7 – A Little Braver
The last week of holidays went by without any major disruptions. But that week after christmas was still one of the best weeks that Neville had spent at Hogwarts. During mealtimes he sat with Haley, Hermione and Ron. In itself that was nothing new but now they actually included him in their conversations. Well, most of the time. There were still moments in their conversations where he felt left out or didn't understand references to events that he hadn't been part of. But even so, it was still an improvement. On the last weekend before classes were going to start again they even did their homework together. The four of them. It had been really nice. Neville kept thinking that it was all too good to be true. That sooner or later they would realise that they didn't want him to hang around all the time or that they would get bored of him. And Haley… He wasn't exactly sure where he stood with her. Most of the time she treated him like a friend. Or like she had always treated him. Except she smiled more and sometimes she touched his arm, seemingly without thinking about it. If she only knew how her casual touch left his skin tingling even hours later. But what did it all mean? Or did it mean nothing and he was just worrying uselessly?
Neville spotted the willow in some distance away. He was on the way to his thinking spot. Perhaps being around the plants would help him get his thoughts in order. As he neared the willow he saw with relief that the magical cover was still protecting his plants. He still felt guilty that he had almost forgotten about the plants since the night of the Yule Ball. There had been so many other things on his mind. But that was no excuse of course.
He knelt down in front of the patch and moved the cover to the side.
"Merlin!" He muttered excitedly under his breath. What was that? Was that really…? He had to go and tell Haley!
…
Back in the castle he stopped to wonder where the Gryffindor might be at that time. He should have thought about that before. In the common room maybe? Standing in the Entrance Hall, he looked around. There were people streaming toward the Great Hall coming from all sides. Right, it was close to dinner time. If he simply waited here, Haley would surely show up as well. There was a group of Gryffindors descending from the moving staircase. Was Haley among them? There were Dean and Seamus, Lavender and Parvati and... there behind the two girls he spotted Haley and behind her Ron and Hermione. Parvati noticed him first. She gave Lavender a nudge and whispered something to her. Were they talking about him? The two girls started to giggle and turned toward Haley. It seemed like they were telling her something, while gesticulating wildly. What were they talking about? Finally, Haley looked up and met Neville's nervous gaze. She smiled warmly. As they were coming closer he could see the girls grin at Haley smugly and he even heard bits of their conversation.
"See, that's what I meant... just admit it," Lavender advised, while Parvati nodded and Haley rolled her eyes.
"Hey Neville," Haley greeted him, as soon as she had reached him, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you since lunch."
"I…" He started, watching the other Gryffindors enter the Great Hall. Aside from Lavender and Parvati who were not quite hiding the fact that they were trying to eavesdrop. "What was that about?" Neville asked, glancing over at the two girls.
"Oh. Nothing. They were just being silly," Haley answered lightly but as she was saying that a faint blush appeared on her cheeks. She was wearing her hair up in a small ponytail. Neville thought she looked incredibly cute.
"They weren't… talking about me, right?" He asked, looking at the ground and feeling foolish for asking that.
"I didn't know you were this self-absorbed," Haley teased with a chuckle.
He looked up. She was grinning at him in a playful manner. Automatically, he grinned back. She had that effect on him. There was snickering from the back. Neville turned to Parvati and Lavender who were still watching them. But they weren't the only ones watching. Well, Haley and him were kind of standing in the middle of the Hall, so…
"They weren't talking about you, okay?" Haley said softly. Did he look this worried? She took his hand gently and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Are you not hungry? Don't you want to come in?"
"Sure – I mean – not now. We need to go outside." He only now remembered why he had been looking for the girl in the first place.
"Outside?"
"Yes," he replied, nodding excitedly.
"Why do we need to go outside?"
"Because – well..." he broke off, biting his lips. "It's a surprise," he mumbled, smiling shyly. He really wanted to see her face when he showed her what he had discovered.
"All right," Haley agreed, smiling back at him. "Lead the way."
