Friends: The One With All The Badminton
[Scene: Central Perk; Monica and Chandler are sitting on the center couch. Monica is drinking coffee and Chandler's arm is around her. The twins are in a joint stroller, sleeping next to the couch. Chandler looks at his watch]
Chandler: Unbelievable. We make an effort to be here on time and they don't even show up!
Monica: Come on, they'll be here. They're just running late.
Chandler: Well, now I'm not sorry we were late last time.
(Chandler shifts on the couch and folds his arms across his chest and Monica rolls her eyes. Monica looks into one of the strollers and makes baby noises when Ross and Rachel walk in)
Rachel: Monica! Chandler! Sorry we're late.
Ross: Yeah, sorry. We totally lost track of time. We didn't mean to keep you waiting. Hey, Chandler-
(Chandler looks away from Ross and Ross sighs)
Ross: Chandler...
Monica: Don't mind him. He's sleep deprived.
(Ross nods and sits down on the armchair while Rachel sits on the arm. Chandler looks at Monica and scoffs)
Monica: Did I offend you?
(Chandler looks at everyone and then back at Monica)
Chandler: Yeah, don't mind me. I'm sleep deprived...
Monica: Anyway, how have you guys been? What's it like living together again?
Rachel: It's great. I honestly don't know why we didn't do it sooner. I mean, why did I even move out in the first place?
Chandler: Oh, well because Ross was always really jealous and it got on your nerves.
(Ross gives Chandler a look to tell him to stop, but he doesn't acknowledge him. Rachel looks at Chandler and tilts her head)
Chandler: Oh come on, you remember! You gave some guy your number and Ross never gave it to you.
(Rachel looks at Chandler a little harder trying to remember and Ross tries to tell him to stop)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. And then you kissed that one guy, so you and Ross got in a fight? Remember? And you didn't want to live with him because he was so jealous and controlling, and-
Ross: Chandler!
(Rachel looks at Ross and Chandler looks at Monica)
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think I should be allowed to speak when I'm sleep deprived.
Monica: You think?
OPENING CREDITS
Ross(to Rachel): But, you see, back then... we weren't together. And that's why you were mad that I was jealous.
(Rachel says nothing and Ross sighs and clears his throat)
Ross: So-so, um... now that we are together, I'm not as vulnerable. And I'm not jealous, because I have you.
Rachel: You have me?
Ross: What? No! You-you know what I meant. I'm just saying-
(Phoebe and Mike walk in. Mike's hands are behind his back and Ross turns around)
Ross: Oh, hey! Look! It's Phoebe and Mike! Let's-let's talk to them, shall we?
Phoebe: Hey guys! We're here!
(Phoebe and Mike walk over to the couch and Chandler and Monica scoot over so they can sit down)
Phoebe: Sorry we're late, but we were a little busy at the hospital.
Monica: Why were you at the hospital?
Phoebe(acting): I don't know. Mike, why were we at the hospital?
(Mike smiles and takes his arms out from behind his back and shows them that the casts are off. Everyone reacts and starts exclaiming)
Chandler: Hey, you got your casts are off!
(Everyone stares at Chandler)
Monica: Yes, we know Captain Obvious.
(Chandler turns to Monica and gives her a look)
Chandler: I just wanted to make it clear for everyone, Sergeant Sarcastic.
Monica: Oh, I'm sarcastic?
Chandler: Hmm... do I sense a tone of... sarcasm?
(Monica scoffs, offended. Chandler gives her a yeah-that's-right look, and turns back to Mike)
Chandler: So, how do you feel?
Mike: It's actually kind of weird. I haven't used my arms in a while, so their a little... well...
(Mike gestures his head towards phoebe and she nods. She picks up one of Mike's arms and lets it fall. His arm immediately falls off the edge of the couch)
Mike: ...flimsy.
(Mike manages a smile and Phoebe giggled. She grabs his arm again and drops it. It falls of the edge of the couch again. Phoebe laughs and Mike tries to ignore it. She does it again and laughs)
Mike: Hey, Phoebe. My arm?
(Phoebe tries to stop laughing)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry Mike...
(Phoebe bites her lip in an attempt to sustain herself from laughing and looks away. Mike sighs contently now that she's done and smiles at everyone. Phoebe looks back at Mike)
Phoebe: Just one more time?
(Mike sighs)
Mike: Fine. One more time!
Phoebe: Eee!
(Phoebe does it again and laughs. She tries to stop laughing)
Phoebe: OK. OK. I'm done.
Mike: Thanks.
(Mike kisses her on the cheek when Joey walks in)
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Rachel: Hi.
(Joey nods at everyone and pulls out the chair at the table on the left and sits down)
Joey: Sorry I'm late everyone.
Monica: Oh, that's OK. Don't worry about it.
Chandler(sarcastic): Yeah, don't worry about it. It's not like we had to get up earlier and miss out on sleep, just so we could come here and have a cup of coffee with all of you.
(Monica turns to Chandler)
Monica: OK, you need to stop.
Chandler(ashamed): I know.
(Joey sighs and Monica turns around)
Monica: Is something wrong?
Rachel: Yeah, what's up?
Joey: Well, the reason I was late was because I was waiting for Danielle to come back to the apartment so we could come here together.
Ross: Where is she?
Joey: I don't know. Still at work I guess.
(Everyone nods)
Joey: I don't know why, though. I mean, it's Saturday, but she always goes to the office to do her work.
