Chapter Seven - Mistakes
Taylor, Hayley and Jeremy decided that they'd be working solidly writing music for the next two weeks, and everyday they've invited me round to listen in. It's meant Taylor and I haven't been able to spend as much time alone, but let's just say we've taken full advantage of the breaks. Take that what way you will.
Today, I offered to go out and buy everyone a coffee from Starbucks, or in my case any drink with chocolate in it. Taylor spent ages trying to decide what he wanted, and kept calling me back every time I left the room thinking he'd made his mind up. I tried to look annoyed with his flightiness, but he'd just laugh and get flustered and grin at me, so I wasn't able to look even slightly annoyed as my own smile gave me away. Eventually I just wrote down everyone's choice on a list on my Blackberry.
Now I'm at the back of the queue, squinting at the menu board, but people in front of me keep getting in the way and soon enough the writing just blurs into a white, indistinguishable lump. I sigh huffily and whip out my phone, checking back to the list. The door to Starbucks opens behind me, a humid draft colliding with my back. I continue to scroll through my phone, absently looking at old emails as I have nothing better to do while waiting in line. Then a slightly sweaty guy in front of me shifts his weight, inching closer to me, and I step back instinctively to avoid his stained t-shirt pressing into my face. But as I step back I walk into whoever's behind me and now I'm trapped between BO bloke and a stranger. The stranger behind me moves out of the way, allowing me to put enough space between me and Mr. Sweaty. I turn around to apologise to whoever I stepped on, but suddenly the words get stuck in my throat like dry bread.
It's Josh Farro.
You know those situations where it's so awkward you just want to laugh? That's exactly what it's like right now; I could just laugh right in Josh's face because I can't think of a single thing to say. Do I act like I don't recognise him? Should I be friendly towards him? Should I just say 'hi' then blank him from then on in?
Josh just stares down at me, looking a little awkward himself, but that intense look is still wrapped around his irises, making me squirm.
"Oh, hi," I say, smiling politely, trying not to let myself be too put off by the sharpness of his eyes.
"Hi again," Josh replies, his eyes darting off to the right for a second before returning to their intensity. "I'm Josh, by the way."
"Callie," I reply.
"So you were with Taylor, at The Cheesecake Factory?"
"Yeah." What else can I add? I don't really want to elaborate or anything because I don't know what Josh is like. He could be a bit of a twat like that blog post made out, or he could in fact be alright. There's two sides to the whole thing. There's the spiteful Josh in the exit statement and the calmer Josh in the MTV interview. One of those could be a persona, and I don't want to get on the wrong side of him. This isn't my fight.
"So are you and Taylor together?" Josh asks. The door opens again and the warm draft twines through Josh's hair, ruffling it.
I feel my cheeks redden and I internally shout at myself to stop it. "Yeah, I guess." It's the first time I've actually properly thought about it. I don't really put labels on things, like 'boyfriend and girlfriend' as that just sounds too kiddie. But I suppose that's what Taylor and I are.
"So how is Taylor?" Josh continues with his 20 Questions. I feel like saying, 'why don't you ask him yourself?', but that could come across more bitter than it's meant to be.
"He's fine, just writing songs."
"Taylor's a really good writer." Why is he telling me this? What's with all the questions? It feels like he's just filling in for something he wants to say but doesn't know how to. "So how's everyone else? Jeremy and Hayley?" he adds, and I feel like just punching him and saying, 'stop asking me, ask them yourself if you really care'.
"They're a lot happier," I say before I can stop myself, and I almost slap my hand over my mouth. I'm being too bitter, too judgemental. This isn't my fight. That came out entirely wrong.
Josh's polite smile disappears and I feel my stomach drop. "Some people aren't too happy and there's not a lot I can do about it," he retaliates. Was that a dig at me as well as at Paramore?
"Well, what you said was hurtful, and people don't really know who to believe. I suppose maybe if you had been a bit more tactful then you'd at least be on talking terms with the rest of Paramore," I reason, scraping out any bitterness from my voice. I don't want to make this any worse.
"What, so like I can't say the truth?" Josh says, and I can tell he's getting angrier as the seconds go by.
"You can say the truth without hurting the fans, and without hurting Hayley. You picked on Jeremy but you saved a lot of the hate for Hayley." I feel a sense of pride rush into me. I've known Hayley for nearly two weeks now, and I know that's not enough time to fully discern someone's character, but not once has she been bitchy towards me or bossy about the band. I just think it's unfair. I suppose I'll never know what went on during the years Josh and Zac were in Paramore, but if Hayley was a bitch she doesn't seem like one now.
The corners of Josh's mouth downturn and the intensity grows in his eyes. "What do you care anyway? Why do you even care about Hayley?"
"Because," I start, not really knowing what to say. "Because what you said about her was nasty." I can feel my cheeks heating up, mirroring Josh's own anger. "And because I haven't actually seen the bitch you described. She's been nothing but nice to me."
"She'll turn on you when she can't get her own way," Josh almost seems to blurt out. The rage in his eyes quickly fizzles out, the firework having exploded, and a look of regret flickers in its place. The corners of his mouth right themselves and his lips part in shock. I don't know now whether that statement was meant to be nasty to me or Hayley.
I stare at him in disbelief, now no longer wary of meeting his eyes. I can't think of anything to say over the swirling mass of anger in my head, screeching round, snagging any reasonable thoughts before they can voice themselves. So instead of saying anything I just storm past Josh.
"Look, Callie," he tries to begin but I ignore him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Callie wait. Callie! I'm sorry, alright?"
I keep on walking, out of Starbucks, across the car park. I don't stop till I'm in my car and safely driving away. I've known Josh for, what, five minutes? And he already finds it in himself to argue with me? I know I started it but I tried to end it; I tried to apologise in a roundabout way. Why did he have to go and be like that?
