Title: The World You Love
Category: TV Shows » Castle
Author: caskettinacastle
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Drama

Disclaimer: Castle belongs to Andrew Marlowe. This is just me writing for the heck of it. (I'm not making any profit from it. I promise!)

Spoilers: Through part of Season 4

Rating: (Not really sure what its going to be. For now, I'll rate it T!)

Chapter 6: Breaking Your Own Heart

A/N: Hello everyone! First of all I just wanted to thank you for your patience, and your well wishes! I can't tell you how much it meant to me! You guys are truly awesome, and I'm so happy that I get to share this with you. I'm doing a little better, but I still have a lot of rough days that make life a bit of a struggle. Fortunately, I've been able to spend some more time writing and editing. Part of the reason that I've taken so long to post, is because I've gone back and forth a lot on the two chapters I've written, but frankly I think I've waited long enough. I'm sorry for taking so long and I really hope that you guys like it! The good news is that I have two really long chapters for you, and that I'm going to post back to back. (They should both be up tonight).


(This chapter picks up a couple days after the last chapter.)

"Hey!" Esposito greeted in a sort of catcall as Castle waltzed into the squad room, with two coffees clutched in his hands. "Look who it is!" A smile tugged at the corner of Esposito's lips as he swiveled around in his chair, watching Castle approach Kate's desk with a couple of coffees in hand. The greeting itself could have made Castle feel as if he was doing some sort of walk of shame, but he could hear the warmth in Esposito's words. "And here I was, starting to think you weren't coming back."

Kevin Ryan could hear the underlying happiness lacing his partner's tone and new it could only be one person. Esposito played it cool, but he could tell that Esposito respected Castle and considered him to be a good friend. Ryan looked up from the file he was scanning.

"Well," Castle bit back in a slightly impudent and sarcastic manner, "Forgive me for not wanting to contaminate the precinct with germs."

"I for one am grateful for your thoughtfulness," Ryan interjected.

"Thank you," Castle replied as he met the younger man's blue eyes and gave a nod of appreciation. He felt his point had been made. A smile slipped onto his face as he realized just how much he'd missed being at the precinct. He'd only been away for a few days, but it felt like he'd been gone for weeks. Castle didn't know how he was supposed to spend the next several months away from the place that had become, in every sense of the word, a second home to him.

Castle gingerly set the coffee down on Kate's desk, taking extra care to make sure that he didn't drop or spill it, and then swiveled around. He gave a small wave of his hand as he doubled back to where Esposito and Ryan's desk. Their desks were a few strides closer to the elevator.

"So," Castle smiled, "You guys miss me?"

"You know it," Ryan replied, "Kate told us you were ill." He took a long look at Castle, noting that the author looked a little paler than usual. "You feeling any better?"

"Much," Castle replied with a smile. "Thank you." Castle noticed that Ryan's eyes kept darting to the coffee clutched in Castle's hand every couple seconds. The young blonde detective cocked his head to the side as he eyed it longingly. For some reason, Castle couldn't help but think that Ryan was looking at the coffee in his hands as ravenously as the tiger had been looking at him and Beckett. Castle nearly laughed out loud as Kevin subconsciously licked his lips. Castle decided to make a game of it and started waving it around, enjoying the way Ryan's eyes followed it around.

"You alright, detective?" Castle asked finally as he realized. "You look a little… I don't know. Distracted?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's just that… I am dying for some coffee and the espresso machine isn't working. Are you going to drink that?" the detective asked softly while eyeing the cup in Castle's hand. Castle could tell that Ryan was only joking, but the thought was enticing. Castle looked down at the cup in his hand and stared at it longingly. It had been days since he'd had coffee of any sort and he missed it so. He swallowed thickly as he contemplated whether or not he should drink it. With all of the vomiting he'd experienced in the past few days, he decided that it was probably a bad idea. He was clearly still pretty dehydrated, and he knew that the caffeine contained in the latte in his hands probably wouldn't help matters. In fact, Castle had been trying to talk himself out of it since he walked into the small café where he usually got his and Kate's coffees every morning, but the barista knew his order by heart, and Castle couldn't bring himself to change things up on the guy.

"Uh, heck. Sure, why not?" Castle replied as he held it out for Ryan. Ryan hesitated, his arm stopping only a couple inches shy of the cup.

"Are you serious?" Ryan asked, skeptically, his eyebrows rising high on his forehead. "I can have it?"