Him? Leading the way? That wasn't a sentence he heard a lot. While they walked across the school grounds Haley complained about the massive load of homework they'd had to do. "I mean, aren't we supposed to relax during break? Why do they give us so much to do then? Did you manage to finish all of the assignments?"
"What?" He hadn't listened. Which assignments was Haley talking about?
"The assignments. Did you finish them all?" She repeated.
"I… oh, look we're almost there," Neville noted. He already saw the willow tree that marked his secret thinking spot.
"Should I cover my eyes?" Haley asked playfully.
"What?"
"Well, you did say there was a surprise..."
"Um…" Neville shrugged. He hadn't thought about that. "I guess… If you want to."
Haley closed her eyes and blindly reached her hands out in front of her. Her left hand came into contact with his shoulder and promptly held onto it.
"W-what are you-?"
"You have to guide me, of course. I can't see, remember?" She retorted, gesturing toward her face.
Neville swallowed nervously. This was completely unnecessary, seeing as his plants were hidden under a cover anyway. Should he just point that out? But on the other hand, this gave him the chance to be close to Haley. And she didn't seem to mind it either.
He carefully lead her along the snow covered grounds, making sure she wouldn't slip on frozen puddles or walk into a tree. Neville loved how she just trusted him like this. Trusted him to take charge and lead the way. Trusting him not to lead her somewhere she didn't want to follow. It was refreshing. And also a little intimidating. But… he found that he didn't mind that.
When they finally reached the spot, Neville stopped, and Haley instinctively did the same.
"Can I open my eyes now?" She whispered, still holding on to his arm.
"Just a moment," he mumbled, while gently extricating her fingers from his arm. Then he knelt down and removed the cover so that the plants, he had planted came into view.
"Um… you can open them now," he said, nervously biting his lips.
Haley opened her eyes and looked at him in anticipation. "Oh!" She exclaimed as she looked around. "I had a feeling you might take me here."
She hadn't spotted the plant yet. "So, what's the big surprise?" She asked curiously.
Neville looked toward the patch of earth. Haley followed his gaze. She stepped closer and knelt down in front of the plants as well, inspecting them closely. The seconds stretched into minutes and she still didn't show a reaction. Wasn't she happy? Neville had really hoped she would be… Had he misunderstood? After a while, Haley turned to him with a questioning look on her face.
"That's… a really… um… interesting root… you have there." She finally commented with a well-meaning smile.
Neville stared at her blankly for another moment. She returned his gaze a tad awkwardly but there definitely was an underlying warmth. Then it dawned on him. He was so stupid!
"You have no idea what this is, do you?" He asked with a chuckle.
Haley pouted. "It's a plant, obviously. But… well… I mean…" She shrugged, looking at him cluelessly.
Neville couldn't help it. He started to laugh.
"Hey, don't laugh at me. We can't all be experts in Herbology, now can we?"
"I'm not an expert," he protested.
"Yes, you are."
"No, I – well, the point is that this is…"
"Yes?"
"It's gillyweed," he told her excitedly. Haley blinked at him in surprise. Then she took another look at the plant.
"This is gillyweed?" She asked in a hopeful yet sceptical tone. Like she didn't dare to believe it was true.
"Yes, that's gillyweed," he answered. Haley turned back to look at him again. Her eyes were impossibly wide.
"You're not joking?" She questioned, her voice rising notably.
"Yes," he said, nodding. "I mean no – no, I'm not joking. I'd ne-never joke about something like that."
The way a big grin was slowly spreading across her face reminded him of a sunrise.
"It still has to grow for a few more weeks, see how small it is? But I think it should be fine in time for the-"
"Neville!" Haley exclaimed, she was positively beaming now. Then she took hold of his hands, got to her feet and pulled the boy up with her. "You're a genius!" She sounded so happy.
"But I didn't do anything-"
"You saved my life!"
"How did I-?"
"Without you, I'd be left to drown inside the Great Lake."
That wasn't right. "I'm sure you would have found another way," he protested.
Haley frowned. "No, Neville, don't sell yourself short. Me, Hermione and Ron have been looking for almost two months and we haven't found anything."
