Sidney

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I don't know what got into me. Holy fuck did I cross a line tonight. I can almost convince myself that I was looking after Anna the way Mario asked me to do at the start of camp. She was clearly really upset in the locker room and I knew that Jen was going to talk to Anna about the situation. That's why I followed her to her car. That's why I sat in her passenger seat and made her tell me what was wrong. It's what Mario asked me to do.

Then I placed my hand over hers. I touched her. Why the fuck did I touch her?

I keep replaying it over and over in my head as I drive home. Everything is fine, everything is going according to plan, and then I touch her. I was so fucking out of line. God, she had just told me about how Jen told her not to cross the professional line and I steam roll over it.

I'm always so careful not to put myself into what Pat calls "vulnerable positions". Since juniors, my agent has preached about not touching girls who want a picture even if they put their arm around you. Don't be alone with them in case they want to make something up about what you supposedly did to them. In one night, I break both of the rules by being alone in the car with Anna and touching her. Fuck.

As I pull into my driveway, I don't have any answers about my next move except that I need to talk to her. By instinct, I don't think Anna is the kind of girl to make shit up so I'm not worried about that. What I am worried about is that I offended her or made it worse somehow.

I pull off my jacket and tie and make my way to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. A beer would go down really well right now but we just started the season and it's too late at night for that many calories. People would think that an athlete could eat whatever they want given how many calories we expend. Unfortunately, I can't eat, or drink, like that and stay in top performance. An occasional glass of wine is about all I indulge in.

I drink from my water bottle, really wishing it was a beer, and turn on SportsCentre to catch some of the scores. It hits me as I sit down on my sofa. I can call her. She'll still be awake. If I just got home then she must be at home too, right?

Shit, I don't have her number. I could ask Lauren. I think she's friend with Anna; but, then she's going to ask me why I want it and I definitely don't want to have that conversation. Fuck.

Then I remember: Geno. He texts with Anna so he has to have her number. Maybe if I text him then he won't ask me why I want it.

'Hey, do you have Anna's #' I text.

I wait impatiently for what feels like a lifetime but it is probably less than a minute.

'Why you want' he texts back.

Shit. Can't he just give me the damn number? How am I going to answer this one?

'Mario asked me to look after her so I want to text her' I send.

After a few moments, he texts back 'K' and sends me the number.

'Thanks' I send. At the last minute I rethink it and also send 'don't tell Anna, Mario doesn't want her to know'

'K' is all I receive back.

His usual brevity is very much appreciated tonight. I don't want to spend time talking with him when I need to call Anna.

I call the number Geno gave me and count each ring. Shit. I'm going to voicemail. Do I leave one or do I call back? Too late; there's the beep.

"Um, hi Anna" great beginning, idiot. "It's Sid. Um, would you give me a call back? I'll be up for a while still and I really want to talk to you." Could this be going any worse? "Um, it's not urgent but it is important." God, I need to end this, now. "Ok, so, call please, bye."

When I disconnect the call, all I can do is stare at my phone and wish away the fiasco that was just my voice mail. I bang the phone against my head over and over. What an idiot I am.

It scares the shit out of me when my phone rings. I'm stunned when I see that it's Anna. Wow.

"Um, hi" I say. Brilliant again.

"Hi Sid" she says smoothly. "I'm sorry that I didn't answer your call. It was an unknown number and I don't answer those."

"Oh, ok" I reply.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?" she asks.

Why am I so fucking stupid all of a sudden? It's like I've forgotten how to have an intelligent conversation with a girl. Maybe that's the problem, I don't see her as an intern, I see her as a girl.

"Yeah, thanks for calling me back." This couldn't get more awkward so I spit it out quickly. "I think I may have crossed the line tonight, in your car, when we talked. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable and I didn't want to offend you. I can honestly say that I've never done anything like that before. I just knew that you were upset and I wanted to see if you were ok after talking to Jen. Are you ok? Did I cross a line? Did I offend you? Are you still upset? Are you more upset?"

I finally come to my senses and stop talking. What the fuck am I doing? Oh yeah, I'm making it worse.

"Ok. To answer your questions: yes, no, no, no, and no" she tells me.

Huh? She must sense that I'm confused because she continues.

