Babysitting Blues

Babysitting Blues

Bad Bet

What was that stupid witch going on about? As if she could ever win against him. She better not have messed with his hair again. He ran his fingers through his hair causing Hermione to giggle. It was such a Harry signature move. As could be expected, Malfoy did not like what he felt when he ran his fingers through his hair. It felt not perfect. Then he looked down to see if anything else was different about him when he caught sight of the Harry Potter Fan Club Member button. Shit! She did win.

He rushed out to the front entry to look at himself in the mirror. What he saw just about killed him. His beautiful platinum blond hair was now jet black and messy. He had stupid round black glasses drawn on his face. And worst of all his face was disfigured with a lightening bolt "scar" smack in the middle of his forehead that did not come off no matter how hard he rubbed. Oh my God. He was Harry friggin Potter.

Shit! Shit! Shit! How did this happen? When did she… The bathroom incident! Ha! He knew she wasn't alluring. She wasn't sexy at all. She was just some stupid mudblood bitch who had just gotten him with perhaps the best revenge ever. He was starting to panic. He couldn't let her win. Getting bested by a mudblood was not an option. He was Draco Malfoy. He was the Slytherin Prince. And now he looked like bloody Harry Potter, that scar headed, Dumbledore ass kissing, Weasel cavorting, Granger liking, snitch stealing bastard.

There was only one thing to do. Catch her completely off guard. "Do you want to shag?"

"What!" Where did that come from? This was so not going as planned.

"I suppose you set up this little scheme so you could have a go at your little boy toy wonder. I'll have to warn you though, I'm a man."

"Whatever. I do not want to shag Harry, and I most certainly do not want to shag you. Man or not. And I'm thinking not."

"Oh, come on Granger. You know you want to shag the great Harry Potter. All the girls do. That's what you said this morning anyway."

"I was just saying that to set you up. It was a joke. Although the part about Pansy trying to hook up with Harry was true. The rest of it was just to mess with you."

"You like to mess around… Hermione," asked Malfoy, a sly smile forming on his lips.

Now how was she supposed to respond to that? Hermione was getting more furious by the minute. He was totally ruining her fun. He was supposed to be angry. He was supposed to curse and call her a mudblood. He was supposed to acknowledge her perfect prank. She had gotten him. She had won. And all he could do was talk about sex. He was such a sneaky Slytherin bastard. "Shut up Malfoy." Ooh, she was so clever.

"I'm not Malfoy. Can't you see I'm Harry friggin Potter, Boy Wonder, savior of the wizarding world?"

Hermione rolled her eyes at him and walked into the study. This just proved that looks didn't really matter. It's definitely what's on the inside that counts. While Malfoy looked very much like her best friend at the moment, he was still the same old prick he always was. And that was never going to change. Hermione grabbed a book off of the shelf. She decided it was finally time to start her research on horcruxes. It was better than putting up with Malfoy's crap anyway. She curled up on the couch and started to read.

Malfoy plopped down on the couch next to her. "Whatcha reading Hermione? Can I copy your notes from all of our classes?" asked Malfoy in what he thought was a very good Harry Potter impersonation. "I was too busy saving the world to take any. And can Ron copy too? He was too busy following me around like a puppy dog instead of acting like the weasel he is."

"Go away. And you sound like a dork by the way."

"Yeah, well I look like a dork."

"Now Harry. You're much better looking than some of the boys at school."

"Weasel, I mean Ron doesn't count."

"I was talking about Malfoy. You are much better looking than that ferret. Slytherin Prince my ass."

Malfoy smacked her on the shoulder. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Sorry Hermione. There was a fly on your shoulder. I felt compelled to save you from it. I just can't help this whole hero thing I have going on," replied Malfoy with a mock apology.

"Right back at you Harry," said Hermione smacking him in the forehead.

Malfoy scowled at her.

"Gee, Harry. You kind of look like Malfoy with that nasty look on your face. Want to say bad things about him? That always cheers you up. I'll start. Malfoy is a stupid ferret face prick who couldn't catch a snitch if it flew up his robes and lodged itself in his..."

"Want to snog?"

"No!"

"Play footsy?"

"No!"

"Tickle fight?"

"No, no and no!"

"Geez Granger. Don't you do anything besides save the world?"

"I do homework," she answered indignantly.

Malfoy snorted. "I mean anything fun."

"I hang out with my friends."

"And what do you do with your friends?" asked Malfoy obviously trying to make some kind of point.