"Yeah," Castle replied gruffly, while adding a smile to offset the tone of his own bitterness. "I thought I was ready for coffee, but my stomach is still a bit…" Castle let his voice trail off. "Hey, are you going to take it, or what?" Ryan plucked the coffee from Castle's hand. Esposito looked up and saw this.

"What?" he squeaked. "You gave him your coffee? Why don't I get coffee?"

"Well, for one… you never asked," Castle, laughed. Esposito shook his head.

"So where's Kate?" Castle asked as he looked around the bullpen.

"She ran down for a quick chat with Lanie," Esposito replied, "She said she needed to clarify a couple of things about the body we found last night." He winced a little as he spoke Lanie's name and Castle felt a pang of sympathy for the detective. He knew that Esposito and Lanie deeply cared for one another, but both were too proud to admit just how much they needed one another. Castle could relate to that. His relationship with Kate was often alluded to in subtext, but was never talked about directly.

Castle looked up as Kate strode into the bullpen, though she was looking down at the file in her hands. Castle's breath hitched in his throat as his eyes danced over her body. He was always knocked breathless by the sight of her. Today, she was particularly gorgeous. Her hair was down and Castle's heart started to beat a little faster in his chest as he observed the way in which her long, wavy brown hair fell loosely over her shoulders. She was wearing make-up, but she went for a much subtler look than usual. His eyes focused on her light pink lips and the way that they were moving.

She was muttering something to herself under her breath, and Castle found it absolutely adorable. Kate did that sometimes, when she was working a case and Castle knew it was a way for her to eliminate certain possibilities one by one. He waited on baited breath for her to look up and meet his eyes. His lips twitched into a smile as he saw her look up to meet Esposito's eyes. The Hispanic detective flicked his head to the side, and her eyes followed the indicated pathway before falling onto Castle. It was then that Kate's pink lips curled into an involuntary beaming smile.

"Hey!" she greeted warmly. "You're back!"

"Hey," Castle smiled. "I'm back," he confirmed.

"You look good," Kate breathed as she approached.

"Uh, thanks," Castle replied with a boyish smile, and a bit of a blush.

"I mean… What I meant to say is that you look better," Kate stuttered. "You look better." She briefly saw the cup clutched in Ryan's hand and her eyes automatically darted to her desk. She gazed hopefully. "You brought me coffee?" Esposito grumbled something under his breath about 'not getting any coffee', but Rick was a bit too preoccupied by the brunette in front of him. Kate quickly sprang up onto her tippy toes, placing a chaste kiss to Castle's cheek. A shiver shot down his spine as she whispered in his ear. "You're the best! Thank you."

"I figured I owed you something after you brought me that soup two days ago," Castle replied while giving her a peck on the cheek, himself. "It was absolutely heavenly. You have no idea."

"It was nothing," Kate tried to belittle her kindness. Castle just shook his head.

"No it wasn't," Castle whispered in her ear. "It was really sweet of you." Kate stopped breathing. She could feel the warmth of his body. He was so close to her. Kate felt a heat start to build in her own body as she recalled her dream from the night before.

"So do you two want some privacy, or…" Esposito badgered from over at his desk. " Or do you two not mind the idea of making out in the middle of the squad room while the rest of us watch?"

"Shut up, Esposito," Kate glared, but there was too much warmth in her eyes for him to take her seriously.

"What?" he shrugged. "It's all very sweet! But it's also very nauseating to watch you two. Seriously, you guys should just get married and spare us from the rest of it." Esposito's eyes flickered to Castle's face and the red flush that was now coloring his otherwise pale complexion. Castle gave Kate a shy smile and plopped down into the chair at the side of her desk.

"So…" Castle muttered casually, as if nothing whatsoever had happened. "What have I missed?"

"A lot," Kate replied simply. "Unfortunately, since you've been gone the murderers have all seemingly come back from their vacation. We have three new cases in addition to the one young girl you saw."

"Three?" Castle flinched. "Ouch. And here I was, thinking that things had slowed down a little bit. Can I look at the files?"

"Sure," Kate picked up the folders piled on the corner of her desk, and slid them slowly towards him, "Have at it."

Castle picked up the first one and started reading. By lunch time, he was finished with the reading and considered himself caught up on the several open cases. He set the last file down on Kate's desk and leant forwards, His eyes hurt from reading and he felt the beginnings of a headache in the back of his head. He let out a deep sigh and straightened up a little. He immediately felt Kate's eyes on him and reached up to rub at the lines on his forehead.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked worriedly.

