But For a Stone (A Matou Shinji Series AU)

A Harry Potter / Fate Stay Night Story

Disclaimer: Though I wish it were otherwise, I do not own or in any way, shape or form hold a legal or moral claim to elements of either the Nasuverse, the Potterverse, or other works I may reference in the course of this story.

Summary: What if there had never been a Boy-Who-Lived? What if, at the end of the Wizarding War, young Harry Potter had died alongside his mother and father, killed in the explosion that destroyed the house at Godric's Hollow? What if there was no figure of hope for the British Wizarding Community to rally around, just a knowledge of the high cost of victory? And how will Matou Shinji, fresh come into his status as a wizard, adapt in a Hogwarts with no easy route to fame...or notoriety?With this, Shinji's preparations for heading to Britain are now complete. He has a wand, basic school supplies, and books to study - both of which he has a decent aptitude for, and by the time he receives a Portkey to take him to Kings Cross, he feels ready.


Chapter 6. Entangled

For Matou Shinji, a boy used to jungles wrought of concrete and steel, shaped by human hands, stepping into Greenhouse #7 - the building set aside for personal projects - was one of the strangest experiences he'd ever had in his life. Certainly, it wasn't as splendid or grand as seeing Mahoutokoro for the first time, nor did any of its plants give off the impression of being quite as magically potent as what grew in the City Under Earth. And yet, the rich scent of life was unmistakable, with the dappled light coming through the lattice of vines clinging to the glass seeming like it came from entirely different world.

"...wow," was all he could say, his eyes wide as he looked around at all the colors, all the many living things about - though there was one thing that was decidedly not alive, and that was the small desk he saw leaning against one corner of the greenhouse, with a shaft of morning sun illuminating it, and an ornate chair growing up out of the ground near it. 'Huh. Odd..'

"I take it the view meets with your approval?" Tsuji Miyuki inquired, as the elegant older Hufflepuff walked into view, wearing a simple beige shirt and shorts ensemble, with her long, raven-colored hair bound up in a long ponytail.

"Yes. It's...amazing," Shinji admitted, once he finally found his voice. "This is...this is where you work? When you're not in the common room?"

"Yes," the older Hufflepuff said with a nod. "It is." She paused for a moment, as she glanced about and smiled ever so slightly. "A place that is mine, and mine alone, away from prying eyes."

"I wish I had a place like that," Shinji admitted, shaking his head. And then a thought came to his mind. "I see its well-lit at daytime, but what about at night?"

Tsuji Miyuki pointed upwards, and looking more closely, Shinji could see pale crescent-shaped blossoms emerging from the leaves of the vines. "Moonseed," she said simply. "It stores up light by day, and releases it when it is dark. It is, however, quite poisonous, so I would advise you not to touch. After all, is it not said that even the most beautiful rose has thorns?"

"But you don't, senpai," the boy replied earnestly, to which the older girl laughed.

"You only say that because you haven't been pricked yet, Matou," Miyuki rebuked, shaking her head gently. "Perhaps you never will be, but who can say?" The girl sighed at that, and brushed past the younger boy to pick up some tools she'd left in one of the drawers. "In any case, you wanted to talk, right? Away from listening ears? Sit, then, and we may speak as I work."

"Sit where...?" Shinji wondered, looking about.

Did she mean for him to sit on the ground?

"On the chair, Matou Shinji," the older girl directed patiently. "There's no need for more than one of us to get dirty today. After all, you haven't done any gardening in Herbology yet, have you?"

"No," Shinji admitted, before moving to do as she asked.

The chair, made of something like woven reeds, looked rather fragile, so before he sat, he tested it with his finger to make sure it wouldn't break under a bit of pressure, but when it did not, he allowed himself to ease into it, finding to his surprise that it conformed to his shape, and was really quite comfortable.

While he did this, Miyuki got to work, crouching on the ground besides what looked like a row of plants.

"Tea, if you were curious," the Hufflepuff girl volunteered, answering the boy's unspoken question. "Now…tell me what troubles you so."

Matou Shinji took a deep breath, even as he watched the older girl work, examining her plants with evident care, trimming away any wilted leaves, smoothing petals here and there, with one plant not resembling tea at all.

"Mopsus plant," she explained. "The result of one of my personal projects."

"Mm," Shinji noted, thinking about how he could lay out the basics of his complicated family situation – or at least as much as he felt comfortable telling anyone. "When I was born, it was thought..." he began, before trailing off. "No, that's not…" He sighed, shaking his head. "I was...I was supposed to be..." But his words failed him again, and he sighed with frustration. "I was born into a long line of magi," he managed at last.

"Go on," the girl encouraged.

"I was the heir..." he whispered, though his body shook as he said that, as if to reject his statement for the lie that it was. "Well, I should have been. Thought I was." He looked down, swallowing, as he found it difficult to speak. "But..." He took a deep breath. "But..."

