In Redcliffe, Serenity and Alistair met with Bann Teagan and agreed to help him fend off the monsters before seeking entrance into the castle. With the few men left alive in the village, they fought the undead without any casualties on their side. After the battle, which lasted all through the night, Teagan led Serenity and her party to the secret passageway through the windmill into the castle.
"Look, can we talk for a moment? I need to tell you something I, ah, should probably have told you earlier," Alistair said, walking behind Serenity down the narrow stairwell in the dark.
"Interesting time to want to talk," she said, stepping carefully and keeping her hand on the side of the dank wall. "What's on your mind?"
"I know, I know," he said. "Don't get so distracted by what I'm about to say that you go tumbling down the stairs. You know how I told you before about Arl Eamon raising me, right?"
"Yes," she said, "Go on."
"The reason he did that was because… well, because my father was King Maric. Which made Cailan my… half-brother, I suppose."
She stopped after the last step, and he bumped into her back. "Why did you wait to tell me this?"
"I would have told you, but... it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient, a possible threat to Cailan's rule and so they kept me a secret. I've never talked about it to anyone. Everyone who knew either resented me for it or they coddled me… even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know as long as possible." He sighed, "I'm sorry."
She thought about it for a moment and continued walking through the narrow passageway under the mountain. "I understand, Alistair. I don't resent you, and you are perfectly capable of handling yourself on the battlefield and keeping me alive too for that matter."
"Ah, good, I'm glad. At any rate, that's it, that's what I had to tell you. I thought you should know about it. Now, can we move on? And I'll just pretend you still think I'm some… nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the Gray Wardens."
"And what does that make me?"
"Some nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the Gray Wardens," he smirked, "Welcome to the club."
"I have a wonder, Alistair, if you will indulge me," Morrigan said from behind them.
Alistair groaned, "Do I have a choice?"
"Of the two of you that remain, are you not the senior Grey Warden here? I find it curious that you allow another to lead, while you follow."
"You find that curious, do you?"
"In fact, you defer to a new recruit. Is this a policy of the Grey Wardens? Or simply a personal one?"
"What do you want to hear? That I prefer to follow? I do."
"You sound so very defensive," she smirked.
"Couldn't you crawl into a bush somewhere and die? That would be great, thanks."
"I was just looking for some of your father in you," Morrigan said.
"Leave me alone." If she could have seen him glower at her in the dark, he would have given her a dirty look.
Serenity couldn't help wondering the same thing Morrigan did, without the snide remarks about his ancestry. Irving had always seen the potential for her to lead, but she had no experience actually doing so. She was not yet a worldly person, though that was quickly changing. All she knew was that she had to carry on where Duncan left off. Even if she made the decisions, it was a relief to know she was not alone.
They made their way into the dungeon past a steel door and killed three shambling corpses in front of one of the jail cells. A familiar voice called out to them, "Hello? Who's out there?"
She gasped and ran over to the cell, gripping the bars in both hands. "Jowan!"
"By all that's holy… Serenity! I can't believe it…"
"Took the words right out of my mouth," she answered, still reeling from the sight of him.
"Maker's breath! How did you get here? I never thought I'd see you again, of all people."
"Of course not, after you left me in the hands of the templars," she frowned.
"I… I'm sorry about that," he started. Of course he'd realized after he fled that she was going to suffer for his choices.
"What have they done to you?" she asked quietly, noticing how shallow his cheeks were and the dirt carving out the wrinkles in his face.
"What they do to all traitors and would be assassins. I wouldn't be surprised if they sent you to finish me off."
"I'm not here to kill you, Jowan."
He furrowed his brow, "You might change your mind once you hear. I poisoned the Arl. For all I know, he's dead already."
"So I've heard. He's not dead—at least, not yet."
"He's not? That's a relief, I can't tell you how much. Please, I know how it seems. Poisoning the Arl was… a terrible thing."
"That's an understatement."
"But I'm not behind everything else happening here, I swear!" He sighed, "Before I say anything else, I need to ask you a question. You can do whatever you feel you need to afterward, but I need to know…"
She crossed her arms indignantly. "What, then?"
"What became of Lily? They didn't hurt her, did they? The thought that she might have paid for my crime…"
His words stung. She was still hurt that he hadn't ever given her a single thought as far as she could tell. But she was touched by how deeply he felt for Lily, despite all that had transpired. It spoke for his character, how despite all his idiocy, he was a good person. "You should have known better, Jowan."
"You're right! I should have! But please… just tell me if she's all right!"
