Hello readers! I first want to apologize to the people I have not pmed back yet-I am in the middle of a giant update/writing spree, but I will now be able to get back t you soon. And I've been productive, finishing this chapter, another chapter for a separate story, a one-shot for another fandom, and starting a new story for this one. So I am not getting back to you because I don't want to talk; I am simply very busy!

Anonymous reviews:

mr . jellycup: Yay! I'm glad it went the way you liked! But don't rest yet-we're still on a pretty crazy roller-coaster with these two! But thank you for this lovely review. And it's not problem. I love to show my readers/reviewers how much I appreciate them.

kwabbee patteh: Better late than never, neh? But I'm glad it was worth it! Makes me feel all warm inside. And the loyal fan part just had me smiling and feeling so happy. *hugs* Thank you for sticking with me and enjoying what I've written. It means an whole lot to me!

And I want to thank everyone else too! This story wouldn't be possible without your support, so thank you so much!

This chapter I was all, "Blargh" about when I first wrote it, but the second read through made me more at piece. I'm sure editing helped with that. Still, I hope it's all right to all of you! But I should stop talking. Thank you all for reading and putting up with my long author's note.


Waking comes slowly. Hope cuddles into warm skin and covers, scrunching his eyes at the oncoming light pouring from his bedroom window. As the sun's rays beam into his eyelids, he hides beneath the blankets and growls, muttering incoherently. He presses himself further into someone's back, the heat radiating from the flesh hitting him like a sledgehammer. Eyes shooting open, he yanks himself up and stares down at Serah as she slumbers beneath him, still oblivious to the waiting world.

Hope's stomach clenches and flutters at the same time, and he's not sure if he wants to vomit or wrap his legs around Serah and go back to sleep.

"Oh man. Oh man, oh man!" Rubbing at his face, Hope sits up and pulls his knees with him, rustling the covers. Serah stirs, causing Hope to freeze. A bead of sweat rolls down his temple until Serah settles again.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Hope sighs. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

His body still thrums from last night, and he is hard-pressed to forget the pleasures he felt. The thought of Serah as she seduced him, said she needed him, kissed his-

So. Not. Helping.

Absently scratching himself, Hope throws his legs over the side of the bed and stares down at the carpet, mind buzzing. I mean, what do we even do now? Are we an item? An illicit item? I guess illicit is sort of a given, but still...

What about her? Does she regret it? She's the one who initiated it, but that doesn't mean a person can't regret starting something. But...what if she doesn't? Do I want it?

He glances back at her, heart twisting in his chest. Of course I do. She-she's amazing. And, I know I can help her if she'll let me. But-but what about Snow?

A heavy, cold weight sits on Hope's chest, and he slams his eyes shut. I'm angry at the guy, but I'm not that angry. And he saved my life! A lot! And what do I do? I sleep with his wife!

The wife he's been ignoring.

But it's still wrong!

But, I-I really like her-

But it's Snow!

Groaning, he presses the palms of his hands to his eyes. Soon after, he brings his knees up to his face and buries his face, muffling a frustrated cry. Desperate tears threaten his eyes, and he shakes his head and rubs his face into knees until he leaves the skin red raw.

"Why can't this be simple?" His legs fall loosely onto the floor and Hope tilts his head toward the ceiling. "What do I even do?"

Moaning from the bed stops him, eyes swiveling behind as Serah moves again. Hope turns around and crawls back into bed, hovering over her with worried eyes. Serah curls around herself briefly, then stretches out, arms reaching up and toes pointing straight down. Hope bites his lip, blushing at how easily she moves and realizing they are both still very, very naked.

Leaping out of bed, he throws open several drawers and pulls out his smallest clothes for Serah, while hastily throwing on boxers, baggy sweatpants, and sweatshirt for him. He holds the clothes for Serah as if they are grenades, inching back to the bed and kneeling by her side.

She continues to stretch like a kitten, but Hope pauses at the slight scrunch of her face and the way she groans. He leans in, catching the slight sheen of her skin before her eyes snap open and meet his.

Breath catching, he stares at her for a full minute. Her eyes are wide and totally focused on him, although Hope's sure she's realized that she is naked. And as the blush comes to her face, he's now sure she's remembered what happened last night.

Her mouth opens and she brings her hands to cover it, tears already flowing over her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Hope ignores the painful, twisting, icy stab to his chest and thrusts the clothes at her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says, over and over, waiting for her to sob and tell him to leave, and he would, even if it was his house. I took advantage of her. I took advantage of my friend's wife and now she hates and I can't believe I did this!