Neville shrugged. She made it sound like he had done so much to help her when in reality all he had done was remembered about some plant he had seen in a book. He looked at the ground.
"If it wasn't for you I would never have known about the gillyweed in the first place," she continued insistently. "And this magical patch, too. You're the one who found it."
"But I just stumbled across it. I mean – I literally stumbled because of a root and that's how I found it. That's not… something to be proud of."
Haley shook her head, the beginning of a smile was tugging at her lips. "So what? If you keep finding awesome stuff by accident that's even better! Other people never find anything amazing at all."
Neville opened his mouth to protest. He didn't deserve her praising words. He had done nothing special! Well, if he was honest with himself, he did feel kind of proud that he had found the patch of earth – not even Professor Sprout knew about it! – but still… That wasn't enough to justify all these compliments.
"You don't know what you're-" He started to say but Haley interrupted him.
"Neville, stop it!" She exclaimed, pulling her hands away from his and throwing her arms up in exasperation. "They're all morons, all those people that can't see how amazing you are. Heck, I never realised it until now because you're hiding it so well." There was a fiery glint in the girl's eyes. The way she was glaring up at him conjured up the image of a raging storm in his mind.
"I-"
"I'm not finished," she almost growled. Then she took a step toward him and continued in a much gentler tone. "Can't you see how brilliant this is?" She gestured toward the willow and the little patch of earth. Her gaze lingered on the gillyweed. When she turned back to him, she was smiling again. It was a happy and carefree smile. It made her look even more beautiful. She looked at him expectantly. Was he actually meant to answer that question?
"Neville. You're brilliant," she said, with a tiny chuckle. She said it with so much conviction that Neville felt something squeeze his heart uncomfortably. Something shifted in Haley's eyes and she raised her small hands slowly and rested them against his cheeks. "I could honestly kiss you right now," she whispered almost soundlessly, while her warm fingers softly stroked across his skin. Neville swore his heart actually stopped for a few seconds. What?
"Really?" He asked breathlessly, feeling his face getting uncomfortably hot.
Haley's eyes widened and her mouth fell open, as if her own words surprised her.
"I-I" She stammered. Oh. She hadn't meant it. Of course, she hadn't meant it. He was such a fool! The feeling of disappointment and sadness settled heavily somewhere in his stomach and he felt a burning sensation behind his eyes. Not now.
"Neville, I…" She broke off, staring down at his lips nervously. "I…"
Neville shook his head, trying to force a smile onto his face. "N-no, i-i-it's fine. I don't know w-what I was th-thinking," he muttered to the ground. He still felt the touch of her hands on his cheeks. It made him feel even worse.
"Nev, you're a moron," Haley said with a chuckle. Wonderful, now she was insulting him on top of everything. But she was right. He was a bloody moron. He closed his eyes, silently wishing the ground would swallow him up. But then he felt something weird on his face. A warm stream of air. He opened his eyes immediately. Haley's face was so close that he felt her breath on his skin.
She glanced at his lips again and with a determined gleam in her eyes started to lean closer. She wasn't going to-? Neville panicked. That was the only plausible explanation for what happened then.
His head jerked up in surprise, causing their foreheads to knock against one another. Haley in turn, lost her balance and stumbled backwards. Before she could fall Neville instinctively reached out and caught her around the waist. It was a miracle that he hadn't lost his balance as well. They stood like this for a few seconds, him with his arm around her waist and her clutching his upper arms fiercely. Then, realising their closeness, he hastily let go of her and took a step back. Haley righted herself and pulled at her robes, that were exposing the thin red shirt she was wearing beneath them.
"Um… what was that?" She asked, sounding uncertain. Her cheeks were reddening notably. Was she embarrassed? She wouldn't look at him. That made it easier to talk to her at least.
"I'm sorry… um… you don't have to feel embarrassed. I… I know you don't actually like me that way… You only said that because… because you were grateful." There he'd said it. Now, they could hopefully pretend none of this had ever happened and move on. He really hated that he had allowed this small flicker of hope to grow but it would be worse if Haley stopped being his friend altogether. So, it was really the best to admit his mistake. So, that she didn't have to feel awkward around him.
