***Hi. Hello. I'm back. Yes. I know. It's been ... awhile. Anyway, I had received a rather random email that a user here had faved this story. I followed the links and began reading the story I had started and realized that I needed to finish it, or at least keep working on it. SO! HERE I AM!

:)

They abandoned me.

They abandoned me.

They abandoned me.

The three words followed Allison through the next several days, like a constant headache that refused to go away. No matter how many times Allison tried to cut them silent, they seemed to always come back, louder and more persistent.

Harry didn't mention that night to Allison or, it seemed, the others. Instead, he would cast sideways look at Allison anytime they were in the same vicinity, his eyes sliding to her face as though hoping she would break down and confess all her dark and dirty little secrets. Allison had no intention of ever letting that happen.

Snap continued to harass the young student, as though nothing had happened. He sneered when her potions were a disaster and curled his lip when they worked. Either way, Allison couldn't win with the Potions Master.

"The grumpy bastard," Allison fumed after a particularly brutal lecture, "I swear he gets off on insulting me."

Ron snorted with laughter and Hermioned cast him a dirty look before clucking her tongue, "If you had done the readings…"

"I did do the readings," Allison snapped, agitation tainting her tongue, "not everyone has the memory of a sponge you know. Face it, I'm the worst student ever to step foot in this place."

There was an unnecessarily long silence following her words and a wave of irritation plucked at Allison's chest. Why wouldn't they just admit it? She was an idiot and they knew it just as much as Allison did.

Having enough of their company, Allison made a lie of needing to use the washroom and left her friends as they made their way to lunch. Allison took the stairs two at a time, pushing herself through the throng of hungry students going in the opposite direction.

The happy chatter and laughs and excitement for the rest of the day was enough to cause a prick in the corners of Allisons eyes and she felt the sting of tears.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Allison pushed past a first-year, nearly knocking the small girl flat on her back. Allison received several venomous glances as she rushed past, ignoring the rather stunned Ravenclaw as she collected her balance.

"Miss Bray?"

McGonagall's sharp voice carried over even the loud din of the Entrance Hall, stopping Allison in her tracks. The Professor was standing by an open door and beckoned the student forward.

Chewing her lip, Allison waded past the last of the students and stopped in front of McGonagall, eyes cast to the ground.

"Not having lunch today?" McGonagall asked.

Allison frowned, looking up in confusion. That wasn't what she was expecting to be asked.

"I'm not feeling well, Professor," Allison said, hoping the lie would let her loose. "I was going to go to the dormitories and lie down."

McGonagall frowned slightly, looking the student hard, searching her face for signs of sickness. The girl was pale, her eyes seemingly lost in some distant place.

"Be sure not to be late for class," McGonagall said softly and saw a slight spark of success in the girl's eye, "but first, a word. It will only take a moment."

The spark died almost instantaneously and Allison felt a wave of pure fright flood through her body, a wave of flames that screamed into her skull.

You're screwed.

McGonagall held the door open and Allison walked into an empty classroom. She had only one option and it was one she was good at doing. Fake it. Allison stood by the large desk at the front and turned to face her Professor.

"Is there something wrong?" Allison asked, forcing her voice out of its usual monotony.

"Miss Bray," McGonagall spoke softly, her eyes almost softer than her voice. Allison felt a stab of panic in her gut, "I just want you to know that if there is anything you want to talk about, I am always available."

Allison forced a smile, feeling the corners of her mouth pull up into what she hoped was convincing. It must have been as McGonagall returned the smile. It reminded Allison of how a mother smiles to her child; a smile Allison couldn't remember ever receiving.

"Thank you, Professor," Allison said, the sincerity in her voice as genuine as it could get.

Allison left the empty classroom with a hole in her heart. She was touched that McGonagall cared but angry that it had happened. Allison didn't want pity, she didn't want people feeling sorry for her and treating her like porcelain. She didn't want people to think they had to offer her a shoulder to cry on.

Her eyes pricked again and a hard lump formed in her throat. Allison pushed her fingers into the new cuts on her wrist and the pain was enough to silence the tears that threatened to break loose.

The Gryffindor common room was empty. Lunch had only started fifteen minutes ago and Allison figured had at least another fifteen before anyone would come back.

She took one of the books she had gotten from the library out from her bag and sat cross-legged in one of the armchairs, propping the book open on her lap.

Allison needed that potion. All she could think about outside of her studies was the pain that the potion had caused and the scarring that followed. Allison had noticed the day after the incident that the reopened cuts were healing quicker but scarring worse than any other cut she had given herself.

The skin seemed to be stitching over and over itself, layer upon layer of skin that puffed up and turned a deep reddish purple. Allison couldn't help but love the scars, the way they popped off her forearm and damaged the clean surface.

As she ran a finger over the wounds, Allison's eye caught a word and she found herself staring at the elusive potion that she desperately needed.

Heart hammering in her chest, Allison ran a finger down the page, reading the ingredients. A flutter through her belly; she had all the ingredients she needed.

Allison marked the page and closed the book, a small smile spread across her lips.