Chapter 7
The Wraith stayed the night again. It had bothered Rodney the first time he'd done it, but that had been so long ago. He was used to it now.
Lying sleepily on his side, Rodney felt the rise and fall of his mate's chest against his cheek. He knew from the speed of the breathing that Todd was awake. Asleep, his breathing slowed to almost nothing, and he was so still that he seemed dead. That too had bothered Rodney at first, but no longer did.
"How long have I been here?" Rodney asked.
With his head on his mate's chest, he felt him take a breath and felt the answer rumble up from a place much deeper than where human vocal chords were situated. "Does it matter?"
Rodney gave it some thought, and smiled. "No, I guess not," he replied smugly. "Since I'll be leaving soon anyways."
His mate opened his eyes, and Rodney heard his breath falter slightly before resuming. Evidently he hadn't been expecting that answer.
"Today's the day, remember?" he explained, practically grinning now.
On the small of his back, Todd's hand stroked his skin absentmindedly.
"Ah yes. I suppose you're right."
"Of course I am," Rodney replied and pushed himself up out of bed, eager to begin. "When am I not?"
~~*~~
Today was a big day. The big day. All of the components had been tested, and assembly was complete. Now that all diagnostics and calibrations were finished, there was only one thing left to do: point it at some Wraith tech and watch the resulting explosion.
Rodney couldn't wait.
"What do you think you're doing!" he screamed. "If you start that diagnostic again, it'll delay testing for another day. I checked the calibrations myself, it's perfect. Leave it alone! Really, scram, you pea-brained idiot, before I decide to test it on you!" Raising his heavy wall-cutter threateningly, Rodney watched the offending technician back away.
"They are nervous," Todd explained. "If this doesn't work, the whole hive could be destroyed."
"Of course it'll work! I built it! If I was going to blow us all up on purpose, I would've done it a long time ago." Rodney surveyed his assistants with grim determination. "Believe me, after all that I've been through, it'll work. And then I'm going home."
Home home home. The words passed through his head like a mantra.
Home. Atlantis. John, Teyla, and Ronon. Jennifer Keller. Hell, even Radek. Real food. Earth. Jeannie. And everything else.
He hoped nothing had changed because he wanted it all back, just the way it was. It was all he could think about.
By midday they reached their selected testing ground. It was the scene of a battle long ago between the Ancients and the Wraith. As battles went, it must have been epic; shattered bits of half-destroyed darts and cruisers littered space like an asteroid field. His mate had assured Rodney that the Wraith had won this battle, but he couldn't tell that looking at the debris.
"No, not that one. Wait for it. I thought I saw… yes! There!" Rodney pointed. "That's our test target."
It was a hive ship, or very nearly half of one, and it was easily the largest object in the drifting field of rubble.
Rodney looked over to his mate. They were both grinning like schoolboys about to pull a very naughty prank.
"Target that hive," commanded Todd.
A few moments passed while the weapons technician dithered at his station until Rodney turned his head to glare at him. "Target acquired," the Wraith finally said.
"Fire."
The helmsman, to his credit, did so without hesitation. Even Rodney was surprised by the speed and ferocious strength of the energy wave that burst forth to strike the half-hive. Punching through the shell of the hive, the beam continued out though the other side into space and left in its wake a molten green substance where the hive walls used to be.
The beam stopped. Its work was done.
From the entry point, a glowing lattice of energy spread out through the hive, reaching out to infect the whole ship within a few scant seconds.
Then the hive exploded with a spectacular burst of green light, shattering into bits as though it were made of fine china.
Bathed in the bright glow coming from the monitors, Rodney himself felt a similar explosion of sheer joy and relief, and he squinted at the light until it faded, leaving only a cloud of green dust. He was certain there wouldn't be a problem , but the Wraith around him anxiously checked their displays, monitoring for indications that their own ship may have been infected by the deadly substance. He was glad everyone around him was so busy because he had the insane urge to try a high-five, and he knew that would go even worse than it usually did.
This was his triumph, the culmination of all of his hard work. His golden ticket.
Looking over to his mate, he expected to see joy mirrored in his face as well, knowing that Todd had even more invested in this project than he did. Instead he was surprised to find that his mate's expression had grown somber, even grave, as though he were contemplating something dire. But noticing Rodney looking at him, Todd gave him an answering smile.
"Well done, Dr. McKay," he said simply, his voice infused with warmth and gratitude.
Rodney puffed with pride, and chalked Todd's earlier expression up to concern for the future. Now that he had the weapon, he would have to use it against other Wraith. For Todd, this was only the beginning of his struggle.