"Well, we uh…" For the life of her, Hermione couldn't come up with anything. She had zilch, zero, nada. Harry and Ron played Wizard chess and Quidditch together, but she didn't participate in that. What did she do with her friends? "We do homework and save the world," Hermione admitted rather grudgingly.

Malfoy laughed. "I thought so. You are so predictable."

"Oh, and you're not?"

"Of course not. You don't know anything about me. I'm a mystery."

Hermione snorted. "You want to make a bet on that mystery boy?"

"That's mystery man to you." Malfoy eyed her suspiciously. He was a little taken aback. He hadn't expected Granger to be the betting kind. This could be good though. Really good. "What did you have in mind?"

"I bet that I know more about you than you know about me."

"I'll take that bet Granger. And what may I ask will I get when I win?"

"You won't win. What do you want?"

"Hmm. Let's see. If I win, you have to walk around in your knickers for the rest of the day."

"You wish. There is no way I'm doing that. I think you've seen enough of me as it is this morning."

"Yeah, you're right," agreed Malfoy thinking about the incident that had happened that morning that had led to the cold shower that had then led to his current predicament as a stupid Harry Potter clone. "Okay, you have to kiss either Crabbe or Goyle."

"When?"

Malfoy looked at her in shock. Had she just agreed to kissing Crabbe or Goyle? He had expected her to refuse for sure. "Anytime before Christmas, with tongues," he added incase she was thinking otherwise.

"Okay."

"You do realize I mean that you have to stick you tongue down either Crabbe or Goyle's throat."

"Yes, I do understand the concept. Now what do I get if I win?"

"What do you want?"

"My wand back."

"No way."

"Why not? If you're so sure you are going to win."

"I am confident yes. Stupid no. You've proven to have a bit of Slytherin in you. Besides, you do enough damage without a wand."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Alright. How about if I win, you can't use my wand against me to exact revenge."

Malfoy thought about this. "Okay. I have some other ideas anyway."

Hermione laughed. "Going to pour more salt in my wounds?"

"I think I'm through with the salt pranks. Although I can't promise you anything. I have bigger ideas."

"Yeah right. You haven't pulled off anything big yet."

"Only because I haven't had to. You're doing all of the dirty work for me. Your hair looked just as stupid as mine incase you forgot."

"I have not. However, I'm not the one sitting here looking like Harry Potter now am I? You have to admit that this was pretty good."

"Not without its price though. Have you forgotten this morning?"

Hermione blushed. "No, have you?"

"No, I have not." Silence followed this admission. What did he mean by that? Was he referring to her humiliation or his? How did he feel about what had happened? Did he have feelings? Malfoy was the one to break the silence. "So, we have a bet?"

"No."

"I knew you'd chicken out. So much for Gryffindor bravery."

"I'm not chickening out, but it's hardly fair that I have to kiss a gorilla and you only have to refrain from using my wand which you shouldn't be using anyway."

"I'm certainly not kissing one of your friends."

"As if I'd do that to one of my friends. I call them friends for a reason. I don't want to torture them."

"Kissing me is hardly torture. Some girls enjoy it."

"Yeah, Pansy maybe."

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"If you lose, you have to kiss Millicent Bulstrode."

"Ugh. That's almost as bad as kissing Potter or Weasel."

"Oh, and kissing Crabbe or Goyle is a real treat."

"Okay, okay, but if you lose you also have to promise not to pull any acts of revenge on me for 24 hours."

"Alright deal."

"Deal. Hey, before we start, can I ask you which one you're going to kiss? Crabbe or Goyle?"

"Goyle," answered Hermione immediately.

"That was awfully fast. It's almost as if you've thought of doing it before now."

"You'd be surprised," said Hermione smiling. Malfoy raised his eyebrows. "I'll go first," said Hermione closing her eyes. "What color are my eyes?"

"Easy. Brown. The same color as mud."

Hermione opened her eyes to glare at him, but his eyes were closed and he asked, "What color are my eyes?"

"Gray with flecks of blue, but when you're angry they turn a darker stormy gray, however right now…"

"You could have stopped at gray," said Malfoy opening his eyes to look at Hermione.

She blushed. "What is my favorite book?"

Malfoy laughed. "Predictable question even. Hogwarts: A History. I hardly ever see you without it. "What's my favorite color?"

"Please. Slytherin green. Who's predictable now? What kind of animal do I have for a pet?"

"A bow legged monstrosity of a cat with Weasel colored fur and a tail as bushy as your hair. What's my favorite food?"

"Treacle tart. Same as Harry's," she replied smirking at him. "Who's my favorite professor?"

"You'll probably say Lupin, but it's really Snape. You don't want to admit it though because he killed Dumbledore."

