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stressedasalways


Previously in Chapter 6 – Off Course

I was only used to having two people watch me sleep. Alice had done it during the summer when I recovered, and again last night. The other person…well I chose not to think about it. I was used to Alice, she tended not to watch me and do other things. But I could feel Emmett just watching my every move.

"Can't sleep with me watching you?" he laughed

"It's proving to be quite difficult"

"Okay, I'll keep watch outside then, I'll come back when you're passed out"

Before I could agree I felt I slight breeze and heard the window close. I quickly got myself comfortable and fell asleep with ease


I awoke feeling quite refreshed. I began to stretch my arms when I heard a shuffle.

"Morning Emmett"

"Morning Bella"

"Status report?" I laughed.

"Charlie went out fishing just before the sun came up, nothing else to report"

I nodded and he was gone. I guess to give me my privacy. I still didn't trust him though, and took my clothes with me into the bathroom.

--+--

Today I decided to keep my promise to Charlie. I was going to cook him meals for the week so he could stop living off TV dinners.

Mike was coming over to keep me company. In all honesty I really didn't want Mike to come, if anything he would be a distraction while I tried to cook. But Angela was spending some much needed time with her family, and I just didn't feel like dealing with the Cullen's for any length of time. Mike was quite simply Cullen repellent, they would keep watch outside and would not come inside with him here.

Mike arrived shortly after I was dressed, and I got straight to work. As expected he wasn't much of a help. He sucked at measuring, chopping and even stirring seemed to be a disaster. Eventually just like I did in gym with him, he backed off and watched while I did all the work.

"Bella...I have something to tell you" he said with some concern in his voice.

I turned around to face him, immediately concerned as well.

"There's been some rumors…I haven't seen anything myself, but I don't see how it could be a lie. Some friends called me last night saying they saw some of the Cullen's in town." He looked at me waiting for my reaction.

Wow…That hadn't taken very long. Alice had only been in town for 36 hours, the rest barely 24. But I guess the Cullen's were not exactly the blend in type, they always stood out.

"Oh" I said with fake shock.

Mike stood up and wrapped his arms around me.

"I called around…and no ones seen…well no ones seen him. But I thought it was better you were prepared." He whispered in my ear.

I sighed and hugged him harder. The news of course was not news to me. But the caring and support that my friends had still surprised me. I could picture Mike hearing the rumor and immediately calling everyone to find out exact details.

Mike immediately changed the subject afterwards, going back to his normal goofy self doing everything in his power to make me laugh. The rest of the day flew by.

I walked Mike out to the porch and thanked him for all his help.

He hugged each other and he gave me a quick peck on the cheek before he walked down to his car.

Charlie ended up coming home later then expected. As the morning went on he said it was too cold to fish so he ended up spending the day at Billy's. I showed him his choice of meals for the week, and I had made sure I made some extras. He was extremely grateful.

--+--

When I got into my room that night Alice was there to greet me.

"No Emmett?"

"He found this particular task to be very boring"

"I figured as much" I laughed. "The people in town are talking already"

"Yeah, I heard."

"Have you figured out a story?"

"Christmas in only a few weeks away, Esme didn't want to have one without snow" she smiled, the lie so naturally flowing from her.

Ahh yes, that's right. Carlisle was supposed to be working in L.A. A simple, yet believable lie that they would miss the winter weather.

"We will be watching from a distance while you're at school. There's no reason for any of us to be there so we will be more discreet then we were this weekend."

"Of course" I yawned.

"Sleep well Bella"

--+--

Another Monday morning began just like all the other crappy Monday mornings. The sky was gray as usual, and a fresh dusting of snow covered the ground.

I arrived at school and could see Mike and Angela already waiting for me in the courtyard. I waved from the truck as I grabbed my knapsack and headed over to greet them.

I got to the centre of the lot when I heard a familiar, "Bella?" whispered behind me.

Butterflies were in my stomach. How had I not prepared myself for this moment? I turned around slowly, and there was Edward staring right back at me.

A million emotions and feelings flooded over me. I wanted to smile, to cry, to scream, I wanted to jump into his arms and breathe in his heavenly scent, I wanted to push him away, slap him across the face, even though I knew I'd only hurt myself in the process.

I thought about just turning and running away, or grabbing his hair in my hands and pressing his lips against my own. This was the moment, either way I looked at it, I had been waiting for since the day he left, and I was at a total loss on how to react. My mind continued to stutter when he spoke again.