"I'm good," Castle offered with a reassuring smile. "I've just got a little bit of a headache." Then "Three separate murders. It seems like a lot to process."

"It is," Kate agreed.

His phone chose that moment to start ringing. Kate groaned. "Is that my phone or yours?" she asked as she started pushing papers around her desk, trying to find the source of the buzzing. Kate finally uncovered Castle's phone, which had been buried underneath a few loose papers. Castle's heart skipped a beat as he saw the display. He reached for it, but then he hesitated. His phone stopped ringing, and he looked away. He resorted to staring into the grains of the carpet at his feet. "Castle?" the pressure of Kate's touch against his arm had him shaking his head. "Hey, are you okay?" Kate's voice was soft, but he could hear the worry in it.

In the meantime, his phone started buzzing again, and this time he reached for it involuntarily. He took a moment to glance at the display. "It's just the doctor's office calling me back." he replied softly.

"Is it serious?" Kate asked.

"No," he lied quickly. "Not all at. I… I called them yesterday because I was concerned that I wasn't getting any better. They're probably just returning my call." Castle explained. "I'll be back," he muttered calmly as he stood up and quickly walked out of the room. Kate stared after him, wondering why he looked so upset if it was merely "nothing" as he claimed. She shivered involuntarily as she let her imagination run wild.

"Hello?" Castle greeted as he walked briskly towards the stairwell and climbed up a flight of stairs as he tried to get a good signal. The phone kept cutting in and out, so he climbed higher. Finally, Castle burst through the reinforced steel door to the roof, and propped it open with a heavy bucket before striding across the flat rooftop. He could hear all of the sounds of the city below, and see the buildings cover the horizon in every direction it seemed. He suddenly felt dwarfed by the universe.

"Richard?" Dr. Anders greeted softly. The voice brought Castle quickly back to the present.

"Dr. Anders. Hello," Castle greeted, trying to keep his tone friendly, or at the very least, neutral. "Please. Call me Rick. Richard is just too…formal."

"Okay. Good morning, Rick," Dr. Anders greeted again, "How are you feeling?"

"Alright," Castle muttered, "Although, the nausea has been intensifying over the last few days."

"Oh, I see." Dr. Anders replied, "Well, that's to be expected. Still, it's not good." Then. "If you'd like, I can call in some nausea medicine for you to your pharmacy."

"That would be very much appreciated," Castle breathed. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry to call you at such an inconvenient time," Dr. Anders apologized, "I really hope I didn't interrupt something important."

"No," Castle shook his head, "Not at all." Castle swallowed, "Actually, I was hoping that I could talk to you about something."

"Of course," Dr. Anders replied.

"I've been thinking a lot over the last few days, and I've decided that that I would like to keep my diagnosis and treatment undisclosed for the time being," Castle swallowed, "At least until I'm comfortable enough to make a statement to the public." Then. "I don't want to worry my readers, my esteemed friends, and my colleagues."

"I completely understand those wishes, Richard," Dr. Anders responded amenably, "And you have my word. Would you like to be treated under another name? Your birth-name perhaps?"

"Yes," Castle replied. "That would be sufficient. My birth name is Richard Alexander Rodgers."

"Okay," Dr. Anders replied. "So," the doctor sighed. "You're probably wondering why I'm calling."

"The thought had crossed my mind," Rick replied. "But to be honest? I was kind of expecting you would call at some point during the next few days. I was hoping that the test results have come back."

"Ah. That is precisely why I'm calling," Dr. Anders replied calmly.

"And?" Castle breathed anxiously as he paced back and forth on the landing.

"I was wondering if you could make it in for an appointment early tomorrow morning," Dr. Anders replied evenly. "Especially since the treatment plan I have will require some input from you. I want to be able to answer all of your questions and concerns, and that is much more easily done in person."

"I understand," Castle replied calmly. "When were you thinking? You must be a lot busier than I am."

"I could squeeze you in early. Say 8'o clock?" Dr. Anders replied with an inflection in his voice.

"That sounds great," Castle replied. "I will be there."

"Good to hear," he replied. "Well, you have a good day. I will see you tomorrow."

"You too," Castle replied. "Thanks."

He stood there for a long few moments, just breathing. In. Out. In. Out. It was fine. Dr. Anders didn't sound as if it were particularly urgent, which he took as a good sign.

