A Day In The Life

Chapter Seven: Part VII

Kakuzu

O O O

Okay, so maybe finding Kakuzu as his next picture model was not a good idea. Considering that he had Tobi strung up by his ankles and was currently strangling him with thick threads that had been previously stitched through his body, Tobi regretted ever walking into his room in the first place. And what made it worse was that Kakuzu had nothing but a towel loosely tied around his waist and it was, at the moment, exposing a piece of anatomy that Tobi really really didn't want to see!

But he couldn't say anything because he was being choked! Upside down!

(Twenty Minutes Previous)

It was easy enough to sniff out Kakuzu, all Tobi had to do was go to the ancient man's room, knowing he would be in their because it was Bank Day for Kakuzu. The day that he spent alone in his room so he could count his precious money after a luxurious shower.

Tobi did not, however, know that Kakuzu had finished his shower and was spending quality time with his dollars already. So it was completely on accident that Tobi slammed into the room--thinking he could find a perfect place to get a good shot for his senpai before Kakuzu reappeared from the bathroom--and stumbled upon a very awkward situation.

Kakuzu laying on his bed in a pile of money. Stark naked.

Complete silence crashed around them as they stared at each other, one with a shocked look and the other full of surprise and embarressment, slowly but picking up speed turning into a murderous glare. Tobi opened his mouth to say something, anything, but all that managed to come out was a mere squeak which served to set everything back into motion.

Kakuzu leapt from the bed, blessedly snatching his towel from the bed and wrapping it around his waist--and coming at Tobi like a bull charging a red flag. Tobi had no chance from the very start so intense was his bewilderment and he was immediately snatched up by Kakuzu's threads and hung precariously from his ankles and neck upside down at eye level with the seething man.

(Present Time)

"What the fuck do you think you are doing!?"

"T-Tobi--I-I-I was just...the door...and tracking...and the scope flashy--PICTURE!"

As if reading his mind, the scope started snapping pictures like mad, flashing light brilliantly and forcing each criminal to see blinding white spots covering their vision. Kakuzu snarled and backed away, bringing Tobi with him thanks to the threads still holding the Uchiha up. Tobi cried out and wriggled, fingers pushing and punching buttons desperately in an attempt to stop the picture snapping.

The threads released him then and Tobi crashed to the floor with a sharp yelp and tumbled around Kakuzu's feet. When he glanced up, Tobi screamed in horror and scrambled to get away from the open bottom of the towel with a wide eye and flailing limbs. Kakuzu stumbled and, knees knocking forcefully against the edge of his mattress, fell backwards onto the piles of bills strewn over his blankets.

"DAMN IT TOBI!!"

"TOBI DIDN'T DO IT!"

The scope still continued to flash picture after picture as Tobi stood and spun in a confused circle, facing the bed then turning abruptly away after noticing Kakuzu's position--towel completely open now and laying on the money bundles on the edge of the bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Finally, thankfully, mercifully the scope stopped its onslaught of flashing and snapping and returned back to the red lensed hue. Tobi almost sobbed in relief. However, it was short lived as deadly threads wrapped around his throat and slammed Tobi through the bedroom wall, which thankfully wasn't reinforced with steal or concrete. Still, it hurt like hell.

"I'm going to fucking kill your ass and feed your remains to Zetsu!"

"NOOOOO!!!!"

Tobi's scream resonated through each and every hall in the Akatsuki compound, alerting all the members to his position and easily giving them access to reach him and tear him apart to their own likings. In seconds, the hall was packed with bodies and yells and curses and shocked stares at seeing a half-naked Kakuzu strangling an unmasked Tobi sporting his partner's scope.

"Fuck, Kakuzu! Put some damn clothes on, shit!" Hidan yelled indignantly, hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow. "I don't want to see your nasty ass, seriously!"

Itachi pushed through the throng of members, sporting a pair of thick, rather large, blinder glasses and growled, "Where is he." in a dangerous tone. Tobi only managed to cough as the threads tightened around his throat.

Kisame shouldered to the front then, flanked by Zetsu and an agitated looking Sasori. "Let me kill him, damn it! I want to kill him! And then destroy that scope!"

"Take the scope first. Demolish it." Sasori snapped, glaring harshly at the choking man. "Burn the pieces afterward."

Zetsu eyed the two next to him. "Catch something of you, did he? All the more reason to keep it."

Kisame snarled at the walking plant. "He must've got something of you too if you're here, dipshit. Want us to broadcast live whatever he captured of you?"

Zetsu seemed to visibly pale (if that's even possible) and nodded quietly. "Fine. Destroy it."

"Fuck yeah!" Hidan grunted, lowering his arm cautiously just enough to see the upper half of Kakuzu and leaving his bottom towel covered half blocked by his arm. "Grab the scope and throw that little fucker out the window."

"Fine." Kakuzu growled and made to grab the scope. Tobi struggled frantically and sputtered, trying to get away from the hand shooting at him. In a moment's panic, he managed to perform a quick substitution jutsu and sprinted down the just as smoke cleared from where he had previously been standing and a small bundle of bills plopped to the ground.

"FUCK!"

In seconds, the halls were stampeded with very, very pissed off criminals and one terrified Tobi running full tilt for some form of shelter. The scope spazzed out once more, snapping pictures of his running feet and he glanced over his shoulder at the mob chasing after him and yelled frantically for someone to help as it took pictures of that, too.

It was completely unintentional that Tobi skid to a stop right in front of the one door no one was ever permitted to step toe in. Leader's room. It just so happened that everyone at his back seemed to choose to not take knowledge of just what door they were in front of and promptly tackled Tobi through the door and dogpiled the Uchiha in a suffocating mass of curses and threats.

The noise of their scuffle was ear shattering and Tobi fought desperately to break out of the mob and make a break for it once more. For once, fate seemed to be working with him and Tobi stumbled from the pile only to pull up short and stare in shock at the sight before him and have a arm wrap harshly around his neck in a sleeper hold.

"No way in hell are you getting away before I sacrifice you to Jashin-sama you little fucker!" Hidan snarled. "First, I'm going to slit your throat, then I'm going to--"

"Hidan."

"Hold on! I'm threatening here damn it!" he snapped. "Then I'm going to gut you and leave your intrails out for the buzzards--"

"Hidan!"

"Augh! What the hell do you want!"

Hidan swung around and faced the mob at his back with narrowed eyes, still clutching a shocked and silent Tobi in his hold. Kisame dipped his head forward and gestured with his hand to turn around. With an impatient huff, Hidan turned back around, mid-curse, and stopped. Shell-shocked his arm released Tobi who stumbled forward a few steps and coughed, only to straighten and stare just like the other members were doing unabashedly.

The heavy silence was broken after a moment by Hidan sputtering an almost silent:

"...holy shit."