She knew he would believe what he wanted to hear, and she knew he was already tormented with regret, so she lied to him. "She's fine, Jowan. Don't worry about her."
"Oh, thank… thank the Maker. For small mercies, at least. And thank you for telling me. It's good to know I haven't ruined everything I've touched," he said sadly. "So. Here we are again, the two of us. What happens now?"
"I want to know how you ended up here, involved in this."
"I… I know it looks suspicious, but I'm not responsible for the creatures and the killings in the castle. I was already imprisoned when all that began."
"You can still cast spells from a jail cell."
"But it wasn't me! At first, Lady Isolde came here with her men demanding that I reverse what I'd done. I thought she meant my poisoning of the Arl. That's the first I'd heard of the walking corpses. She thought I'd summoned a demon to torment her family and destroy Redcliffe."
"I might have thought the same thing if I didn't know you better, Jowan."
"She… had me tortured," he averted his gaze, and Serenity cringed at the thought, pitying her old friend. "There was nothing I could do or say that would appease her. So, they… left me to rot."
"But how did you end up here in the first place?"
"Connor had started to show… signs. Lady Isolde was terrified the Circle of Magi would take him away for training."
"Connor? A mage?" Alistair blurted out. "I can't believe it!"
Jowan continued, "She sought an apostate, a mage outside the Circle, to teach her son in secret so he would learn to hide his talent. Her husband had no idea."
"How did she find you though?" Serenity asked, confused.
"I... I took the job through the Mages' Collective. There was somebody at Lake Calenhad. But when I accepted the job, I was apprehended by one of Loghain's men. I came directly over after that. And he... they took the templar that was after me. I thought I was safe by helping him. I didn't know..."
The Mages Collective. Serenity had never heard of such a group. "Why would Isolde be frightened of her son becoming a mage?"
"You know why," Jowan said. "He would be taken away. Forever. A mage cannot inherit a title, even the son of a powerful Arl. And her son having magic was… humiliating."
"How much magic did you teach Connor?"
"Some. But he's still very young. He can barely cast a minor spell, never mind something more powerful. At least, not intentionally. I have thought about it, and it's possible Connor could have inadvertently done something to tear open the Veil. With the Veil to the Fade torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle. Powerful ones could kill and create those walking corpses."
Serenity sighed, closing her eyes and pressed her fingers against her temples. "This is why we have the Circle and the templars. And this is why senior enchanters do the teaching, not apprentices. Now, many innocent lives have been lost. Oh, Jowan, why..."
"I… I know. Maker, I've made so many mistakes," he covered his face with his hands, ashamed. "I wish I could go back and fix it. I just want to make everything right again."
"Why did you risk everything to learn blood magic?" Serenity asked, curious.
"I... I just wanted to be as good as you," Jowan admitted. "I thought it would make me a better mage. Irving was so proud of you, and I just felt... like I was a disappointment."
"Oh, Jowan... Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you."
"No, you couldn't have," he said. "You were studying frost, and I was studying fire. It would have been a waste of both our time. But is there any way I can help now? Some way I can undo what's been happening in the castle?"
"I don't know," she said, putting her hand back on the door. "But we have to try."
"The Arl's a decent man. I wondered how he could possibly be the threat Loghain said he was, but I did it anyway. I'm such a fool."
"Loghain is in a position of power, and he saved your life. He used you," she said. "What you did was wrong, but I know you would never be so foolish again."
"I'm just sick of running away and hiding from what I've done. I'm going to try to fix it, any way I can. We were friends once. I know I don't deserve to call you that, after what I did… if it ever meant anything, please… help me fix this."
"Jowan, I helped you once in the name of friendship."
"And I betrayed you. And Lily. I'm sorry, so sorry!" he stepped forward placing his hand over hers on the steel grate. "Please, I'm begging you! Won't you help me try and do one thing right in my life?"
"I say this boy could still be of use to us," Morrigan interjected. "But if not, then let him go. Why keep him prisoner here?"
"Hey, hey!" Alistair started. "Let's not forget he's a blood mage! You can't just… set a blood mage free!"
"Better to slay him?" Morrigan argued, "Better to punish him for his choices? Is this Alistair who speaks or the templar?"
"I'd say it's common sense," he argued back. "We don't even know the whole story yet."
"I've heard enough," Serenity said. Perhaps Alistair preferred to hear a second perspective, but she believed Jowan's story.
"He wishes to redeem himself," Leliana said. "Doesn't everyone deserve that chance?"
