A week passed before Alex legitimately began to miss Justin. His voice. His comforting presence. Everything. She wasn't sure if she should feel happy or depressed that he hadn't come to visit her. Then again, she had specifically asked Matt to pass along the message that she didn't want to see Justin. Despite everything that was going on inside her head, she was beginning to regret her decision. Along with Justin's absence came an intense feeling of boredom. Alex was bedridden on doctor's orders and she would continue to be that way for at least another week. She scowled. It wasn't her leg that was broken! Why couldn't she at least walk around? She immediately dismissed the thought when it was replaced by another: the thought of running into Justin. She missed him and talking with him but if there was one thing she was glad about it was the fact that she had a lot of time to think. She admitted to herself that thoughts of revenge against Justin were uncalled for and completely unnecessary. In fact, that was the source of her irrational anger: his perfection. Or at least him appearing as such. As the days passed, her anger eventually subsided to be replaced by sadness and guilt. She never could manage to stay mad at him for very long. It was difficult admitting to herself that she was wrong. She was hurt and emotional, not just about the past few days but the past few YEARS.
She decided the better action- as opposed to intentionally hurting Justin- would be to tell him about her doubts and fears. She would also explain how badly she felt about asking for or expecting his help and support. If she could, she would get out of his hair and take care of herself. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. Her parents wouldn't support her and she couldn't support herself. There was only one person she knew of who could and would be willing: Justin. A sudden thought occurred to her. What if he wasn't? She had never asked. Perhaps- no- she KNEW she should. And she would the next time she saw him. She turned as she heard the door opening and her jaw dropped. What are the odds that the very same person she had just been thinking about would walk through the door at that exact moment? She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. He did work here after all. There was silence in the room for several moments, the air thick with tension. Finally, Justin sighed, glanced up at her, and shuffled to the end of her bed. She studied him with a critical eye, wondering what he planned to do or say next.
"It's been awhile." He spoke simply and quietly.
She resolved to stay silent until he was finished. He took her silence as an invitation to continue.
"I won't lie… I've been avoiding you. Both of my own volition and upon your request." He admitted.
Silence greeted him once more. He sighed again, running a hand through his hair.
"First and foremost, I should apologize for that. I respect you and your decisions, but in this case I know I should have stayed by your side, helped you recover… Provided support."
Hearing him say this finally spurred Alex to form a response. It didn't come out as eloquently as she had hoped.
"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed suddenly.
He was clearly surprised- if not shocked- by her outburst. He fumbled with his words for a moment before he managed to speak.
"Why are YOU sorry?" He asked slowly.
She bit her lip, indecisive as to where she should begin.
"I haven't been fair to you." She eventually whispered.
This time, Justin stayed silent as she spoke.
"For years I've been selfish. Recently, I've been thinking and I realized I have never asked for your help or your support. I've always taken it for granted. I expected you to always provide it without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'. To make things worse, I've never repaid you for everything you've done for me… And I don't think I ever can. You've been nothing but kind and helpful since the day we met and how do I repay you? By using you as my emotional crutch, never thinking you needed any sort of encouragement or assistance. Justin… I am sorry! I am sorry I'm broken and I am sorry that I've been so unbelievably selfish. If you want me to leave, I will… I wouldn't blame you. If you want me to take care of myself, I will. I shouldn't have to rely on your hospitality any longer. It's about time I started doing things on my own."
The quiet that filled the room after her speech was excruciating. She wanted him to say something… ANYTHING! What felt like any eternity to her was actually only a few seconds in the real world.
"Do you remember Christmas last year?" He asked suddenly.
She opened her eyes and gave him a confused look. Where had that come from? He was giving her a pointed look, as if he expected her to understand something she couldn't grasp.
"Yes, but what-?"
He cut her off by raising his hand and she clamped her mouth shut. Any other time she would have been annoyed but she knew he was making a point. He had something important to say.
"My whole family was there. My mom, my dad, my aunts and uncles, cousins, everyone… Including you."
Her eyes widened slightly. He considered her…family?
"You were shy at first which is unusual for you. I came over to talk, hopefully make you more comfortable. I remember asking why you weren't with your own family… That's when you first told me about them. You had never really talked about them before so I was a bit shocked but I wasn't complaining. By the end of the night, you were crying and my whole family had gathered around to give you a big hug. We all wanted you to know you were welcome there, no matter what."
