Mercedes Smiles, the christmas mongoose
It has been a couple of days, since the christmas party at Camp Griffin. Everyone was excited today, because today's the special day. It was christmas, but they couldn't tell, because, there all of the snow had melted & the muddy green grass was showing. Some campers, didn't mind, that there wasn't any snow, but they better enjoy it, because according to Ollie, that it's suppose to get bittery cold by the end of the week with a chance of some heavy snow & gusty winds. Anyway, some of the campers, were playing golf. Some of them were playing football & some of them are playing basketball. Brian & Joe was bringing in the packages from the last chapter, into the lodge. "I wonder, if the campers know, if it's christmas?" the white dog asked. "Some of them probably do." Joe said. "And some of them could probably care less. They're too busy doin' activities. Let's get this done, so we can get hammered early." "Yeah, that sounds like a wise idea." So they put the camper's packages by the lodge's couch. Then they leave to get buzzed.
Lazlo was on his laptop. He was checking e-malis, just for the sake of it. He had the whole cabin to himself. "Oh, I forgot, today's christmas!" he exclaimed. "I better get Mercedes' & Penny's gifts. It's a good thing, I got Patsy's earrings in my pocket." Then Lazlo turned off his laptop & took out his truck keys. Meanwhile, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was at the pool room. Playing a game against Edward, Stewie, & Lois. The latter was losing, and this was making Edward cross, like most things. "Dammit! How can we be losin'!" he sniffed. "I don't know. I'm shootin' all of the balls right." Stewie said. "I am too, kid." Edward said. "So, this means...." "It means, dat yo' losin', 'cause you got dumb ass, huge nosed Lois on yo' team!!" Penny called out to them. "Hey! Don't call me 'dumb'!" Lois retorted, never minding Penny calling her 'huge nosed'. "Besides, we're playing for fun. Right?" "No. We're playin' for profit, bimbo!" Edward sniffed. "I rest my case!" Penny said. "Fuckin' idiot!" Edward sniffed as he picked up a ball & threw it at Lois. It hit Lois in the head. "Ow! You silly duck!" she laughed stupidly. "Let's not start this again!" Edward gritted his teeth angrily. "This is more stupider than the time, the fat man was on, 'Who wants to be a millionare?'" Stewie sniffed.
(Flashback)
Peter was on the game show, 'Who wants to be a millionare'. Meredith Vieira was talking to him.
Meredith: Up in the hot seat is; Peter Griffin, from Quahog, Rhode Island. It says, that you work at a brewery?
Peter: That is correct, Meredith.
Meredith: It also says, that you got a wife & 3 kids?
Peter: Yeah. They're in the audience.
It then shows Lois with Chris, Meg, & Stewie in the audience. Lois smiles & waves at him.
Meredith: You know the rules & lifelines. Now let's play, 'Who wants to be a millionare?'.
The audience applauses.
Meredith: Okay Peter. For a $100 dollars. Who played the cantakerous junkman, Fred Sanford, on the show; 'Sanford & Son'?
A.) Carroll O'Connor
B.) Freddie Prinze, Sr.
C.) Redd Foxx
or
D.) The Geico Gecko
The audience laughs at the last choice.
Peter: Uh, I would like to ask the audience, Meredith.
Meredith look surprised.
Meredith: Alright. Audience, Peter needs your help. On your keypads enter a,b,c or d now.
So the audience voted the results came up.
A.) 5%
B.) 10%
C.) 84%
D.) 1%
Meredith: Uh....
audience:(laughs)
Meredith: 84% of the New York audience says, that Redd Foxx, played Fred Sanford. Nothing even comes close to that, Peter.
Peter: Mmm. I'm still not sure. I would like the 50:50, Meredith.
Meredith: Computer, please take away the wrong answers.
So the computer takes away the B & D answers, leaving A & C.
Peter: Uh, I'm still not sure. I would like the, phone a friend, please Meredith.
Meredith looks at the audience, with a 'you've got to be kiddin' me!' look on her face. The audience laughs.
Meredith: Who you like to call?
Peter: Cleveland Brown. He knows about this type of thing.
Meredith: Okay. We're gonna get Cleveland on the line.
Then a phone ringing sounds plays, until there was a answer.
voice: Yello?
Meredith: Hello, Cleveland. This is Meredith from; 'Who wants to be a millionare?'.
Cleveland: Hey Meredith. I like yo' show.
Meredith: I've got Peter here. He's stuck on a question.
Cleveland: Is it tha first one?
Meredith: Yes it is. Go ahead, Peter.
Peter: Alright, Cleveland. Who played the cantakerous junkman, Fred Sanford, on the show; 'Sanford & Son'? Carroll O'Connor or Redd Foxx?
Cleveland: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDIN' ME!?! IT'S REDD FOXX, DUMB ASS!!! DON'T YOU REMEMBER WATCHIN' DAT SHOW WIT ME, LAST MONTH!?! GOD!!
He hangs up. The audience laughs.
Peter: The answer's, A! Carroll O'Connor.
The audience groans.
Meredith: Sorry, Peter. It's C. Redd Foxx.
Peter: What!
Meredith: I'm sorry.