"Give me a chance, please!" Jowan pleaded.
"How do you intend to make things right?" Serenity asked.
"I'd… well, I'd try to save anyone still up there. There must be something I can do."
"And after that, what happens?"
"Afterwards? I assume I'll be arrested. Or executed. Or… whatever people like me get. A part of me knew right from the beginning that I'd have to face the consequences one day. I knew I'd be caught, eventually."
"You probably didn't think it would be so soon," she muttered.
"Everything I've done has just delayed the inevitable. I'm done with running and hiding. I need to account for what I've done."
She sighed, "Jowan, I have never stopped being a friend to you. It was you who stopped being a friend to me." She turned to Leliana. "Can you pick the lock?"
Leliana knelt down in front of the cell door with her lockpick.
"You're letting me out?" he seemed surprised. "And what then?"
"You escape," Serenity said, looking back from whence they came.
"No, I'm not leaving," he shook his head. "I made a mistake and I'm going to find some way to fix it."
"No," she answered harshly. "I will help you fix this, but you are going to run away. I did not risk my life for you before so that you could throw it away and 'face the consequences' now. If my friendship means anything to you, you will leave and you will do something good with your life. If you go up there with me, it's over for you. I will not see you die."
"Are you truly suggesting just… letting him go?" Alistair asked. "A dangerous blood mage?"
"You can hunt him yourself if you like," she replied sharply.
"That's not what I… oh, never mind."
"Then…" Jowan hesitated, "then, I'll go. I'm sorry things ended this way. I… hope to see you again one day, under better circumstances."
"Me too," she muttered as she opened his cell door. She watched him leave then continued upstairs with the others. She knew she would have to apologize for snapping at Alistair, but for now she had to concentrate on the task at hand.
After fighting a revenant in the courtyard and opening the gates, they entered the main hall, where they were shocked to see Bann Teagan acting the part of a court jester. Connor waved him off and stepped forward as they approached. "So, these are our visitors? The ones you told me about, Mother?"
"Y-yes, Connor," she answered, staring at the floor, fighting back tears.
"And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?"
"Yes."
"And now it's staring at me! What is it, Mother? I can't see it well enough."
"This is an elf, Connor. You… you've seen elves before. We have them here in the castle…"
"Oh, I remember! I had their ears cut off and fed to the dogs! The dogs chewed for hours! Shall I send it to the kennels, Mother?"
Serenity grimaced at the image and glared at him. She muttered, enraged, "Abomination."
"Connor, I beg you… don't… don't hurt anyone!"
"M-mother? What… what's happening? Where am I?"
"Oh, thank the Maker!" Isolde knelt down beside him. "Connor! Connor, can you hear me?"
"Get away from me, fool woman! You are beginning to bore me."
"Gray warden… please don't hurt my son! He's not responsible for what he does!"
"You've been protecting him this entire time?" Serenity asked, glowering at the demon-possessed boy.
"Connor didn't mean to do this. It was that mage, the one who poisoned Eamon. He started all this! He summoned this demon! Connor was just trying to help his father!"
"And made a deal with a demon to do so? Foolish child," Morrigan interjected.
"It was a fair deal!" Connor bellowed. "Father is alive, just as I wanted. Now it's my turn to sit on the throne and send out armies to conquer the world! Nobody tells me what to do anymore!"
"Nobody tells him what to do!" Teagan laughed, "Nobody! Ha-ha!"
"Quiet, uncle! I warned you what would happen if you kept shouting, didn't I? Yes, I did. But let's keep things civil. This woman will have the audience she seeks. Tell us, elf… what have you come here for?"
"I came to stop you, demon," Serenity said, ready to cast Cone of Cold as soon as it lashed out at her.
"I'm not finished playing! You can't make me stop! I think it's trying to spoil my fun, Mother!"
"I… I don't think…"
"Of course you don't! Ever since you sent the knights away, you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly, it's getting dull. I crave excitement! And action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she'll repay me!" he shouted, then darted out of the room as the guards in the room turned on them and attacked.
Serenity's Cone of Cold was turned on the group of guards instead of the child. Once the possessed guards were incapacitated and Teagan came to, Isolde helped him up. "Teagan! Teagan, are you all right?"
"I am… better now, I think. My mind is my own again," he answered.
"Blessed Andraste. I would never forgive myself had you died, not after I brought you here. What a fool I am!" She turned to Serenity and Alistair, "Please! Connor is not responsible for this! There must be some way we can save him!"