She hung her head slightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
"I remember." She whispered.
"You're still welcome with any member of the family. That includes me. Alex, you have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me! You've been through more than most encounter in their entire life! It only makes sense you need a little help. Who wouldn't in your situation?"
She stayed silent, letting his words sink in. He stood up and pulled his chair around the side of her bed. She didn't look up at him. He reached out his hand and hesitated only slightly before gently grabbing her chin and lifting her eyes to meet his. Tears filled her beautiful blue eyes and he resisted the urge to wipe them away. He took a deep breath and let it out.
"I want you to know something."
He suddenly lost his voice and forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat. He could hardly bare to hold eye contact, the unbridled emotions brimming in her eyes almost too much for him. He couldn't tell what he saw there. Was it hope? Joy? Or was it sadness? Despair? He didn't know. He did know what he wanted to say. Three words. THOSE three words. He wanted to say it so badly. Why couldn't he do it?!
Keep it together. He thought. You can do this.
A sudden thought occurred to him. What if it wasn't the right time? What if she rejected him? What if… What if he only made things worse? They had a wonderful relationship already…as best friends. Could he risk taking the next step? Would she want to take that step? He was so confused! He didn't even know if she had feelings for him.
"What is it?"
He snapped out of his thoughts to see she was staring at him strangely. She had pulled away and he was no longer holding her chin. Instead, it appeared as though he had been staring blankly at her for the last minute.
"What?" He asked dumbly.
"You said you wanted me to know something… What is it?"
He looked away and down at his clenched hands, his knuckles quickly turning white. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"There's something I want to tell you."
"Yes?"
He looked up. His green eyes met her blue. There was no denying it, there was hope glowing in her eyes. And was that excitement? Was she smiling too? Could it be that his fears were all for naught? He hesitated a moment and took another breath, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He blinked and everything was just as it was a moment ago. He had to tell her. He WANTED to tell her. And he was going to tell her.
"Alex, you're not alone in this. I have concerns too and to be honest… It's been rough. Everyone always pictures me as the perfect boy scout, always sticks to the rules, respects his elders, and does what he's told. I want you to know… That's not how I really am. I never wanted this life but my parents always had such high expectations that I never got a chance to really LIVE. At the age of ten they were already teaching me Calculus and Theoretical Physics! I don't want THIS life. I want to do what I want, how I want, and get a job wherever I want. So you see… I have problems too. You're not alone."
He paused for a moment to catch his breath and he smiled at her. She sniffled slightly and brushed the tears out of her eyes.
"Thank you, Justin… I needed that." She said, responding with a smile of her own.
Now was his chance!
"And there's one more thing-"
A sudden commotion in the lobby distracted them both as they heard a large crash and many voices crying out in surprise. A muffled voice was quickly working its way towards the room. From what they could tell, it was a male. Justin looked quizzically at Alex.
"Were you expecting another visitor?"
"I wasn't even expecting you."
He chuckled slightly and stood up, strolling towards the door. As soon as he opened the door, a scruffy looking young man barreled through and barely managed to stop himself before colliding with the bed. Justin just stared, caught completely off-guard, as the man gathered his wits and looked around frantically. His eyes came to rest on Alex and he smiled widely.
"Alex, you're okay!"
She looked to Justin, obviously confused. He just shrugged and she looked back to the man.
"I'm sorry…do I know you?" She asked.
He looked surprised at her comment before responding.
"Babe, don't you remember? It's me, Mason!"
The silence that greeted him wasn't your everyday awkward silence. He could actually feel the hurt radiating off of Alex and the anger burning into his skull as Justin glared at him.
"Just let me explain-"
"There's nothing TO explain." Justin cut in coldly, pushing his way between Mason and the bed.
It was obvious he didn't trust Mason to be around Alex without hurting her. Who could blame him? What Mason had done was unforgivable. At least, it was to him. Maybe he was being a little overprotective.
"It's okay, Justin… Let him talk."
He spun around with a surprised look as Alex spoke softly. The look in her eyes made it clear she didn't want to argue. He held her gaze for a moment before nodding and stepping aside, narrowing his eyes once more as his gaze shifted back to Mason. The young man cleared his throat and stepped forward, obviously still wary of Justin.