Serah's trembling hands grab his, pulling the clothes and him towards her. Hope flinches when her watering eyes brush against his knuckles, but she lifts her lips up and kisses each finger, still quaking from head to toe. Panic surges through Hope and he's scrambling for something to say, although his mind turns up blank.

Serah stops the need. "No. No... I know what you're thinking. No, I don't-I don't regret it." Hope's eyebrows disappear into his bangs and Serah manages a wet chuckle. "Really, I don't. It's just-I-I did...Snow. I feel bad for what I've done to Snow."

She says it with a sob and Hope fights it, but a small cry escapes him too. It's a small and strangled sound, but it bubbles from him despite his efforts to squash it. He bows his head to hide his eyes, and the thoughts swirl and stab him, words like 'traitor' coming up a lot. His eyes are far too hot and he let's out another cry, drowned out by Serah's.

But she shifts until she's sitting up, pulling Hope with her. She bites her lip long enough to quell the next sob, watching Hope as tears drip away from his face. Still crying herself, Serah's mouth parts and she cups his jaw, tilting his gaze toward her.

"This is the first time I've seen you cry, I think. And it's my fault. I'm sorry, Hope." He shakes his head, tries to get out that he chose to be with her too, but she talks over his thoughts. "But I can never regret what we did last night. Or that I woke up in bed beside you."

"S-Serah..."

"I-We-made that decision. And..." she pauses for breath, blinking away new tears, "I'm so glad we did. Because-because even though I-I have done unforgivable things, you are still here. You have been, every step of-of the way-"

Serah pauses, bringing a hand to her head and swaying side to side. Hope bites down the last cry, blinking fast as Serah struggles to continue. "Sorry," she mumbles. "Anyway, I just-I want you to know that I-"

She stops again, shuddering. Her arms curl around her stomach and Hope jumps up, hands on her shoulders as he inspects her face. "Serah? Serah, what's wrong?" He looks closer at her cheeks, swearing when he realizes the blush from before has hardly gone down. Not all of that's from crying...

"Lay back down for a second." He pushes her back on the bed, worrying his lip when Serah barely protests. He brushes her bangs from her face, pressing a hand to her forehead and his free arm to his own. Her skin burns, the heat leaving a warm patch on Hope's arm as he pulls away. "No, no, you're sick. You're sick."

Serah shakes her head, grabbing his hand and smiling. She rubs the last of her tears away. "I'm not sick, Hope. You're overreacting."

"We'll see about that." Hope steps out and Serah sighs at the clatter she hears down the hall. Minutes later Hope is back with an electronic thermometer in hand, coaxing Serah up and sticking the thing in her mouth. Serah rolls her eyes but rests languidly in Hope's arms, eyes fluttering closed. Hope's gaze switches between her and the thermometer, and he bounces up and down as he waits for the beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Pulling it out, he groans at the number and sets Serah back in the covers, narrowing his eyes when she looks at him. "102 degrees, Serah. Yeah, you're not sick at all."

Her blush deepens, and she glances away. "That's not so bad."

"Tell me that when you're able to stand." Hope screeches when Serah actually tries, pushing her back down and hissing. "I was kidding. You're staying put!" He runs a hand through his hair, twirling the thermometer in his hands. "See? This is what happens when you stand in the freezing rain for goodness knows how long."

"Hope," Serah mumbles.

He leans over her and presses his forehead to hers. "Now what am I going to do with you?"

Serah rubs at her freshly burning eyes. "I-I guess take care of-"

"Of course I'm taking care of you. It's just...well..." Hope slowly pulls away, eyes skittering between her and the door. "Just...give me a second." He walks out again, heading back to the bathroom and opening the counter drawers and rummaging through the medicine rack on the wall.

Well, the medicine rack that had a total of one box of cottons swabs, anti-bacterial band-aids, a razor, and one thing of ibuprofen. His heart sinks and he pulls the one bottle of medicine from the shelf, returning to Serah with his tail between his legs. When she spots him in the doorway he waves the bottle as some sort of surrender flag, eyes scrunched. "See...this is about all I have in terms of medicine."

Serah's mouth drops in horror and Hope braces for impact. "What do you mean that's all you have? What do you do when you get sick!" His own jaw dropping in surprise, he rushes to her side and shakes his head.

"T-that's not the point! I hardly have anything I can help you with!"