His body tensed, his throat clamming up, almost choking him, as if unwilling to let him speak another word, every muscle in his body clenching down tightly, from his heart to his limbs to his eyes, as his head throbbed.

He could hear it, the rhythm of his heart growing unsteady as it raced onwards, out of control, as though it sought to rip itself out of his chest and flee screaming into the abyss.

He…he…

"Tell me," a voice murmured, close to his ear, as a comfortable warmth settled on his shoulder, and gave him a reassuring squeeze. 'Senpai's hand...' he realized, finding in her warmth the strength to at least open his eyes, only to find her standing before him, looking at him with an expression of raw concern.

"They adopted...her," the boy managed, with more heat in his voice than he wanted to show in front of the perfect girl in front of him.

"Her?" she echoed, wiping a stray hair from her eyes.

"My...sister," he growled, as a shudder ripped through him, unbidden. The boy went silent for a minute – which turned into two, then three, then five. "My replacement," he whispered, when he finally spoke again, his hands clenching into fists despite himself.

"If it's any consolation, you seem as capable as any first-year," Miyuki offered, but Shinji trembled as she said that, brushing away her hand.

"...so what?" he asked, his voice almost hollow. "I didn't...it wasn't enough." He swallowed. "It was never enough. Nothing that I did. Nothing. No matter how hard I worked. No matter what I tried. No matter...no matter..."

He swallowed again as his breathing went ragged, his chest heaving up and down as Miyuki stood there, bidding him to go on with her eyes.

"They looked at me," he said, his eyes going unfocused as he thought back into the past. "They looked at me. They looked at me with eyes full of...full of..." A sound escaped the boy's lips, a high-pitched thing that came in uneven, hitching intervals – almost a laugh, save that there was nothing joyful in it, or in his face, pale and gleaming like moon. "...full of pity! Pity! Pity! Laughing, laughing, laughing laughing laughing behind my back! Grandfather, Father, her...they threw me away. They threw me away!"

His last few words were snarled, as the boy found himself on his feet, his posture like that of a caged and wounded animal, as his eyes darted to and fro, his teeth bared, his pupils narrowed as a thin haze of black and red threatened to overtake his vision.

A low, dangerous growl escaped his throat unbidden as…

"And your mother?" the older Hufflepuff asked gently.

The boy whirled towards her, every muscle tensed as if to spring, only to hesitate as her figure filled his vision, and her words seemed to register.

"My...what?" Shinji murmured distantly, looking utterly lost for the first time, as he swayed back and forth on his heels.

"Your mother," Miyuki repeated, with the boy shaking his head, shaking his head, shaking his head.

"I..." the boy began, but stopped. "She…" he tried again, but couldn't find the words. "Dead," a voice said, both his own and not, all at once. "Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead dead!" he repeated, the words spilling out uncontrollably, bursting out from within him like a dam had broken and nothing could be held back. "Dead," he echoed. "Dead," he said again, his voice a desolate tone full of heartbreak and loneliness. "I don't...I don't remember her. But I know she died. I know she left me alone."

"Matou..."

"I didn't have the talent to be heir," he continued after some time, his posture looking almost human again, though his voice was hollow. "And so, everyone threw me away. Threw me away, after lying to me for years, and years and years." He laughed, a twisted, broken sound almost like two jagged metal edges rubbing against each other. "It must have been quite a game. To let a useless lump of flesh delude itself into thinking it could be more than what it was. That I could be more than what fate made me. A nobody. A waste of space. A failure who would be better off dead. No…a failure who should never have been born."

The boy smiled then, as he looked away, off into the distance.

"I was overjoyed the day I learned I could be...the day I received my letter," he said quietly. "Thinking maybe, maybe, maybe this could be my chance. That after all these years..." He sighed, turning back to Miyuki. "But you know, in my first challenge here – I failed. I…saw…I saw..." Something dark and twisted came over his features, as he convulsed, falling to his knees. "Never…mind what I saw," he gasped. "I… failed. I failed. And Matou Shinji…Matou Shinji…!"

The world went dark.


Sometime later, the boy stirred, though he didn't feel like moving at all, as he was utterly exhausted, worse than he'd ever been in his life. Yet he knew he wasn't in his bed, as his head was cradled on something soft and warm, and he could smell a sweet fragrance coming from all around him.

"Are you finally awake, Matou?" a gentle voice called from...right above him, with the boy mustering the effort to lift eyelids heavy as stone, only to inhale sharply as he found himself looking up at Miyuki-senpai's warm eyes.

Her lovely features were framed by the ebon curtain of her hair, and in the dappled light of the sun, she looked…magical.

"Senpai..." he murmured, too exhausted to move from where he was.

"I was worried," came the soft reply, with the boy shivering again for an entirely different reason as he felt delicate fingers running through his hair, brushing against his scalp.

"Sorry...for worrying you..." he managed, trying to look away and hide cheeks which felt like they were on fire. "What happened...?"

