Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl. All of the characters, settings, themes, movie, show, titles, witches, slayers, creation, references, ships, and basic gist of the two fantasy worlds all belong Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros., Jerry Bruckheimer, Gore Verbinski, and Walt Disney. All rights reserved.

Timeline: Post Season 5 for BtVS—takes place right after the Gift. As for Pirates, although containing some probably major spoilers for Dead Man's Chest, I'm gonna have to go off-canon from that movie on this one. Although it takes place after the Curse of the Black Pearl.

Summary: From some stroke of fate, Buffy lands in 17th century-Caribbean; smack-dab in the middle of the Golden Age of Piracy. From whence she meets the infamous Captain Sparrow, along with the never-ending headache he seems to bring.

Notes: Okay, I know its been an agonizingly long 4-5 months of no update, so I'm just gonna shut up and let you read. Please review though!!!

xxxx

Chapter Seven—Smart Man

xxxx

"You're unbelievable."

"The many features of being myself, I suppose," he frowned with confusion when he heard an odd sound coming from Buffy. Jack looked up from his hooded gaze only to see an infuriated woman. He grinned as if he never said a thing, "You were saying, Miss Summers?"

"This is harassment! Complete and total harassment! How can you do this?"

"Pirate," then paused, "What are we talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me." Did she just growl? "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

"Then there lies your problem, Buffy: I don't."

"Oh, and I suppose what Gibbs just told me to do had nothing to do with you?"

"Ah."

"Yes. Ah," she sneered. "Gibbs gives out orders. Your orders."

"Mmm, yes. I suppose that is how the chain of command works, doesn't it?"

Buffy felt the itch to take out the dagger hidden in her person. "Is this you sick way of punishment?"

"'Punishment' is such a harsh way to put it…I prefer 'expanding your resume' in case you decide to ask another ship to take you in. Now off with you: the kitchen and the brig isn't gonna clean itself, nor will the torn sails sew itself."

"But I don't even know how to sew!"

"Improvise," he said shortly before making shooing-movements with his hands. "Now move, you're blocking my light."

Buffy shot him one last glare before huffily taking the buckets and mop down to her assigned locations. It took her a moment to hear his low chuckle but by then, she was too far in her stomping to do anything. Instead, she vowed to get him back soon.

---

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and I can do whatever I want," Buffy mocked in a high voice as she sewed a torn sail. "I'm drunk as hell but I can still cope a fee—ow! Stupid thing." She sucked her pricked thumb before returning back to sail with a proud grin. Years of slayage deemed it necessary for both Giles and Willow to make Buffy learn how to stitch her own wounds…she just never realized that sewing and stitching wounds were basically the same.

"There: good as new," she aired the black sail…only to feel her proud grin turn into a grimace when she saw the puckered linings of where she sewed the holes together. She might know how to sew, but she was a far cry from being skilled.

A sharp knock from the door brought her from her grimace. "It's off to the kitchens with you!"

She scowled. "Pirates."

The knocking became more rapid. "Come on! Hop to it!"

"I'm coming!" Buffy stood up and cracked her back, sore from having to bend down from both mopping the brig and sewing the sails. She opened the door to the sneering pirate who led her down to the galley.

"'ere you go, princess—ow! Fuckin' 'ell!" A well aimed kick to shin got the man hopping up and down, while an innocent looking Buffy just looked at him amusedly. "Why you little bi—"

A wooden spoon came from nowhere and smacked the infuriated pirate from making any more words. "Now I know you're not about to go insulting Miss Summers now, are yeh Kiffer?"

Kiffer stiffened, but glared at the person the wooden spoon belonged to indignantly, "The girl just bleedin' 'it me, Quinn!"

"Now, now, you're a grown man Kiffer. And yeh'd be growing better if yeh eat yer beets and…"

The cook never got to finish since Kiffer made an about-turn and quickly fled the galley, muttering something suspiciously like "Crazy ol' bat," leaving a chuckling pair behind him.

"Smart man. My mom used to do that to end our arguments," Buffy said lowly, mood slightly growing darker at the mention of her mother, but Quinn took no note.

"Ah, when you get to be my age Miss Summers, it is best to leave the brawns where they're actually needed, which is far from my kitchen," a slightly hunched old man came out from the shadows of the kitchen and smiled at her in a grandfatherly way. Buffy began to seriously wonder why Kiffer evolved from an angry rogue to almost an indignant man, but she raised her eyebrow amusedly.

"And the spoon?"

Quinn looked down at it in surprise, before chuckling at her. "A simple incentive my dear, nothing more. Now," he clapped his hands together in a business-like manner, and began to walk to a corner of his kitchen, a cane helping him along. "I won't be tolerating any breaking of my utilities Miss Summers, so you be careful with my plates."

"Who said I was going to break them?"

He shook his head. "Nevertheless, I'm just gonna be warning you now. I may be an old man, but I can assure you wholeheartedly that the pirate in me hasn't grown old as I look; there be a good reason Kiffer and the others have a right to fear me."

Buffy's eyes widened slightly, not doubting his quiet threat. But mockingly, she retorted, "Aye aye. So what be this lowly wench be doin' then, oh masterful Quinn?"

He snorted. "Cheeky, Miss Summers."

"Why do you insist on calling me Miss Summers?"

Quinn shrugged, "Old habits I suppose. Now, why don't you help an old man clean his kitchen by sweeping the floor, my dear."