"He is an abomination," Serenity said softly. "I see no way this can end happily."
"Clearly the child is an abomination," Morrigan supported her. "The demon must be killed."
"He is not always the demon you saw. Connor is still inside him, and sometimes he breaks through. Please, I just want to protect him!"
"Isn't that what started this?" Teagan asked. "You hired a mage to teach Connor in secret to protect him."
"If they discovered Connor had magic, then they'd take him away! I thought if he learned just enough to hide it, then…"
"That is not a decision for you to make," Serenity frowned. Her chest felt tight, pained by Isolde's love for her son. She had only wanted to keep him. Many nights of her own childhood, Serenity had wondered how her mother could let her go. As difficult as it must have been, Serenity could see now that her mother had done what was right, no matter how wrong it felt. She sighed and looked to Morrigan for help, "What are our options?"
Alistair replied ruefully, "I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child, but… he's an abomination. I'm not sure there's any other choice."
"There must be some other way," Leliana said softly, "He's only a little boy."
Isolde clutched at her chest and turned to Teagan desperately. "What about the mage? He could know something of this demon! If he still lives, we could speak to him!"
"No, you can't. He's gone," Serenity stated solemnly.
"Gone? What do you mean 'gone'? Is he dead?"
"I released him," she admitted without falter.
"You… released him? Why would you do such a thing!?" Isolde shouted, disgusted. "He was locked up for a reason! He was a blood mage!"
"He is not entirely to blame for this. You allowed it to happen," Serenity said and regretted her cutting words. Isolde did not need to be reminded of her own fault in this tragic turn of events. She would blame herself for as long she lived. "Forgive me. I should not have..."
"Enough, Isolde. It cannot be undone. Your anger will not help matters," Teagan said softly.
"Can we do nothing else?" she asked quietly.
"Killing the child is the quickest course, but to say there is nothing else possible would be a lie. We can confront the demon in the Fade, though not easily," Morrigan answered.
"What do you mean? The demon is inside Connor, is it not?" Teagan asked.
Serenity looked up at her uncertainly. "How?"
"No, it lies in the Fade and controls the boy from there. We can follow that connection, however, and do battle with its true form."
"So you can enter the Fade? And kill the demon without hurting my boy?" Isolde looked hopeful.
"Possible to, yes. Able to, perhaps not."
Serenity shook her head, "Entering the Fade requires lyrium. A lot of it."
"As well as numerous mages to perform the ritual," Morrigan said.
"We would have to seek help from the Circle of Magi. That's at least two days away. And there is no way Knight-Commander Greagoir would agree to help me. Even if Irving still trusted me, the Chantry would never approve such a ritual," Serenity sighed. "They would more likely send the templars to kill him. Otherwise, why not save every abomination instead of striking them down?"
"I do not know," Morrigan replied defensively. "Perhaps because they're barbarians who fear magic and it is easier to kill one than risk the others?"
"But they would not be helping you, necessarily," Leliana said, "They would be helping the Arl's son."
"You underestimate just how little templars care about politics when it comes to abominations," Serenity said. "Even if we did somehow get the Circle of Magi's help, we would be leaving the village in the hands of a demon for four days. We've used up all of the oil stores. How much fight do you think they have left in them? What about the women and children hiding in the chantry?"
Isolde wailed, guilt ridden for how many lives her mistake cost Redcliffe. Teagan put his hand on her shoulder. "We don't have lyrium or mages. What will we do?"
"We will fight the demon here," Serenity answered. "It would take too long to go to the Circle and return, and the First Enchanter abides by the Chantry's laws. It would be a waste of time and too much of a risk to put you all in."
"Please… don't! It isn't his fault. He just tried to help his father. Why must he pay with his life?" she cried.
"Do not make this any harder than it is, Isolde," Teagan spoke softly. "She has made her decision."
Serenity felt sorry for her, and she hated to have to do this. And suddenly she wished she had brought Jowan upstairs with her. He might have known a blood magic ritual that could function the same way as the lyrium well. But she would never know now. She had traded his life for the boy's because she was too selfish to let her friend fall on his sword. "I am sorry," she said, knowing her words held no consolation for the weeping mother.
Isolde growled, "Who says she gets to decide? I'm Connor's mother! I'm the Arlessa!"
"This is what must be done," Teagan answered softly.
"No-ooo!" she screamed, sobbing. "No! I won't let you do this! It isn't right! It isn't right!"
"Go and do this quickly," Teagan said to Serenity. "We must save Eamon and restore the castle. I'll make Isolde understand."
