Chapter 7: Dark Thoughts

Odin declared in a private assembly consisted by Frigga and the princes that in the following month he would proclaim Thor as the new king of Asgard. Needless to say the god of thunder was jubilant. He gave a cheerful scream while he jumped once, turning to face his loved ones with great joy. Odin didn't look particularly amused by his childish behavior, Frigga was commanding Thor with her eyes to restrain himself and Loki was clearly biting his tongue to stop himself from spitting out poisonous words. The Allfather would announce his decision to the Court and afterwards to the citizens of Asgard that very same evening. A lot of preparation would be needed for the coronation. Thor listened diligently as his father spoke, containing himself from fidgeting from joy, turning once in a while in his brother's direction with a wide smile. He was so blissful, he didn't even notice Loki barely managed to smile in return.

When Odin declared the assembly was over, he went to embrace his older son. Afterwards, he walked pass Loki and didn't miss the loathing glare his younger son was sending him. All he hoped was that the raven-haired prince wouldn't do anything rash. Frigga too hugged Thor afterwards and gently patted Loki's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. The parents left, leaving the two siblings alone. Thor turned with a wide grin to his brother and Loki forced himself to give a small smile in return.

"Congratulations, brother." He icily spoke. Thor noticed the displeased tone and his grin slowly faded.

"Are you angry with me, Loki?" He asked afraid, sensing the tension around his younger sibling.

"No, Thor. It's not you I'm angry with." Loki said in a much smoother tone and Thor's shoulders relaxed while he released a soft sigh of relieve. "I'm happy for you. I truly am. This is what you always wanted, after all."

"Oh, I love you so much, brother!" Thor happily said while he hugged Loki, lifting him in the air and pressing his body so tightly that the younger sibling couldn't breathe for a few seconds. The younger prince laughed a bit awkwardly after Thor landed him back on the floor.

"Now, go tell your friends." Loki said with a shy smile.

"Are you not coming?"

"I'll catch up with you later on."

"Okay. But don't take too long. We must celebrate!" Thor enthusiastically said, to which Loki nodded with a kind smile.

Thor left the room and Loki was finally alone. His smile quickly died out and was instead replaced by an ugly scorn of pure hatred. He wanted to scream, but knew he would be heard. So instead he restrained himself for five seconds and then, suddenly, released a magical energy blast, knocking down the chairs and some other objects. He panted as he repressed the anger that was building in his chest. Odin had chosen Thor to be king. Of course he had chosen that oaf instead of him! Thor was after all his favorite, the apple of his eye. Odin always praised everything thing Thor did, every single achievement, every stupid victory. It was amazing how the Allfather had allowed Thor to develop an insupportably arrogant discourse and behavior, stimulating it instead of dampening. Loki clenched his teeth as he tried to understand what he had done wrong. He was intelligent, polite, and even obedient. All right, so he defied Odin once in a while. But every time politics were subject, it was he, not Thor, who demonstrated to have the right understanding of it. Odin even often told Thor he should take his younger brother's example and learn from him. So why chose him? Loki paced from one side of the room to the other. It made no sense at all. He was the better choice, not his oldest brother. Loki's hands were balled and became white from the pressure, his nails digging in his flesh. There was only one explanation he could think of. No matter how much he claimed to love him, Odin clearly disliked him. He always did. If only he knew why.

Thor wandered in the empty halls of Asgard's palace with a look of concern plastered on his face. Loki had not appeared during the afternoon to celebrate Thor's future kingship. He was absent when Odin publicly announced the news to the Court and to the people of Asgard. Loki had also missed diner, leaving a guard to warm the royal family the raven-haired prince was not feeling well. When Thor went to his brother's room, he was not there to be found. The god of thunder sighed worriedly. He had figured out Loki had lied to him. It wouldn't be the first time. He wished his brother could be truly happy for him, because all he wanted was to share his blissfulness with his youngest sibling. Yet, he knew he should have known better. Loki had confessed years ago of how envious he felt about him. Thor knew this envy was related to their father and that, despite the love and loyalty he and Loki shared, this envy kept being fueled. Thor was aware that Odin treated his sons differently, he was much stricter with Loki than with him. How could he not, when they were practically opposites? When Loki was so smart and rebellious. He wanted to find Loki let him know that Odin loved him nevertheless. Alas, Thor knew perfectly well that, when Loki didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.

Thor had been surprised to find Loki in the arena, training with the Warriors Three. It was seldom for the younger prince to trade his books for combat at his own initiative. The older prince made his presence clear with a kind greeting, which was enthusiastically reattributed by his friends. Loki glanced only briefly, but Thor could see the darkness in his eyes. He was clearly not pleased to see him.

