Noretta
When Barney describes his plans with Nora for the night – including Booty Town, the Long Thighland Express Way, and Breastport – Robin drums her fingers on her scotch glass and feels a little like throwing up. It's bad enough that she – in some sick masochistic, self-torturing way – can't keep herself from picturing it whenever she sees the two of them together. The last thing she needs is to hear him describe it, brag about it in detail.
But when Barney immediately follows it up by announcing that after two months he still hasn't slept with Nora, Robin is genuinely surprised. She'd just assumed they were having wild sex every night, because after all this is Barney…..And that's what they did when they were dating.
Her first thought is, thank god. That is until she tells disobedient little inner-Robin to shut up and take a seat. She has Kevin now. And to prove it she rubs his arm, holds on to him tight, tells herself this doesn't hurt at all. But when James tells them he just doesn't like Barney with "that girl" she can't stop herself from passively aggressively chiming in about "her mousy little nose" and "the way she does everything perfectly". What's not to like, indeed.
Once she finally gets a hold of inner-Robin again, she plans a "date night" with Kevin, because Barney's not the only one with a significant other. But when it comes down to it, it's much easier to let herself feel sorry for Ted, to give herself that excuse for distance, than it is to go to Booty Town with Kevin. Looking after Ted, watching movies together and giving him a massage, that feels comfortable, because they're friends and he needs her and sometimes it's nice having him there as a buffer in those moments when she's self-aware enough to realize she's playing a dangerous game here.
Later that night, when Barney tells them all he was successful in bedding Nora – complete with celebratory air guitar – Robin's heart breaks and bleeds a little more, but she holds all the tighter onto Kevin's arm.