"What do you-you mean!" She closes her eyes as a wave of hot nausea hits her, briefly pressing her face to the pillows before glaring up at him. "You can't live alone and have barely anything! That's ridiculous. And don't-don't give me something about hardly getting sick, because that is no excuse."

Hope's mouth snaps shut, eyes dropping to the floor. "But, I really don't."

"Hope, you're impossible sometimes." They catch each other's eyes and for a moment, every bad thought and feeling of guilt dissolves. They are only trying to help each other, to support the warmth that has grown between them, and Hope is almost overwhelmed by the flood of heat that blooms in his chest. His breath catches and he brushes away a stray lock of Serah's hair, smiling as she watches him.

"Sorry. I guess...I'm not used to this."

"I'm not either, Hope." She 'tsks' at his darkening eyes, grabbing his hand. "Not this kind of attention. It's different. In a good way." She rubs at her head, the pounding headache reminding her of the illness. "But, we still have to do something about your paltry supply of...medicine."

"I can swing by your place-"

"No," she says firmly. "You are going to march to a store and buy some of your own supplies. I will not have you living here with-with-this as your only means of remedy." Waving at the bottle, Hope nods.

"Fine, you win. But-but..." he looks at her, then the door, back at her, then the door. Over and over until she intervenes.

"Hope-"

"I don't want to leave you here by yourself!" He looks back at her, standing and pacing his room. "I mean, you're sick! What kind of guy would I be if I left you here alone while you feel like crap? A lousy one!"

"Hope, no-"

He throws his hands in the air. "But if I don't go, you're only gonna feel worse, and I don't want that either! But what about you? What if something happens and I'm gone and there's not way I can help you!"

"Hope!" Her voice cracks and Hope freezes, eyes lighting with new worry.

"Serah, oh no, are you okay?"

Serah sighs again, her shoulders slumping. "Hope...just get me a glass of water so I can take some of these. And stop worrying. You know what I'm going to do while you're gone? Sleep. That's it. I won't try anything. I won't make breakfast; I don't even have an appetite right now. I won't make any attempts to do what you deem 'risky' while you're gone. Except...well, put on some clothes. So...just go!"

Hope catches his lip between his teeth, nodding as he moves out of the room and returns with a cool glass of water. He pops open the bottle, hands her the pills, and waits until she gulps the them down before standing. He wrings his hands a few times, making several false starts before Serah throws a pillow at him and sends him on his way.


By the time he reaches the store, he is halfway between laughing hysterically and crashing Serah's car, and curling into a ball until his thoughts sort themselves out. The temptation to just sit in the parking lot almost overtakes him, but he knows Serah is sick and needs his help, and he'll be damned before ignoring her.

Yeah, and look what not ignoring her has done for you. What are you going to say to Snow? Oh, sorry, I just find your wife incredibly attractive, tried to help her as through her loneliness, and we just happened to have sex? That'll work well. He'll hate your guts. He'll punch you. Over and over and over.

Hope groans as he enters the store, the chime as the door opens and shuts grating his frayed nerves. And what do we do now? Serah-back there she said she doesn't regret it. Does that mean we're in a relationship? What about Snow? And Lightning? And everyone else we know? Do I want this? Does she really want this or is she just trying to look out for my feelings?

Ugh, why can't I sort this out!

Shaking his head, he grabs a small basket and beelines for the medicine aisle. He looks through the bottles and boxes, stomach sinking as he realizes he has no idea what is wrong with Serah. Before long, he's just shoving various medicines into his basket; headache relievers, sleep aids, throat sprays, bandages, more band-aids, nasal sprays, cold reducers, flu reducers, pepto, and more. By the time he's done his basket is more than half-full of medicine.

"Hopefully she can help me sort this out. I didn't take a good checklist of her symptoms." He pauses, biting his lip. "Will she be staying for a while? Will she need anything else? L-like lady things?" His face burns at the words, but before he can truly contemplate it, he hears an all to familiar voice.

"Is that you, Mr. Estheim?"

The wind blows from Hope's lungs and he whips around to conform the absolute horror for himself. His anatomy professor is marching up to him, her short red hair burning into his mind and her brown eyes lighting up. She smirks when she sees how pale he's gotten at her appearance, chuckling. "Glad to see you too!"

"I-I'm sorry, Professor Gisli. It's just-um-I didn't really expect to see you. Right here. At this very moment in time." You know, at the very worst moment. But why not? Everything else is spiraling out of control.