"How did you know that?" asked Hermione flabbergasted. Harry and Ron didn't even know that.

Malfoy shrugged. "You like a challenge. Who's my best friend?"

"You don't have one. What's my middle name?"

"Jean. Ran across it in detention once. How do I spend my summers?"

"Hanging out with your friends in Diagon Alley, acting like hoodlums terrifying anyone younger or smaller than you. Attending boring parties your parents set up to help find your future pureblood wife. Oh and listening to muggle music. Don't worry. I won't tell your muggle-hating Dad that one. What was my most embarrassing moment?"

"When you accidentally turned yourself into a cat. Moaning Myrtle told me, in detail. Although I have no idea how you managed that one. What was my most embarrassing moment?"

"Well, you'd probably say the bouncing ferret incident, but it's really when Harry caught you crying to Moaning Myrtle." Hermione didn't look at him when she said this. "What do I want to do when I leave Hogwarts?"

"You want to be a healer, but you should consider becoming an auror. You can kick some serious Death Eater ass. Do you think I'm a Death Eater?"

"No, but I could still kick your ass, " Hermione said smiling. "Where do I have a birthmark?"

"Inner right thigh. White. Shaped like a star. I've seen you in a towel twice you know."

"Yeah, but it's not like you knew there was going to be a test on it. I think it's a tie Malfoy. I guess neither one of us have to kiss a toad."

"Wait a minute. I get one more question, and there is no way you know the answer to it."

"Give it your best shot."

"What is the one secret that I don't want anyone to find out?"

"That you don't actually hate muggles or muggleborns, and you only use the word "mudblood" to keep up appearances with your father… and because it drives me crazy," she added as an afterthought.

Malfoy stared at her in shock. "How on earth did you know that?"

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "Research."

"You did research on me?"

"Of course I did. Whenever you start a new endeavor, it's important to know what you are getting yourself into and to prepare for any challenges you might meet. I wasn't about to walk into this situation blind. I found out everything there was to know about you. I am excellent at research. However, I am curious about how you knew so much about me. I admit I didn't see that coming."

"Like I said, you're predictable, and it's important to know things about your enemies. You never know when it may come in handy. You know, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That kind of thing."

"So, you know all of those things about me because we're enemies?"

"Of course. Why else?"

"What color are Harry's eyes?"

"What?"

"I asked you what color Harry's eyes are."

"How the hell would I know?"

"Well, he's your enemy too isn't he? That information might come in handy some day after all. I'll give you a hint. They're the same color as your eyes have been all morning," smirked Hermione.

Malfoy looked like someone had sent him a stunning spell. Why had he known so much about Hermione or rather Granger and nothing about Potter who was by far his bigger enemy. His whole explanation seemed implausible now. And Granger had just called him out on it. She better not think he liked her because he didn't. He wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off of her face. And at the moment he could only think of one way. "Well, since we tied, I think the only fair thing to do is for both of us to go through with the conditions we set.

"What!" There went the smirk. "Are you kidding me? You really want to kiss Millicent Bulstrode? You're insane!"

"I don't want to kiss Millicent, but it's worth it for you to have to kiss Goyle."

"Fine. It's done."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've already fulfilled my condition of the bet. I'm done except for going 24 hours without revenge on you. Which will be fairly easy compared with what you still have to do."

"You haven't fulfilled your condition. You have to kiss Goyle. Don't think I'm letting you get out of it."

"I'm not getting out of it. I've already done it. You said I could do it anytime before Christmas, and I did it seven days ago. I stuck my tongue down his throat just like you said. Ask Goyle if you don't believe me. I'm sure he'll tell you all about it. He'll probably tell you it was phenomenal, but it wasn't. It was disgusting, and I'm ashamed of myself. But I did it, and I'm not doing it again.

"You kissed Goyle?"

"How do you think I got most of that information on you? Research isn't easy you know. There is a lot of grunt work involved. No pun intended, although your friends do grunt quite a bit. This was my first assignment for the Order, and I took it very seriously. Crabbe and Goyle were quite willing to talk. They still held a grudge against you from when you polyjuiced them into little girls to help you with your little project last year. It didn't take too much convincing to get them to meet me at the Three Broomsticks. Negotiations went better than I expected. I have my boundaries of course. I figured kissing Crabbe and Goyle wasn't going to hurt. Much."

"You kissed Crabbe too?"

"No, fortunately he passed out before he was able to collect. I wasn't so lucky with Goyle. He can drink quite a lot. Cost me a fortune. So, do you think I should give Millicent her Christmas present early? It's lip-gloss.