Serenity knew there was no way Teagan could make her understand, but she only needed him to provide enough time to finish the deed. She led the others upstairs to the second floor where they were ambushed by a swarm of shambling corpses. She stood back as Alistair took point, running forward and bashing the first corpse with his shield. The mabari followed him closely, assisting him by tearing into the fallen monstrosity until it stopped moving, then moved onto the next one to assist Leliana as she flanked it.
Morrigan and Serenity both cast Winter's Grasp, hindering two of the others, giving Alistair more room to maneuver. He bashed the nearest frozen corpse with his shield, shattering it, then stepped back, raising his shield as two more corpses tried to strike him. He pushed one back and slashed the other before striking it twice with his shield, stunning it.
Holding her staff out in front of her, Serenity cast Crushing Prison on the remaining frozen corpse, shattering it.
Alistair parried the sword of the standing corpse at his side as the stunned undead came to. Leliana stabbed it in the back as the mabari joined his side again, lowering his head with a guttural growl. A loud zap startled the dog as the corpse was fried by a lightning bolt. He looked back at Morrigan and whined.
"Oh, quiet you, I didn't even come close to hitting you."
Alistair drove his sword through the last corpse's middle, and it fell lifeless to the ground.
After the battle, they made their way down the corridor toward Arl Eamon's bedchamber. Connor stood in the hallway outside of it. Serenity approached him cautiously, staff in hand.
"Go away," the boy said meekly. "She won't like you being here. She'll just try to hurt you."
"Is this Connor?" Serenity furrowed her brow. "The real Connor?" She knew she could not find the power to kill a child, not when he was lucid. She would have to provoke the demon into coming out.
"I'm always me, but sometimes the scary lady takes over. I feel like I'm sleeping, but I guess I'm not."
Serenity felt her heart ache. She imagined no templar would ever have to go through this. Killing an apostate mage or an apprentice that failed their Harrowing was one thing, but killing a child, a child who was not always under the demon's control, was almost too heavy a burden to bear. But it had killed so many in Redcliffe, and it had to be stopped before it killed more.
"I tried to stop her, but I can't," Connor continued with a sniffle. "She said she'd help Father. I didn't think she'd hurt everyone, honestly I didn't."
"Do you know what she is, Connor?" Serenity asked softly.
"She's a bad person. I heard her in my dreams, and then she was everywhere."
"I…" Serenity's voice trembled, "I want to stop her, but I don't want to hurt you."
"But somebody has to stop her from hurting anyone else," he said looking up at her. "You can do it."
Serenity swallowed. She wasn't sure she could. "But..."
"I don't know how much longer she'll be gone for, but she's always watching. She won't let you near Father. She'll just come back again, and then…" He wrapped his arms around himself and choked back a snivel, his voice breaking, "Just tell everyone to stay away, especially Mother. I don't want her to see me like this."
She stepped back, losing her resolve. She could not be weak, not in the presence of a demon. She was too susceptible to its power that way. "You are very brave, Connor. Everything is going to be okay."
"She's closer now… I can hear her whispering to me."
"Connor?" She leaned down cautiously to look him in the eye. "Can you hear me?"
"Y-yes… I can hear you."
"How did this happen to you?" Serenity asked, kneeling down in front of him. She couldn't be weak. She couldn't cry. No matter how much it hurt.
"After… after Mother put Jowan in the dungeon, I snuck into his room. I found his books, the ones he wouldn't let me read. I wanted to help Father. I shouldn't have tried, I guess. But Mother was so sad and I wanted to make her happy. Then the bad lady started talking to me in my sleep. And when I woke up, I'd have done things I didn't remember. It's all my fault."
"You had good intentions," she tried to console him, but she could hear the tremble in her voice. "You tried to do good, Connor. You didn't know. You couldn't have known."
"You should go. She'll come back soon," he warned.
She turned away from him, her breath hitching in her throat as she fought the emotions that weighed on her chest. She forced herself to take a deep breath, looking up at Alistair, Morrigan, and Leliana. They said nothing, but she could see the sorrow in Alistair's eyes and Leliana had turned away. She had no time for second thoughts. She turned back toward Connor and without looking at him, walked past him to the Arl's room. For the sake of so many innocent lives that resided in the village below, she could not walk away from him.