"I heard you were unwell yesterday, brother. I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Thor kindly said, but his heart bounced in his chest of fear, because he could see in the manner Loki looked at his shoes and by the way he moved his jaw that he was really pissed off.

"You were sick yesterday? And I thought all this time you didn't come to the party because your pride was too wounded." Fandral cheerfully said, missing the furious glint that crossed Loki's clear eyes.

"What did you have?" Volstagg asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"It matters not. I am better now." Loki coldly said.

"In that case, you won't have a problem in having a rematch, will you?" The oldest of the warriors asked, while he lifted his axe. Loki half turned to him and his look became even colder, despite of the malicious grin he gave.

"Why not." Loki coolly answered.

Fandral and Hogun switched confused looks, both sensing the uncharacteristic dangerous iciness in the younger prince's undertone. Thor opened his mouth to protest, but before he had the chance to say anything, Loki and Volstagg engaged in a man-to-man battle. Thor watched silenced but concerned as the two danced in a combat, in which their assets and styles were very different. Volstagg had the advantage of experience and strength, while Loki had the youthful energy and speed. The young prince managed to avoid and dodge the older warrior's attacks and trick the other one into believing he was winning, for the god of mischief purposely battled more in the defensive. The moment Volstagg became overconfident and thought to claim victory, the roles quickly changed.

Loki became faster, his movements more precise and daring. Because his daggers were small sized weapons, he needed to build his way closer to Volstagg, who kept his distance safe by waving his axe in the air. The fight became more aggressive. The older warrior became the more frustrated, the temper getting the better of him, his attempts in defeating the prince becoming increasingly and annoyingly unsuccessful. Loki, on the other side, moved in a more secured and confident manner, he seemed to calculate well before attacking or defending, so he could predict and anticipate Volstagg's next move. At a certain point, the older warrior lost his coordination, becoming confused by Loki's fast movements, so he ended up attacking in a random and clumsy way, his axe hitting more and more deeply into the ground.

Loki dodged a few dangerous attacks by turning and shifting from one side to the other. When Volstagg finally let an open space, making him vulnerable to his rival, Loki kicked him fully on his belly so the warrior fell on his back from the impact. In a fast movement, Loki blocked Volstaag's movements by placing one foot on his chest, while he pointed one of his daggers on the neck, just under the chin. For several seconds, both warriors remained frozen, panting heavily and staring into each other's eyes. Loki lingered some seconds with the point of the dagger pressed the other's skin until he released it in a slow cautious movement. He stood up looking strangely dazed. In the meantime, Fandral and Hogun quickly ran to Volstagg so they could help him get up.

"Are you all right?" Fandral kindly asked, with an amused smile on his face. "Loki really got to you this time, didn't he?" He added with a chuckle. But his smile vanished when he saw the look of shock and confusion in Volstaag's face. Fandral and Hogun turned to look at Loki and read the same expression on the prince's face. Loki looked pale. His eyes shifted nervously from one to the other and then he looked at the dagger he was still holding in his hand, which was trembling slightly. He carefully kept it inside his coat, like he always did, while he turned around.

"Loki?" Thor asked concerned, sensing the unfamiliar tension in the air. Loki's head shot in his direction and the older prince saw a horrible kind of fear creep in his sibling's eyes. Without a word, the raven-haired prince started walking away, in an almost unbalanced manner. "Loki!" Thor shouted and made a short run to his brother.

"Leave me alone!" Loki yelled while he turned around abruptly. Thor could read the distress in his brother's eyes and his concern grew stronger by the second. "Please, leave me alone." Loki begged in a gasp and Thor hesitated. The younger sibling turned around again and after a few hasty paces, he ran out of the arena. The god of thunder was about to follow him, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Let him go, Thor." The blond prince turned around to face Volstagg, who stood between Fandran and Hogan. "I think the lad needs some space right now."

"I thought I might find you here." Thor said while he walked in his sibling's direction.

Loki sat on the top one of Asgard's palace's domes and didn't even bother to acknowledge his brother's presence. He had known it was a question of time until Thor would finally find him. In a matter of fact, he had wanted Thor to find him, probably the reason he sat where he sat. The older sibling took a place next to him and looked up to the darkening skies. The sun had set and the first stars were already shining. "That was quite a battle you had back there with Volstagg. There was a moment I actually thought you were going to kill him." Thor said in a sincere and carefree manner.

"So did I." Loki whispered and rested his chin on his knees, which were wrapped by both his arms, making him look smaller. Thor looked at his brother's face and recognized the same distress on his tensed facial muscles he had seen earlier that afternoon. He didn't really know what to say so he rested his hand on Loki's shoulder. He was shocked when his brother flinched and shifted in a brusque manner and stared at him with a terrified look.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Thor reassured, his hand still midway the air.