"Bella are you okay?" his voice was soft and low with concern mixed in.

I quickly took the whole situation in. He looked almost dirty and unkempt. No one else would have noticed. I was so used to him looking like perfection, but his clothes were wrinkled and well worn. He hadn't fed in a while, but I had definitely seen him worse.

I then could see the crowd slowly forming around the two of us. This was a big event for the student body, the guilty party in their favorite real life soap opera had returned.

"How dare you even ask that?" Even though my mind was reeling, my anger was still in control.

I saw the student's eyes around me go wide, apparently they were expecting a water works show. They would be sorely disappointed. I refused to cry now, not in front of him.

He looked shocked and saddened by my answer. Before he had a chance to speak again Mike was slightly in front of me, putting himself between us. He reached back and grabbed my hand, and I held on tightly.

I did it in spite of him. He tried to keep his stone mask on, but I saw the small crack before he recovered. I didn't know if he loved me anymore, but I knew his jealousy would never go away. I was pleased I was right.

"I think you should leave" Mike sneered at Edward.

I felt Angela on my other side as she locked her arm into mine. I glanced at her and saw the evil stare she was sending Edward's way.

Edward just stared at Mike with complete anger in his eyes. I looked around panicked and could see faint white glows in the forest. Some of the Cullen's were here, but they weren't going to come out if they didn't have to. I needed to end this before it went any further.

"Leave Edward! Just…go…home!" I said trying my hardest not to have my voice crack.

He looked right at me again and I almost melted into a puddle right on the ground.

He gave me one more intense burning look before he turned around and broke through the crowd that had formed, walking away with a quick pace.

As soon as he was past the crowd Mike wrapped his arm around my waist while Angela remained locked on my arm as he helped me into the school.

My mind went blank, I could hear both him and Angela telling people to go away and leave me alone. I even heard the bell ring which made their fight easier.

They had brought me to the empty cafeteria and sat me down. I leaned my elbow on the table and rested my head in my hand. I could feel Mike sit beside me with his arm still around my waist. Angela was now sitting across from me holding my other hand tightly.

It felt like my body was ripping into two.

One half of me loathed him, despised him, wanted to hurt him. I could remember the painful words he had said in the forest, how he had left me. I remembered every terrifying thing he had done since then. He had destroyed me, and stolen me. I was no longer a whole person because of him. This side of me got joy out of making his perfect façade crack. On this side of me there was no remorse for the hate I felt.

The other half was a different me. It was the Bella that existed in the meadow with him. The Bella who was on the same track as him and his family. I loved him unendingly. This side of me would never hate him, no matter what he did to me. I remembered every kiss and hug and caress of my cheek. This side of me hoped he didn't think I was with Mike, that he knew I never moved on because there was no one to move on to. I longed to hold him in my arms and beg him to never leave me again.

Tears began to fall down my cheeks. No matter how I tried I couldn't suppress either side of me. I couldn't hate him fully because I still loved him. But I couldn't love him freely because I despised him. I was stuck in a horrible limbo.

Through my thoughts I could hear Mike and Angela debating taking me home. I told them no, I wanted to stay here, I just needed some more time.

A whole eternity if I was ever going to try and figure this all out.

--+--

ALICE'S POV

Jasper and Emmett quickly grabbed him once he was close enough to the woods.

"What the hell are you doing," I hissed, "Carlisle told you to meet him at the house!"

He didn't even struggle beneath their grip. I could see he was still the broken man I had last seen months ago.

"I was told there was an emergency in Forks. That could only mean one thing…one person…I don't understand why you all called me to come here…She is alive…She is fine…She has another…" His voice cracked and he didn't finish that thought. "Did you think it would be amusing for me to see this? As if I'm not in enough pain?"

I decided not to bother to use my voice. It took too long.

"No… You're seeing the story from the wrong side…She is not safe, she is not fine, and she has not found another"

"I can see you know! Plus I can hear his thoughts" he said solemnly and broken.

"She is not with him. Not in the slightest. He may want other things, but he is just her friend. He was just protecting her…But this is of no importanceEdward please listen to me, she is in grave danger, someone is after her and there using you to hurt her!"

"Using me? Using me how?" I instantly had his full attention.

I closed my eyes and remembered my initial vision that brought me back to Forks. How I had found Bella broken in her room. I remembered her telling of what had happened, and again remembered her anger the next day at the house.

I opened my eyes and saw him starting to struggle in Jasper and Emmett's arms.

