Gosh…midterms are next week…hard to believe the semester's flying by like it is. But I have set aside time in my ultra busy life to torture Urahara! It's pretty late, so I don't know how this is gonna turn out…stay with me, people!

Disclaimer: Let me make this loud and clear…I. Don't. Own. Bleach.


Kisuke Urahara

(comes in to find Urahara sitting in the chair!) "Ah, I see my producers have captured you."

"No, I came in here of my own free will."

"Yeah sure…I can really believe that one…and why would you willingly come to get tortured?"

"To test my latest invention. (pulls out weird looking machine) I call it the: Insult Converter! It'll turn all those insults into compliments that'll feed my already inflated ego."

Um…right. Know your stars, stars, stars…Kisuke Urahara…when he was born, not even his mother wanted him…"

Converted insult: "He is the smartest most wonderful person ever!"

"Ah…that's what I like to hear."

"Uh…OK…Kisuke Urahara…he wears women's underwear…"

Converted insult: "He is so handsome and awesome!"

"Ah, I know I'm awesome."

"What…I didn't call you awesome! That does it…Kisuke Urahara…Dr Phil couldn't even help him…"

Converted insult: "His brains and good looks are SOOOO amazing!"

"Oh, why thank you! I AM amazing."

"What the hell's wrong with you?! I'm insulting you and you keep thinking I'm complimenting you. WHY?!"

Producer: "Uhh, I think it's because of that machine he has…"

"Eh? You mean that hunk of junk actually DOES convert my insults into compliments? Well, that sucks…ICHIGO!"

(peeks from around the corner) Ichigo: "Yes?"

"Get rid of that machine, will ya?"

Ichigo: "And why should I do that?"

"I'm going to make Urahara cry."

Ichigo: "You can't do that. I've tried already, the guy's unbreakable."

"Wanna bet? If you get rid of that machine, I'll make Urahara cry for you…"

Ichigo: (lifts eyebrow)

"I'll throw in $5"

Ichigo: "DONE!!" (runs up and stomps on the Insult Converter till it's in tiny pieces)

"Now that was just uncalled for…"

Ichigo: "Sorry, but seeing you cry AND $5 was too much to pass up. (looks up at camera) Do continue."

"Thanks Ichigo! Now where was I? Oh yeah. Kisuke Urahara…he used to wet his bed until he was 18."

Yoruichi: "Haha, I remember that…"

"Hey…it was a serious problem, OK?"

"Ew. Too much info. Kisuke Urahara…every night, he cries himself to sleep, cause no one loves him."

"N-no I don't!"

Yoruichi: "Yes you do! I even video taped it. I have the tape right here. (holds up tape).

Suddenly, Ichigo runs from out of nowhere and snatches it.

Ichigo: "I'm gonna put this on youtube!!"

"ICHIGO!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!"

"My, my, my, aren't we touchy?"

"Hey, I have a reputation to uphold! Gorgeous women watch youtube! And if they see me crying at night, I'll never get a girlfriend!!"

Yoruichi: "(mumbling) As if you'd get a girlfriend now…"

"What was that?!"

Yoruichi: "Nothing!"

"Mm hm…Kisuke Urahara…his favorite past-time growing up was playing house…"

"There's nothing wrong with 'house!'"

"…as the mommy!"

"So what? (looks hurt) I had a very maternal instinct as a child! Yoruichi told you, didn't she?!"

"No. You did, just now."

"(tearing up) You're hurting my feelings."

"Wow. I didn't think THAT was possible."

"Well it is…I'm very sensitive!"

"Are you mad because I had Ichigo smash your machine?"

"(sniffs) Kind of…"

"Is your self-esteem so low, that you need a machine to turn insults into praise?"

(nods head)

"Wow, this is easier than I thought…HEY EVERYONE…LET'S ALL LAUGH AT KISUKE CAUSE HE HAS NO SELF ESTEEM!!!!"

"NOOOOOO!!! I can't go back to that!! I WON'T go back to that!!! You're all so mean to me!!!! (runs away crying)"

"………Wow, that was satisfying…Alright, stay tuned for when I have Toshi on!"

Toshiro: "You better not be referring to me…(starts gripping Hyouinmaru)"

"Oops, gotta go! Seeya next time!!!"