"But I might!" Loki almost yelled and Thor slowly backed his hand away. Loki released a shaky breath and Thor noticed he was shivering.

"Are you cold, brother?" Thor asked concerned.

"No." Loki whispered and Thor bitterly realized his brother was shivering from fear. He could see his green eyes water while they darted nervously from one side to the other, like if he was afraid somebody else would appear. "W-What is wrong with me Thor?" He whispered in a gasp. "What is wrong with me to go to the point of losing control over myself?"

"You didn't lose control. You didn't hurt Volstagg."

"But I almost did! I was going to! Thor, there was a moment I truly wanted to dig my dagger in his throat and slip it open!"

"But you didn't. Volstagg is fine."

"You don't get the point do you? It doesn't matter if I didn't hurt him. It matters that I wanted to hurt him, with no reason for it! I-I mean…its Volstagg! Who would want to hurt him in first place?" Loki nervously said, his voice shaky and stained by fear. Some tears escaped his eyes unwillingly and his hands shook terribly, as he joined and separated them repeatedly, like if he didn't know what to do with them.

"It is okay, Loki. It's normal to lose your head for some seconds during the heat of a battle. Even if it's only training." Thor reassured his younger brother, while he rested his hand on Loki's back who, this time, consented.

"Did you ever lose your head?"

"No. But I'm different."

"Yes, you are. You don't carry this anger… t-this unbearable rage bottled up inside of you that seems to want to tear the being out of me!" Loki nervously said, while his shivering fingers moved back and forward his chest. "I am afraid of myself, Thor. I-I am afraid of what I am capable of doing! What will happen when this rage is too much to bear? You don't imagine the dark thoughts I have sometimes. I try to shake them away, because they terrify me! Because they are so horrible!"

"Loki, you must not think so ill about yourself. You didn't do anything wrong." Thor tried to calm his brother down, but Loki was too distressed to believe any of his smoothing words and shook his head miserably, while thicker tears cascaded down his face.

"You have no idea of what I could do if I would surrender to my dark thoughts." Loki confessed, while he locked his gaze on Thor's. "Thor, there will come a day I will hurt somebody. I'm afraid it will be you. Because I love you so much and I hate you so much too!"

"Don't speak of such nonsense, brother."

"I'm not speaking of nonsense! You're not listening! What will you do when I'll turn against you? What will you do when I'll be beyond reasoning? What will you do when I'll try to…" Loki put a shaky hand in front of his mouth. Kill you. He was unable to speak out loud his last thought. Because it was too horrible to vocalize.

"Oh, Loki. Why do you torment yourself like this?" Thor asked while he wrapped both his arms around his sibling's back.

Loki rested his head on his brother's shoulder and released a few miserable sobs, while he cried the rest of his tears out. Loki's fingers dug his older sibling's back, desperately seeking for the feeling of protection and safety he always felt when he was with Thor, but this time not finding it. Not even Thor could protect him against his own dark fears anymore. Loki closed his eyes and took deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down, while his mind replayed the great mistake he had already made the previous day.

Yesterday was the day Loki had surrendered to his dark thoughts for the first time. After learning Thor was to become the new king, Loki had let himself be completely consumed by his rage and frustration. His mind quickly forged a plan to ruin his brother's coronation day. Yesterday, was the day he broke all his father's rules by travelling unnoticed to Jotunheim and make a deal with King Laufey. He had initially though that it was just a small mischief from his part, but now that his mind was clear from any ardent emotion, he realized the seriousness of what he had done. He had involved himself in dangerous political affairs and endangered the truce between the two enemy realms. All because of his childish and selfish motives. The worst part, was that he had gone too far already to turn back. It was impossible to undo what he had started.

Now he was faced with the fact he had no other choice but to fulfill his end of his bargain, in order to avoid a retaliation from King Laufey. So he decided to stick to the plan, but in a way he could minimize the dangers. If he would do things properly, the Frost Giants would die even before coming close to their goal. If he was lucky, the Allfather would chose to keep the truce between the two realms and consider the invasion the result of a minor security breach. He would consider the raid attempt as one taken by a few rebellious Frost Giants, acting independently from Laufey. Loki could still set up things so the truce between Asgard and Jotunheim would remain unharmed. Loki finally calmed down, resting himself assure that he still could ament his irrational and impulsive action. All he had to do was to limit the damage to the lowest possible level.


A/N

Just wondering...is anybody even reading this?

Feedback is important, otherwise, how will I know if the story is good?

So please, just take a short minute a leave a review ;)