A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, it was a busy week, but the next part is all written so I'll try to keep the updates regular :) As always, let me know what you think, I love hearing from you.
Chapter 7 - Ain't no pleasing you
"Tom, Reena." The American acknowledged his colleagues in an easy going manner that was exactly how she remembered him, and yet not quite, Linka couldn't put her finger on it. "You wanted me?"
The other girl sighed slightly in agreement and Linka had to force herself not to clench her jaw. Of course she wants him, what straight woman would not!
Tom grinned, "Yes, I wanted to introduce you to our new Russian Liaison and Co-Project Manager, Miss Linka Orlova, this is Jason Wheeler, Engineer, Ladies Man and your partner for the duration of this project."
"Miss Orlova." Wheeler nodded but he appeared to be looking straight through her and instead of offering his hand to shake, he held out a business card. "When will the rest of your team be arriving?"
Linka didn't know how she managed to respond, but she did, taking his card and putting it in her purse. She felt almost detached from her body as they spent a couple of minutes discussing the logistics for their collaboration like two strangers… strangers that felt no warmth or interest towards each other.
I am in shock. She thought. He cannot have forgotten me? Nyet, he just does not want anyone to know that we are acquainted. Perhaps that is for the best…
It didn't feel like it was for the best though, it felt like he was making sure she knew he didn't want her there and it felt like the world had somehow ended but she had to keep going, and it felt like she needed to faint from the pain of it but couldn't… and it felt good to finally see him again.
"Yankee?" Linka peered around the darkened room, trying not to panic that the space beside her in the bed was so empty.
A movement by the window caught her attention and as her eyes became more accustomed to the dark, she realised he was standing there, looking out over the moon-lit landscape. He was dressed, at least from the waist down.
Fear clutched at the Russian's heart as she extricated herself from the bed clothes and grabbed the nearest article of clothing, which happened to be his t-shirt, and pulling it on. She made her way around the bed and stopped at his side.
"Jason?" she whispered.
"I'm sorry Linka," He said, still not looking at her. "I just can't do this."
She had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could respond but it was as if everything else was going numb. "But I thought… we agreed that we would start again."
"I tried." He told her. "I tried to focus on how much I love you, and need you. I tried to get lost in the physical connection we have… but it's not going to work."
Her eyes opened a little wider, "It has only been a few hours!"
"It doesn't matter, don't you see that?" He turned then and she could see that the anger that had been so evident earlier had been replaced with pain. It made her cringe. "I've been laying here since you fell asleep trying to make excuses for you but the problem is I just don't believe them."
"Then let me explain." She began but he shook his head.
"I don't want to hear it, I don't want you to justify yourself." He shrugged, "It'll just make it worse because it all sounds like lies now, there's nothing you can ever say to me that'll convince me you ever cared about me."
She was as shocked as she looked, "How can you say that? I have been nothing but honest with you about my feelings, I made an agreement that I should not have made and I take responsibility for that but it does not change what is between us. What has always been there between us."
The look in his eyes hardened in a way that frightened her as his anger never had and he gave a humourless laugh. "Funny, that's not how I see it. You know, I just can't believe I was so stupid for so long. You didn't want to know me before they interfered, admit it. You kept telling me that, but I wouldn't take the hint, so I guess in the end I only have myself to blame."
Linka shook her head in horror, not having realised until this point just how bad things could be. "I have always cared for you."
"Oh there was friendship I'll give you that, an affection even, but for an irritating person you were stuck spending time with, but love? No way!" He was emphatic and didn't give her a chance to respond. "Then our precious leaders had to get involved, and I know what it was, I know you, you don't have to tell me. It's duty, that's all that matters to you, the good of the world, the pride of your nation… and if you have to put up with a Yankee who's head over heels in love with you? Well hell, why not? It's all for the greater good."
It was too close for comfort, not the part about her feelings but her reasons for agreeing and he read that in her face, assuming it was all correct.
"Yeah." He nodded, "There's nothing I don't know about you which really bites because it means I'm just like my mom, but I'm not going to be any longer, I'm getting out while I'm still mad enough at you to walk away."
"Are you comparing me to your father?" Just when she had thought his opinion of her couldn't get any worse, it felt like he'd punched her in the stomach.
His response was so soft she had to strain to hear it, "No. You're nothing like him, but it amounts to the same when you stay in a relationship you know is poison."
The Russian's eyes brimmed with tears, "That is not true, we were happy! I committed to you completely, I gave you everything, I never meant to hurt you."
"You cared, you committed, but you never loved. You never once told me you loved me do you realise that? I said it all the time but even today, even now, it never even occurred to you." His voice was sad but determined, "I know you gave yourself to me when you agreed to this, and I'm sorry that it has to end like this, but I can't live my life as part of a business transaction. It's all fake and that's not for me, and I don't think you could stand much of it either now the truth is out."
"I do love you, I…"
He turned and slammed his fist into her wall making her jump, "Dammit Linka! How can you say that now? How stupid do you think I am? I tell you what I want to hear and you say it? And that's supposed to convince me? Is there anything you won't stoop to for the sake of your fucking duty?"
The American rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, "I'm done, I'm leaving. When she found out I'd been making improvements to the geo-cruiser a few months ago Doctor Derek commented that she'd like me working on one of her projects as an engineer. Of course then I wouldn't have considered it but this afternoon I contacted her and she's still willing to take me on, she even offered to pay to get me qualified."
"Nyet, Wheeler you cannot leave!" the Wind Planeteer gasped.
"I need to get away, I need space to think." He replied firmly, "Gaia agreed. I wanted to tell you earlier but you… I couldn't make myself turn you down even though I knew it was so wrong, and that's another reason I need to go, for both of us."
She shook her head, "Not for me, never for me. I need you here, beside me."
He started to walk towards the door, not able to argue any longer, just needing it to end.
"You have to come back for New Year." She blurted out. "Please Yankee, promise me? I will respect your need to get away and I hope that once you have had time to think you will realise that I was not really lying to you, but I cannot just give up."
"Your presidents wouldn't be too happy would they?" He replied not turning around, and not really wanting an answer.
Linka winced, "You know that is not what I meant, you do know that. We need to talk, properly, when you are not so angry."
He shook his head, "I can't make any promises."
"Please!" She was sounding desperate, "You know how important it is to me, I did not make that up… even if we just talk, even if you spend the whole time yelling at me… just come home. Please, please Jason."
"Alright!" He yelled, not able to take any more. "New Year."
Then he stalked out without another word or glance.
New Year's Eve.
Linka sat alone on the beach crying into her arms as they were propped on her knees. After a while a soft voice said, "Linka? It's almost midnight, are you coming in?"
The beautiful Russian shook her head without looking up at Gi. "He has made his choice Gi, he is never coming back."
"Give him time Linka." The Asian girl said, trying to hold back her own tears at the sight of her friend's pain.
"He promised he would come back for New Year, he knows what it means to me… this is his way of letting me know there is nothing left to hope for. No future for us."
"And if Wheeler does come back later?" Gi asked.
Linka shook her head, "He will not unless he has got over all the pain I have caused, not until he is over me. I cannot face that, I could not stay then and there is no point in my staying now."
Gi bit her bottom lip, "I'm sorry. What will you do?"
"When I returned the phone my president made it clear that I would be welcome there if I needed a new career. I think he feels guilty." Her voice was unsteady and filled with pain. "And it does not matter anymore."
End of Part One