Then a border saying, Total Prize Money with $0 appeared. A loser stamp was stamped onto his head. The audience laughs.
Meredith: You just sit there, Peter. After the break, we'll be joined by Jodi Fields, from Omaha, Nebraska.
The next contestant waves, as Peter cried.
(End Flashback)
"Looks like, we win!" Patsy shouted. "WHAT!?!" the opposing team exclaimed. "Yeah, we win!" Penny repeated. "We made tha final shots, while yall was in dat flashback!" "Dammit to hell!" Stewie shouted. "Stewie." Lois started. "That's a bad word. To." Everyone stared at her. "What?" she asked. "Yo' an idiot!" Mercedes said. Just then, Peter came onto the PA. "Attention please. It is time, to get your packages now. If you want to, that is. That is all from your caring, loving scoutmaster. Hey Brian. Did you just hear, what I said?" "Uh, Peter. The PA's still on." Brian said. "It is?" Peter asked. "Oh." Then he went off. Penny turned to Patsy & Mercedes. "Do you wanna get tha packages, now?" "Yeah." Patsy answered. "Dat sounds like a wise idea." Mercedes finished. "Aight then." Penny said as she turned to Edward, Lois, & Stewie. "Give us, our green!" Edward, Lois, & Stewie cussed under their breaths, as they gave the three Smiles relatives the money. "Aight! We got our green, now let's get our gifts." Mercedes said. So they leave. Lois looked at Edward. "What?" he asked rudely. "You're a cute lil' toy duck!" Lois awed. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!" Edward exclaimed angrily as the audience laughed.
At the lodge, most of the campers were opening their packages. Raj was cross to see, what his mom sent him. "A pair of pants? Damn! Mom must be drinkin' again!" he sniffed as he threw the pants into the wastebasket. Clam opened his packages. "A BRAND NEW BASEBALL BAT!! BRAND NEW GOLF CLUBS!!! A BRAND NEW CD PLAYER & A BRAND NEW FOOTBALL!!" he exclaimed happily. Then he turned to Raj. "Here." Clam said as he gave Raj the brand new cd player. "What? For me?" the elephant asked. Clam nodded. "This is for, hackling you from the last chapter. You should at least, have one good present this christmas." "Uh, thank you." Raj said as he took the cd player from Clam. The Eds were exchanging gifts. "Here Eddy & Double D!" Ed said as he gave Eddy & Double D their gifts. "Why Ed. How generous." Double D said gayly. "Uh, yeah." Eddy said as he opened his gift. It was a drawing of Eddy. "Uh, gee. Thanks Ed." Eddy said as he posed a fake smile. Double D opened his gift. It was a dead raccoon. "Uh, how interesting." Double D said as he put on a fake smile. "Why thank you." Ed said. Eddy turned to Nazz. "Here's your gift, Nazz sweetie." he said as he gave her a small gift wrapped box. Nazz took it & opened it. She gasped. "Oh, Eddy! It's a Leo Diamond Solitare. With the 14K yellow gold band & 1/3 diamond!" she exclaimed. Then she hugged Eddy. "Why thank you, Eddy dear." "Anytime darling." Eddy said as he picked up his gift from her. "Is this for me?" "Yes, it is." Nazz said as she put on her new ring. So Eddy opened his gift. It was a brand new gold watch. "A JACQUES LEMANS Men's Grande Classique Automatic watch! Thank you, Nazz!" Eddy exclaimed as he hugged Nazz. "Like, anytime dear." she answered. Sarah & Double D exchanged gifts. "Lemme see!" Sarah said as she ripped the gift wrapping off. "Ah! A 1.75 carat diamond earrings! Oh thank you, Double D!" she said. "You're welcome, Sarah." Double D said as he opened his gift. "It's a brand new Webster's dictonary! Thank you Sarah!" "Open it, dear. There's another, gift for ya!" Sarah said as she put on the earrings. So Double D opened the dictionary, to see a small black box. He opened it. It was a brand new Timex Ironman digital watch. "A brand new watch!" Double D exclaimed. "Why thank you, Sarah." "You're welcome, Double D." Sarah said warmly. Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes picked up their packages. "So, do ya'll wanna go back to tha crib & open them there?" Penny asked. "Yeah." Mercedes said. "That sounds like a wise idea, Penny." Patsy said as she picked up her & Lazlo's packages. "Let's go." They leave and not to soon, because Peter opened his gift & was cross. "What the hell's this!?! Another fuckin' tie! LOIS!!!" he shouted to the red-headed woman, who happened to be there. She turns to his direction. "Yeah, Peter?" "WHY THE FUCK YOU BUY ME, ANOTHER TIE!?! HUH?!?" Peter ranted as some of the other campers turned to watch the situation. "It was on sale." Lois sniffed. "IT WAS ON SALE, MY ASS!!" Peter sniffed. "THIS YEAR, YOU WAS SUPPOSE TO BUY ME THAT FLAT SCREEN TV, I'D WANTED LAST YEAR!!!" "WHY WOULD I WANNA BUY SOMETHIN', THAT YOU'RE GONNA END UP IGNORING YOUR DUTIES!?" Lois shouted in response. "BECAUSE, I'M THE MAN, LOIS!!!" Peter retorted. "I'M THE MAN!!!!" "WELL, THAT'S WHY THE MAN'S ALWAYS GETTIN' A TIE EVERY CHRISTMAS!!!!" yelled Lois. "BECAUSE, OF YOU MACHO ATTITUDE!!!!" Peter just looked at her. "WELL, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT YOUR GIFT, 'CAUSE, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO SOMEONE, WHO DOESN'T TREAT ME, LIKE A FUCKIN' IDIOT!!!" "FINE!!!" Lois shouted as she lefted the lodge. "FINE!!!" Peter said as he threw the tie in the trash. Then he turned to everybody else. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS STARIN' AT!?! HUH!?!" Then he grabbed Lois' gift & went to his office & slammed the door behind him. Everybody was silent. Dumb Ed spoke. "I LOVE SHOUTIN', TOO! GUYS!!!" he shouted. "Shut the fuck up, Ed!" Eddy ordered. "Shuttin' the fuck up now, Eddy!" Ed said stupidly as he saluted the midget.
