Chapter Six: (Change)
"Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime…
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me
Each night each morning
Anywhere you go
Let me go too
That's all I ask of you…"
Christine sang softly to Raoul as she sat by his bedside, her voice very weak and shaky. She kept singing for him, until she was too exhausted to sing. After long agonizing hours of torment in the early hours of the morning, a voice called her softly, "Christine."
Christine had been drifting in and out of sleep all the while, so exhausted she thought she would die.
She opened her eyes abruptly at the sound of the voice and looked over at Raoul, who, to her surprise, was awake; the fever had broken.
Christine rushed over to his side and held his hand, sobbing. "Thank God, you're awake! Thank God, the fever broke! I am so sorry, Raoul! I am so sorry!"
Her tears flowed down her cheeks like waterfalls. Raoul painfully moved his free hand toward her face and wiped away her tears.
"Don't cry, little Lottie. Please, don't cry," he whispered faintly.
Christine flinched away from Raoul for a split second, as Erik's words rang inside her being - "Don't cry, my angel, please, don't cry."
"What's wrong?" Raoul weakly inquired.
Christine shook her head softly in an attempt to clear her thoughts as she regained her composure.
"Nothing, my darling. I'm just so happy you're awake," she replied forcing a smile on her face.
As Christine held his hand close to her face, she silently scolded herself for thinking about Erik. She was outraged with herself. She felt such guilt. She thought that if Raoul looked into her eyes, he would find out everything.
"Little Lotte," Raoul said softly, looking deeply into her eyes. "If you really love me, you will go back home and relax."
"Shhh! That doesn't matter now. All that matters is you," Christine whispered.
But Raoul insisted.
"No, Christine, if you love me, you will go and relax, now!" he said firmly.
Christine finally nodded in surrender.
After placing a soft kiss on his lips, she left.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Sitting down in the big, luxurious bathtub, Christine sighed as she tilted her head backwards and closed her eyes. The hot water caressed her body and caused her throbbing, aching skin to relax. Now, Christine could feel every muscle in her body screaming with pain and exhaustion. The events of the day before had so occupied her that she hadn't noticed the extreme fatigue she was suffering.
What a day it had been! In those mere twenty-four hours that had just passed, Christine had experienced joy, pain, fear, hope, and despair. She had lived her ultimate dream, and ultimate nightmare. Those mere twenty-four hours had taken her to the heights of joy, and the depths of torment.
After taking a long, good, refreshing bath, Christine walked out to her room.
Wearing her long silk robe, she collapsed on the big, soft bed and buried her head in its pillows. She wanted to go back to Raoul's side, but she was so tired that she couldn't help but give in to sleep. And yet the relaxation she sought never really came as she was awakened only minutes later by a nightmare.
Christine dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. She brushed her hair and applied make up to her tired eyes, blush to her pale cheeks, and lipstick to her, now, chapped lips. She wanted to look beautiful for Raoul.
Walking up again to the door of the De Chagny estate, Christine muttered, "Here it goes," as she prepared herself for the De Chagny's infamous welcome.
Yet nothing in the world could have prepared her for what was coming.
Christine was led inside by the maid. As she entered the room where Raoul lay, she could feel that there was something very wrong; she could feel that something terrible had taken place and her heart missed a beat.
Raoul was silently staring at the ceiling. She sat next to him on the bed.
"Raoul, darling, I'm here now," she said softly.
Raoul continued staring at the ceiling, a look of bitterness glowing in his eyes and he sharply replied, "Christine, I want you to leave and never come back."
Christine's eyes opened wide in shock. Her lips trembled, and for a few moments she couldn't bring herself to say anything.
Raoul turned around and looked at her coldly, and said again, "Did you not hear what I just said!" His tone was now filled with anger.
Christine replied softly as tears streamed down her eyes, "If you could just tell me what happened? At least I deserve to know that much!"
Raoul did not reply. He turned back to staring at the ceiling.
"Just leave," he ordered.
Christine wanted to argue but she just couldn't. Raoul's words had left her in such utter shock that she couldn't even speak.
And so it was, Christine Daae rose up and slowly but calmly walked out the door, leaving Raoul once and for all.
She stood outside the De Chagny estate for a few moments, as she noticed that her tears had dried and there were no more tears coming out. That shocked her, more than the fact that Raoul had just let her go. Christine had expected to shed many more tears for him, but nothing came out, not a single tear.
x-x-x-x-x-x
A month passed by and Christine still couldn't get through to Raoul; she wasn't even allowed to see him. The thing that hurt her most was that she didn't even know why. Raoul had let her go for no reason, or so she thought at the time. Yet Christine wasn't as upset as she had expected to be. As a matter of fact, she felt a kind of relief. She couldn't understand those feelings, or grasp their deep meaning; if anything they left her confused.
Today, Christine had made up her mind. Her bags were packed and her suit cases were on the floor. Christine had decided that she wasn't going to try anymore. She wasn't going to step on her dignity anymore by staying in Raoul's house; it was over. It was time to give up on Raoul, just as he had given up on her. She had fought for him out of a sense of duty and because she cared for him.
Today, Christine decided that she wasn't going to fight for her marriage anymore or step on her pride. She wasn't going to deny her heart's true feelings anymore, either.
Christine Daae had finally realized that her heart belonged to Erik. It had been his all along. She had been so stubborn that she had convinced herself otherwise for a long, long time. Her love for Raoul was nothing compared to her love for Erik, and the thought of that frightened her to the core.
She was deeply and madly in love with a ghost.
As much as she hated going back to L'Opera Populair because of the many painful memories, Christine knew she had nowhere else to go. She also knew that in her heart of hearts, she so longed to return.
Change, Christine thought about change as the carriage carried her away, back to her old life, back to the music. How change seems to come unexpected, and uninvited, and yet when it comes, it changes everything.
So many drastic changes had taken place in her life over a very short period of time. And in return, those changes had changed her in many drastic ways. Christine never thought she would survive all that had happened, but she had, and now she felt stronger, much stronger.
And yet a chill of fear rolled up her spine. Silently, she wondered if she would ever survive this change, as the carriage came to a stop in front of the Opera House. And Christine stood face to face with the Phantom, once again.