"No!" Connor cried. "Don't go near him! She'll get angry! She'll get—" he choked on his words and convulsed, landing on his hands and knees on the floor, a darkness about him as he transformed. The demon came out, closing and sealing the door before Serenity could enter. She turned around to face the desire demon, a horned woman. She levitated and summoned two shambling corpses before firing a blast of dark energy at Alistair.
He narrowly dodged the attack and shouted, "Hey!" He stared as the demon summoned two more shambling corpses and two lesser rage demons to her aid. "Oh, that's not good."
"Serenity, focus your magic on the rage demons. Alistair and the mangy beast can keep the corpses busy," Morrigan ordered.
Alistair whistled to the dog and pointed at the corpse to his left of the group. The dog did not hesitate to attack, ducking a swipe from the corpse's blade before pouncing on it.
Serenity followed Morrigan's direction, casting Winter's Grasp on the nearest rage demon, freezing and decimating it instantly. Noticing its weakness to her ice spell, Morrigan followed suit, blasting the other rage demon with ice.
Alistair lifted his shield and charged a corpse, knocking it to the ground. He drove his sword into its throat and twisted the blade, severing its head. Using his shield as a weapon, he struck out with it against the other corpse that approached his side, knocking it back, then he spun and swung his sword, decapitating it.
Suddenly he felt weighed down, and he turned to face the demon. She smirked as she weakened Alistair and readied another blast of dark energy, but Morrigan quickly fired a lightning bolt at the demon, disrupting her spell.
Serenity moved closer and hit the desire demon with a Mind Blast, stunning her. Using her remaining mana, she concentrated on the area surrounding the demon, summoning a blizzard and enveloping her in ice. Morrigan removed the hex off Alistair and he lunged forward, plunging his sword into the desire demon's torso.
When the demon's body crumpled to the floor, it changed shape back into its host's form. Serenity approached Connor's unconscious body.
"Stop! Stop! Don't hurt him!" Isolde cried, running into the room, frantic.
Alistair crossed his arms and watched the scene unfold with disdain. Leliana and Morrigan averted their gaze.
"Please, have mercy on him. He's just a boy. He doesn't deserve this!"
"You would rather the demon keep your family hostage?" Serenity asked, meeting her eyes.
"I… no, of course not, but… this is my son's life. There must be another option. The Circle must know some spell, or… we could bring him to the cathedral in Denerim! They could exorcise him…"
Leliana shook her head sadly. "The Chantry cannot exorcise him..."
"Maker, help me! There must be some other way!" Isolde fell to her knees and grasped Serenity's hand in both of hers, pleading, "DON'T KILL MY BABY! I'M BEGGING YOU!"
Serenity cringed, her heart aching and stomach turning. "We may not have time for another solution. What about your husband? What if Arl Eamon dies?"
"Don't ask me to choose between them. I can't do that… You… you're a woman. What if this was your son? Tell me you wouldn't move mountains to save him!"
"I…" She could not find her voice. It was true; she might risk the lives of all to save her son if she had one, but that was not a wise decision. "Please, don't make this harder than it already is…"
"You're just like Teagan," she spat, releasing her hand in disgust. "Standing there grim-faced and telling me my son has to die. It doesn't have to be like this. I order you to stop!"
"I am sorry," Serenity forced the words out of her mouth and held up her staff.
"No, please! I…" Isolde began to stand but stumbled and collapsed on the floor into a deep slumber.
Serenity closed her eyes, taking her knife from her belt as she knelt beside Connor. Though he was unconscious, she spoke to him, "Draw your last breath, child. Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky. Rest at the Maker's right hand, and be forgiven." She opened her eyes and looked at his peaceful features. She wanted to close her eyes again, but she could not look away as she sank the blade into Connor's heart. "Maker keep you," her voice trembled. She wiped the blade clean and hooked it in her belt, then stood up to face the others. Morrigan was the first to turn away and leave the room, and Alistair followed beside Leliana in silence.
She would never be sure if she'd made the right decision. She followed them, the mabari at her side. He whined and she placed her hand upon his head as they walked into the adjoining hall, finding some small comfort in his presence. Alistair leaned against the wall in brooding silence. Serenity turned at the sound of dragging feet behind her and faced Isolde, whose face contorted in agony.
"What have you done?" Isolde cried and fell to her knees.
"I'm... sorry."
"He was just a boy… He didn't…" she crumbled. "I tried so hard to save him. And what am I left with? Nothing." She gathered her composure, taking a deep breath, "I wonder just how long Eamon will survive, now that the demon cannot sustain him. Will I lose my whole family, do you think?"
"No. I will not let that happen."