Using his cane to point out where the mop was, Quinn began to conduct Buffy's chores with a swift remark here and there. He watched over her with a sharp eye, despite the fact that it was a slightly dim room. Pots were put away, spices put back in shelves, and the floor swept and mopped. All the while, he taught several aspects about certain spices when she cared to listen it, how oranges were especially vital to a sailor's life at sea, and where he specifically wanted the plates to be put away. He was especially meticulous where things were organized, but Buffy found she didn't mind being told those little facts.

It was during in one of his rants about the medicinal advantages of peppers when she came across a tray holding several empty vials. With a puzzled frown, she brought it to his attention and asked what it was.

"It's food-coloring, Miss Summers. Back in the days when I bothered to give some of the gruel a bit of…lightening up, I put a couple of drops of the liquid to the food. But I soon ran out, and I don't be having the heart to ask the captain to stop by a proper store, and all I have left is the black one," he paused, and then chuckled. "And I don't think the food would be looking any better if I did."

Buffy smiled, then smirked, a plan formulating in her head. "Say Quinn, can I borrow it then?"

Quinn grew slightly wary at her, but nodded in approval.

Smart man.

---

It was a few hours before sundown when Jack finally saw Buffy emerging from the galley, looking slightly worn but as calm as ever. He cocked his head to the side when he saw her bend down curiously, then felt a grin spread to his features when he saw it to be a bottle of rum.

An almost empty bottle of rum, but a bottle of rum nonetheless.

Without wasting a moment, Jack walked, or rather, swaggered, his way to the young blond, pleased to have her finally dropping her strong front. He frowned though, when he saw her visibly stiffen when she felt him come closer. Oh well, can't be all winners.

"My sources tell me that something's bothering you, fair lady."

Surprisingly, Buffy chuckled instead of snapping back at him. My, what wonders we are having. "I am having a bitch of a headache, and I was kinda hoping this would work. That is, until I realized that I'd have an even bigger one by tomorrow."

He paused, then leaned over to the railings as well to get a better look at his newest crewmember. "I have a remedy for that, luv."

She looked at him, surprised. "Oh?"

Jack smiled, revealing perfectly white teeth, several capped in gold. "Never stop drinking it!"

Buffy snorted, but laughed all the same. "You're only postponing the inevitable," but offered the opened bottle of rum to him. At his look, she shrugged carelessly before making the motions of emptying the bottle.

"No!" Jack quickly snatched the bottle, and gave her a wounded look. "One must never empty a good spot of rum in such a barbaric way, Miss Summers." And with several gulps and a slightly dramatic sway of his hands, he downed the rum, and handed her back the bottle.

Buffy smiled, and bit her lip amusedly, and Jack decided inwardly that she should do it more often. Before the thought could go any further, Gibbs interrupted his musings, unknowingly irritating the captain.

However, whatever Gibbs was about to say was quickly replaced by a horrified look and a gasp, "Mother's love, Jack! What happened to you?"

Sparrow looked utterly puzzled, and glanced at Buffy, who was wearing a frown, and gave a shrug, indicating she didn't know what he was talking about either. "What are you talking about Master Gibbs?"

His first mate made a face, and pointed at his teeth. Wondering what had gotten into him, and if being crazy was an infectious disease, Sparrow nonetheless walked up to one of the lanterns where he could see his reflection, and smiled…only to give a horrified gurgle of a sound when saw his white teeth stained in black.

"Bugger it all!" he quickly turned and was about to start screaming at Buffy, who was surely the one to cause such misery to him, but found her sashaying away back to her room, twirling the empty bottle of rum skillfully in one hand. He made a face, and muttered another angry "Bugger," but couldn't help a small part of himself leering at her swaying hips.

Jack snapped back to reality and realized a couple of his crewmembers were looking at him oddly. "What are you looking at?" he snarled impatiently, and the men shuffled away, not wishing to direct his sudden ire at them. Sparrow's hand itched.

Summers might have unknowingly given him a little show, but bloody hell did he want to shoot something.

---

"That was an incredibly risky thing for you to do."

Elena rolled her eyes, but remained sitting stiffly as she read over some parchment. "Yes, I know."

"Then why do it? You know as well as I do that without the Captain—"

"You don't need to recite the plans, Duke. I'm perfectly capable of remembering what I made."

The Duke stomped his foot angrily. "Clearly you don't, Elena. You're 'attachment' to Sparrow is jeopardizing everything we've been working for the last five years. I will not have you risking all of that for—"

"Have you gone completely daft or did you just miss your afternoon tea?" Elena interrupted coolly, finally turning around to look at him. Her calm tone warred against the anger that burned in her eyes.

He stiffened, but held his ground. "Do not talk to me that way. You forget—"

"And you forget that Sparrow has something we need, and his newest…crewmember, cannot distract him from what we need to do," Elena took the few steps needed to cross the room and face the duke directly. To his credit, the duke barely flinched and managed to stop himself from taking a step back. "See to it that you remember that in order for my plan to work, we need his complete compliance…" Elena mindlessly fixed his suit and he relaxed, before suddenly feeling a dagger poking at his side, "…and you're remembrance of what your place is. Do not ever forget that, Jonathan, or there will be dire consequences heading your way."

Suddenly realizing his mistake, Jonathan bowed his head as much as he can in compliancy before replying, "Of course. My apologies."

Elena held on to him for a little while longer before finally releasing him, her dagger slipping back into the many folds of her dress. "Smart man."

xxxx

Well, I guess it could be said that it was a slight filler with an actual twist in the end…Please Review!