Castle calmed himself enough and walked to the edge of the roof, looking down over everyone below. He swallowed thickly, nearly choking on the air in his lungs as he saw Kate's small form canter down the steps in front of the precinct. She was clearly looking for someone, probably him. He looked down at his watch and mumbled in surprise as he realized nearly twenty minutes had gone by.

Kate burst through the main doors, letting out a frustrated sigh as her head whipped back and forth. She could have sworn Castle had headed for the stairwell. The echo of the door closing in the stairwell had thrown her off. She turned to an officer from burglary that she recognized and asked. "Hey, did you see Castle come through here at all?"

"No, detective," he replied. "Sorry." Kate took one last glance around her, and then retreated back into the building. Castle saw this with a forlorn sigh. With a pang he realized, that now, more than ever he needed to tell her. And he was determined to do it. Tonight.

As he walked back down the stairs, his heart seemed to be stuck in his throat. Kate was waiting for him just inside the door leading to stairwell, holding something in her hand. He noticed that she impatient and distracted at the same time. She swiveled slightly as she heard his footsteps clatter on the landing above, and upon confirming his identity hopped up to a standing position.

"Where have you been?" Kate spoke gruffly. "I've been looking for you."

"I went up to the roof so that I could get better reception," Castle replied, though he knew she had probably drawn that conclusion already. His real goal had been to get some privacy, as he didn't want anybody to overhear his conversation and draw conclusions about it. After all, she was a detective. "And I lost track of time."

Kate was about to give him a thorough chewing out when her phone rang. The roof was supposed to be off limits, but she knew that nobody obeyed that rule. She was just angry because she'd gone the wrong way. If she hadn't, she might have been able to figure out just what the hell was going on with her partner.

"Beckett," Kate greeted impatiently. He heard a voice on the other end of the phone, but he couldn't hear what was being said. A pause. Then. "Where?"

"Okay," Kate groaned, "Thanks Bryce." She hung up and looked at Castle as if weighing something in her mind for a moment. Then she reached out and took his hand. "Come on," she coaxed finally, and then, as he remained immobile, "Lily's boyfriend just popped up. He's been missing since her body turned up."

"Really?" Castle replied as if she had his complete attention.

"Do you remember anything at all about that case?" Kate asked in frustration. Castle opened his mouth to reply, but Kate held up her hand. "You know what? Don't answer that." She groaned. "You can look over the case-file while I'm driving."

"Who found him?" Castle finally got a word in edgewise.

"A C.I." Kate replied. "I put out a BOLO and APB on him when I couldn't find him, but I didn't get any hits. I figured that maybe he must be closer than I thought, so I asked some people I know to keep a lookout for me. I never would have expected that he'd turn up so close to home, but I'll take what I can get. I'm about to go pick him up so we can interview him. And It should make for a fairly interesting interview if you ask me." Castle nodded.

"So… are you coming with me, or what?" Kate asked finally with a piercing look. Castle nodded again. A satisfactory smile forced its way onto Kate's lips as she pulled him through the door and walked briskly through the squad room. She hollered briefly to Ryan and Esposito to tell them where they were going, while Castle pulled the file from Kate's desk and went running after her, catching up with her at the elevator. It figured that it was the only case that he wasn't completely up to date with.


He slid into the passenger side and immediately cranked down the window. The air conditioner in Kate's cruiser was unable to keep up with the blazing summer heat. The sun wasn't very far over the horizon, but the air was already thick with smog and intense heat.

"So," Kate exhaled as she tried to come up with something to break the silence. Kate spoke, as she looked over at him after stopping at a red light. "I never really asked you… Are you feeling better?"

"A little," Castle replied vaguely. Castle swallowed thickly over the sudden obstruction in his throat.

"Only a little?" Kate inquired. "You know, if you're still not feeling well, you should probably be taking it easy."

"Ugh," Castle groaned, "Resting? That's all I've done for the past few days. And let me tell you… it felt like I was going insane. I just had to get out of the loft for a little while."

"Okay," Kate nodded in understanding. "Well, I'm glad that you're back." Castle nodded, but Kate could tell that something else had already stolen his attention. Kate let the silence build for a minute, but quickly decided that the lack of noise was driving her crazy.

Castle hummed through closed lips as his eyes darted around the cruiser. His arm hung out the window as they got stuck in some late morning traffic. Kate let out a deep sigh.

"What is it?" Castle asked finally, as he gave her a worried glance.

"You've gone quiet again," Kate stated softly as he turned and met her eyes.