"I know, it's so weird that I'd actually need to buy things too." Rolling her eyes, she peeks at Hope's basket. "Goodness, what's with all this?"

Hope holds back a groan. Escaping a conversation is now impossible. "A friend is sick and I'm taking care of her is all. Except, well, I didn't really check to see what she's sick with. So I'm just getting one of everything."

"A lady friend, huh?" Her smile turns devilish and Hope takes a step back. "Now, this wouldn't be the lady friend Noel told me you got, would it? The one who managed your turnaround in my class?"

Wondering just how hot his face can be and swearing that Noel would die the next time he saw him, Hope nods. "Y-yeah, her. She-she stayed the night but-don't look at me like that! What do you care, you're a professor?"

She giggles, biting her thumb. "You always get so flustered, Estheim. You know I like a good bit of gossip! And if you want my advice, get some pads and tampons, some razors, nice-smelling soaps, and anything else that looks good from that aisle." She points to the one in the back of the store and Hope shakes his head.

"Anywhere but there."

"Weren't you talking about getting things like that anyway? You want her to feel welcome, right? And did you use a condom?" She sets a deep frown on her face, but her eyes are bright and way too happy for Hope's taste.

"I'm leaving now," Hope grinds out, marching away from his teacher.

"Condoms prevent mistakes!"

Hope's face falls as she shouts it through the store, and tears sting his eyes at the pure embarrassment flaring his cheeks. Eyes from nearly everyone in the store zone in on him and he bows his head, hurrying to the aisle and begging whoever's in charge to just kill him now.

"Why? Why? Is there really no such thing as a normal professor? And her-she's another tier of weird altogether!" He swallows hard and grabs blindly at packages marked pads and tampons, wondering briefly what the hell wings were and why they needed to be on anything like this.

"Her and her stupid advice," he grumbles, picking out a few soaps and grabbing some razors. He pauses at a purple loofah and shrugs, throwing it inside. "Why not? My pride's been through the shredder anyway." A woman passes him, raising an eyebrow and walking away with hurried steps.

Hope sighs. "And I'm talking to myself. That doesn't seem crazy."

He heads for the counter and pays for his things, determinedly looking anywhere but Professor Gisli. Her laughter worms its way into his head and it takes all his restraint not to cover his ears and shout 'la la la' just loud enough for her to hear. As soon as he can he rushes out of the store and nearly dives into the car, pulling away with record time.

But as soon as he's on the road and the burning shame of his professor's words catch up with him, he realizes he did not use a condom. New panic bloom in his stomach and he screams, slamming his head on the steering wheel and causing the horn to sound. Snapping back up, he steadies himself on the road and takes a turn, shaking his head.

Relax, Hope. Relax. Just-just ask Serah about it when we get back. Just add another thing on the plate of over complicated. It's an all you can eat buffet of difficulty!

Why? Why is this happening?

What do I do?


Serah stifles a sob as she curls around Hope's pillow, tear tracks running down the fabric. She's too hot in the face but the rest of her body feels like ice; chills have long ago set into her bones and no matter how much she covers up she can't get warm.

Her mind plagues her with images of Snow, broken face and desperate as she tells him what she's done. But no matter how much she tries, the regret does not pool inside her. Instead, she yearns to see Hope and have him hold her again, wiping away the tears and giving her the warmth she needs.

"What are you doing, Serah?" she asks herself, pulling the blankets and and clenching them tightly in her hands. "It's not fair to either of them." Her heart twists and implodes and bursts all at once, and she's left reeling at the sensation. Closing her eyes, she tries to calm herself, wishing for something to soothe her. In an instant, Hope's face swims into her mind, a soft smile spreading across his features. His eyes are stuck on her and he laughs, although she's not sure about what.

The word 'love' whispers in her mind and her eyes shoot open. "What do I do?" Serah rocks herself, curling her knees up to her chest and groaning. "Nothing makes sense now."

Hope's door opens and Serah whips around, hissing when the world sways. Hope gasps and hurries to her side, catching her before she falls over the bed. "I said be careful with yourself. This isn't careful!"

A half-sob, half-laugh escapes her and she shakes her head. "You worry too much."

"You're crying." Her eyes widen as Hope brushes her cheeks. Heart skipping, she nods.

"Yeah...just-just a little bit."