But whatever those plans were, Rodney was ecstatic he wouldn't be around to witness them. As soon as they could reach the nearest stargate, he was going home.
~~*~~
They took leave of the bridge to retire to Rodney's quarters for a little private celebration. On the way, Rodney marveled at how different everything looked now that he knew he would be leaving soon. It was like going through a haunted house for a second time with the lights all on. What was dark and frightening before now seemed mundane and harmless. He felt like nothing here had the power to hurt him anymore.
Still euphoric from the achievement of his goal, Rodney practically floated through the halls, mentally saying goodbye and good riddance to everything he saw.
Goodbye dark hallways, goodbye cramped workroom, goodbye stupid, stupid assistants. I'll always remember how stupid you were.
When they made it to his bedroom, Rodney turned to his mate. Even Todd seemed changed now, but in a different way from everything else.
Through the whole of Rodney's captivity, a miasma of dread had made everything around him seem large and dangerous. Now Rodney sensed that it was all somehow diminished, and he was free to feel bare contempt untainted by the awe that fear had induced.
But he had no contempt for Todd. In truth he was unsure of how he felt towards his so-called mate. His memories of the Wraith blended fear and pleasure, as well as the comfort of companionship and a trust that went back to the beginning of his captivity.
It wasn't even close to the end of the day, but from the way the Wraith was looking at him, they would be in bed very soon. Rodney felt an answering rush of arousal.
Wrapping his arms around Rodney, Todd whispered in his ear, "Stay."
Pulling himself closer, Rodney buried his face against his mate's neck. "No," he answered sadly. "Absolutely not." Lust-addled though his mind was, he didn't even have to think about that one.
"Please. Stay," the Wraith repeated.
Rodney drew back and looked his mate in the eye to answer him plainly. "No. I'd go insane." He watched Todd's face as the Wraith accepted this irrefutable truth.
Todd lifted his hand to stroke Rodney's jaw. His expression was difficult to read. "Then, Meredith Rodney McKay, these will be our last few hours together."
A chill went up Rodney's spine as this fact settled concretely into his mind. He had known he would be leaving, but his only concern had been getting his old life back. Until this moment, he hadn't realized he had anything at all here that he would have to give up in exchange.
Rodney honestly didn't know how to respond. He wouldn't say he was sorry because he wasn't.
Impulsively, he reached behind his mate's neck and brought their lips to meet for the very first time. The Wraith's thin beard brushed Rodney's chin, giving him pause, but it was too late to back out. Todd's lips were warm and smooth, yielding not at all to the press of Rodney's own lips against them. Rodney had never kissed anyone before who didn't know how to kiss back, and he pulled away sheepishly.
Todd only looked amused. "What was that?" he inquired.
Rodney waved his hand dismissively. "Just a human thing," he answered. "A human thing from my galaxy, anyways. I think it's supposed to be a way of sampling pheromones or something," he explained with a shrug. "I'd forgotten that Wraith aren't as orally fixated as humans are."
"Ah," replied Todd. "Was my response not correct?"
"Nope. Not even close." Rodney was just thinking about how unwise it would be to try to teach a Wraith how to kiss, when Todd took both of his shoulders and drew him closer.
"Would you like to try again?" the Wraith purred in a voice that made Rodney's knees gooey.
"Sure," he replied, his voice high and thin. So Rodney kissed him again, a little more forcefully this time, moving his lips in such a way that he hoped would lead the Wraith to do the same.
Fortunately, Todd was a quick learner, his lips shifting and parting ever so slightly in response to Rodney's own. He tasted like seawater, strong but not unpleasantly so. Before he could be overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him harder, Rodney pulled back, not wanting to risk injury from the Wraith's sharp teeth. Instead he lowered himself back down to his heels and laid his forehead on his mate's shoulder, waiting for his breath to slow down.
"Well…" Rodney began. He really was terrible at these things. "I guess we shouldn't waste anymore time then," he concluded and reverently began to remove his mate's clothing.
~~*~~
Even the sex was different this time, though Rodney wished it wasn't. He was used to mindless screwing. He liked the mindless screwing, but now he just couldn't seem to shut his brain off.
It was like being an amnesiac whose memories were flooding back. Events replayed themselves in his mind as though he were seeing them for the first time. Thoughts occurred to him which were months tardy.
While he was undressing his mate, Rodney thought about the ease with which they spent time together now and mused that being mated was in many ways like owning a cat. He never felt judged by Todd in the same way that he felt judged by other people – there were no esoteric social rules to follow when they were together. His presence was so undemanding that Rodney could spend all day with him. Often lately he did.