"It's nothing," Castle replied calmly as he tore his eyes away and in turn started gazing out the window.

"It's not nothing," Kate argued. "Castle," Kate nearly growled. "Don't ask me how, because I'm not sure I can explain it. But I know that something is wrong. Something is clearly bothering you, and I'm not going to be able to help, if you don't tell me what it is."

"It's personal," Castle finally decided to play his card. "As I've said before… When I'm ready to talk about it, I will. So…umm… Just let it go, okay?"

"No," Kate refused. "I won't. Because it's killing me inside. I…I just want to help. So please. Give me something…anything. I don't care what it is."

"I can't," Castle shook his head. "I couldn't explain the things that are going on in my own head right now."

"Try me," Kate challenged.

"Can I… Can I ask you a question?" Castle requested softly, though he was anxious.

"At this point?" Kate sighed. "I'll take anything." Kate's lips twitched as she realized just how true that really was. "So, sure. Go ahead. Ask away."

"Do you want kids?" Rick asked finally as he quickly swiveled around. He was still buckled in, but he angled his body slightly so that he was facing her a lot more than he would be if he were just facing forwards. His neck and shoulders were sore, so he didn't want to have to turn his head. Castle also wanted to see her reaction to the question, because he knew that her eyes and facial expression would probably be considerably honest. They would certainly be a little more honest than her worded reply. He could see a look of surprise flash across her delicate features. It was obvious she hadn't been expecting that question. Not in a million years. He could see her mouth open a fraction, before she closed it again. She looked away for a long moment as she tried to form a reply. He frowned as he realized he couldn't see her face.

The light turned green, but Kate Beckett was oblivious to her surroundings. Her eyes darted around at her surroundings, but she didn't see anything. It was as if she were seeing without seeing. It wasn't until the car behind them honked impatiently that she was jolted out of her own thoughts. She applied pressure to the gas and the car slid forwards. The engine revved as it shifted from gear to gear. Kate swallowed over the obstruction in her throat. For a long moment, Castle was sure that Kate had opted not to answer, but then the beautiful brunette detective surprised him.

"Why are you asking?" Kate asked finally, wanting to know the reason for the question. She supposed it didn't really matter why Castle was asking the question. The fact was, she'd walked right into it. She almost wished she hadn't pressured him into speaking. Yet, at the same time, she was grateful, because it was something she often thought about as the years passed.

"No reason," Castle shook his head. "I was just sort of wondering." He swallowed over the dryness in his throat, and quickly experienced a pang of fear. Castle also felt guilt. He felt as if he was lying to her, mainly because he had omitted the true reason he was asking. "Look, I… I'm really sorry if I crossed some sort line that's between us. I understand that it's a pretty personal thing to ask, and, I… I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Castle inwardly kicked himself as he heard the words out loud. Great. He was rambling now, fumbling over the words. His mother had once told him that he was terrible at coming up with the right words to express himself when it really counted. And now, he realized that he was probably going to scare her away. Castle took a deep breath and turned so that he was facing forward again. "You know what?" Castle's voice cracked again. "Forget it." Then. "You don't have to answer."

"No," Kate shook her head. "It's all right. I… It's weird, but I… I kind of want to."

"Kate," Castle pleaded softly, but to no avail.

"You see. The truth is? I do want kids," she replied with a soft and wistful smile. "By that, I mean to say that I want them someday. I… I'd love to have a little girl." In her mind's eye she couldn't help but picture a daughter with piercing blue eyes, and curly hair. She would never admit this to Castle in a million years, but it seemed like the thought of having a family had been crossing her mind more and more frequently lately. "I mean… I'm not ready for something like that now, because my job is simply way too demanding to do it now. But yeah, I'd definitely like to have a family someday."

Castle closed his eyes as his heart clenched painfully in his chest. He wasn't sure if he was elated, or disheartened by Kate's response. She wanted a family someday. Some day. Perhaps a day in the distant future that he wasn't even sure would include him. Castle's eyes fluttered open again, and out of the periphery of his eyes, Rick could see that Kate was watching him.

"Why do you think that you've crossed some sort of line?" Kate asked as her brow wrinkled in confusion. "We're close. You should be able to ask me anything."

"Well," Castle swallowed, "We're… Okay, to be honest? I don't know what we are, but it feels like it's out of bounds for me to ask you something like that." He paused to take a deep breath. "At this point, I'm just glad that I haven't upset you."