Lazlo was back at the cabin. He had Penny's & Mercedes' gifts ready, as well as Patsy's. "Ah! I've got all of their gifts here." Lazlo said as he sat on his bed. "Now, to wait for them." After he got done saying that, the three cousins walked in with their packages. "Hey guys. Uh, what's that you got?" Lazlo asked. "Our gifts from our families, dear." Patsy said as she gave Lazlo's his. Lazlo opened it. It was a box of brand new dvds. "Wow. I got brand new dvds from home." Lazlo awed. "So, Laz. Can we get our gifts now?" Penny asked as she sat on her bed. "Yeah." Lazlo said. "Who's goin' first?" Patsy asked. "You go first, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Okay." Patsy said as she took out a bag from out of nowhere. "Here you go, Lazlo dear. Merry christmas." Lazlo opened the bag & was surprised. "Oh my god! A digital camera." he awed. "Somethin' I always wanted. Thank you, Patsy. Thank you." "I knew, you would like it." Patsy said warmly. "I hope you don't mind, that I already used it." "You did?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "That's another gift, I'm gonna give you later." "Aight, my turn." Penny said. "Merry christmas, G." Lazlo opened the bag, to see a blu-ray player. " A Blu-ray player? God! I always wanted one of these!" he awed. "Thank you, Penny!" "Anytime, G." Penny smiled. "Here ya go." Mercedes said as she gave Lazlo a small bag. He opened it. "A mp3 player. Thank you, Mercedes!" he exclaimed. "Anytime, G." Mercedes said then she turned to Patsy & Penny. "Here yall's gifts." Patsy & Penny opened their bags. "Oh my god! I got a brand new cd player!" Patsy exclaimed. "And I got a brand new personal dvd player!" Penny added. "Thank you, Benz!" "Thank you, Mercedes." Patsy said. Then she remembered something. "Oh! Here's you two guys gifts." she handed Penny & Mercedes two small boxes. They opened them. "Brand new gold chains!!" they both exclaimed. "Thank you, P!" "You welcome." Patsy said. "Here's my gift to you two." Lazlo said as he gave Penny & Mercedes a big bag. "It must be somethin' big, Benz." Penny said as she took out the gift from the bag. It was a brand new basketball hoop & backboard. "OH MY GOD!! A BRAND NEW B'BALL HOOP!!" Penny exclaimed. "Thank you, G!" Mercedes said as she hugged Lazlo. "Y-You're welcome, M-Mercedes." he stuttered nervously. Mercedes than realize what she did. "Oh! S-Sorry for huggin' yo' man, P." she said to Patsy. "That's alright, Mercedes." Patsy said. "I know, you couldn't help yourself." Lazlo then turned to Patsy. "Last, but not least. My present to you, Patsy." he said as he took out a small box from his pocket. Patsy took it & opened it. "Are those..." she started. "Oh yes. It's those earrings with the 2.50 carats diamond & the 18kt white gold." Lazlo explained. Patsy grew a wide smile. "Thank you. Thank you! Thank you, dear!" she said as she hugged & kissed him. "You're welcome, sweetie." Lazlo said. "But how did you know?" Patsy asked. "I looked at that magazine, you was readin'." Lazlo explained. "Plus, it was circled." "Oh. So I gave that away to ya." Patsy muttered. "Yeah." Lazlo answered. "Go ahead. Try 'em on." Patsy tried on the earrings. Lazlo looked at her. "Damn, Patsy! You look good!" he awed. Patsy blushed. "Why, thank you honey." "So, are you gonna open your packages?" Lazlo asked the three females. "Packages? Oh! I forgot 'bout dat!" Mercedes said. "Let's." So the three cousins opened their packages. Patsy got a necklace from her mom. Penny got another gold bracelet for her wrist. And Mercedes got a blackberry, a new laptop & a letter. "I like yo' gifts, Benz." Penny awed. "Thanks, 'Nette." Mercedes said. "You've got a letter." Lazlo pointed out. Mercedes picked it up & read it.