With every piece of clothing he stripped away, Rodney leaned in to caress and taste his mate's body. He thought of how satisfying it was to touch and be touched whenever he wanted, as he had done for months now, without the unease that usually accompanied physical contact. He wasn't sure if he could ever achieve that level of comfort with another human.
When they were both undressed they led each other to bed, and Rodney indicated wordlessly that he would like to start on his knees. It was easier for him that way, not having to spread his legs wide for so long. Rodney knew they'd want to be face to face soon enough, for they both took such pleasure in looking at one another, but there would be time for that later. They had joined in bed so many times, their preferences were known to each other by heart. Rodney couldn't remember ever having a partner who knew him so well.
It wasn't until the Wraith slid home for the first time that Rodney's internal thought-train derailed with one final comment: ooh, that's nice.
Rodney closed his eyes and leaned down into his pillow while the Wraith pushed into him from behind. Images continued to flash in his head, scenes of their time spent together. It was as though his mind was furiously working to find some kind of closure while their bodies played out this final act together.
He knew they had precious little time left. There was a sense of urgency to their coupling, stretched out to an almost unbearable tensionas they did everything in their power to hold back the end. Every position they knew was revisited. Every inch of flesh was explored and memorized. They wrung as much pleasure as they could out of every moment, stretching their last scene out into a blur of desperate passion.
When they finally finished, they did so together. Rodney came a second time, lying on his back, spilling warm slickness over his stomach while his partner filled him inside with one furious thrust and a hot gush of seed. Unwrapping his legs from Todd, Rodney settled limply onto the bed, exhausted beyond reason. He waited for his vision to refocus and his breath to return while Todd reluctantly withdrew.
The Wraith remained close to Rodney, pressed body-to-body, breathing him in. Rodney could feel the rumble of his purr against his chest and lifted one hand to knead the muscles of his mate's arm.
Todd finally lifted himself away, and Rodney smiled lazily at him. He realized that he wasn't the least bit afraid anymore. Not of the pale skin, or the muscles, or the large frame. Not of the teeth, or the eyes, or the hair. The alien-ness didn't bother him in the slightest. The fear had turned into something else, a kind of deep, secret enjoyment of all the things that made them different.
He wasn't even afraid of the hand. He noticed for the first time that it was unwrapped tonight and remembered how that would have sent him into hysterics only a few scant months ago. Rodney caught the hand in his own, caressed the ridged opening with his thumb, and wondered at how silly he'd been, this whole time. It was his mate's hand, like the skin and the muscle, the teeth and the eyes, and Rodney loved his mate, he finally realized. Loved everything about him.
He watched while Todd lowered the hand onto his the middle of his chest, right below his breastbone and felt a sting as it settled there. The goofy, contented smile on Rodney's face drained away slowly as he came to understand what that meant.
He was going to kill Rodney.
Rodney stared up at the Wraith, who was hovering above him, watching him, the expression on his face one of expectation, as though he was waiting for something from him, waiting for him to react.
Absentmindedly, Rodney's fingers made a few feeble tugs, trying to nudge the hand away, but surprisingly, he still wasn't afraid.
Mostly he felt cold. Very cold.
"You never intended to let me go, did you?" asked Rodney.
His mate cocked his head. "No, I did not," he replied. His voice was smooth and rich, the voice he used to apologize and to placate if they were arguing. His voice always expressed more than his words. Rodney honestly loved that voice. The only thing about his mate that he loved more was his brilliant mind, which must have realized long ago, as Rodney realized only just now, that he couldn't be allowed to live knowing what he knew about the devastating weapon they'd built.
"Then you might as well get it over with," whispered Rodney harshly. His hands, now stilled, were resting on his lover's hand. He felt the beat of his own heart underneath.
Rodney marveled that even now, he felt no fear. As he stared up at his mate's face, he wanted to lift his hand and touch it. For the face, and the mind, and the body, and the hand, all he could feel was love. An endless pit of despair yawning open beneath him.
Blinking away hot tears, he fought to keep his eyes open. It was all he could do. He couldn't think of anything to say, not a single word he could use to beg for his life, to soften his mate's resolve. If he was going to die, he would die looking into the eyes of his beloved, for whatever that was worth.
He waited and watched the shadows of emotion cross his mate's face, so veiled that he doubted anyone else could have seen them. Tenderness. Anguish. Resentment. Then finally a cold, terrible resolve.
The feeding began. Rodney's body lurched up, no longer in his control. A cry escaped his lips, and a veil of pain passed over his vision like a heavy red curtain, obscuring everything.
~~*~~