"Rick," Kate turned to look at him. Her rich brown eyes were suddenly regarding him in a piercing look. "Do you mean to tell me that you honestly don't have a definition for what we are?" Kate asked him softly.

"Well," Castle groaned, deciding to take the honest route. "No. Umm… Not really." He decided to turn the question around. He desperately wanted to know what Kate thought of their relationship. We're they friends? More? They had both admitted that their feelings were stronger than a simple friendship, but even so, they'd never become exclusive. "Do you?" he choked out nervously as a thin sheen of sweat started to build on his forehead.

"Oh…!" Kate couldn't hide the look of hurt in her eyes. "Well," she swallowed, "I supposed that if I uh… If I had to give some sort of definition of what we are, I would say that… we're dating." She took a deep, nervous breath. "Castle, I… I know that I can be a bit difficult, but I want you to know that I care about you." Kate struggled not to give up too much of herself. Castle nodded, grateful for the sincerity with which she'd spoken those words.

"So we're dating then," Castle stated with a boyish smile. "I…I uhh like the sound of that." Kate smiled in return.

"So… Umm…" Castle's palms started to sweat as he thought about what it meant. It meant that she had a right to know. Officially. He wiped his hands nervously on his pants. "Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

"Wha?" Kate exclaimed in surprise. "Are… Are you asking me out on a date?" Kate asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Well," Castle cleared his throat, as his eyes held a glint of their own. "You did say that we're dating. I'm just trying to preserve the status of our relationship. It has been a while since I've taken you out, and I would really love to take you out to a nice dinner so that I can spoil you in every way possible."

"I accept," Kate replied coolly while trying to hide the smile that was threatening to expose her own elation. This time, however, she couldn't hide her feelings. "I would love to go to dinner with you."

"Great!" Castle replied as he too tried to contain his own happiness. For a moment, he forgot about why he was really doing this, but then he forced himself to just enjoy the moment.

"Hey," Castle breathed as a thought suddenly occurred to him. The hospital was a few blocks down the street from where they were. He glanced over to where Kate was sitting. "Do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Depends," Kate replied without looking away from the road. "What is it?"

"Would you mind taking a little detour and stopping for a moment?" Castle swallowed. "I'd like to pick something up from the doctors office."

"You serious?" Kate asked as she spared him a glance out of the corner of her eye.

"Yeah," Castle replied calmly. "Would you mind?" Kate seemed to be weighing her options for a moment. Her eyes darted briefly to the rearview mirror, and then back to the road in front of them as she weighed her options. "Okay… Fine," Kate answered in a begrudging manner. Castle could tell she wasn't exactly happy about it, but she was still willing to do it anyways.

She pulled up in front of the hospital, and came to an abrupt halt. "You've got five minutes," she said in a stern manner. Castle nodded, and quickly climbed out. He slammed the door and bent down to poke his head through the window. He offered her a grateful smile, and a gracious, "Thank you," before rushing in a sort of half run for the main doors. When he came out five minutes later, he was clutching a large mailing envelope that was stuffed full. Kate's eyes lingered on the brown envelope, wondering what sort of things were inside.


Fifteen minutes later, silence filled the car around them as they pulled up behind an old rusted out car, Kate shifted the unmarked car into park before cutting the engine. Castle looked around, his brows furrowing as he took in their surroundings.

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" Castle asked in doubt.

"This is where my C.I. said that I could find him," Kate replied as she looked out the passenger side window. Graffiti covered most of the brick and the plywood of the two adjacent buildings. A group of ten tall lanky boys were playing a game on the basketball court that was wedged between the rundown buildings.

"I know, but…" Castle paused. "It just doesn't seem right. He comes from a rich family, doesn't he. I'd expect that he would stick out like a sore thumb in a place like this.

"You'd be surprised," Kate replied as she opened turned and opened her door. Castle opened his door at the same time as Kate and slid out of the passenger seat. He shut the door behind him and followed Kate up to the fence that separated them from the basketball court located in the slums of the city. Kate leant casually against the wire fence with her shoulder. She gave a cursory glance to the kids on the court, trying to see if any fit the description of the young man. Castle followed suit.

"There," he spoke excitedly. "He's on the bleachers on the opposite side of the court. "He's wearing a gray hoodie."

"Got him," Kate replied, confirming Castle's discovery. She was surprised that he had such keen awareness. "Damn. The only problem is," she groaned. "He's going to pick us out before we ever get within 15 yards of him."

"Guess we'll have to come up with a alternate strategy then, won't we?" Castle asked rather mischievously.