"Actually, I was hoping we could talk privately…" He trailed off.
Another glance. Justin sighed and hung his head as he met her gaze. He couldn't say no.
"You have five minutes." Justin growled, slamming the door on his way out.
She didn't need to say anything. Mason could tell just by looking at her exactly what she felt at the sight of him.
"I'm sorry." He began.
No reaction.
"I know I was stupid, and ignorant, and jealous, and-" He stopped and sighed heavily.
"What I did was purely because of my own insecurities. It wasn't that I distrusted you… It was that I didn't trust Justin to not make a move."
Her eyes widened slightly at that but she still didn't say anything.
"I know you told me multiple times that you and he are best friends. And I believe you! But… I just couldn't get past how well you two got along. It seemed so easy for you two to just… Connect and be happy together, not to mention the 'fake dating' thing. It really tore me up inside that there might be someone who loved you more than I did…and that you loved more than me."
She immediately gasped and spluttered, fumbling for words as her face grew redder by the instant. He smiled ruefully and shrugged.
"It's not exactly hard to see, Alex. Justin cares about you. More than I've ever seen anyone care about another person. If that's not love, then I don't know what is. I know you feel the same way, too. Even with all your troubles and doubts… You hold strong and make Justin happy, even if you don't think so. When Justin and I were fighting a month ago, even though I disliked him with everything in me, I got a pretty good look at his life. And let me tell you, it's a lot less pretty than he makes it out to be. I'm sure he's told you already, but his home life was a bit…strict. Once I found out about it, I stupidly started calling him 'kid brainiac'. He didn't seem bothered by it at first. In fact, he was proud of his intelligence. He just wasn't proud how he acquired it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for what I did to you. Well, not only that, but I also think you should start another relationship. A better one with a better man."
She sat there for several moments, dumbfounded at his surprisingly well thought out speech. He must have spent days, if not weeks, coming up with the right words to say. She thought long and hard about whether she should forgive him. By the way he was talking, it definitely seemed like he had learned his lesson. And she never was one to hold a grudge. Not for long, anyway. She had to look past the hurt he had caused her. She had to forgive his past transgressions and look forward to his- hopefully- new way of thinking.
"I forgive you." She finally spoke.
If the joy in his eyes wasn't enough, it was clear he was happy when he leapt in the air and let out an excited shout. Quite abruptly, he settled down and whipped back around to face her.
"But… what about Justin?" He asked.
She hung her head. Darn. She was hoping he had forgotten about that. She only thought for a moment before responding.
"I'll talk to him and let him know about you."
"So we're cool?"
She smiled slightly and nodded. He returned the smile.
"Sweet!"
He turned on his heel and strutted to the door. He stopped short, though, and turned back to face her.
"About what I said- you and Justin loving each other- just think about telling him, okay?"
She stared at him, unsure as to how she should answer. She simply nodded, keeping the smile plastered on her face. He saluted and opened the door.
"See you later!"
And he was gone. She hardly noticed Justin re-entering the room until he cleared his throat. She jumped slightly as she looked up at him.
"Well, how'd it go?" He asked, a mix of curiosity and worry in his eyes.
She smiled genuinely at his concern and responded.
"Don't worry, it went fine. Mason apologized and we talked and it was all really good."
He visibly relaxed at this and let out a gasping breath.
"Good. So, what else did you talk about?"
She turned her head away slightly, pretending to contemplate when in reality she was hiding her blush. She didn't turn back until she knew it was gone. She smiled mischievously up at him and answered.
"Oh, nothing much. Mostly stuff about you."
He stiffened once again.
"What about me?"
She simply giggled and kept her mouth shut, even as her begged her for the rest of the day to reveal her secret. No. She wasn't quite ready to do that yet. Soon. She knew it would be soon, but not today. Today was a good day and she didn't want to risk ruining it. So it was with no small amount of amusement that she continued to toy with Justin until he was forced to leave at the end of his shift. She grinned. Perhaps she could have fun with this for just a LITTLE longer. For once, as her eyes closed, she had a peaceful sleep, her dreams filled with pleasant thoughts and images. She hoped tomorrow would be just as good.
