sweat.

- Chris