"Lyke, teh owch!1"

Maryellen Susannah weaved her fingers through her cascade of gold in an attempt to find the source of pain. She split her head wide open and as she was processing the whole predicament, her once golden hair was slowly changing into a bright pink. Maryellen Susannah, like any other Mary Sue, had bright pink blood flowing through her veins.

It wasn't the loss of blood that caused Maryellen Susannah to pass out, so much as it was the smell.

Maryellen Susannah awoke days later, the smell of her own blood still lingering in her nostrils. Maryellen Susannah didn't lose any memory. Besides, she didn't have a brain to hold any memory. The only damage done was the gash on her head and the partly pink hair.

"Lyke, teh wut happind?/"

"You fell, Blondie."

It was Susan. Only much less bitter.

"Listen, Blondie, I apologize for being so rude earlier."

"Lyke, teh itz ok."

"I… well, I… I was wondering… I was wondering if we…"

"If we culd b frendz?/"

"Yes."

"Lyke, teh shur. I ges. Y nawt?"

Susan felt a wave of relief come over her, which she expressed in a single sigh. The two former nemeses sat in utter, awkward silence until Susan decided she'd done her part and left.

"Lyke, she iz soooooo plaeyn!11 Imma giv her a maykova!11"

A long painful silence was subsequent to Maryellen Susannah's important decision, a silence so agonizing, it suffocated Maryellen Susannah.

Meanwhile, the bitter and resentful was attempting to talk some (common) sense into Peter, who was lovestruck and could only speak of how Maryellen Susannah was "perfect in every way".

"Peter, can't you see? She's brain washed you!"

"Has not! You're just jealous."

Peter spat the word out like a piece of Maryellen Susannah's super-mega-sugary-pink bubble-gum.

"Am not! You're being ridiculous. Have you ever noticed that every time someone with a name like Maryanne Suzanne or Mary-Jane Susie, you go completely bonkers? Susan, Lucy, and I have noticed a pattern. They're all Mary Sues!"

"Well Maryellen Susannah is not a Mary Sue! I don't even know what that is."

And so Edmund began the rather long explanation that is the only way to explain precisely what a Mary Sue is.

"Mary Sues are unhealthily obsessed fan girls. Narnian Mary Sues tend to take your character to their fancy. They're so perfect it's rather obnoxious, but no one ever notices their flaws, like the fact that they have unusually low IQ levels, that they can't spell or talk properly, and that their thoughts and sentences have typos, although it's humanly impossible to spell a sentence wrong if you're speaking.

"Mary Sues possess special abilities that enable them to get whomever or whatever they desire. In most cases, that would be you…"

Peter was listening intently, all traces of lovestruckness gradually vanishing from his eyes. As Edmund rambled on and on about Mary Sues and their nature, Peter only heard a few sentences out of all… ten thousand?

"And they bleed pink blood… and they are extremely erotic… they always call you "Peteykinz"… their shoes are too tall… they can never decide what color their eyes are… they adore anything pink, furry, expensive, or Peter-related… and… Peter, are you listening?"

"Yes?"

"Alright, then. You understand now?"

Peter nodded, finally realizing that all along his "twoo luvv" was… I don't need to explain what a Mary Sue is again, do I?