Dear Mercedes the christmas mongoose,
Here's a new blackberry phone, & a brand new laptop. This is for doin' so much for us back home, Merry christmas/kwanzaa
Love your mom,
Mom
"What did you do for them? Why do they call you; Mercedes, the christmas mongoose?" Lazlo asked her. "It's somethin', dat I did on one christmas, a few years back." Mercedes said sheepishly. "Was it embarrassing?" Lazlo asked. "Well, no." Mercedes said. "It's a entertainin' story, actually." "Looks like, this is gonna take a while, P." Penny said to Patsy. "Yeah. We've heard this before." Patsy said. "Get comfortable, 'cause this is gonna be a long story." Mercedes said. So, Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny layed on their beds. "Aight. This happened 'bout four years ago. It was cold & snowy in chi-town." Mercedes started.
(Mercedes' story)
This happened in Chicago. The city's mayor & his cronies was at a secret meeting, discussing on redeveloping & bringing some more business to Chicago & the surrounding areas. The head developer was talking. He was that sleezy salesman, that always make Peter fall into his schemes & takes his money.
Head developer: So, Mr. Daley. How 'bout it?
Daley: I don't know. Where are we gonna put this new development?
developer:(points at a map of Chicago) Two places. Either at Lincoln Park, where the rich & wealthy are. Or West Englewood, where the medium income familes are!
Daley: What is the development?
developer: It's a super, mega mall.
Daley: Super, mega mall, eh? Well, since Lincoln Park already got those things, & it'll ruin the property values. West Englewood it is!
cronie#1: Yeah, West Englewood!
cronie#2: That's the perfect place!
cronie#3: It'll help bring some good to that side of town.
cronie#4: This new super mega mall, will be offerin' jobs to the young people.
cronie#5: I was the first one, to suggest West Englewood!
audience:(laughs)
The greedy head developer smiled greedily as dollars signs appeared in his eyes. The news of this redevelopment spread. Anyway, Mercedes was in her room, watching tv. She was watching the lunchtime news. It cutsaway to her tv. A black newsanchor, resembling Ollie Williams, except with a little bit more hair, appears.
Phil Williams: TODAY, THA MAYOR SAYS, REDEVELOPMENT'S COMMIN' TO WEST ENGLEWOOD!!!! DAT MEANS, LOST HOMES, JOBS, & LIVES!!!! DIS IS BAD!!!!! NOW HERE'S SPORTS WIT SOME WHITE SLUT!!!!!
Mercedes: Oh snap! I don't like tha sound of this!
voice: Oh no!
Mercedes: Dat sounds like mom! I better go see, what's wrong.
So she leaves her room, to go downstairs, to see her mom holding a letter.
Mercedes: What's up?
Tracie: I'd got this letter from tha fuckin' city! They gonna buy up everyone's cribs, to make way for a fuckin' mega mall!
Mercedes: It's a super mega mall, mom. They just announced it on tha news.
Tracie: A super mega mall! Dat's just as worst! This is gonna make tha area worst, than it already is!
Mercedes: Does it say, what's gonna happen to everyone?
Tracie: No, it doesn't. Tha fuckin' c(bleep)ts are probably gonna put everyone on tha fuckin' streets! This news is gonna make yo' father pissed!
Mercedes: I wish, I can do somethin'!
Tracie: I wish you can too, Mercedes. But unfortuately, tha city won't listen to us & they more likely won't listen to you.
Tracie then leaves. Mercedes was thinking to herself.
Mercedes: Tha cheeky c(bleep)ts! How dare they? Buy up our crib? There's must be somethin' I can do!
Then Mercedes go up to her, soon to be former room, to think of a plan. Meanwhile, the residents of the area, weren't too pleased, when they heard the news.
resident: Damn, city hall!!
resident#2: They can't do this to us!
resident#3: We should do somethin'!
resident#2: Like what?
resident#3: I dunno. I was just makin' conversation.
audience:(laughs)
resident#1: Well, we should at least make a plan to do somethin'.
resident#2: Yeah, we should picket!
All of the rest of the residents agreed with the plan. It was sometime later now. It had started snowing. Mercedes was still in her room. She was looking out the window. She had a good view of the neighborhood & the CSX/Norfolk Southern railroad tracks. There was a train going by. It kicked up the freshly fallen snow as it sped by. Mercedes sighed.
Mercedes: I'm gonna miss this view. The nice cribs. Kids playin' in tha playground & street. Tha sound of a train's horn & it's engine howlin'. I grew up wit dat. I'm gonna miss it.
Then Mercedes came up with an idea.
Mercedes: I think, I came up wit a great idea, to stop tha city from tearin' down our cribs!
She then goes to her bookshelf. She takes out a physics book & starts reading it. Meanwhile, Tracie was talking to her husband, Warren, about the situation.
Warren: So, tha fuckin' city wants to buy up our joint?
Tracie: Yeah. And tha rest of tha hood, too.
Warren: Well, since we can't fight, city hall. Looks like, we have to move.
Tracie: Where to?
Warren: How 'bout tha far Northside? Jefferson Park? By my job.
Tracie: Hmm? Dat sounds like a wise idea, hun.
