A few more weeks came and went in my new home. I was utterly taken aback by the sheer amount of work Optimus had been putting off during my adjustment period. The first day he was back he got up extremely early for me at least. My parents had decided that sleeping in his sparkling hold would be better where they all could concerned because they could keep an eye on me better. I also could sleep in the bond closer to his spark. There were nights however I chose to sleep on top of Elita's chest plates with her spark chamber open slightly where I had direct access to her spark.
I didn't notice when my dad had gotten up from his recharge and gone to his office at about four that morning, cutting his recharge short of course. He was apparently reading a data pad that irked him something fierce that nudged at the bond and the stronger emotion woke me up from my extended recharge near his spark. The time registered about six in the morning and it was time I got up anyway since I needed Energon.
I stretched that served more to let Optimus or Elita know I was awake and ready to get up (there was a difference). The contours of his sparkling hold were still spacious enough to adjust to my movement. Are you ready to awaken? he asked. The question was put to me every morning sometimes with different wording but with the same soft laughter and tender love behind it. It came in either his or Elita's voice.
Ya, I answered casually with lazy comfort. When I awoke I was in a haze bathed in a glow that reminded me of a sky on a spring day. That blue came to signify the peace and safety I had so longed for. My Dad's chest plates opened slowly and the artificial light flooded the small space.
I rolled into his hands with implicit trust and then looked up at him with a smile. He looked at me and smiled at me but his eyes were slightly dimmed. I nudged him over the bond in light chastisement knowing he'd cut his recharge short. He nodded passed me in explanation. I turned around and looked down at the large desk filled with data pads and a tiny stack of papers that looked human sized. My mouth fell open. Now I'd never seen dad's office but it was HUGE and on the table top there was space he'd set aside for me it seemed with a small comfortable mat and my energon sippy cup waiting for me along with a view screen that already had cartoons playing on it. I smiled at the place he'd created for me. It felt good knowing that he wasn't going to kick me out of the office to somewhere else with someone else while he worked long hours.
I looked at the small place set aside for me again and thought for a moment though about how long this would last. Was it only because I was still adjusting or would he eventually dump me off with someone else to watch during the day? The thought was unnerving and my spark revolted at the thought. Optimus had been distracted momentarily by a data pad in his other hand as his chest armor closed but his optics suddenly returned to my face the feeling permeating the link. The feeling of being abandoned seemed to make a frequent appearance in my mind and it always filtered down the link with my father no matter how slight. He was extra sensitive to that feeling from me, and it was as if he had programmed his spark to recognize that emotion even in the smallest shard. He put down the data pad and pulled me to his face.
"I will never abandon you sparkling," he rumbled softly to me and rubbed a check plate against my small face. I hugged his nose and check with my meager arm length and then let go.
"Ok," was my customary answer because I couldn't say 'I know,' because I didn't. Maybe one day, I hoped soon, I'd believe it. He had been planning to put me on the mat and let me feed myself so he could get back to the data pad he'd had but I could feel his thought process switch to a more intimate way of giving my nourishment as he followed through laying me back into the crook of his arm and giving me the energon as I lay there.
In the time since the disaster in the hallway when I was lost I'd learned how to block parts of the bond. I'd also learned about how much control I had over my emotions which was a lot considering all the people that could influence what I did feel. In the back of my mind while I let my feelings of contentment flow down the link I planned to make it easier for my cybertronian father. The other bots could watch me I don't know why I didn't want to go. There was an uneasiness in my programming that I pushed aside and allowed my adult mind to gloss over in favor of helping my dad.
XXX
The next day I woke up again in my fathers sparkling hold hours after he'd been at work in his office. After allowing me to disembark from his sparkling hold I went to my side of his desk and took my energon as he was soon distracted by a blip on his screen. It was Ironhide contacting telling him that there was a meeting later today with the head brass. He gave me a sideward glance and then looked back at the screen. Ironhide had noticed to as the tone of the conversation turned to how he could get by with just being on screen rather than attending himself. My sparkling programming was pleased by this and a calm came over me however I didn't feel it fair to saddle the bot with the disadvantages that came with having a sparkling but more so with having ME.
"Daddy," I interrupted. He looked at me as both went silent. "You go," I told him in sparkling language. His smile was soft and placating.
"It's alright my sparkling the screen will be sufficient," he ran a hand down my helm and then around to my cheek. The contact almost made me forget why I was arguing but I was stubborn.
"Daddy, go." It was almost a command. Ironhide almost chuckled, but I only heard a clearing of intakes on the other end of the line. My father looked conflicted and then I offered him a way out. "I go wif Bee?"
He smiled again, "Do you wish to spend time with others my spark?"
There was hitch in my thinking a moment where almost everything in me balked at the thought but I shoved it aside. "Yes," I smiled lying for the first time to my dad. It felt wrong everything about what I was doing felt wrong but I forced happy peaceful feelings toward the link.