"It doesn't look like a little bit." There's a pause in his voice that catches Serah's ear. Hope's eyes darken, but he smiles and lifts her completely, setting her on the bed proper and bringing the covers back over. Serah sits up, sensing a shift in the air but not sure what it means. Hope's eyes remain downcast as he pulls a bag over and starts pulling boxes and bottles out of it.

"I forgot to really ask what was wrong with you before leaving," he says, his voice low. His hands tremble and Serah bites her lip as he shows her several bottles. "Chills, fever, sore throat, a bunch of stuff. Just tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong with you?" Serah shrinks when his gaze snaps to her, quickly adding, "Well, you know, right now? You-I don't know, you seem different."

He smiles and Serah almost shudders at the fakeness. "What are you talking about? I'm just fine."

"No, you're not." She grabs his hand and pulls him forward. "What's wrong?" She looks down, eyes searching the blankets. Her eyes widen and she whips her head back up. "Wait..."

Serah pulls his head toward hers and captures his lips, pushing his lips softly before pulling away.

"S-Serah?" Hope says, awestruck.

"I'm not crying because I don't want to be with you." She closes her eyes and lowers herself to the pillows, exhaustion catching up with her muscles. "I-I think I'm crying because I want to be."

Hope blinks, mouth slightly parted. "How could you-"

"Tell?" Serah chuckles. "Maybe you're amazing perception skills are rubbing off on me." Fresh tears prick the corners of her eyes and Hope grabs her hand, squeezing. She takes a deep breath, sighing. "I bet you've been as flustered as me. And I'm sorry for that. It's-I mean..." Her eyes meet his and she shakes her head. "I don't think I deserve this. I know-know I shouldn't be doing this."

Everything about her hurts. Her muscles and bones ache and her heart is so tired and weary. A heavy weight sits on her chest and she trembles. Her mind searches in vain for the right words to say, so her mouth does the talking on auto.

"But, when I look at you, and when you do things for me...it's something else. I feel different. And-and then you go and talk about things like college; about how I'd do great there."

"You would do great, Serah!"

Serah smiles, a tear rolling down her face. "See? You do things like that and-and it makes me so happy. I don't know how else to explain it." She tries sitting up again, ignoring Hope's protests. "When I'm with you...I feel...more complete, somehow. I feel like myself again, and I didn't even realize I wasn't until I started hanging out with you." She cups his jaw, her fingertips brushing the ends of his hair. He closes his eyes and breathes, placing his hand on top of hers.

"So...I don't think I regret this. I don't think I ever could. I'm crying...because of who this is going to hurt. That's all."

Hope eventually nods but says nothing, instead rubbing circles into Serah's hand. She closes her eyes with him, humming a bit and smiling and crying all at once. And her heart still hurts. And a lot of things still don't make sense to her, and she isn't sure what she should do.

But he is there with her.

She blinks when Hope clears his throat, looking up at him with raised eyebrows. "Um...Serah?"

Serah giggles at his hesitation, biting her lip. "Yes?"

"Do-I mean...I know you're confused. And I'm confused too. And-and we might regret it later. And it might not be right. But..." Hope closes his eyes, chest swelling before he meets her gaze again. "I-I want to stay with you. I want to keep helping you see how-how great you really are. I want to help you be confident again. And-and I guess I just really want to spend time with you." His cheeks are bright red and he's sweating bullets.

"Hope..."

He tilts her head and kisses her, licking her lips and nibbling until she sighs. As he pulls back, his eyes lighten. "Will you stay with me?"

"What a silly question." She ruffles his hair, eyes warm. "I'm in pretty deep as it is. Besides...I want to spend time with you myself." She buries her head in the crook of his neck, a few stray tears escaping her. The weight on her lifts and presses, and she wants to sleep. Hope wraps his arms around her and brings her close.

"No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you."

Serah nods. "No matter what." Hope chuckles, kissing her on the top of the head. Swaying her back and forth, they stay there for a long time. Serah is almost rocked asleep when Hope asks in a quiet, scared voice.

"S-Serah, you are on birth control, right?" Her eyes snap open and she peels away. Hope jumps but is to slow to stop the pillow from slamming into his head.

"Get some more headache medicine, Hope." She holds back a grin, fixing her eyes in as mean a glare as she can. "And of course I do! I would have forced a condom on you otherwise."

Hope scrambles away, laughing himself and calling back that she needs more liquids. Serah sighs, smiling a bit while she looks down at her lap. In the back of her mind, she wonders again what's she's doing and where she's going.

The guilt does not disappear into the air.

But neither does their bond.