Warren: Yeah. I was thinkin' of gettin' a place by tha tracks. In a 'hood wit no crime.
Tracie: Ain't dat Jefferson Park?
Warren: Yeah.
Then he went to sit in his leather chair & read the classifieds for their new home & Tracie went to get their dinners ready. Down at the developers office, the head developer was making the plans for destruction of the neighborhood.
Head developer: Ha! Ha! Ha! The plans for destroyin' those poor to medium sized income folks' lives! We strike on Christmas eve! Just the right time! God! I'm so damn evil!
It then cutsaway to the next day. All of the endanger residents of West Englewood was picketing in front of city hall. Of course, Chicago's finest was there, making sure none of the residents charge into city hall. They was chanting & holding signs.
picketers: HELL NO, WE WON'T GO! BULD DAT SHIT, IN LINCOLN PARK!!! HELL NO, WE WON'T GO! BUILD DAT SHIT IN LINCOLN PARK!
Head picketer:(on bullhorn) Get your asses out here, & face us like men!!
Just then, Daley & the greedy developer came up to the picketline.
Daley: I'm sorry for your loses, but we have to do this.
Head developer: Yeah! So, go to the rescue mission! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Daley:(turns to the cops) Please exscort these people!
Then the police takes out several guns & starts shooting at the picketers. They all run off. The head developer, the mayor, & his cronies laughed evily. Meanwhile, Mercedes just came back home. She brought a truckload of sugar, guns, & explosives. Tracie notice this.
Tracie: Uh, Mercedes. What dat you got?
Mercedes: It's some party shit for a homey's party, tomorrow night. You know tomorrow's Christmas eve?
Tracie: Yeah. And dat's when they suppose to come and start wreckin'. Thank god, we already started packin'.
Tracie leaves. Mercedes takes her huge shopping bag to her room.
Mercedes: I can't wait til tomorrow! Those wreckin' bastards will get, what they deserve! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Then she put her bag in her closet for safe keeping. It was soon dinnertime. Tracie was serving dinner. Warren & Mercedes was eating.
Mercedes: So, pop. How's tha house huntin's goin'?
Warren: It's goin' perfect. I've already got tha right house for us. Just in case.
Tracie: Is dat right?
Warren nodded.
Tracie: Aight then.
So they ate. Soon, they was finished. It was 9:00. Mercedes stood up & yawned.
Mercedes: Well, time for me to hit tha bed.
Warren: What? You. Mercedes. goin' to bed. At 9:00?!? Early?
Tracie: You must be sick!
She puts her hand on Mercedes' head to feel, if she's sick.
Mercedes: I'm not sick. I'm just tied & need my rest.
Tracie: Oh. Go ahead. Good night.
Mercedes: Night.
Then Mercedes goes to her room. She takes a piece of paper from her pocket.
Mercedes: Ah! Tha plan is in tha final stages! Tomorrow's gonna be tha big day. Tomorrow's gonna be tha big day.
Then she layed her head on her pillow & turn off the light. She went happily to sleep as a NS train rushed past outside. Meanwhile, the idiotic developer was bringing in the wrecking machines.
developer: Ha! Ha! Ha! Just a matter of time, before we start tearin' & destroyin' my friend.
Then he locks up the machines & went weasley back to his fancy mansion. It was the next morning now. All of the residents of West Englewood was sadly packing up their belongings. Mercedes woke up earlier than usual.
Mercedes: Ah! Tha big day's here!! Time to peel those n(bleep)s faces off!!
Then she opened up her closet & took out her shopping bag.
Mercedes: Now, if I was a redeveloper. Where would I park tha wreckin' machines?
She thought about it.
Mercedes: I know!!
Then she ran downstairs & lefted the house. She runs down the block, until she saw some of the wrecking & construction machines. Mercedes smiled evily.
Mercedes: Time to do some damage!
audience: (oohs & laughs)
The scene fades out. It then shows Tracie up making some breakfast for her, Warren, & Mercedes. Warren was at the table, drinking coffee.
Warren: So, this is tha last day.
Tracie: Yeah. I feel sorta sorry for Mercedes. She grew up in this joint.
Warren: Yeah. But she's gonna have new memories of tha new place, new friends, & a new scene to look out at.
Just then, the aformentioned mongoose comes through the front door. Her parents noticed her.
Tracie: There, you is. We was talkin' 'bout you.
Mercedes: Uh, you was?
Warren: What was you doin' out?
Mercedes: I was, uh, just takin' a walk. I was gettin' one last look of the 'hood, before it's all tore up.
Tracie: Oh, so dat's it. I don't blame you.
Mercedes: So, what's for breakfast?
Tracie: Pop tarts & orange juice.
Mercedes: Sounds good!
She then mops up all of her breakfast.
Mercedes: Damn, dat was good!
Tracie: Damn, Mercedes. You never ate breakfast dat fast. You always take yo' time.
Mercedes: Dat's cause, there's usually a tv for me to watch, mom.
Tracie:(laughs) Oh, I forgot.
Mercedes: So, what time is they suppose to start tha destruction?
Warren: Uh, right 'bout....
He was interrupted as everything started vibrating.
