This one isn't really a happy ending, be prepared.
I haven't written in so long that the callouses on my hand have all but faded. My hand is cramping up as I write this, actually, just this little bit. I'm out of practice, to be honest. But oh well. This paper will just end up in the trashcan, anyway. I need to start writing more, I really, really do.
It sucks though. I haven't had any motivation or inspiration to write since Tori. I don't know, I guess you were my motivation. I can only write when I'm happy or at least content. I haven't been happy since we broke up, and my home life hasn't really been, what would you say... Comfortable I guess is the word.
I don't know, you just made me so happy. Shit never works out in my favor. And as much as I've screwed up, I've lost what ever of a second chance I'll get in the future. I sabotage my happiness. That's what I do. I find something that makes me happy and I ruin it far beyond repair. But that's how I've always been. How my life has always been. I mean, hell, you won't even talk to me anymore. I try, but it just doesn't happen. You won't even look in my direction or open my messages. Like my love wasn't worth your time.But I get it. I won't bother you anymore. That seems like something you'd want me to do. My attempts at trying to get you to talk are futile. Even though I've tried so hard. You just don't want to hear it. And I've repeated myself so much that you've gotten over it and learned to tune me out.
But I just miss you so much. Even though I'm positive you've all but forgotten about me and moved on. I haven't and I hate it. But I know I have to let you go at some point. You'd want me to. So why, why not now? It's not like I can hold onto you forever. So, good bye, I guess. I love you, even though I know I shouldn't.
-Jade