"To expand: yes I'm ok, no you didn't cross a line, no you didn't offend me, no I'm not still upset and no I'm not more upset."

It finally sinks into my brain that she has just alleviated all of my fears. She's ok.

"Ok, good" I tell her. "That was an odd way of answering my question."

"First, it wasn't one question it was five, and they were rapidly in one row. I was trying to be efficient."

She has to be kidding. Right?

"I'm joking Sid. Everything is ok, honest."

"Ok, good."

I don't have anything else to say but I don't want to hang up. She doesn't say anything either. I wonder why?

"Tomorrow is another game and you'll forget all about this one" I tell her.

"I could say the same to you."

She's really quick and smart. I never realized that I like quick and smart.

"Yeah, well, it's not as bad for us as it is for goalies. We screw up in front of them and they take the consequences when the puck sails past them."

"I never thought about it that way" she replies. "I guess there is still so much about this game that I don't understand. I always knew that it wasn't easy, to play a game on ice in skates, but I never realized how complex it is to be an athlete."

"You're picking it up quickly" I tell her. "It was only the first game of the season tonight. There are eighty one more to go. You'll be an expert by the end of the season."

"Maybe" she replies.

Neither of us says anything but we don't hang up either. I want to prolong our conversation but it is really late and there's another game tomorrow.

"I guess I should …"

"We should probably …"

We both say it at the same time and chuckle.

"I guess I should go to bed. We have a practice in the morning and another game" I tell her.

"Yeah, I have to be in early" she replies. "Sid, thank you."

"For what?" I ask.

"For checking in with me at my car and calling me tonight. I appreciate it."

"Oh, anytime" I reply.

We say goodbye and I still have a huge grin on my face when I go to bed.

Anna

It takes a lot of foundation and cover up the next morning for me to hide the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I kept replaying everything that happened after the media scrum. The misstep with Geno and conversation with Jen was weird because I screwed up. Althoug, in hindsight, Jen didn't seem mad about. She approached it as a learning opportunity. I'm trying to look at it the same way but it's hard. When I've focused on trying to be perfect my entire life, it's hard to shift that engrained, learned behaviour to see mistakes as learning opportunities.

What has me really confused is everything that happened with Sid. He's a really nice guy and I guess we got to know each other when we were trapped in that elevator. It makes sense that he would come over to me, as he did, in the locker room when he saw I was upset. The conversation in my car has replayed over and over in my head. Why did he follow me out to my car? That seems over and above even for a nice guy like Sid. What does it mean?

As if that isn't confusing enough, I can't figure out what that phone call was about. Was he just being a good guy and making sure that I was ok. If so, why did it feel like we were flirting? Why didn't either of us want to hang up? I really have to stay away from him and establish a more professional distance between us. Jen has dictated it and I've been desperate for it since I found out I was going to work here. Distance between me and Sidney Crosby isn't just a good idea, it's as essential as breathing and I've feel like I've been gasping for air ever since I saw him again.

The lack of sleep has made me bloated so I decide on a pant suit. I really can't face nylons or tights today. I dress quickly in a blue pinstripe suit and a button down shirt in paisley blues. It shouldn't work, but it does, and it's about as far from conservative that I go. My hair isn't behaving today either so up into a chignon it goes. A belt, earrings, watch and heels complete the outfit. Satisfied with my appearance, I go to the kitchen to get coffee in my to-go cup.

I stare at my phone and contemplate my morning text to Geno. I always send him a text before I leave for the office so that he sees it when he wakes up. Should I send it or maybe I shouldn't after what happened last night?

What was it Sid said? They need to turn the page after a game like that especially when they have another game the next day. I've also learned that these guys thrive on routine. Yeah, I need to keep to our routine and schedule.

I send Geno a text with his morning schedule the same as I've done every day since we started working together and then leave the house.

When I get to the bull pen, the people that are in are talking in hushed tones, glance at me and then go to their desks. Weird.

Adam grabs my elbow after I've put my purse in my desk and pulls me down the hallway. When we're in a small meeting room, he shuts the door and turns to me.

"What happened?" he asks.

Confused, I ask "what do you mean?"

"There's a rumour that you fucked up, big time, and Jen went ballistic and you almost got fired. How come you didn't call me immediately?"

