At his appointment the following week, Martin shared the conversation he'd had with Louisa about his parents and the story of his mother's last day under his roof. Dr. Engelmann was impressed. "You did well, Martin. You're finally admitting your feelings, even the negative ones to your wife. She needs to hear these things, not only so she can understand but because in sharing our deepest secrets and fears, we build a bond with another."
"Yes, er…I can see that. We are…talking more and things are…calmer between us."
"Good, glad to hear your hard working is getting results."
"Another thing happened…" Martin started to say and then quieted.
"Oh? And what was that?"
Reluctantly he said, "My Aunt Ruth told Louisa not to expect me to change really, that my responses might change but I'll always be… me." He felt hopeless as he conveyed the thought.
Engelmann studied him for a long moment. "That's probably true in part. But it is really up to you, isn't it? Change is a part of life, isn't it…for various reasons? I don't see why you can't make significant changes, in your demeanor for instance, without changing who you are fundamentally."
Martin frowned. "But I want to be …" he quieted again, unable to say what he'd been thinking since their talk Sunday night.
"What Martin? Who do you want to be?"
"Well, more…sociable, more extroverted… like Danny Steele."
"Danny Steele?"
"Oh..erm…yes. He um… he proposed to Louisa…before I did." Oh why the hell did he blurt out that imbecile's name? Because Louisa liked him, enjoyed his company, that's why…
"Did she accept this Mr. Steele?"
Martin looked up at Engelmann sharply. "Oh course not! She wouldn't be married to me if she had…"
"Doesn't that suggest to you that she found him lacking in some way?"
Looking aside, Martin felt the impact of that thought. She had sent Danny away. He thought back to that evening, the one where she told him Danny was gone; the one when she told him there were twenty things about him that were crap but at least he was Martin through and through, the one when she'd gotten him drunk and he'd confessed his feelings. And he remembered the next day when she told him she loved him too. He hadn't believed it; he still struggled with believing it.
"Seems to me," Engelmann continued when Martin didn't speak, "that she chose you. I wonder why that is?" He left the question dangling and ended the session.
Martin was thinking about the entire conversation as he left Engelmann's office. Louisa had chosen him when she could have had a much more agreeable bloke. Why? His own mother never wanted him, why would Louisa? How could she choose him over someone much more companionable? He was rubbish as a mate although they did seem to be creating a bond, feeling closer. Things were better.
Driving down the road to get to the main road back to Portwenn, he passed a flower shop. A memory flashed through his mind, the evening of their engagement when he'd brought a bouquet of flowers to Louisa at Bert's restaurant. She had been pleased, happy that he had brought her flowers. He'd spoiled it when he told her they were from a patient.
Turning the car around, he drove back to the flower shop and stopped. Inside, he looked around. They had roses in all colors. But roses seemed so commonplace. There was nothing commonplace about Louisa so he quickly dismissed them.
A clerk asked if she could help but Martin realized he was once again clueless. What kind of flowers would she like? Finally the clerk suggested that they could make up a bouquet from the flowers in the cooler. Leading him to the back, she showed him all the possibilities. There were so many colors; it was very confusing. But then he had an idea…
Arriving back at the surgery, he entered through the back looking for his little family. Finding no one downstairs, he wondered if Louisa and James might be upstairs. But a search of those two rooms was fruitless. He'd just gone back down when she and James came in through the front. "Martin," she said with a smile, her eyes lighting as she saw him.
Martin was standing there, frozen in his spot as she walked in pushing James' pram. He'd quickly put his hands behind his back, holding the bouquet out of her sight. But when she smiled at him, he relaxed and slowly pulled the bouquet around, offering it to her. He felt foolish standing there, so obviously in awe of his wife, so eager to make her happy; foolish and hopeful.
Her face lit up as she saw the flowers. "Oh Martin, they are beautiful!" She reached for them and as she took them from him, she looked up at him with glowing eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. Her smile, her soft words felt like the greatest treasure he'd ever been given.
"I wasn't sure…didn't know what colors you would like," he offered awkwardly. "But then I remembered your dress … the one with the flowers on it." He felt like he was babbling but he couldn't help it; she liked his gift of flowers and it made him exultant. "You look so nice in that dress and you seem to like it and so I…"
She stopped him there with a kiss, a very suggestive kiss. And he decided that was even better than her smile.
Things around the cottage began to relax even more through the rest of the week and into the weekend. On Sunday, the little family went for a picnic out at the farm, confident they wouldn't be disturbed. James had fallen asleep on the blanket next to Louisa and she was staring out at the sea, a content expression on her face. Martin was staring at her, marveling that this beautiful woman was here with him. He didn't think he would ever believe he actually deserved this… her. She turned and smiled at him warmly and before he knew it, his mouth had uttered the words, "Louisa, I love you. I am lost without you."
Her kiss in response was even better than the one she had given him for the flowers. Perhaps this wasn't so difficult after all, this sharing business. He thought about all that he was learning, how to be a better husband. She deserved a better husband, someone better than he. But she had chosen him. The thought frightened him a little still but as he watched her with James as he woke, Martin knew he could never be happy without her and that he would do anything to keep their little family together.
