Unspeakable
"You are so De-" Everyone's attention was drawn to…
'Oh god. It's Weasley. Oh god. He's holding…Oh GOD.' Draco couldn't believe that things had gotten worse.
"Yo, does anyone know how in gods name these are supposed to sit?" Ron asked the common room. Everyone starred followed by stunned silence, all wanting someone else to make the first move. Finally it happened. Lavender was the first to finally crack. She exploded into a fit of hysterics – almost in tears of laughter as she held her sides. Pavarti, laughing herself silly started ushering the first years, right through to fourth years out.
"Adults need to talk," she tried to say in between laughs which only made Lavender laugh harder, along with some of the other girls. Colin started jumping up in protest to his brother being sent out, which only aided in sending his camera flying across the room.
In the end, with the help of Dean and Seamus they finally get everyone out.
"Lavender would you SHUT UP!"
This did nothing to help, only spurring her on.
"Would someone shut her up?"
"Shut it Malfoy." The ordered the boy who had been ready to smash some bones.
"Malfoy? Ginny was looking for yo…ooo? Yeah, these are yours," He added quickly, flinging the underwear at him.
Lavender squealed in delight with laughter, collapsing into a chair as she 'tried' to control herself. Truth was however that now every other girl in the room was laughing or making some form of giggle.
"Oh Merlin… SILENCIO!"
This however, did not have the desired effect, the fact they could all see each other laughing soundlessly now laughing louder at the fact there was no sound despite how hard they were laughing.
"Girls, LEAVE!" Neville demanded sending all of them it to shock. This, however, did not last long as they burst into laughter, falling and supporting each other as they laughed out of the common room.
"Okay, what are we going to do with ferret boy?"
"Hey, it's not like it's the first time! I think we explained that over dinner… that didn't come out right… and don't you lot pretend you've never wanted to go up there." Draco huffed trying to work out what to do with the scandalous pair of undies that would less than help his case.
"So Mr. Malfoy, how are you feeling at this moment? Pride? Humilation?" Colin asked note pad in hand.
"I thought you told the girls to leave?" Draco replied bitterly to Neville.
At the same time in another part of the castle…
Sirius drank his coffee whilst making his way up to the Gryffindor Common Room to find out just how hideous a dress Hermione was forced to purchase by Snape. Whilst Snape snapped that he had no say, thank Merlin it wasn't one Ginny chose, the rest was all but known.
"Professor Black?" a tentative first year approached, though still cautious in case he turned into a werewolf as a third year had warned him about.
"Yes Mr. Hamilton? Is there a problem?"
"Is there a problem?" repeated a fourth year girl. "Depends if you call the French Revolution a mild inconvenience. If so, then yes, we do have a problem. We've just been kicked out of our Common Room."
"And that's to be compared to a riot because…?"
"There will be one if you don't get up there ten minutes ago."
"Miss. Martin, what is going on up there?"
"A mild inconvenience." She replied heading to the great hall.
Sirius glanced at the group of students, distinctly hearing "Did you see that? Man I hope that makes the chronicle – I'd frame that picture," and "I don't get it! How in the name of Magic did he get up there!?" and a group of older students, also oddly enough were also from Gryffindor, "Thank god I'm female,"
Sirius quickened the pace. When he arrived outside the Gryffindor portrait, all the older girls appeared to be crying hysterically, though none more so than Lavender. "What in Hades is going on?"
They all stopped and looked up at him, before bursting back into silent hysteria.
"(A/N: in dedication to WINX – in other words we felt lazy) Voicous Returnus!"
They weren't crying! Well, they were crying just not in sadness. Sirius starred. This could not be good.
"Th-ha-ank-you, P-pr-"
Sirius opened the portrait. The scene which greeted him was far worse than he had in mind.
"Maybe we should wax him? That should rip them off."
"I can tell you there is nothing to wax." Snarled Malfoy floating upsidedown, front of his boxers strained, arms folded, in some sort of bubble prison.
"In case you haven't realised it's not hair we're talking about." Ron growled.
Malfoy's eyes widened when he saw the teacher standing in the door way.
"What? You thought that talk of burning oil was just to," Ron saw Sirius and dropped his wand. "Naahha," was something how the mumble/gasp/busted/bleating sounded as he shuddered.
"Before I register what it is I'm looking at, I warn you all that this was not explained in the teachers manual." He said almost hypnotically unable to believe what he was looking at. No one dared to move, least he snap out of whatever trance he was in and expelled them all. Sirius rubbed his brow trying to think and look at the situation as a teacher rather than an adult who had the right to yell, scream, jinx the living daylights out of the lot of them, or even just collapse in insane laughter whilst being wheeled to the nut house. He opened his mouth several times meaning to say something, though every time, words failed him.
"Where is Harry?" he finally settled on. He was after all, Harry's guardian, and the question related 'insignificantly' to the 'mild inconvenience' faced before him. In truth he would have taken on starving French rioters any day compared to this. On Miss. Martin's 'scale' this was a disaster.
"Right here, hey… what went on here?"
"I was hopping you would tell me that, Harry…"
"No idea, I've just been talking to Hermione in the Hospital wing. She didn't feel so good last night so she spent the night in the… is that a g-string?" Harry asked giving Ron and Malfoy a glance which said quite plainly, 'say anything other than the answer to the question and I will skin you alive.'.
"Yeah…" Sirius replied absently.
"What in the name of Merlin – oh Holy Hera!" McGonnagual clutched her chest staring. Draco quickly moving his hands and all boys hiding their wands behind their backs. Neville fainted.
"Minerva, I think you should handle this one…" Sirius started turning to leave.
"Take one more step Black and you'll be hexed to oblivion." She threatened wand out at him. "I believe you were once in a similar situation and I believe you are possibly the best to handle this so I'll leave this in your hands whilst I go back to my office and have a drink…" she looked around the room. "A bottle or two… I'm sure Sybble has something…" she muttered walking off very quickly. Harry resisted the laughs that were dying to issue forth – she'd probably kill him; boy who lived or no.
"Yeah… I think I'd better check up on Hermione again…" Harry made to leave but Sirius had his collar.
"Hold me…" he pleaded faintly.
Okay, we promised more, so you have the right to kill us. reveiw, we like.