Warren: Now.
voice: Hey everyone! Time for leave your former homes, now!
Warren:(looks at his watch) Yep. Right on time.
All of the residents went outside to see where the voice came from. It was the developers & the city of course. They had the wrecking machines & construction machines revving.
Head developer: Alright. Time for yall to leave! You're on my property.
resident: But we have until noon, to leave. You said so.
Head developer: Well, I lied! Now get outta here!!!!
Everyone grabbed their belongings, that just happened to be there, defeated. Just then Mercedes, with her bag appears. Tracie was stunned.
Tracie: Mercedes. What are you doin?
Mercedes: I'm standin' up to these fuckas, mom. Somebody has to!
Tracie: But....
She was cut off as Mercedes went to the head developer.
Mercedes: You just can't make everyone leave!! It's a peaceful 'hood. Wit little crime, a good view, & there's no fuckin' mega mall around here! So you can built dat shit someplace else!
Head developer: Get this little girl outta my face.
Then the developer signaled one of his bouncers to Mercedes. The bouncer started pushing Mercedes away.
Bouncer: Go & pack, little ferret girl. This is for grown-ups.
Mercedes:(getting angry) I'm...not...a....ferret! I'm not little!!!!
She then grabs the bouncer & throws him. She went over to the thrown bouncer & started beating the shit out of him. Everyone was stunned. After the beating, Mercedes sat her sights on the head developer.
Mercedes: Now, where was I? Oh yeah. You can't make everyone leave, they're be homeless on tha fuckin' snow-covered streets. Now, please get tha hell outta here, before things get ugly.
Head developer: No! Now get outta my way!
Mercedes: No!
Developer: What!?
Mercedes: What's tha matter, muthafucka? Can't you understand english?
audience:(laughs)
Mercedes: I said, no. I'm not movin' outta yo' way! If you want to wreck, you have to run me over!
Tracie: MERCEDES!!! YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!!!! GET AWAY FROM THERE!
Mercedes:(wiping her hand on her chest) Not to worry, mom. These bastards are too damn yellow, to do such a thing.
Developer: No, we're not!
Mercedes: Yes, you are.
Developer: Not!
Mercedes: IS!
Developer: ALRIGHT!!! THAT'S IT!!! I'M TIRED OF PLAYIN' AROUND WITH THIS BRAT!
Mercedes: What do you mean, 'brat'? I'm only 12.
Developer: WHO CARES!!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIVE TO SEE 13, AFTER TODAY!!!!! TIME TO START WRECKIN'!!!! SO GOODBYE, BITCH!!!!
Then the crazy developer slammed on the gas pedal, but fortuately the machines started sputtering. Black smoke was coming from their engines. The developer was panicking.
Developer: What the fuck? Something's wrong!
Mercedes: Oh yes! I poured sugar into all of yall's fuel tanks! Now, yall can't tear down our cribs!
Then she took out the explosives & guns.
Mercedes: So, are yall gonna build someplace else, or do I have to blow yall up?
Developer: Alright. Alright! We'll build it someplace else! Like Gary, Indiana! H-Have a Merry Christmas!
Then the developers & the city leaves quickly. All of the residents cheered.
resident: Three cheers for Mercedes!
others: HIP HOP HOORAY! HIP HOP HOORAY! HIP HOP HOORAY!!!!
Mercedes:(blush a bit) Ah, it was nothin'!
Warren: Wait til yo' cousin, Penny hears about this.
Then everyone starts partying in the snow-covered streets. It's much later now. Mercedes was in her room, looking out the window.
Mercedes: Ah! Just look at dat peaceful view. And to think, if I haven't came up wit dat plan, we probably be sleepin' in tha car someplace.
Just then Tracie came to her.
Tracie: I see, dat yo' enjoyin' tha view.
Mercedes: Yeah.
Tracie: Dat was a pretty good plan, dat you set up, Mercedes.
Mercedes:(turns to her mother) You knew, dat was my plan, all along?
Tracie: Yeah. It was pretty smart.
Mercedes: Well, somebody had to do it. Everyone was afraid too damn afraid to make a move to tha bastards.
Tracie: Well, most of tha residents don't have any backbones, brains, or balls. Or all three!
Mercedes: So, how's pop doin'?
Tracie: He's doin' fine. He brought dat new crib. He said, he's gonna make it a weekend home for us.
Mercedes: Dat sounds tight!
Tracie: It is. This was a great Christmas gift to us. All of us.
Then she hugs Mercedes.
Tracie: Thank you, Mercedes.
Mercedes: Anytime, mom.
Tracie: Well, G'night. Mercedes Smiles, the Christmas mongoose.
Then she leaves Mercedes' room. Mercedes smiled as she saw a CSX train rushed through.
Mercedes: I did a good deed. I did a good deed.
Then Mercedes, went to her comfty bed & went happily asleep as another train roared through the neighborhood.