"Enough. I wish to mourn my son now. Give me that, at least."
Serenity left the castle in silence and stayed at the Chantry overnight. The following morning, she watched as they sent the dead off to sea, setting the boats aflame. Afterwards, she returned to the main hall with her companions to meet with Bann Teagan.
"So it is over," he said ruefully. "Connor is dead and the demon gone with him. With its creatures vanquished, the castle is back under our control. I thought I'd never see my brother again."
"My son, your nephew, is dead," Isolde reminded him bitterly. "Do not forget that in your great relief, Teagan."
"How could I, my lady? Eamon has much to mourn if he recuperates. But our task is not done yet. Whatever the demon did to my brother, it seems to have spared his life, but he remains comatose. We cannot wake him."
"The Urn! The Urn of Sacred Ashes will save Eamon!" Isolde exclaimed.
"Would magic not heal him?" Serenity asked.
"It has been tried and we will continue trying. Perhaps the demon's absence will make a difference. However, the relic is another option," Teagan answered.
"A waste of time," Sten said.
"Shh!" Serenity turned sharply toward him. He was callous. He hadn't been present for what happened with Connor, but his remarks were unwelcome in the presence of the grieving mother. "We will find it." Sten didn't say another word, but judging by the look he gave her, she suspected he questioned her sanity for hushing him.
"My husband funded the research of a scholar in Denerim—a Brother Genetivi," Isolde explained, her voice hollow. "He has been studying the inscriptions on Andraste's Birth Rock. When Eamon fell ill, I sent the knights to speak to Genetivi. I hoped that he had finally discovered the location of the Urn of Sacred Ashes itself. They were unable to locate Genetivi. In desperation, I sent more knights in search of the brother or some clue of the Urn's location."
"I will go to Denerim and follow whatever lead I can find. I will look for this relic myself," Serenity said. Even if it was a waste of time like Sten thought, she owed it to this mother to try. And it wasn't as if helping Arl Eamon wouldn't benefit the wardens. She doubted the archdemon would come out of hiding in the time it took to save his life.
Teagan nodded, "No one else can. Even if I wished to do it myself, I cannot abandon Redcliffe to its own devices. I must go to the hall and begin rebuilding. I wish you luck, and may the Maker go with you."
They left for Denerim immediately, but it was not long before night fell and they set up camp. After dinner, Serenity went to sit beside her dog, and Alistair approached her. "I want to talk about what happened. At Redcliffe."
"I don't want to talk about it right now," she said, leaning into Mabari-Cullen.
"We're at camp," he said pointedly. "This is as good a time as any."
"For you, perhaps," she muttered.
"You killed Connor," he glared. "You killed him. A little boy. How could you do that?"
His words were like a dagger in her gut. She stood up. "What choice did I have? I didn't enjoy it, Alistair. I expected you of all people to understand."
He growled, "I'm not saying you did! But there must have been something else that could have been done. Something. Anything that didn't involve killing a child! This is the Arl's son we're talking about here. What do you think he'll say when we revive him?"
"Maybe you're right. I don't know," she trailed off, her eyes burning with the threat of tears.
"I just don't know how you could do it, how you could make that decision! I owe the Arl more than this."
"And why was the decision left to me? Why does it have to land squarely on my shoulders?!" she shot back, hands shaking. "Why didn't you offer to run off to the Circle yourself? I did the best I could! I did the only thing I knew how!"
"Did you?" he challenged her, but he felt the fight leave him, seeing how heavy it weighed on her. It was unfair of him to blame her. "Just… forget I brought it up. I'm the one being the ass here, right? Forget I said anything."
She would have told him it was okay, that he had every right to be upset with her, but she sat back down beside Mabari-Cullen and tried not to cry. She couldn't let Alistair see her cry. Everyone had been so sullen and quiet. Leliana and Morrigan hadn't said a word since it happened. She imagined the Chantry sister thought her a monster. Sten was the only one she wasn't worried about hating her for what she did. No, she figured he was more likely to groan and abandon helping them if he saw her cry. She was constantly under the impression he didn't respect her and only tagged along because she'd saved his life, like some kind of code of honor, if that was how the qunari worked.
She thought perhaps she could sneak off to speak with Morrigan and sleep under her tent with her. Of everyone in camp, she had expected the 'former templar recruit' to be the most understanding of the situation, but she sensed Morrigan may be the more empathetic one now.
Serenity sighed and pet her mabari. "You're not mad at me too, are you?" He whined and nosed her hand. "I'm glad you're here, Cullen." Serenity looked up to see Morrigan approaching. She must have heard Alistair yelling.