"No! No! I didn't do any of those things. I would never do that!" he screamed.

"Calm down Edward, we know that" Jasper said.

"Then why did you allow her to believe it?"

"We had nothing else to tell her. She is already hurt because of what happened, and it's just easier for her to believe there all connected."

"But they're not! I never wanted to hurt her!" Edward dropped to the ground burying his face in his hands.

"Edward, we never said we agreed with her. That's why she stormed out yesterday. But in her mind there can be no other explanation. And you can't blame her for coming to that conclusion. She's being tortured by memories of you. Whoever is doing this knows about us Edward, there using her to get to us. We need to stop this, because she cannot take much more" I begged him.

"You're here now. You can help. We need to get to Carlisle and discuss options" Emmett told him.

Edward was quickly on his feet, determination in his eyes as we all ran full speed to our old home.

"I really missed you"

"Me too" he whispered as we continued to run.

--+--

When we got to the house the rest of them were awaiting our arrival.

Esme was the first to reach Edward. She placed her hands on either side of his solemn face and stared into his eyes, not saying a word out loud.

Edward looked to the floor, "I'm sorry Mum"

Esme continued to hold onto Edward continuing her silent conversation about how much she missed him I was sure. Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, no doubt echoing Esme's thoughts.

When there conversation ended I saw Rosalie staring fiercely at Edward. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know the thoughts she was sending him. We all knew how she felt about the situation and as much as Esme may have begged her to not bring it up right away, I knew Rosalie was giving Edward a very large piece of her mind.

Just as I was about to look into the future to see where this confrontation may be headed, Rosalie scoffed off to the other room. She had said what she wanted, and Edward continued to stare ahead into nothing with overwhelming sadness in his eyes.

As we sat in the living room I was quick to sit beside him and grab hold of his hand. It pained me to see him like this. In the months he had been gone I found it unbearable to think of how he was feeling. I had kept my word and had never looked into his future, and for the first time I was glad I had listened.

Seeing Edward so broken and pained now, he looked worse then I had imagined. I remembered the night he told me of his plan. I tried so hard to talk him out of it. I knew Bella would have an unbearable time coping with him leaving. Even more so I knew how impossible it would be for him. We had all tried to tell him how love in our existence was so powerful, and that time would never make it go away.

He knew when he left that night he was condemning himself to an eternity of misery. I still didn't know how he could do it. I understood that he did it with Bella's safety and well-being in mind, but to actually go through with it seemed so impossible.

I couldn't imagine a world where I wasn't with my Jasper. And I could never in all my existence imagine willingly walking away from him. How Edward had done it I would never know.

I remembered the night he returned after telling Bella. The others had already left, but I waited for him with Jasper. I didn't want him to be alone when he came home for the last time. I had kept my word that night as well and had never looked into the future that whole day to see how he would tell her. Now that I had heard the story from Bella I wondered even more how he had done it.

I had assumed he would tell her the truth. Tell her he was leaving for her own safety. Yes, she would still be in pain and would still hate him for it, but Edward knew he couldn't do that. He wanted her to move on, even though it broke him to think that. He knew if he told the truth she would argue with him, and he may have failed in his mission. Even if he did pull it off, she would be left with hope.

It sounds like such a ridiculous thing, to leave someone with hope being a bad thing. But I understood now why Edward didn't want to do that. If Bella was given even the slightest hope he may return she would wait forever, never even trying to move on.

My poor brother. How it must have killed him all over again to look into her eyes and tell her those blatant lies. To see her break down, and with every part of himself wanting to comfort her and tell her it was all a horrible lie. But instead he had to walk away, knowing the pain he was leaving her in was his last memory of her.

After months I finally knew the whole story. Now I know why when he returned that night he had decided he would not be coming with the rest of us. He never wanted us to know what he had to do to protect her.

The rest of the family began discussing their plans, and what we had been doing since we arrived.

"Won't she be even more terrified now that she's seen me?" Edward said with such pain.

I knew the others were desperately trying to think of what to tell him. Luckily for them it was then I got a vision.

"She's going to come here to see you" I said firmly.

I could see in my vision two options Bella was deciding between. One option was to just go home after work and hope we knew to keep him away from her. The other choice was her driving here herself after work tonight. Although Bella had not made a firm decision between the two, I kept seeing the second vision more frequently. Plus I knew Bella, I knew she would eventually decide to come.

"Why?" he asked wondering how she could willingly come to the person she felt was trying to hurt her.