(End Mercedes' story)
"And dat's why my folks named me dat." Mercedes finished. "That was a very entertaining story, Mercedes." Lazlo said. "Thank you, Laz." Mercedes blushed. "That was, like, so nice." said a voice. Everyone turned to the window, to see Nazz standing there. "What are you doin' here?" Penny asked. "I was, like, passin' by, when I heard Mercedes talkin' so I decided to listen in." Nazz explained. "It was such a good story." "Yeah, it was." Lazlo added. "Well, I hope you don't be goin' around tellin' people 'bout dat, girly." Mercedes sniffed. "'Cause, dat would be embarassin'." "Like, what?" the dumb blonde asked. Everyone groaned at Nazz's stupid response. "What a dumb slut!" Patsy sniffed. "Just like dat Jane Doe skank, eh P?" Penny laughed. Patsy looked at her. "Penny, shut the fuck up." "Well, I gotta get Eddy's second gift." Nazz said. "Damn! I forgot. I need to get dat midget my gift." Mercedes sniffed as she went to her bed. She took out an envelope. "Well, you better go give it to him." Patsy said. "Hey, N. Wait for me!" Mercedes called out after Nazz. Then she runs out of the cabin. Patsy looked at her watch. "So, what do yall wanna do now?" "How 'bout we try out my brand new Blu-ray player?" Lazlo asked. "Yeah, dat sounds like a wise thing, G." Penny finished as Lazlo turned on the blu-ray player.
It was sometime later, now. Christmas dinner was being served. Peter was sitting on the couch at the lodge with Ed, Eddy, Joe, Quagmire, & some others. They were watching basketball. Peter had betted, that the TrailBlazers would win. Eddy had betted that the Suns would win. Anyway, the Phoneix Suns was winning & Peter wasn't liking this. "Dammit!" he sniffed. "Why are they winnin'!?" "Because, they're the Suns." Eddy exclaimed happily. "That's why!" The Suns made the second to last shot. Eddy stood up. "Whoohoo!" he exclaimed. "Come on!" Peter shouted at the tv. "You guys, SUCK!!!!" The Blazers lose. "Dammit!" Peter cried. "Ha! That'll be $500 smackers!" Eddy exclaimed as he held his hand out. "Dammit!" Peter sniffed as he handed Eddy the cash. Eddy counted out his cash. "Ha! 500, plus the thousand Mercedes gave me a present, all adds up to $1500!" he bragged. Ed looked at all the cash in Eddy's hands. "Look at all the salad in your hands, Eddy!" he said. Eddy turned to him. "What did you say? Salad?" Eddy asked. Ed nodded. "Ed, that's gayier, than those new Burger King commercials!" Eddy sniffed.
(Cutaway)
The Burger King whopper virgin commercial starts, with some random people, taste testing either a Burger King Whopper or a Mcdonald's Big Mac.
Announcer: The Whopper's america's favorite burger, but let's go out & make sure, that it still is.
It then shows one man choosing the Big Mac. Then another man, picks the Whopper. This cycle keeps going back & fourth, until one man taste tested.
interviewer: Alright, sir. We want you to taste test, to see which is better. The Whopper or the Big Mac.
Man: Okay.
The man taste tests the Whopper. He makes a face. Then he tries the Big Mac. He smiles.
Man: The Big Mac's taste better.
interviewer: Okay? Next!
The next person taste test the burgers.
Man#2: The Big Mac.
Man#3: The Big Mac.
Woman: The Whopper.
Woman#2: The Big Mac.
Man#4: Neither. I like Wendy's.
Woman#3: Big Mac.
Boy: Big Mac.
Girl: Whopper.
Man#5: Big Mac.
Woman#4: Neither.
Man#6: Big Mac.
Announcer: Alright. Looks like america, likes the Big Mac.
Then it shows, the entire US continent.
Announcer: Thank you, McDonald's, for makin' us look stupid!
(A/N: I couldn't resist doing this. Big Mac taste better than the Whopper. No offense to anyone, who likes the Whopper)
(End cutaway)
"Well, c'mon Ed. Let's go back to the cabin & play with our brand new PS3." Eddy said. "GTA 4!" Ed shouted as he followed Eddy. Quagmire laughed. "Well Peter. At least, I didn't make a bet in this chapter." "Well, time to make myself feel better, with Lois' gift." Peter said as he stood up & walked off to his office. "I wonder, what he's doin' with Lois' gift?" Quagmire wondered. "I don't want to know." Joe muttered. "It'll be a wise thing, not to ask questions. Let's go play with the roulette wheel." Then they leave to play with the roulette wheel. Lazlo, Patsy, Penny, & Mercedes was eating their dinner. "Oh damn! This shit's good!" Penny said as she ate a slice of ham. "Dat Double D, sure can cook!" Mercedes said. "At least, we made it to dinner, this year." Lazlo laughed as he drunk a no name soda. "Yeah." Patsy said. "Why? Yall didn't make it last year or somethin'?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah." Penny started. "We was so involved wit tha games last year, dat we missed tha entire dinner." "So, what did yall end up eatin'?" Mercedes asked. "The pizza from our Christmas party." Patsy answered. "Damn! This chocolate cake's good!" Lazlo said as he took a bite of the cake. Mercedes takes a taste of the cake on her plate. "Mmmm! Yo' right, Laz. Angry Red sure can bake a cake!" "Thank god, dat monobrowed asshole, didn't eat all of tha food, like he did on Thanksgivin'!" Penny sniffed as she ate some of her cake. "Yeah. If he did that, I bet greedy would made you & I fry everyone some chicken again." Patsy said as she ate the last bits of her piece of cake. "Yeah. Dat would suck!" Penny laughed. Soon, they was all done. "I wonder, what's on?" Lazlo asked as he stretched. "Probably, crap, dear." Patsy said. "Well, let's go & see."
