Notes: First of all, I'd like to thank some of my fellow writers for providing a large chunk of the inspiration for this chapter. I've noticed a couple other writers riffing on this plot point in their stories - that the page from Fiona's diary was likely subconsciously intended for Holly J rather than Adam. It seems logical after the fact, but I'm not sure I would have thought to go in that direction myself. I think it works out perfectly here though, so thanks for the inspiration guys! And as always, thanks to everyone for reading - enjoy the chapter!
Holly J scanned the hallway, patiently waiting as the sea of red, yellow, purple and blue spread out before her. It wasn't long before she spotted her mark - the student population of Degrassi may look more homogeneous these days, but no matter what, she was always able to find Fiona in a crowd. Locking eyes, she took easy strides to meet the other girl.
"Hey, we on for lunch? Believe it or not I'm actually completely free today." Having spent most of her lunch periods recently with a sandwich in one hand and a pen in the other, Holly J relished the rare opportunity to provide Fiona with nothing less than her full attention, which is what she always wanted to give the other girl.
Fiona stumbled for a moment. "Wow, uh... bad luck, I was actually planning on just finding a study room myself. Calculus is kind of kicking my butt."
Holly J knew that Fiona had been working hard since her return to Degrassi, and that it was petty to resent her for being unavailable, especially given that in the past it had always been her schedule that kept them apart, but Fiona's excuse just seemed too convenient. "Fiona, come on. This is once in a blue moon territory here, I feel like I'm tempting fate by even telling you that I don't have anything to do."
Fiona swallowed, battling back against the urge to take the shovel Holly J had just handed her and dig herself even deeper. It would be so easy, so justifiable for her to be indignant over the other girl's implication that it was a problem when she was the tail that wagged the dog. Of course, she knew better - as much as she thought they needed space, she never wanted to drive a wedge between them. "Sorry." Having settled on the only sincere thing she could say at that moment, Fiona hastily turned and walked away, leaving a speechless Holly J in her wake.
"Wow, I guess you do know what it's like to be in the doghouse with her."
Holly J spun around at the voice, coming face to face with a boy wearing an expression that threatened to be a grin but wasn't quite there.
"Adam, hey."
Adam nodded, his expression sobering slightly.
Holly J bit back a sigh, not wanting to appear uncharitable. She wasn't in the mood for a tete-a-tete, especially given what the topic of conversation was certain to be, though that was also exactly why she couldn't just brush Adam off - it wouldn't be fair to deny him a measure of, albeit indirect, closure with Fiona. Managing a tight smile, she led Adam to a nearby vacant room, motioning for him to sit. "So I guess you probably haven't spoken with Fiona recently. I know things must still be pretty weird for you. You know, she feels terrible about how things ended with you two."
"Yeah, that's kind of why I've been avoiding her." Adam took a moment before continuing. "What happened... sucked, and for a while I was pretty pissed, at her, at me for being stupid enough to think I could actually have a shot with a girl like Fiona, but..." Adam shook his head. "Well, if anyone understands how complicated things can get... I wish things had turned out differently, but, I can't hold that against her." The near-grin returned to his face. "So, since I never actually got a confirmation from her, Fiona is actually gay, right?"
Holly J smiled. "Yeah, she came out to me a couple days after you guys broke up." She only now realized how astonishing it seemed that she wasn't able to connect the dots sooner, about Fiona's sexuality in general and the other girl's feelings for her in particular. Try as she might, the only excuse she could muster was the sheer power of willful ignorance.
Adam nodded, having received the answer he knew he would. "Fiona's been through a lot. She needs to move on, and... so do I." He reached into his pocket, pulling out a neatly-folded piece of paper which he placed on the table between them. "Take it."
Holly J tentatively unfolded the paper, eyes moving from the deeply-set ridges where the page had been creased, to the worn, bent edges, and finally to the neat, flowing script she knew so well. "Adam... why are you giving me this? Fiona wrote this about you, and you should keep it, even if things couldn't work between you two."
Adam shook his head resolutely. "No. No, it was never about me. Maybe she wanted it to be, but... even if my name was right there on the page, I don't think it was ever in the words."
Holly J lost her grip on the page as she felt her hands go slack. "Adam, what are you saying?"
"You just said it yourself - it's not that things didn't work out with us, it's that they couldn't. When we first started going out Fiona made this big deal about not wanting anything physical, but that's all it really turned out to be with us. We only ever had the physical connection, the easy part, and even then it was never a real connection. Fiona... only really wanted the part of me that I don't." Adam rose from his seat. "I know this is a lot to deal with, but... you're smart." He looked back at Holly J from the doorway, finally wearing a full, if bittersweet, smile. "You'll figure it out."