Little did they know, but they were about to go on one hell of a footchase. Kate had been right. Zach made them before they could get within spitting distance. He took off like a shot, and Kate sprinted after him. Castle stared after, transfixed by the spectacle unfolding before him. Then, the adrenaline kicked in, and he took off after them. The gap that opened between himself, Kate, and the boy was discouraging, but he kept at it. Kate might need his help. He tried not to lose them as they sprinted across streets and wove through alleyways. Finally, they hit a dead end. Kate was trying to cuff him when he elbowed her in the ribs. Kate gasped, recoiling as the air was unexpectedly pushed out of her lungs. She tried not to let the sharp pain cripple her, but as the skin pulled at the faded white scar on her chest with the impact, it took her a long moment to recover. The scar that had once been angry and red had long since faded into a small pucker of her otherwise flawless skin. And despite that most of her wounds had healed, she would always be particularly vulnerable there. Kate's labored breathing gave way into shallow and erratic pants as she struggled to replace the air in her lungs. Unfortunately, before she could fully recover, Zach lashed out again, and Kate braced herself for the impact of the fist that would inevitably strike her. Time seemed to slow and stop completely as she waited for the impact. She clamped her eyes shut, and waited, and waited, and then seemingly waited some more. Finally, Kate stumbled sideways as something very dense in nature knocked into her and she nearly lost her balance. She heard a crack, a loud grunt, and the sound of two bodies hitting the pavement. Castle winced as he took an elbow to the eye in quick succession, before he was able to push the young man down onto the concrete. He dug his knee into the base of the boy's spine in order to keep him from fighting back.

"Oww…Oww…Oww," Zach whined as the pain and discomfort caught up with him. Kate's eyes fluttered open gingerly. It took a second before she was able to take in the sight in front of her and make sense of what was happening. "You're hurting me! Dude, get off me! I said get off of me!"

"Well," Castle replied shortly, "If you don't want to go through trouble like this in the future, I would recommend that you think twice about assaulting a police officer." Kate smiled at his protectiveness. Although a part of her still felt like she didn't need his protection.

She dangled the cuffs in front of Castle. "Why don't you cuff him," she recommended. "It's your takedown." Castle nodded, and then gratefully plucked them from Kate's hands. There was a sense of victory as the cuffs were secured around the boy's wrist.

"Am I… under arrest?" the boy asked anxiously.

"For evading and assaulting a police officer?" Castle asked as he pulled the boy to his feet. "I suppose that depends on whether or not Detective Beckett decides to press charges." Then. "Either way… we're all going back to the station for a chat." Together, they walked the long distance back to the unmarked cruiser. The boy's eyes darted around as they walked. Despite his efforts to make himself as small and indistinct as possible, Zach was drawing attention as they walked down the sidewalk. Castle didn't like the feeling of being watched either. He turned slightly and could see traffic was slowing considerably as people gawked at them.

"You okay?" Castle asked as he watched Kate's hand dart up to rub her fingers gingerly over where the bullet had pierced through her skin over a year before. Kate's fingers trembled as a searing pain shot through her chest and stole a breath from her lungs.

"I'm fine," Kate mumbled as her hand fell away. She was embarrassed that she'd been found out. After all, she didn't like exhibiting weakness in front of others. Castle let out a frustrated sigh as she deliberately avoided his gaze.

Castle was forced to bite down on his tongue as one of the spectators gave expelled a demeaning catcall as his eyes slowly raked over Kate's form as they walked. He wanted so very badly to teach the disrespectful teenager what it truly means to be a man, and his jaw clenched in anger as he struggled to restrain himself. Castle looked away. He figured he would have to get used to it. After all, Katherine Beckett was an extraordinarily beautiful woman, and boys were… boys. They were going to look. They were going to make lewd comments and inappropriate gestures.

Upon arriving back at the unmarked cruiser, Castle opened the door for her, and she pushed the kid down as she ordered him to slide inside. Castle had never seen a kid look so scared in his life.

Castle opened the door and slid into the passenger seat. He tugged the sleeve of his dress shirt over his hand and lifted it to apply pressure against where his lip had split apart. The tissue had split apart when he'd bitten down on it, and now it was bleeding quite a bit. For a reason only Castle knew, his blood wasn't clotting, as it should. Kate felt a pang of guilt as she looked at Castle and saw the bruise on his temple that was starting to swell.

