Sorry for the wait... also just watched Born This Way... OMFG! I FREAKIN LOVED IT! But... I must continue my stories now...
Chapter 7
Breaking Barriers
By the time they pulled into Santana's driveway, she had managed to stop crying and put her front up, but she knew she couldn't keep it up, because Dave had heard too much... and even though she could easily threaten him and tell him to shut it... she wanted to tell him... tell someone... someone besides Brittany... hell Brittany didn't even know all of it. She was glad no one was home as they trudged to her room and closed the door. Santana watched as Dave sat in her computer chair as she sat on her bed, she felt like she was singled out by a crowd, rather than just Dave.
"Can we just... forget today happened?" asked Santana, "I mean, thanks for driving me home..."
"No... it's not forgotten and I won't drop it... there was a lot of things going on at once when you ranted, so talk?" said Dave, giving a stern look at her, that melted slightly at her lost stare, he smiled, "It'll help... and I'll tell you stuff.."
"... I..." she looked at her pillow, Dave wheeled closer to her.
"Santana... we're the only people we can talk about this stuff with..." said Dave, "What happened Freshman year? Tonight? Brittany?"
"Lot of questions from someone who never answers the ones I ask," said Santana.
"You know more about me than anyone should know.. so start talking," said Dave, hoping that something might open her up, he noticed her hands ringing and his gut reaction was to grab her hand, he did, "It's okay."
"It was... the second party I'd gone too as a Freshman... I figured it'd be fun.. I'd just made the Cheerios... popular seniors invited me... and the first party I'd gone too had been fun... so I went," she was squeezing his hand, "It was kind of fun... there was a lot of stuff I didn't know about there... and I drank some alcohol... and there was this senior guy and... rumors spread around and... it was just easier to live up to.. than fight... and when people... call me a slut or a whore... I can take it in stride and break them down... but... it really hurts... cause... I... nev...never wanted..."
"Take deep breaths," said Dave, he sat next to Santana and put an arm around her as she had begun crying again, "It wasn't your fault... the jackass was just looking for someone to take advantage of."
"I knew that, but if I hadn't been so stupid... and kept my guard it wouldn't have happened to me or Britt," said Santana, glaring at the ground, her nails digging into Dave's hand, he ignored it.. she took a deep breath, "As for tonight... I guess when Kurt said that... it hit me, you know... cause with Glee, there's no judgment... it took me by surprise..."
"We'll get back to that... now... the part about you blackmailing me when where apparently on the same team," said Dave, retracting his arm from around her and looking her in the eyes.
"... Can we not dwell on that... I just... I guess.. I know I'm a lesbian," she sighed, "I want to be prom Queen and you to make her jealous..."
"Have you talked to her..."
"Yeah! You know how that went! Like your stupid kiss!" yelled Santana, her anger back in full swing as she shot up, her face was mingled with tears and fury, "I told her I loved her and you know what she said?... She loved Artie!... After I... I told her I was willing to come out if she was with me... if she wanted me... but she... she.."
Dave didn't hesitate this time as Santana was slowly about to go hysterical, he shot up and hugged her, she didn't fight him, in fact she clung to him, crying on him again. She was talking, reminiscing about her and Brittany, telling everything at once, her feelings... middle school... where she'd first kissed her... it was another endless rant filled with the stories.
"I wish …..just go back to the night …. I told her that I was only with... with her... cause Puck wasn't there... Why didn't I just... just sing... sing with her..." said Santana, her sobbing had stopped, but she was still clinging to Dave's Letterman.
"We all wish we could undo things, Santana... but sometimes... you just can't," said Dave, "Fuck, I wish I could go back to middle school and... and change things..."
"Dave... what do you think about when you look at Kurt?" asked Santana, resting her head against Dave's chest.
"What do you think when you look at Brittany?" asked Dave, calmly stroking her hair.
"I think about a lot of things... how things would have been... could have been... walking down the hallways hand in hand again, kissing her... our nights... wishing it had just been me and her to have them... her skin... her smile... her blue eyes... the summer before freshman year... when we had a picnic... and I kissed her... and she kissed back," she felt Dave tense slightly, but relax, "I thought about it... you know... thinking maybe I just loved her... but then I started thinking.. how often I'd find myself looking at girls, how my mind always wandered to what they looked like... touching them... and how with guys... I always said what I'd wanted to tell the girls... but to them..."
"Middle school," said Dave, Santana looked up at him with a raised brow, "There was this day where Mike had been sick and we'd let Kurt play the part of tails... I'd told him he could... because I... I really hated how everyone left him out... cause I really liked that he was different... and.. he smiled at me.. the only genuine smile I'd ever really seen on his face... and it was directed at me... I think about it a lot... mostly because that's where it all changed I guess... We we're having fun, but Az wasn't happy about it, Kurt was annoying him... cause he talked too much or something... so he and Puck told Kurt that Tails died and was an imposter... or some stupid shit... and I'd gone along with it... I hadn't seen him cry before... and I felt like shit... I was going to go talk to him... but then Finn went over by him... I just wish I'd gone over... changed everything.. became his friend... turned everything around."
"Is that what you think of when you look at him?" asked Santana, looking up at him.
"Mostly... but I am a teenager too, Santana... but... it's never dirty..." said Dave, resting his head on hers.
"We're pathetic," said Santana, dropping her head back on his chest, "Both pining over people we can't have..."
"Santana," said Dave, she looked up at him, when had he started crying, it wasn't sobbing, but..., "You have more of a chance than I ever will..."
"No Dave... Kurt is forgiving... and Brittany loves Artie..." said Santana, "Blaine is just a crush..."
"Say that all you want, hun... but you have more with Brittany than Artie ever will," said Dave, giving her a hopeful smile.
"You know.. this is starting to sound like an actual relationship... nicknames... comfort... hell... we're cuddling," said Santana with a small chuckle.
"I'd hate too ruin your day Santana, but this IS a relationship," said Dave, "A fucked up and dysfunctional one... but a relationship non-the less."
"... Damn," chuckled Santana, "This is probably the most honest one I've ever had..."
"... that is pretty freaking sad," said Dave with a small chuckle, she shoved him away playfully.
"Fucker..." said Santana, she smiled, "Come on, let's go watch a movie."
"Whatever, closet-case," said Dave, as she grabbed his hand.
"You bet your ass, Narnia..." said Santana, chuckling.
TBC