Oh, that's what they were all whispering about when I came in. I don't have to wonder who spread the rumour around to the interns; Meagan.

"I made a mistake for sure and Jen wanted to talk about it. She thinks I'm doing a good job and I'm definitely not getting fired. In fact, there's been no change at all. The talk with Jen was really helpful actually" I tell him.

"That bitch!" he says.

"Seriously Adam. Jen was great. I even thought I might get fired when I went to her office but she was really, really great."

"No, I don't mean Jen. Meagan. And don't try to tell me that this wasn't because of her. I'd bet she told Jen what happened and then spread this rumour around. Bitch!"

"I'm not going to disagree with you but there is nothing to be gained by doing anything about it Adam. You can't prove anything and it will only cause issues within the team. Leave it alone, ok?"

"Fine, if your mind is set but I don't have to like her."

I go with my instinct and give him a hug. He is such a good friend to stick up for me like this and I'm incredibly grateful for him.

We go back to the bullpen in time for the morning huddle and Jen reviews today's schedule. Geno and Sid have a photo shoot with Pittsburgh Life magazine and I'm going to manage it. I can feel Meagan's eyes on me when it's announced but I put it out of my mind and focus on Jen. I need to take the advice that I gave Adam. Worrying about her isn't worth it.

The time before practice flies by. I meet the team from Pittsburgh Life and get them set up for the photo shoot later. Some last minute issues take me right up to the after practice scrum and I make it to the locker room as the guys are coming off the ice. Perfect timing.

I hang back at the door way and watch for Geno. I was confident in the text I sent him this morning and he did reply with a 'thanks' but now we're going to see each other face to face. I'm going to continue with my current strategy and turn the page. Last night is over and today is another day.

I watch Geno walk in the door and he looks around. When he spots me, he waddles over, as they do in their skates, and gestures with his head for me to follow him. Shit. I guess this isn't over.

He doesn't stop until we are down a deserted hallway. I decide to wait and see where Geno wants to take this and how he feels.

"Um, I sorry" he begins. "It's, you know, hard when we lose. I don't take well. I don't, didn't, play good so" he ends on a shrug.

He's apologizing to me? While I appreciate it, and he's cute doing it, this isn't right.

"Geno, please don't apologize. I was out of line and should never have bothered you after the game. I know now to leave you alone after the scrums and you can let me know if you need me instead. Does that work?"

"Not your fault Anna" he replies.

"Well, it's not yours either" I tell him.

It's definitely time to turn the page and put this behind us. We both didn't like what happened and what we did.

"Geno, let's just forget it happened. Ok?"

"Ok" he says and gives me his crooked smile.

"Good, now you need to get into the locker room."

"You hard" he says.

It takes me a minute to realize what he means. He's saying that I'm hard on him. He's back to joking again.

"Someone has to be Geno" I tell him. "You can be hard on me if you want."

His smile disappears and he replies "you hard enough on you."

He turns and waddles back to the locker room. I'm surprised by his perception of me and know that he's right. I am hard on myself.

I leave all of these heavy thoughts behind and walk quickly after him in time for the media to start entering.

As usual, I stand to the side of the press. I'm close enough to hear what's being said but I'm not in anyone's way. It's a careful balance that I'm still learning.

After a few questions about tonight's game, Geno is asked about last night and his poor play. I can tell that he's getting frustrated and give it a few more moments before I say "one more question."

He answers that last question and then starts pulling off his gear as the reporters move on to other players. I give him a smile and then walk back to the room's entrance. While there are still reporters in the room, I'll stay in case someone tries to talk to Geno again.

"Is he ok with everything?" I hear Adam whisper beside me.

"Yes. He pulled me aside to talk and we've cleared everything up. Actually, he apologized to me."

"That's great. But I still think that Meagan is such a bitch."

I can't disagree with him but I also can't afford for someone to hear me agree or say something about her. I say nothing. Adam is soon called away and I continue to wait for the last of the reporters to leave. Finally, the room only contains players and staff.

Sid is at his stall so I approach him to discuss the photo shoot. Professional, I remind myself.

"Hi Sid. I'm going to be taking you and Geno to the photo shoot. When do you think you'll be ready to go up?"