The fingers stopped then, with the girl saying nothing for a long moment.

"You don't remember?" she asked, her expression almost troubled. "Or rather, what's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember mentioning my...my sister," Shinji admitted, his voice taking on a dark twinge, before he shook his head. Even that was very, very fuzzy, and beyond that... "But after that...nothing."

"Nothing, you say?" Miyuki was quite concerned by this. "That's the second time in a week you've had trouble remembering what happened."

"...the second?" Shinji repeated, puzzled by this. If this was the second, then what had been the first? "I don't...I don't understand."

"You saw something in Quirrell's challenge," she said, instead of answering. "Do you remember what it was?"

"I..." the boy stiffened, seeing in his mind the mass of worms, seeing the terrifying visage of his grandfather, hearing the accusation of how he was a failure, an utter—. "Yes..." he gasped out, his body trembling. "Yes," he repeated, in a very small voice.

"And do you remember what happened afterwards?" Miyuki pressed.

"...I remember waking up in the hospital wing, with you next to me," Shinji said. "You told me I attacked him, but I don't..." The significance of that statement hit him then. "I don't remember. I…I haven't been able to concentrate either. Or sleep. Or practice my Occlumency, really."

"Well, for one of those, I'd tell you to go see Madam Pomfrey. For others…have you often suffered from memory loss before, Matou?" the older Hufflepuff asked gently, wincing just a bit.

"...no. No, I haven't..." the boy whispered. If the last time…if the last time, he'd attacked Quirrell, did that mean that this time…? "Did I..." he swallowed, almost afraid to ask. "I didn't...attack you, did I?"

But Miyuki didn't reply immediately.

"...senpai?" the boy asked, a creeping horror rising in his gut at the thought that he might have…that he might have…that unbeknownst to him, with his own two hands, he... "I..."

"You didn't hurt me, Matou," the raven-haired girl said at last, her voice, gentle and fearless, causing all of Shinji's strength to drain away as she answered him at last.

"...thank goodness," Shinji murmured, tears rising to the corner of his eyes. "Thank goodness," he repeated, his breath hitching as he nearly broke down in relief. "I...I was so afraid..." Afraid that he'd done something...unforgivable to one of the few people who had actually bothered to give a damn about someone like him. "I…" He laughed, a bitter sound that was barely audible. "I'm sorry. I showed you something unsightly."

"Don't be worry, Matou. I'm honored that you trust me this much," Miyuki murmured, her fingers running through his hair once more. "Though you are a strange person, Matou, to trust a near-stranger so."

"Am I really so...strange?" he asked, his voice almost breaking. Did this senpai he admired really find him so odd?

"Everyone is strange in this world," the older Hufflepuff mused aloud, looking up at the sky. "After all, as humans, we are born alone. We die alone. And yet in between, all of us seek some sort of connection. Some seek peers to walk with. Some seek lovers to hold. Some seek enemies to fight, rivals to challenge, mentors to learn from, or students to teach. We know that no matter what, these connections are temporary, that in the end, nothing at all will remain, and yet…"

She trailed off, her tone almost wistful.

"…are you strange too, then, senpai?" Shinji found the courage to ask.

"Who can say?" the girl asked, a powerless, haunting laugh escaping her lips, a sound whose beauty none could deny, yet which seemed unbearably lonely.

To Matou Shinji, it was the both the most terrible thing he'd ever heard and the most bewitching.


The rest of the weekend passed in a blur, with Shinji managing to finally get some rest at last with the help of a few doses of Dreamless Sleep. As for the beginning of the week, perhaps the most curious thing that happened was that all of the first-year students finished Quirrell's challenges, with the man posting a public list of those who had passed.

From Hufflepuff, these were Matou Shinji, as well as Natsumi Suzuki and Ernest Macmillan (of which the latter two had used the Mopsus potion to their advantage, reasoning that a challenge that was difficult for a muggle would probably be trivial enough for a Jedi).

From Ravenclaw, these were Sialim Sokaris and Nigel Wroxton, with some wondering how Nigel – a student who had gone on leave for a year, thanks to a severe case of Dragon Pox (and complications due to being allergic to the treatment), and who was still not fully recovered, had managed to beat it when so many others had failed.

From Gryffindor, there were the muggleborn twins, Amber Noel and Phelan Noel, the second and third children of the Earl of Gainsborough.

And from Slytherin, there was the muggleborn, Selina Moore, who was said to have cold-bloodly sacrificed her partner to distract the Death Eaters and earn her escape.

When they read this, those in Hufflepuff let out a resounding cheer for their representatives, given that they – with the most people passing, and thus the most points earned in the challenged, would earn a one-time waiver for any single assignment.

Their applause and adulation made Shinji smile, even if he knew he didn't really deserve to be on the list, that Quirrell had just put him there for some odd reason.

'Well, I won't spoil their excitement. That wouldn't be right. Not for someone like me.'

His smile that day was a brittle one indeed.