He nodded and looked back to the screen and looked down keeping a tight reign on my emotions. I'd down this before just not to such a degree to hide it from someone connected to me but old habits die hard. Everything about lying to him was bad. It was wrong to lie especially to my DAD. My good DAD. The loving practically robojesus! I would have laughed at the thought myself if I didn't feel so miserable inside. But the morning went by and soon it was early afternoon and Bumblebee had come by to pick me up to spend some time with him and his charges both Mikaela and Sam.
XXX
The yellow camero came walking in with the two humans on each of his shoulders. They were smiling as he played some song I'd never heard before. Optimus smiled up at his scout. "Bumblebee," he said with a nod. "Sam, Mikaela," he also greeted.
Sir he messaged with a nod. I squeaked and looked up at him. I didn't like the fact I'd be away from my dad but the thought of spending some time with Bumblebee made me perk up. Optimus had tried to broach the subject several times when he thought I was acting weird but I'd just smile and brush off his worry.
"We'll there's the little 'un," someone said through he radio. I didn't know who but I remember that's how he talked. As he came closer to the desk I felt his spark brush against mine and I let him feel mine a little just enough for him to know that I was happy to see him. His antennae perked up and put both hands under my arms pulling me to his chassis like any adult would pick up a toddler.
"Hi Bee!" I said in English. My sentences were limited to just a couple words at a time whatever language I used. His car alarm chirped back at me. I also heard him say hi to me in my commlink. I hugged him and then he held me up to say hi to both Sam and Mikaela. The woman greeted me with a hug as well as the "boy" as they all called him.
We then walked out of the office and I could feel my dad's spark as well as my mom's spark get farther away as we continued to walk out of the base and then into the dessert where Bumblebee changed into his camero form and we took to the streets of a nearby town.
Well needless to say I was happy to be out of the base and looking at a world I had once lived. It was interesting sensing the new world with such sharp senses but also different than I used to have. I was able to look out the window a little but not to high as not to draw attention to myself. Bumblebee had cloaked me in a hologram that looked like a three year old girl. I had blond hair and blue eyes. When I asked him how he knew he just mentally shrugged which I could feel over the commlink and told me he'd sensed it. The car ride and the conversation were funny and fun but in the back of my mind there was still apart of me wanting nothing more than to be back at the base. This felt to fast and too much for his small body.
So when we go back I let myself sink into my mom and dad's arms happily and take a nap in his sparkling hold. My self imposed exile had taken a lot out of me.
XXX
The next few days went like this where I would wake and be allowed to go with a different bot or femme. I spent time with everyone even an afternoon with Will and Epps. Several of the soldiers in their core group got to know me too. I had to admit the game of duck duck goose with one sparkling and five grown men was funny.
But by the time the fifth day rolled around the strain of the separations during the day and the stress of keeping up guards and barriers inside the link was exhausting. I'd slept way past my normal time to get up and I felt a nudge on the bond that brought my CPU toward alertness but there was a spike in fear that I couldn't control and I rolled up closer to his spark. I felt the sparkling programming much like the child in me crying against another day away from this safety. The walls were thin by now and threatening to spill over the unpleasantness and almost panic at times being away from him and my mother. For Elita she was in and out of Prime's office at least four times a day to connect with me when I was there and to see her sparkmate. The completed triangle made me feel safer and more whole than I did when separated.
My dad immediately picked up on the rising fear and pulled me out of his sparkling hold with a swiftness that scared me more. He pulled me to his chest in his arms. "Steel, what is wrong? Your spark is besot with fear and dread." I sighed letting my sparkling programming lead to another crying spell it had been a week I was entitled damn it. The barriers that I'd erected between our bonds broke like dams holding back water and the unfilled time needed next to his and my mom's sparks came to the forefront. It was as if I had a deficit of bonding time which was not unheard of in the human world but needing this much? I thought there was something wrong with me. "Dear Primus sparkling your suffering from spark bond deficiency!" he felt the full force of my sparks weakness that I hadn't seem to notice. As a human I hadn't known what it felt like. I was under the impression that the flow and ebb were natural cycles of the organ. Optimus was immediatnly on his feet.
"RATCHET!" My father yelled and my mother was coming up the same hallway worry in her optics. Her spark chamber was already opening as was Primes even as they were running towards the med bay. Somewhere between the med bay and his office he had commed medibot and he had everything ready when the doors hissed open quickly. "Ratch she fluctuating even with our sparks open."
"Her barriers have interfered with the flow of energy between you three," Ratchet told him taking me from him. I whimpered now being serpated from both me parents again. He scanned me and I didn't flinch a bit. My lack of protestations and spirit made him worry. "Why in the pit did she block you?" he asked completely stunned, "sparklings shouldn't even be able to construct this kind of block I've bot to insert some type of programming to stop this type of interference…,"
He was about to say something else when both Optimus and I cried out simaltanoiusly, "NO!" Ratchet looked at him then me.
"Well why the slag not?" he asked Prime.
"She needs the ability to block when she deems it necessary" he answered vaguely.
"No sparkling needs to block their creator its not healthy as you can see the extended periods of time she's spent away from you had caused the spark bond deficiency."