Back at the cabin. Like Patsy said, there was nothing on tv. "So, do you wanna listen to cds?" Patsy asked. "Do you mean listen to cds, or do you wanna do yo' quiet time, P?" Mercedes asked as she laughed. "Well," Patsy started as she thought. "If ya'll wanted to join me on my quiet time, that's fine with me." Then Patsy got on her bed & turned on her cd player. R&B was on it. "Well, time to relax!" Lazlo stretched as he layed on his bed. Penny & Mercedes layed on their beds, also. Penny took out her sports magazine & Mercedes took out her mini tv. Patsy took out her sweets & a book. "Peace & quiet." she uttered. "Peace & quiet."
Too bad, the same can't be said for the Eds' cabin. Of course, Ed & Eddy was playing with the new PS3, that Nazz brought. They was playing NBA Live 08. Double D was trying to read, his dictionary. Sarah & Nazz was concentrating on their laptops. Ed was hollering. "HA! I GOT YO' WHIT, MIDGET ASS!!!" "Fuck you! You funky yellow bastard!!" Eddy retorted to Ed's remark. "Ed! I can't concentrate on my reading, with all that yammering you're doin'!" Double D complained. Eddy turned to him. "Shut up, sackhead." he sniffed. "This isn't about you!" Double D groaned, as he turned to Sarah. "How can you guys, concentrate on your laptops, with all this noise?" Sarah didn't respond. "Well?" Double D asked again. Sarah looks up at him. "What?" she asked as she took out some earplugs. The audience laughs. "Uh, never mind." Double D muttered. "Would you like some earplugs, Double D dear?" Sarah asked. "Yes, I would." the sockheaded teenager replied. "Okay." Sarah said as she took some earplugs out of her pocket. "Here ya go!" "Thank you, Sarah." Double D said as he put the earplugs in his ears. He did it just in time, because Ed & Eddy started playing their game & cussing again.
It was almost, 11:00 now. Most people on the campgrounds were heading to bed now. Everyone was getting ready for bed now, in Lazlo's cabin. "Oh god!" Penny yawned. "What a day." "You can say dat again, 'Nette." Mercedes said as she got into her bed. Lazlo & Patsy got into their beds too. "So, Patsy. Did you enjoy your present from me?" Lazlo asked. "Oh, yeah. I did." Patsy said as she took something out of her uniform pocket. "Here's your second present, from me." Lazlo took it from her & opened it. It was another sexy photo of Patsy. She was wearing a red bra, black panties, & black heels. Her pink hair was in a neat bun. "Wow! Another sexy photo of you." Lazlo awed. "When did you take this?" "We took it, a couple of days ago." Patsy started. "Before the christmas party. Penny & Mercedes help me take it." "You did?" Lazlo asked Mercedes & Penny. "Yeah." Mercedes answered. "We did it, while dressin' up." Penny said. "I hope you enjoy it, dear." Patsy said warmly. "Oooh, I do!" Lazlo exclaimed happily. Patsy then yawned. "Well, G'night, Lazlo hun." she said as she turned off her lamp. "G'night, Patsy." Lazlo said. "Sweet dreams." Then Mercedes turned of her light. "G'night, 'Nette. Laz." "Good night, Benz." Penny said. "Good night, Mercedes, the christmas mongoose." Lazlo said teasenly. Mercedes blushed as Penny laughed. Soon, she was asleep. Lazlo then looked over to Penny. "Well, Penny. Time for me to go to sleep." he said as he turned off his light sleepily. "Me too." Penny said as she turned off her light. "G'night, Penny dear." Lazlo said, before falling asleep. "Good night, Laz." Penny said. "See you, first thing in tha morning." Then everyone went happily to sleep at Camp Griffin, except Ed & Eddy. They was still playing with the PS3.
"Come on, Ed!" Eddy sniffed. "You gotta go to sleep sometime!" "No! You gotta go to sleep sometime, Eddy!" Ed retorted as he drunk a pot of coffee, that Double D made, before he, Sarah, & Nazz went to bed. "Ha! All that coffee's gonna put you to sleep!" Eddy laughed. "Yeah right!" Ed laughed. Then Ed falls onto his controls, as the audience laughs. Eddy checked him. Ed was out cold. "YES! I WIN!!!!!" he exclaimed happily. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! I'M TRYIN' TO SLEEP!!!" Sarah shouted at Eddy. "Kiss my ass, bitch!" Eddy sniffed. Sarah than threw a handy brick at Eddy. The brick hit Eddy in the face, knocking him unconcious. Sarah got up to turn off the PS3 & tv. "That'll show that fuckin' midget!" she sniffed as she turned off the electronics. Then she got back to bed & went back to sleep.
