"Wicked heart; evil design"

It was my wake-up call, in every sense of the word. I had two options- to bend, like He told me to, or to push forward with a new determination.


Circumstance

Discovery I: Determination

"Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.

-Denis Waitley


After they left, my begetter sat me down and explained the structure of the village to me. I absorbed and internalized everything he said, determined to ignore the blood crusting and flaking on my skin.

[I want to take a shower. No, a bath. A fucking boiling bath with rose petals and fancy bubble foam, and just sleep.]

My village has five rulers. There is, of course, the 'Sendou,' a position currently held by Tomomi. She's our leader of internal and external non-militaristic affairs. She takes care of imports and exports, the management of evacuations in case of terrible weather [we do live on a mountain, after all.], and basically keeping things running smoothly internally while maintaining a relatively harmless facade with other villages and keeping the Central Village [Kumogakure, probably. Honestly, all the signs were right in front of me if only I had the thought to look-] out of our hair.

Despite Tomomi's considerable power over the village, she isn't actually our true leader-that privilege lies only in the hands of the Supreme Leader. Our Supreme Leader is the man considered closest to the Great Being and the one most intimately connected to the writings of the Man With the Book- the 'Konton.' As the messenger of the Great Being Jashin, he guides everyone on the "correct Path," and as such his word is uncontested.

Even though the Konton is the one who spells out the laws, he is not the one responsible for ensuring everyone obeys. No, the job of enforcing the Konton's policies is that of the Jisshi. One might call the Jisshi the 'head of police' for the village. He (or she) has the immediate command of all of the Chishio in the village, and makes frequent patrols around the village.

But the Jisshi does not control all of the military personnel- the children, the future soldiers of Jashin, are all trained by the fourth leader, the Ikusu Ki. He (or she) guides the younger generations through their periods of self-discovery and gently guides them to the correct path, all the while providing the proper classroom shinobi education.

Which leaves the fifth, and final leader. The Ko Fusha: Hiruko. He did not skimp on the details.

While the Jisshi acts as the police, (s)he is not allowed to execute village residents. Instead, (s)he can issue strikes; three, no more, no less, and upon the third strike it is the sole duty of the Ko Fusha to execute the dissident. The strikes have to be justified, and may be issued on accounts of disobeying religious doctrine and village common law, and the disrespect of the five leaders. The only exception to the three-strike rule is in the case of a deserter. If someone were to seek to sell out village secrets, the Ko Fusha has within his/her authority to execute the deserter on the spot. Similarly, is one is revealed to be a heretic, who blasphemes against Jashin, immediate punitive action is sanctioned. Heretics themselves are called "Cranes," and are only mentioned in quiet whispers- speaking of Cranes outside of sermons is considered worthy of a strike.

[Three strikes for people who cannot keep their divergence to themselves.] The air seems colder. My new father is the man in charge of executing denizens of our village. How could I possibly keep my disagreeable thoughts to myself for years on end? How could I-

[I want to live.]

The Konton works closely with all four sub-leaders to run the village like a well-oiled machine, and leave no bases uncovered. One might think that having multiple independent, considerable powers residing over a small population would be rife with dissent, but the charisma of the Supreme Leader and the faith of the villagers is so strong that there have never been any major upsets. I would be impressed if I weren't being suppressed.

I sit and digest the massive influx of information my sire just related to me, and I understand what he has been trying to say. My mind whizzes around, drawing and discarding, assuaging old anxieties and calculating new risks. Knowledge changes things. And on that note-

"Father..." His eyes flicker up in surprise, and I barely withhold a flinch. My little slip feels like a betrayal, a knife twisting in my gut. My heart hurts. [Why did I call him that? He's not-he's not-] I force myself to finish my line of inquiry. "Who were those men that just visited?"

I knew the answer, and he knew I knew. He also knew the question that I could not bring myself to ask [what if they know?]. "The Konton, Jisshi, and Ikusu Ki visit every prospective Hakai."

I let out an imperceptible sigh of relief, before I fully process his words. "...Hakai?"

My Fat-no, the Father of Dead-Akumu [because she is dead, she died when I became aware- as I struggled she faded, and in doing so I killed her.] holds my gaze. "Akumu, you are going to be a shinobi."