(Everyone nods and Joey sighs)
Joey: I think she might have a problem. Like, she works all the time. She's like an alcoholic... but instead of being addicted to drinking, she's addicted to working. I mean, is there a word for that?
(Rachel looks up and then back at Joey)
Rachel: Work addict, maybe?
Joey: No...
Ross: Workaholic?
Joey: Alright, now you're just making up words!
(Joey laughs and everyone rolls their eyes when Danielle walks in, Audrey behind her. Joey sees her and stands up, almost too quickly, knocking his knee on the table. The coffee that was already on the table, shakes from the table, and some of it spills out. Joey fumbles to keep everything still. He slowly steps back, to make sure it's not going to move, and turns around to Danielle. He clears his throat)
Joey: Hey Danielle.
(Danielle smiles)
Danielle: Hi Joey. I brought Audrey, just in case you had to work on some audition stuff.
(Joey looks and Audrey and she fakes a smile)
Audrey: Yup. That's what I'm here for. Audition stuff...
(Joey nods, and quickly turns back to Danielle. Audrey sighs)
Joey: Come on, let's go sit down.
(Joey puts his hand behind Danielle and leads the to the table. He pulls out a chair for her and she sits down. As Joey sits down, Audrey looks for a seat but can't find one)
Audrey: I'll just stand...
(Chandler leans forward and looks at Danielle and Audrey)
Chandler: Wait a second. Joey, you can't just bring in two new people to our group like this.
(Joey looks at him, confused)
Joey: What are you talking about?
Chandler: I mean, it's fine if your, you know, dating someone. Then they can sit with us at the coffeehouse, but you can't just invite two people over who either aren't the six of us, or dating the six of us.
Mike: Yeah! When Phoebe and I broke up, I wasn't able to hang out with you guys.
Chandler: Thank you, Mike. See? I'm right.
Rachel: Well, actually Chandler, I don't think you have a say in the six of us anymore, because you moved away.
(Joey points at Rachel)
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Oh, so my opinion doesn't matter anymore?
Monica: Chandler, I love you... but did it really ever matter?
(Chandler, offended, inhales and begins to say something, but doesn't. He exhales deeply)
Chandler: Yeah, I guess you're right...
(Monica nods)
Joey: Besides, I was going to invite Danielle...
(He turns to Audrey)
Joey: ...and Audrey, to uh, Thanksgiving.
(Audrey smiles)
Danielle: Really?
Joey: Of course, your my roommate, why wouldn't I invite you?
(Danielle smiles and Monica leans forward)
Monica: Wait a second. I'm gonna have to cook Thanksgiving dinner for...
(Monica counts everyone)
Monica: Oh my God, nine people?
Ross: Actually, ten. I was thinking of asking Carol if Ben could come over for Thanksgiving.
Monica: Oh my God!
Chandler: Actually, nine. I don't eat Thanksgiving food, remember?
Monica: Yeah, I know. But who's going to cook you're chicken?
Chandler: Oh. Right, sorry. Ten.
(Monica sighs and Phoebe looks at Ross)
Phoebe: Wait a second, Ben's coming over for Thanksgiving?
(Ross and Rachel look at each other and smile)
Ross: Hopefully, I mean, I've never had Ben over for Thanksgiving, so hopefully I can this year.
Phoebe(smiling): Oh that's nice.
(Ross looks at his watch)
Ross: Sss, actually. We better drive over there now if we want to catch her before she has to go to work.
(Ross and Rachel begin to get up and grab their coats)
Chandler: Wait a second, you just got here. You're leaving so soon?
Ross: Yeah, sorry about that.
Rachel: We'll see you all later.
Everyone: Bye!
(Ross and Rachel leave and Chandler sighs)
Audrey: Actually, we better get going, too. Joey has an audition in like, half an hour.
Chandler: Why'd you even come if you knew you'd be leaving soon after? Hmm? Was it just to tease me? Do all of you like to see me being vulnerable?
(Chandler begins to cry and Audrey just stares at him. Monica sets her hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him down. She turns to Joey and everyone)
Monica: Sorry, everyone. But he's only had about four of five hours of sleep all week, so...
(Everyone nods and Joey clears his throat)
Joey: Alright, let's go!
(Joey, Danielle, and Audrey leave and Chandler sighs. He turns to Mike and Phoebe)
Chandler: Are you guys going to leave, too?
Mike: No... it's not like I can drive anywhere.
(Phoebe lifts Mike arm again)
Mike: Phoebe.
(She sets his arm down)
Phoebe: Sorry.
Mike: It's OK...
Chandler: Alright, so if you don't have anything to do, why don't we all do something together?
Mike: Yeah that'd be fun.
Monica: Cool, so what do you wanna do?
Mike: Well, I really need to strengthen my arms, so I was thinking that we could, if you're up for it... play some table tennis.
(Phoebe gasps over dramatically and everyone looks at her)
Phoebe: Sorry.
Chandler: Um, anyway... do you have a tennis table?
Mike: Oh... no.
Chandler: Too bad...
Mike: Oh! But I do have a net... and some racquets.
Chandler: Oh... are you about to suggest what I think you're about to suggest?
Mike: That's right.
Mike and Chandler: Badminton.
(Chandler and Mike give each other threatening looks and Monica and Phoebe look at each other)
Phoebe: Do you know what just happened?
Monica: No, but I think I like it...
(Phoebe rolls her eyes and sits back)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