"Oh, hey Anna. How are you this morning?"

He ignores my question and forces me to chat. Ug.

"I'm good" I tell him. "When do you think you'll be ready for the photo shoot?"

Sid frowns and stares at me for a moment.

"Um, about thirty minutes" he says hesitantly.

I smile and reply "great. I'll just ask Geno too and I'll meet you both in the player's lounge. Does that work?"

"Yeah" he replies.

I don't wait to see if he's going to continue talking and instead walk to Geno.

"Geno, can you be ready in thirty minutes for the photo shoot?" I ask him.

"I no need thirty minutes to look good" he tells me.

He's so cute.

"You may want to take them, just in case" I reply. "I'll meet you and Sid in the players' lounge in thirty minutes then."

I check my watch as I walk to the elevator and go up to the room where Pittsburgh Life is still setting up. The photographer is busy so I talk to their marketing person.

"Do you need anything?" I ask her.

"No, we're just doing the last few adjustments" she tells me.

"I'll get the guys in about thirty minutes and bring them up. You're aware that they'll be wearing the new third jersey?"

She frowns.

"About that" she begins. "Can we have them wear the black ones instead? I don't want to offend anyone, but that yellow is garish and the black would look much better on the cover."

She may not have wanted to offend but calling our jerseys, damnit Sid said to call them sweaters, calling our sweaters garish is offensive.

"That might be your opinion; however, we are very proud of the third jersey and the gold" I emphasize the word gold, not yellow "is part of our tradition."

She actually gives me a 'hmmph' and turns to talk with the photographer. Who asks a professional team which jersey, shit sweater, they can wear? They're lucky to get Sid and Geno on the cover together. She should be kissing my ass and not calling our sweaters garish. Hey, I remembered that time' sweaters.

I check my phone and return a few emails before heading back downstairs. I'm a few minutes early so the guys aren't there yet. I continue to answer emails as I wait.

"I look pretty?" I hear in a thick Russian accent behind me.

I look at Geno, narrow my eyes and look him up and down carefully. As long as he has on a collarless shirt, it really doesn't matter what he wears since he'll have a sweater on but I play along.

"Hmm" I reply and look him up and down one more time. "You'll do."

"Ha" he snorts at me. "Sid!" Geno yells behind him.

"I'm here" Sid says as he comes in the room from the hallway.

I can't help noticing how good he looks, tight jeans, long sleeve tee shirt, his hair wet and slightly curly. I give myself a mental shake and gesture for the guys to follow me.

As we head up the elevator, I update the guys on what the pictures are for and how long they'll be needed.

We enter the room and the marketing woman rushes right over to shake Geno's and Sid's hands. I have to stand there while she gushes over the guys. It pisses me off the way she keeps touching Sid as she talks to him.

I get the guy's sweaters and, as I'm handing them out, that woman pipes up.

"Guys, I hate to be forward" she bats her eyes as she says this leaving no doubt that she doesn't really give a shit. "But would you guys mind wearing your black jerseys? They will look so much better in the magazine."

That bitch! She didn't get what she wants from me so she asks Sid and Geno. She knows that I won't make a scene in front of our stars and is trying to back me into a corner. Shit. But I have to say something or else I'm not doing my job.

"Actually" I begin and wait until all eyes are on me. "As we discussed, we want to promote our new third sweater. We are very proud of it, and especially the colours" I add specifically.

The bitch has the nerve to touch Sid's arm and say "oh, I completely understand. But you've been on the cover before Sid. You know how great the black jersey looks."

I think she is actually batting her eye lashes at him. Seriously?

Now this is a pissing contest and she's pushed me into a corner. We are wearing the third sweater and she needs to simply stop this bull shit. Before I can say anything further, I watch Sid shift subtly away from the bitch and Geno shifts closer to my side.

"I think Anna's right and we'll wear our third sweaters" Sid tells her and then looks at Geno.

"Yeah, Anna always right" he turns to me and winks.

The bitch knows that she's lost and is smart enough to back off this time. The guys put on their sweaters and she positions them in front of the camera. The photographer and his assistant take over from there. I take this opportunity to talk to the bitch since she's at the back of the room.