"Ratchet she needs her freedom to do this she was unaware that the block could lead to this," he said rubbing my back.
With a cross but resigned look he sighed, "Alright Prime, you're the care taker you know best." He then put me on the berth and began to hook my spark chamber up to paddles that looked similar to the ones they used in hospitals to monitor heart beats. "Why in the pit did you put up the bonds in the first place sparkling?" he asked me pointedly with an edge of worry in his voice.
"Daddy need work," I clicked at him. "No wanna keep him," my words became jumbled and my clicks descended into warbles of distress and I started to cry. "Sorry daddy, I lie," this is what brought the cries of sorrow.
My fathers face was suddenly still and his lip plates set in a firm line. I could tell he was angry the link was flooded with the sudden flare. It nearly burned through me. I instinctively reared back from him scooting as far away from him on the berth as possible as quickly as I could. I almost fell but caught myself. The reply of fear from my spark almost instantaneously in response to his rage snapped him out of his mood and brought him closer to me with reassuring love and forgiveness. My mother had circled around the other way sending me the same feelings. The fear that had blossomed in the heat of his mad was not quelled so easily though. He reached for me and I ducked out of the way and went towards my mother. She caught me in her hands and looked at Optimus.
"Sparkling," he started as he walked towards me and I wailed. It was a audio piercing sound of terror that he'd heard only a few times in all his orns. Elita's creator programming kicked in and pulled me farther away from him cradling me near her spark. The protective gesture and feelings emanating form her link to me nudged that door between us open even more and I felt her feelings of safety flood my panicking spark. Prime just stood their stunned but didn't move toward us at all. His sorrow flowed to Elita and I making my mom give him a comforting look. But it took me a minute or two to let her bond finally filter out the terror and then let his feelings of love and reassurance and sorrow at scaring me register in my processor.
He could feel the change as I turned to look at him. Ratchet was on the other side of the room watching the exchange. I'd ripped off all his monitoring equipment but he didn't seem to care he watched to see how this would turn out I guessed somewhere in my CPU. But my focus was on my dad large red and blue and looking utterly defeated. Never in any show, cartoon, or movie had I seen this look of desolation on his face. I realized then my end of the bond hadn't been unblocked. Wishing to wipe that look from his face plates I quickly undid the block conscious now of it and sent him my love back. His eyes looked to me brightening and his posture straightening.
"My spark?" he asked me opening his hands. I reached for him allowing my sparkling protocols to take control. I needed him and the best way to do that was to just be a baby again. He pulled me to his chest and allowed the bond between us to just flood me with his affection and tender care. All my misgivings were washed away in the torrent of his love. "Steel, I was not upset with you," I looked up at him.
"No me?"
"Not at you no, at myself!" he hugged me again and I couldn't see his optics. "I was aware that new sparklings need that proximity and I allowed you to go with every mech but your father during the time of attachment and adjustment." His explanation made sense as to why my spark had begun to ache the last day and a half. "There is much to being a cybertronian, my daughter," he whispered only to me. "I must remember that your other instincts can interferer with that." And he left it at that not giving away to much incase the others heard but it was a reminder to me too to allow those babybot programs to guide my actions when it came to the matters of my cybertronian body. I think I'd just do that.
Ratchet who had been watching the whole thing finally spoke up, "Prime, you need to take off the next two days. That should be enough time to effectively return her spark back to its optimal levels." Optimus nodded without hesitation.
"Yes, Ratchet."
"But work…?" I asked him.
"There are things I am willing to sacrifice to get things done, an hour of recharge, free time for myself, but you are not on that list. You come first before everything my sparkling. Especially datapads that can go to the pit." I smiled. His determination, honesty and love surrounded me in a hug inside and his large hands on the outside. "Never doubt that."
"Ok," was all I could say in return my gratitude and love for the giant semi. He was everything next to Elita and I knew now things would have to go slower, slower than I wanted but to keep us all sane I could deal with this. Elita rubbed my back joining the three way hug and I wrapped a hand around her finger. Ratchet apparently wasn't quite done yet though.
"Sparkling, please remember your spark needs your creators. As a sparklet your spark is still new and they help make sure its stable until your larger frame is ready to completely take over the task." Wow so there was a biological reason that creators bonded with their sparklings. I was floored.
"Ya?" I asked surprised.
Ratchets reaction was that of surprise also. "You didn't know?" I shook my head. "Alright I don't know who created you and left you with so devoid of the essential programming for sparklings but there are going to get a wrench of their aft exhaust port when and if I ever find them," he huffed angrily. But his anger made me laugh. It was on my behalf and not at me. His face plates relaxed at once with the sounds of my laughter. The bright yellow/green medic walked over and ran a hand down my helm. "I am glad you are functional sparkling. Go with your creators now and don't pull a stunt like that again." He waggled a finger at me half heartedly. I could feel his spark brush against mine and I let him connect to it momentarily feeling his care for me. I smiled and nodded. So with a nod from Optimus and Elita which I assumed was in response to directions sent to them via commlink we left for our shared quarters for a nap I supposed.