Haley silently blinked at him for a moment, seemingly taking in what he had said.
"You're right," she agreed then. "I am grateful. Immensely grateful." He knew it. Had known it all along, so why did her admission hurt so much?
"But that's not why…" She continued. She seemed to be looking for the right words. "Look, I care about you, Neville. I told you." Was she trying to let him down gently?
"Ever since the Yule Ball I learned so much about you. More than in all of the years before combined. I just – you're incredibly kind and caring and so considerate of the people around you and their feelings. Even if they don't notice it. Or appreciate it." She walked a step closer toward him. What was she trying to tell him? Where was she going with this? And why was she looking at him with so much raw emotion shining through her eyes?
"I was really touched, you know? When you asked me to come to the ball with you." She took his hands, without looking away from him, and interlaced their fingers. Neville loved feeling her soft skin on his.
"And somehow you've been there to support me every time I needed someone. When I felt alone or… sad or hopeless. You were there and you made me feel better." This was uncanny. Had she somehow looked into his mind? Was she mocking him? She was describing exactly how she made him feel.
"I'm thankful for that but…" Haley took a deep breath like she was bracing herself for something. Neville couldn't do more than stand there, wide-eyed, and listen to her soft voice. "but more than that I… I like holding your hands," she whispered, glancing down at their hands briefly. "I like… making you laugh and… your stuttering… I don't know why but… but it's really cute." She smiled at him shyly and Neville didn't know where to look. He couldn't look at her. But he could also not not look at her. He knew he had to be blushing furiously and his heart was hammering in his chest like it was trying to escape his ribcage.
"I also like how I feel… when I'm around you," she admitted with a shrug. "And none of this," She squeezed his hands lightly when she said 'this'. "Has anything to do with me feeling grateful," she concluded. Neville didn't know what to feel. He didn't know if this was nothing but a dream. What else could it be, really? Haley couldn't honestly mean, what she had been saying, could she?
"So… you should probably say something now," The girl mumbled, biting her lips nervously.
Her lips. They looked so red and inviting. If he just leaned in a few inches he could – but no. What was he thinking? Her words had painted pictures in his mind that were too impossible to ever come true. And still, he found himself leaning closer, like there was an invisible pull that was calling to him. Neville barely registered that Haley's eyes had fluttered closed. Her lips were just there… waiting, no more than an inch apart from his own… He froze, clenching his eyes shut tightly. He suddenly realised what exactly it was he had been about to do. Was he insane? What if he had misunderstood? What if it had all been a joke? What if –
Haley chuckled almost soundlessly. He was sure he only heard it because he was so close to her. Not a second later he felt a soft and light touch on lips. It reminded him of the silky smoothness of rose petals. It felt amazing. He instinctively pushed back against the gentle touch. Fingers were tangling in his hair and he reached out his own hand to hold onto something. To steady himself.
Then the heavenly touch was gone and he found himself gasping for air. He opened his eyes and found her green irises right there. She kissed me, he realised with a start, she kissed me.
"Neville," Haley breathed, her hand was cupping his face and her eyes were glittering. Her smile was like the sun and he positively melted, when she leaned in to softly kiss him again.
"Am I dreaming?" Neville whispered cleverly. Haley chuckled. Then she pinched his arm.
"Ow," he said, almost as an afterthought.
"See, now you know you're not dreaming," she told him, grinning cheekily. She bit her lips nervously and looked down. Her feet were shuffling on the ground.
"Um…" she started to say, "so… now that that's settled would you… would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me?"
"What?" Had he heard her right?
"Um… you know… Hogsmeade. There's a trip coming up next weekend… Do you want to go together?"
"With Hermione and Ron?" Neville asked without thinking about it. Haley furrowed her eyebrows. She still wasn't looking at him. "No," she answered, shaking her head. "I was thinking… just the two of us." She stopped shuffling her feet. What was she thinking? He wished she would look at him. Then he could at least try to guess what was going through her mind.
