So this is turning out to be a fun week - two ten hour shifts and today was particularly bad but editing this has certainly cheered me up, hope you all enjoy it too

"And they have this book where they've written lots of nasty comments about a load of the boys in our school." I told Hikaru the following evening. I had spent most of the evening at Kyoya's then the next day at school the twins had asked if I wanted to go shopping with them after the day was over. I had a suspicious feeling it was partially so that Hikaru could grill me about being with Kyoya, after my trip to 'Host Land' but it was nice to be spending time with them.

"What does it say about us?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes.

"You weren't in it." I lied.

"Those dicks." he muttered darkly.

"Will this minimise my pours?" Kaoru asked popping out from behind a display of various skin-care products and other stuff that middle aged women pay extortionate prices for. Hikaru took the bottle and gave it a cursory glance.

"No, that's for feet." he said before turning back to me. "Haruhi you've got to steal that book."

"What? No."

"Oh come on!" he exclaimed. "You do and we can publish it then everyone can see what an axe-wound he really is."

"No!" I said again. "I don't steal from people… even people like Kyoya." It's true I had seen a nasty side to Kyoya while at his house but I had caved into Peer Pressure once already this week, I didn't want to make a habit of it. While Hikaru and I had been talking Kaoru had been playing around, spraying Hikaru with various different hair conditioners. Hikaru turned to him.

"Will you stop that?" he snapped before turning back to me again. "Listen Haruhi there are two kinds of evil people in this world: people who do evil stuff – like Kyoya... and like, Hitler – and people who see evil stuff being done and don't do anything to stop it."

"Does that mean I'm morally obliged to burn that couple in the matching outfits?" Kaoru asked pointing over to our left. I turned to look but Hikaru grabbed my chin and turned my face back so I was looking at him again.

"If you can get that close to Kyoya Ootori that he already has you dressed like one of them then you have a responsibility to mess with him." he said. I moved my chin out of his grip.

"I'll observe that's all." I told him firmly. He snorted derisively.

"Fine, let me know when you've grown some balls." he said. I just raised an eyebrow at him. Clearly he still thought I was actually a boy and I couldn't be bothered to correct him as he was talking about metaphorical balls in this instance. Before I could say anything though an exclamation from Kaoru made us both look round.

"Oh my god!"

"What?" Hiakru asked as we both turned to see.

"That's Mr Norbury and Miss Duval!" he exclaimed pointing at the couple in matching outfits. As it turned out they weren't matching outfits they were just wearing the same colour, which was a small mercy really. Kaoru's exclamation had, however, alerted them to the fact that we were standing there watching them and they made their way over to us.

"Hi guys," Mr Norbury said grinning at us. "how's it going?"

"It's good." Hikaru said although it was clear from his tone that he was very uncomfortable being in this conversation.

"Doing a bit of shopping?" Kaoru asked cheerily. Obviously he wasn't as uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Miss Duval said. "it's date night on Saturday so we were looking for some edible massage oil."

"Sorry?" I asked, not totally sure I had heard that right. I don't know if teachers are allowed to say stuff like that to students even if it is outside of school hours. Both Hikaru and Kaoru looked uncomfortable now. Mr Norbury laughed loudly.

"We're kidding." he said. "You know sometimes older people like to make jokes."

"Our Great Aunt takes her wig off when she's drunk." Kaoru stated.

"Your Great Aunt and I have that in common." Miss Duval said seriously. Mr Norbury turned to me.

"You know Haruhi I really hope you do join the debate team." he said. "It would be great to have someone new on the team… you know so that the rest of the team could meet someone new."

"Sure thing." I smiled. "It sounds like fun."

"You can't join the debate team!" Kaoru said hurriedly. "It's social suicide!" Mr Norbury sighed.

"Thanks for that." he said. Kaoru shrugged apologetically.

"Well," Miss Duval said breaking the short silence that followed. "this has been sufficiently awkward, we'll see you guys later."

"See you tomorrow." Mr Norbury said over his shoulder as they left. We sent a chorus of 'bye' after them then waited until they were out of sight.

"I love seeing teachers outside of school." Kaoru stated. "It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs."

"It's creepy." Hiakru said flatly before turning to me. "So when are you going to see Kyoya again?"

"I'm not." I replied. "I'm not going to spy on him anymore, it's weird."

"Oh come on!" Hikaru whined. "It's not as if he's ever going to find out."

"You realise this is how sociopaths start out." I said but he ignored me.

"Come on, it will be like our little secret."


I was at home, alone, studying later that night when the phone rang. I figured that it was just Dad calling me to tell me that he would be working late so I didn't think too much of it when I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"I know your secret." Kyoya's voice said. I almost dropped the phone in surprise. Firstly how did he get my phone number and secondly how did he know about what Hikaru was planning. Okay, calm down, you don't actually know that that's what he's talking about so play it cool and pretend you have no idea what he's on about. Plausible deniability – what can go wrong?

"Sorry what are you talking about?" I asked.

"Mori told me that you've been talking to Tamaki." Kyoya said. I let out a breath of relief. God, I had thought it was something important.

"And?" I asked.

"You know me and him used to be friends, right?" Kyoya asked as if that would sway my decision to be nice to one of my classmates.

"Mori-Sempai did mention it in passing." I said. I was going to play this plausible deniability to the hilt.

"I don't care, do whatever you want but let me tell you something about Tamaki." Kyoya said. "All he ever talks about is his mother, his dog and France."

"Why France?" I asked. That out of those three options seemed the most random.

"But if you're content to put up with that then I'm not going to stop you." Kyoya said.

"O…k." I replied. He said it like if he had had a huge problem with it then I would have stopped talking to him. This guy is kind of deluded.

"But aren't you really angry at Mori for telling me?" Kyoya asked. I furrowed my brow even though I knew he couldn't see me. This conversation was just getting weirder and weirder by the minute.

"About what?" I asked.

"About you talking to Tamaki." Kyoya stated.

"Not really," I replied. "We have classes together, it's hardly a huge secret."

"Yeah but to go behind your back like that," Kyoya said. "don't you think it was a bit of a dick move?"

"I guess it was kind of a dick move, I don't know." I replied shrugging, again even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"You can tell me if you are mad." Kyoya said in a tone that sounded like sweetness. Was he recording this call to play to Mori later?

"I'm fine, really." I said again and then without thinking I continued. "I guess he's just kind of immature like that."

"See Mori I told you he wouldn't be mad at you." Kyoya said brightly.

"I can't believe you think I'm immature!" Mori's voice cried from what I assumed was another line before it clicked and I heard the dial tone.

"What…" I began but Kyoya cut me off.

"See you tomorrow." he said in that same overly bright tone before hanging up.

I stood there with the phone pressed against my ear, just listening to the dial tone, for a good couple of minutes trying to process what the hell had just happened before I gave up. I put the phone down and slumped against the wall, completely drained. I had survived my first three-way calling attack and it wasn't actually as bad as I had thought it was going to be. It did, however, leave me with one burning question: how did either of them get my home phone number in the first place?

Ouran: where your classmates can get easy access to your personal information... apparently