My heart stops. There are no words.

In my past life, I found it difficult to motivate myself. Left to my own devices, I would retreat for hours and swim in a nonproductive state. In school, I would block out everything and everyone. It was only when forced into a commitment-be it by peer pressure or by the will of my parents- would I gain presence. And even then, there was always a dull fear- a fear of rejection, a fear of incompetence. Because even when I would claw my way into motion, I could never go above and beyond. As everyone around me grew and solidified their identities, I floundered in silence- too prideful to speak, too fearful to change. Apathy and fear waged an interminable war within me, and I grew distant from the ones I loved.

But in this new life, very slowly, I began to change.

When I was in That Woman's stomach, I panicked. I clawed and I screamed and I warped, became a twisted simulacrum, a mere shadow of my previous self. Upon delivery, my old personality was sanded to nothing, and I became an almost blank state. And then, motivated by my nightmares, I began to take the initiative. No longer did I shy from work, I embraced it.

I'm not the girl I used to be, not really. Because while the vestiges of her fears still swirl within me, they no longer define me. I am not that pampered high school girl, I am not the beloved daughter, the annoying sister, the weirdo friend. I am stronger, now. I live on a mountain with my not-quite father in a world where a sole man redirecting lighting with his bare hands is not unheard of. I am not The Girl From Before. I am Akumu.

I don't know what I did to get to start over. Because, even if this is a crapsack world, this is now my crapsack world. Right now, I am surrounded by an impregnable cage- but I'm not dead. If I am patient, and dedicated, I will grow to snap these bars to oblivion, but until then... Until then, I have a brand new life and infinite branches of opportunities splayed out before me.

I can't look back now- I won't look back. For Them. For Myself.

I take a breath. It's time I grew up. It's time I moved on.

To be completely truthful, I can't think of a single reason why I, of all people, was chosen. I'm not a particularly good public speaker, nor am I overly intelligent, or politically savvy, or fearless.

But even still, I want...

No.

I will live.

I look my begetter-[no. No matter how he treats me, I have to take it. I'm are the one who took away his daughter. The least I can do is let him live with this one misconception.]-I look my father straight in the eyes. My mouth sets in a determined line.

[I will bleed. I will despair. I will cry, and hate, and scream.

But I will also run, and laugh, and love.

I will live.]


A/N: Come at me bro. (I was so tempted to put this at the end. It's my headcannon, even if it's a bit much.

I apologize for the gratuitous capitalization and the profuse (and undoubtedly bastardized) japanese. Again, it's more for my convenience than yours. Here are my (non-spoiler-y) notes for each position of leadership and the men/woman who hold those positions, to make your life easier:

Konton (CHAOS): Spiritual Leader, "Supreme Leader" 'messenger' of Jashin and most learned person in terms of acquaintance with the writings of the Man With the Book. "Mr. Chocolate." Long brown hair and icy blue eyes.

Jisshi (ENFORCEMENT): 'police' of the community. Enforces clan policies. Speaks in short sentences. Wild black hair and grey eyes. "Tiger man"

Ikusu Ki (BREEDER): In charge of the education of the young people. 'indoctrination.' No inflection when speaking. Short, salt-and-pepper hair. "robot"

Ko Fusha (DELIVERER OF DEATH): Executes those who cannot obey [3 strikes], and those who flee. "Hiruko," Akumu's father.

Sendou (GUIDANCE, LEADERSHIP): In charge of non-militaristic village matters, like provisions and travel paths. The current Sendou is Tomomi.

UGH I HATE INFODUMP CHAPTERS GAHHHHH. I really hope that her finding her resolve wasn't too sudden. Don't worry, she's not all determinator now. It's easy to talk about moving on- actually doing so is a whole 'nother thing entirely. She wants to ignore her past right now, which isn't actually the best thing. She's just kind of suppressing her suffering in a different kind of way.

Alright! Six chapters till the first time skip, if you were wondering. The arc after this is gonna be funnnnn!~~

Until next time, in which Akumu meets her fellow ninja-to-be. (And I have fun trying to make them unique.)