"Just… the two of us?" Neville repeated stupidly. She nodded. "You mean… as friends?"
That made the girl look up at once. His question seemed to confuse her. "No, Neville," Haley whispered, shaking her head. She touched his arm and let her fingers slowly wander across his skin until they reached his hand. He had to fight the urge to pull his arm away because it tickled so much. He felt himself smile.
"I thought we could… make a date out of it," Haley mumbled. There was a shy smile on her lips and her eyes reminded him of summer grass. Soft and inviting. Neville didn't know what to do. It seemed so easy. He could just say yes. Then he could go to Hogsmeade with Haley. He could go on a date with her. But wasn't this too easy? Things were never that easy for him. Why should it be different this time?
"What about the others?" He asked in a small voice. "What will everyone think?"
"For the sake of Merlin's magical underpants, Neville, you're impossible!" Haley exclaimed, stomping her foot like an angry five-year-old. Neville flinched.
"What does it matter what the others think? What does everyone else have to do with this? It doesn't matter what all these people who don't even know you might think. It doesn't even matter what I think. Just… For once… think about what you want."
Haley was holding his hand between her own. She was squeezing it so fiercely he was afraid he might lose all the feeling in it.
"What do you want, Neville?" Her eyes were burning holes into his own.
"I-I…" He swallowed, taking a moment to think. But really, there wasn't much to think. The answer was clear as day.
"I want… t-to go t-to H-Hogsmeade with you," he breathed, his heart beating in his throat.
The delighted smile that lit up Haley's face made Neville wish he could stop time and burn the image of her into his memory forever. How did he deserve this?
"Okay," she whispered almost soundlessly. "Let's do that then." For a moment that was over much too soon they just stared at one another. Green eyes into blue. Then Haley took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. It was striking how much it seemed like she fit there, resting her head against Neville's chest lightly and closing her eyes.
"I'm so glad," Haley mumbled into his robes after a while. "For a moment there I thought I was just imagining things and you actually only liked me as a friend. I was so scared you didn't like me back."
Neville's arms slowly came up and lightly rested on Haley's back. This was so surreal. He still couldn't believe this was really happening. It would probably take some time to really sink in. Weeks probably. Or maybe even years. Wait, years? Now, he was really getting ahead of himself.
"Scared? You? That's impossible. You're always so brave." Neville heard the awe in his own voice. He stroked his fingers across her back hesitantly. "I could never be as brave as you. You're easily the bravest person I know."
Haley looked up at him briefly. She was blushing but also seemed somewhat flattered. "I'm not always brave," she muttered, hiding her face in his chest again. "But somehow… with you… I always feel a little braver."
Her admission made something tug at his heartstrings pleasantly. This was exactly the way she made him feel. It was completely absurd that she should feel this way, too. He laughed. Because all of this didn't make any sense. But also because he felt truly happy in a way he wasn't sure he had ever felt before.
It was insane but maybe she was right. He was probably never going to be as brave or confident as Haley Potter but… Maybe she could help him be strong, when he felt weak. Maybe he could keep her company, when she felt alone. Maybe they could help each other out and make each other laugh when they were down. Maybe he wasn't exactly brave and maybe she wasn't the bravest. But Neville knew that together with her… he didn't feel afraid any more. And that was enough for him. More than enough.
*.*.*
A/N: Guys! This is it! The final chapter! I hope you enjoyed this fluff fest, I certainly did :) I want to thank you all again for reading and favouriting and leaving me such lovely reviews. And I'm sorry that the updates have taken so long. (That's what you get when the author is writing 3 stories at the same time). Anyway, thank you for sticking with this and giving so much love to Neville. He deserves it. And if you have time feel free to leave me your thoughts ;)
I shouldn't say this, because this will take forever again but I'm thinking of writing a new fic around these two. But it will take some time... so... be patient I guess.
On a different note: Did anyone read School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani? I love this series, it's amazing! I only found it recently but it's so good?
Well, I'll see you around, so stay healthy and keep reading!
Feather :)
