Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, and nuTrek belongs to J.J. Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman.

A/N: This one was probably my most difficult so far, but I had fun with it. I hope it makes you laugh as much as it did for me!

.~. Star Trek – The Christmas Musical .~.

Ch. 7: You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

The music started up, and McCoy shifted side to side in time with the beat. He continued to scowl at everyone, but Jim thought he was secretly enjoying his big moment on stage.

Kirk was absolutely thrilled that he was getting the chance to see his friend perform an old classic. The song really did fit McCoy, the resident Grinch on the Enterprise. Not that McCoy's heart was three sizes too small - he just pretended that it was. But Kirk saw right through the grumpy doctor's façade, and most of the crew did too. Even Spock was somewhat fond of the man, although he'd never admit it to his face. But almost all of the crew owed their life to McCoy's exemplary care. He was the best doctor in space, even if he did deny that he was a psychiatrist. (Kirk knew better.)

McCoy began to sing, and he sounded eerily like the Grinch!

I'm a mean one, I'm a Grinch
I really am a brat
I'm as cuddly as a wild sehlat
I'm as cranky as a cat
I'm a Grinch
I've a bedside manner that's a joke, it really is a laugh

I'm quite snappy, I'm a Grinch
My heart won't ever heal
My liver's shot from brandy
And I refuse to feel I'm a Grinch
Don't ever beam me up with a
defective transporter!

I'm a foul one, I'm a Grinch
I'm even worse than Khan!
I have all the gentle sweetness of an angry crazed Klingon
I'm a Grinch
Given the choice between the two of us
You'd take the angry crazed Klingon!

I'm a mean one, I'm a Grinch
I'm a nasty wasty quack
I love to fight with Mr. Spock
'Til Captain Kirk comes back
I'm a Grinch

The one word that my crew fears, is as follows, and I quote
Phy-si-cals!

Kirk laughed long and hard at those last lines. It was true, he did fear his physical, but it was an irrational fear. Bones always took good care of Jim, as he knew all of his allergies. And he loved it when Spock fought with McCoy. He loved watching his sexy Vulcan outwit the outraged doctor. It was most entertaining!

//If I had realized that, Jim, I would fight with Dr. McCoy more often.// Spock supplied through their bond.

//You totally should, it's hilarious to watch.// Jim enthused. //Whoever says Vulcans don't have a sense of humor has never heard the ways you've bested him.//

Kirk shared an amused look with Spock, and then they returned their attention to the stage. McCoy continued,

I'm a doctor, and a Grinch
I'm the king of painful shots!
My sympathy is long gone ever since my harsh divorce
I'm a Grinch

My soul is an appalling dump heap
Overflowing with the most disgusting
Assortment of replicated rubbish
Imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots

I nauseate you, I'm a Grinch
When you are sent to Sickbay!
I don't let you have visitors and
I make you stay for days
I'm a Griiiiiiii-inch!

I'm a native of Earth, specifically from the state of Georgia
and not
Kentucky!

The audience chuckled at that last line, and most people rose to their feet with applause. McCoy blushed as Christine Chapel rushed up on stage and gave him a kiss.

"I happen to love Grinches," she announced over the mike. "Don't let him fool you. He's a teddy bear underneath all that cynicism."

"Christine," McCoy complained.

"He's a very manly teddy bear," she amended, and McCoy facepalmed. Chekov came to his rescue.

"We still haf seweral amazing acts left on the program! Sank you wery much, Doctor. Zat performance was good, although I sink you left out that the creator of ze Grinch was from Russia." The audience laughed at that.

"Anyways, our next performer ees a wery close friend of mine." Chekov beamed at the audience. "Singing 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer', giwe it up for Hikaru Sulu!"

A/N: Reviews are great! :)