When I'm beside her, and out of ear shot of the others, I say softly "that was out of line and unappreciated."

"I don't know what you mean" she replies sarcastically.

Why am I surrounded by bitches these days? At least I can put this one in her place.

"You know exactly what I mean" I say back. "You never ask my players directly when you don't like a decision that I've made. That is completely out of line."

"Look sweetie" she begins. "I know that you're just an intern. This is my shoot and right now they are my players. I'll talk to Sid and Geno about anything I want."

I desperately try and maintain my composure and have to take a deep breath so that I don't completely lose it.

"A minute ago, right now and a minute from now, these athletes are my responsibility" I tell her. "This photo shoot is for your magazine which the Penguin's organization has allowed to happen. If you are ever allowed back in our building, do not disrespect our sweater, our players or any of our staff ever again. Understood? Or else, intern or not, you won't be back in this building ever."

I don't wait for an answer. Instead I walk closer to where everyone else is and watch the rest of the action until I notice that we're running out of time.

"We have about two minute left" I tell the photographer.

He arranges the guys into one more pose and clicks the camera more times than I can count.

"Thank you so much" I tell the photographer when his two minutes are up. "That's a wrap everyone."

The guys each let out a breath and I know that they're happy we're finished. I shake the photographer and assistant's hands, thank them, and let them know that security will be here in fifteen minutes to see them out.

When I leave the room, Geno and Sid are waiting for me. I say a silent prayer that they aren't pissed off with the way that photo shoot went.

"How did that go?" I ask them.

If they are ticked off then I want to know up front. I want to know right away so that we can address it directly.

"We, um" Sid begins. He looks at Geno and then back at me. "We wanted you to know that we're fine. I've don't remember having met that woman before but she's a bit of a nightmare."

I chuckle, with relief I think, and reply "yeah, she really is."

"We good?" Geno asks.

"I am if you are" I tell him.

"Good, I go" he tells both Sid and I and leaves.

Sid chuckles, "he has very little patience for anything that doesn't directly relate to the ice."

"Yeah, I've sensed that" I reply.

We stand here, smiling at each other and I feel that connection that always seems to be between us.

"I really need to get back to the office" I tell him even though it kills me to break this moment.

"Oh yeah, I need to get going too" he tells me.

Like last night on the phone, neither of us takes action. I feel like my feet are in cement and that I am unable to move. We continue to watch each other and seem a little bewildered. Sid looks as confused as I feel. This connection, attraction, whatever it is between us muddles my brain and prevents me from thinking straight. All of my resolve from this morning fades away. I'm again that naive girl dazzled by the hockey God; although, that's not completely accurate anymore. In a very short time, I've come to know Sidney as a man, as a person, and it dazzles me even more.

"Is everything ok Anna?" Sid asks tearing me from my thoughts.

'Yeah" I tell him. "I'm fine. I really do need to go."

With that, I turn and leave Sid behind me. I have to remember to keep this up and resolve to continue walking away whenever things stray from professional interactions.

"How was the photo shoot?" Adam asks me when I'm back at my desk.

"Good" I tell him. "The Pitt Life marketing woman was a nightmare and tried to do an end run around me with Sid and Geno. I had to take care of it."

"You mean her, you had to take care of her? I wish I could have seen it."

Confused, I ask "what do you mean?"

"Well, you maintain your composure and professionalism ninety-nine percent of the time. Even sometimes when I think you should let loose, you stay frustratingly even. But, that one percent of the time when you do let yourself go, I love those times and would pay hard cash to see them."

"God, you are incorrigible Adam. Seriously, you are absolutely incorrigible."

"No I'm not. It is entertaining to watch you eviscerate someone with only a few words. It's a true talent Anna."

"Well, I did have a few words with her. Just enough so that she got the point."

"I knew it" he rubs his hands together with discernable glee.

"Wow, you are really out there Adam."

"Oh, have some fun Anna. You can't be serious all of the time my friend."

Our conversation comes to an end when Jen walks into the bull pen and gathers the interns.