It amazed me how he could not see or understand how much Bella loved him. It took everything to not laugh at his question.

How inexperienced my dear brother was in love. Yes she was angry and upset. A part of her even truly believed that Edward was trying to torture her. But above all else, a large part of her loved him with all of her heart. How could he not understand that the love she felt was just as his love for her was?

As much as Bella was dreading seeing him, as much as she felt that he was causing her pain, her love for him was just as equally strong. Just like before when Bella was willing to die for Edward. She was still feeling the exact same way, even if it was Edward who could possibly be the cause.

I kept him blocked out of my thoughts and just replied simply, "Because she will."

I couldn't help but smile as I said it.

--+--

BELLA'S POV

By the time second period rolled around I had composed myself enough to go to class. By the look I got from the teacher it was obvious the entire school knew of Edward's return.

My mind raced thinking of seeing him that morning. He had looked so…wrong. No ones else would have ever noticed, on a bad day he still looked more put together then any one in the school. But something was just off…he looked so sad.

My heart immediately raced, unable to deal with the thought of him being in pain.

What was wrong with me? How could I be so afraid of him, yet so drawn in to comfort him all at the same time? I was the one who was hurting, I was the one left behind, he had no right.

By the time lunch came around the thought of sitting in the cafeteria with everyone's eyes on me was extremely unappealing. I let Angela know I was just going to eat in my truck away from the gossip.

I sat in the truck waiting. Without fail, a few seconds later I heard the passenger door open and saw Alice at my side.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

It was such a simple question, but I had no answer.

"I have no idea" I said with a sigh.

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you see me doing?"

"I see two different scenarios."

"And I'm an idiot if I do either one"

She looked at me waiting for further explanation.

"Neither one is the smart thing to do. The smart thing would be me running and screaming. To be terrified, to be in hysterics. The smart thing is not for me to go home pretending I didn't see him, waiting for him to make his next move… The smart thing is definitely not me going to go see him willingly, when I can't think of one thing to say to him…So either way I'm an idiot"

I sat my head back on the headrest with my eyes closed. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It felt like my body and mind were on pause, waiting for me to decide what they were supposed to do. I had no natural instincts anymore.

Before I had even realized it, I heard the bell ring in the distance. Had I seriously been thinking this whole time without getting any closer to a decision?

Alice gave me a quick understanding smile as I left the truck and headed back to class.

--+--

With my head in such deep thought the rest of school went by in a blur. At least I still had a few hours of thinking at work. For the most part Mike left me alone. He understood why I'd be stuck in my head. Of course he'd never guess in a million years what I was actually debating doing in my head.

When work was over I sat in my truck still with no idea what I was going to do. Should I go home, or go to the Cullen's. Before I had even known what I was going to do, I saw that I was already pulling into their entryway.

Alice was standing there waiting for me as I got out of the truck.

"You had me guessing right until the very end" she said as she grabbed my hand and began leading me into the house.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Was I really about to go in and see him? I don't even remember deciding to do this.

Alice began pulling on my arm and before I knew it I was in the house, staring at Edward from across the living room.

Alice squeezed my hand before she disappeared. It was just me and him.

My mind began to race, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. The silence continued for minutes and I could see the pain grow on his face.

I stepped forward automatically but stopped myself from going more then a step. Was I actually about to go comfort him because I saw the pain in his face?

Was that my natural reaction?

What if they had all been right? What if he did still love me?

But what about all that had happened these past few weeks? There were only two logical explanations. Either he was doing this to me or I was going insane.

How I longed to be crazy!

No. I had tried so hard to keep myself sane, how could I just be willing to throw it all away?

"Bella?" his heavenly voice broke through my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. My name being said by him hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Bella please look at me"

I opened my eyes tentatively.

"I just want to explain…"

"No." I whispered, as I could feel the tears beginning to come.

I wasn't ready for this. I had made a hasty decision. My heart had longed to see him so much I forgot the reason I was actually here.

I was not ready to hear what he had to say. There were only two outcomes to this conversation. Either my worst fear was true and he really had been the cause of my mental anguish, or I had actually lost my mind. Both options meant Edward would never be mine again.

I wasn't ready to hear the truth. Before he could speak another word I ran out of the house and drove home.

--+--

ALICE'S POV

We all came down the stairs as we heard Bella leave.

Edward stood pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's time" he said..

No! No Edward we have to able to do something else to help her!

"There's nothing more we can do" he said sadly with a sigh.