"You know, I never took you Grey Wardens to be the types to give in to the simple minded teachings of the Chantry."
Serenity sighed. Perhaps she was wrong about Morrigan being the compassionate one. "I was a mage of the Circle before I was a Grey Warden," she reminded her.
"Yes, a captive of the Chantry," she said, folding her arms in front of her. "I suppose they told you it was 'for your own good', did they not?"
"Yes and 'for the good of others,'" Serenity answered.
Morrigan sighed, "I do not know how you can be so content with it, but that is on you, gray warden."
"What makes you think I am content?" Serenity asked, raising her eyes to meet hers.
"You have done nothing to change it. Perhaps if the Chantry weren't so ignorant of magic and set up schools for the children to be taught at, mothers wouldn't have to seek out the aid of apostates to keep their children." She paused and smiled, "But it is of no major concern to me. I merely wanted to... pick your brain, as it were."
"How am I supposed to change anything? I have barely been free of the Circle a month, and I am newly recruited to the wardens. What power do I have?"
"You are right," Morrigan said, admitting her mistake. "You haven't the power to change the world yet, Grey Warden, but you will. You will see."
Serenity sighed, "I've always accepted what is. If there was another way, if I could have been free of the Chantry and the Circle, then I would have been glad for it. But there is no other way." She looked down at Mabari-Cullen and petted him, picking stray hairs from his collar. "In some regards, I am thankful for the Circle. I think I learned more with their guidance than I would have on my own. And I do believe that without them, if people were left to their own devices, we would face many more abominations." She looked up at Morrigan, the words causing her heart to ache as she spoke them, "Like Connor. He read a book that he was not supposed to and he tore open the Veil. Had he been under the supervision of a senior enchanter, no such thing would have happened."
Morrigan argued, "The Chantry is the very thing that paints mages as evil things. So then you agree that it is right to take a child from their parents and strip them of their freedom? You speak of learning and what would happen without the Circle, but what of those who have proven themselves competent? Not even the head of your Circle can say he has the same freedom that you do." She spoke softly, "'Tis a sad thing really."
"I never used to think it was right to take a child away, not until meeting Connor," Serenity admitted. "I do not think magic evil. But it is inherently dangerous. While I wish that the mages who do prove themselves competent would be allowed more freedom, I understand the fears surrounding such freedom. It is the fault of the few that abuse blood magic and impose their will on others that there is such mistrust of mages. Were it up to me, I would do as you say, reform the Circles into schools. But it is not up to me."
Morrigan looked down at her and replied sternly, "You are a Grey Warden. You have the power to influence and bring change. All men are able to wreak great destruction upon each other... mage or otherwise. It is this ignorance that perpetuates discrimination." She let her arms drop to her sides as she prepared to leave. "All I ask, warden, is that you think for yourself. Lest we begin locking up everyone we feel might cause harm. I was not raised in your tower and I have no desire to burn whole cities to the ground." She turned to leave.
"Nor do I."
She looked back over her shoulder at Serenity. "We shall see."
Leliana, who stood near the fire came over and knelt down beside Serenity. "I see what Morrigan is saying, but you did what you could with the knowledge you have." She placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You were put in an unfair situation, and you saved many more lives as a result."
"I fear you are the only one who sees it that way," Serenity said and took her hand, desperate for her friendship.
"We all care about you. Alistair, myself, Morrigan," she said and looked over at the qunari standing under the tree. "Probably even Sten. Well, I can't read Sten."
Mabari-Cullen barked.
"And Cullen," Leliana giggled. "I think Morrigan just wants you to live your own life."
"Thank you, Leliana," Serenity said and put her arms around her shoulders, feeling some of the weight lifted off her back with that hug. "I should try to rest. Tomorrow is a new day."
"Yes, it is," Leliana smiled and stood up to return to her tent. "Good night, Serenity."
She curled up beside her mabari to rest, haunted by the image of Connor's pallor and limp body. Somebody had to make a decision. And it was done.
She pushed the flap up on her leather satchel to glimpse the lettering on the spine of the tome she had found. The one Jowan had left behind. The book of forbidden magic Connor had found that led to his possession. Though fear crept through her just at the sight of it, she couldn't bring herself to throw it in the fire. She wasn't ready to open it, to peruse the knowledge Jowan had mastered, and she accepted that she might never be. But if that knowledge could have prevented Connor's death, perhaps it might be worth learning.