"Ok guys, the media scrum went flawlessly. I think we're finally hitting our stride. It won't be this easy all season of course but, for now, we are keeping everyone happy. Don't underestimate how difficult that is to accomplish. Now that the season opener is over, we need to put our plans in place for the first road trip. As we've previously discussed, this whole PR team will not be travelling on road trips. There will be a core team and then we'll rotate and add as required."

"How is that decision made?" someone asks.

"It will depend on the length of the trip, the size of the market or markets we are going to, and the activities the players are involved in. For example, in Montreal, there are a lot of media demands of the Canadian, specifically French, players. We'll need a bigger team to support that work. Based on the budget, I've planned and scheduled how many people will travel and I'll announce who is going trip by trip."

She pauses here to see if anyone has questions and then continues when there are none.

"This first trip is five days New York, New Jersey and Washington. We leave after practice tomorrow. We'll be taking Adam, Anna and Meagan."

I smile when people look at me but inside I want to scream. Seriously, I need to travel with Meagan on my first road trip. At least Adam is coming too. We should be able to have time to ourselves during the trip and Adam will provide some fun.

The rest of the afternoon goes by very quickly. I don't even realize that I missed lunch until my stomach growls while I'm in a meeting. My watch tells me that it's four o'clock. When the meeting ends, I go on the hunt for dinner before the pregame work begins.

"Dinner's here" Adam tells me.

"Good, I'm starving" I tell him.

We go to the staff room and dinner is laid out for us but the room is empty.

"Good, we're alone, I have gossip" Adam tells me.

This doesn't surprise me since Adam usually has gossip of some kind. He usually doesn't care if there are others around or not.

"Ok, let's get something to eat and then you can fill me in" I tell him.

When we sit down with our food, Adam scoffs at my plate.

"How can you possible survive on that? You constantly eat salad and chicken breast" he says.

"Anything else goes right to my already huge hips" I tell him. "I haven't been able to work out every day since we're so busy. I need to watch what I eat or I won't get into any of my clothes."

"You're crazy but, whatever, I have big news." He leans in and whispers "I saw Meagan making out with Bennett."

"Really?" I say. "When, where?" I get caught up in the gossip quickly.

"It was this afternoon after the team meetings. I got lost down in those endless hallways." I laugh at this because Adam is always getting lost in the many hallways outside of the trainer's and coach's rooms. "Anyway, I walk around a corner and one of the lights are flickering so that it's darker. It may have been dark but I clearly could see Meagan wrapped around Beau. They didn't see me."

Wow, Meagan and Beau Bennet. I'm actually not surprised that Meagan would do something like this given the crap she's already pulled. But I am surprised about Beau. He's come into camp with a clear focus on being a key member of this team. I have no idea why he's messing around with her.

"Wow" is all I say.

"Wow. All you have to say is wow? I find the best piece of gossip, and damaging to the bitch too, and all you have to say is wow? We need to figure out how to get Jen to see this for herself. Remember the contract we signed?"

Oh yeah, the contact. I forgot that the contract we all signed has a clause in there about relationships among the staff; and the players are considered staff. We will be summarily fired if we have any romantic or sexual relationship with a player.

"I would love for Jen to see how bad Meagan is but there is no way to do that without it coming back to us. Seriously Adam, we can do anything with this information."

"Crap Anna, you know how to take all the fun out of everything."

"You know that I'm right" I tell him.

"That doesn't mean that I have to like it" he tells me and sulks.

I quickly change the subject and ask Adam about going shopping when we're in New York. It works immediately. Adam is desperate to give me a makeover and he's decided that it will be in New York. I cringe thinking at what he would do for this makeover but I let him plan and scheme anyway.

Others join us and soon there is a lot of laughing and joking. It is a lot of fun, working with this team, even if I have to deal with Meagan too. Most everyone loves hockey and this is a dream job for them. It makes them passionate and exciting and I love losing myself in the conversation around me. Although, it always feels like I'm an observer when I'm with the group. I'm sitting with them, listening and laughing, but I don't quite feel like one of them. I can immerse myself in the fun but I'm still distant.

I've felt like this my whole life. With my family, I've always felt like I didn't quite fit in. I'm not skinny and beautiful like my sister and mother. My father has always been so busy and polished that I didn't fit in there either. I've learned to project the image expected of me; but, I know that is only a part that I play. It's not really me. No one really knows the real me.