"Are you okay?" She asked with an inflection of her voice. "I didn't realize he'd gotten you so badly."

"I'm fine," Castle answered in a clipped tone of his own that eerily resembled her response from before. She too let out a sigh of frustration, and then she quickly shook herself out of it and slid into the driver's seat. Kate turned the key over in the ignition and shifted into drive. She reentered traffic and made her way to the precinct in a hurry.

When they arrived back at the precinct, she handed off Zach to Ryan and Esposito before heading to her desk to grab what she needed for the interview. When she turned around, she couldn't hide the worry on her face.

As if reading her mind, Castle spoke, "I'm fine. It looks worse than it is. I promise." Kate stepped forwards, reaching up. Castle quickly let out a hiss and recoiled from her touch. Kate didn't let him. She carefully reached up and ran her thumb over his bottom lip where it had split apart.

"No it's not," Kate replied, "You need stitches, Your lip has been split apart, and I expect you're going to have a bit of a problem seeing out of your left eye for a little while. You should really put some ice on it to stop the swelling." Castle nodded wordlessly. Kate's hands fell away and she let out a sigh. "You didn't have to do that, you know?" Kate breathed, "It's not like I haven't taken a good punch or two before."

"Don't worry," Castle teased. "You didn't miss out on much. He hits like a girl." Kate couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling up in her throat.

"Uh huh," Kate replied in a teasing manner. Clearly she was unconvinced. Castle knew she was making fun of him, but didn't seem to mind. "You do realize that you have a bloody lip and a black eye, don't you?" Then. "Which kind of means that you got your ass handed to you by a guy who 'hits like a girl'."

"Mock me if you will," Castle breathed. "But I'm going to go downstairs and see if Lanie can fix me up as good as new. I'll be back soon. Feel free to start the interview without me."

"We can wait," Kate offered. "In fact, I'd like to let him stew a little bit after the crap he pulled today.

"No. Really," Castle asserted, "It's okay. I don't want to be a nuisance. You should start without me." Kate gave in and nodded.

"Okay," she choked out.


The shiver overtook Castle's body and he couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath that sucked a fair amount of the frigid air into his lungs.

Castle raked in a sharp intake of oxygen as he stepped off of the elevator and into the basement. The air was frigid and biting. It had a crispness to it that assaulted the airway passages of Castle's nose and mouth with a sharp sting. Castle quickly became distracted by the way his limbs trembled with the strain of his movement, and the cold that was licking at his skin. Compared to upstairs where the heat was sweltering, the air in the basement felt that much colder. Castle exhaled slowly, trying to calm his already trembling body. It burned unpleasantly when he inhaled, but he ignored it. The grip on the folder in his hand tightened as he stepped forwards. Because of his feverish body, Castle felt as he might freeze to death. Still, kept moving forwards.

He walked slowly down the hall and knocked on the appropriate reinforced glass door, which was comprised of a single flawless plane of glass. A soft, mumbled, "Come in!" had Castle pushing open the door and stepping inside.

"Is it safe for me to come in?" he asked.

"If you don't mind dead bodies, than sure," Lanie replied in a loud voice.

Castle swallowed thickly, bringing his hand up to his mouth as he struggled to choke back the bile in his throat. His eyes darted to the body that was lying open on the metal table in the center of the room, and then to the liver that was currently cradled in the forensic pathologist's hands. Lanie gently set the liver down in the scale. His stomach lurched again.

"The liver weighs 1.5kg," Lanie noted aloud. Castle stepped forwards, trying not to make a sound. After some patience, Castle was rewarded and Lanie looked towards the door. He watched as she pulled off her gloves and chucked them into a nearby biohazard trashbin before ultimately pausing the voice recorder that had been stowed in her lab coat pocket. After that, she pulled away the surgical mask from her face and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What do you want, Castle?" Lanie couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice as she looked over to where he was standing.

"Nevermind," Castle choked out. "I'm sorry," Castle mumbled. The folder clutched in his hand seemed to weigh a thousand pounds. "I didn't realize that you were so busy. I…I uh… can come back later." He did and about face and started to go back the way he came.

"No! Don't… Stay," Lanie shook her head. "I'm sorry. I uh…I didn't meant to snap at you. I'm just tired. Castle took a deep breath, and squeezed his hands into tight fists. "What can I do for you, Castle?"

"I uhh… I was wondering if you could patch me up," Castle spoke softly. Lanie looked at Castle for a long moment, truly, for the first time. What she saw had her frowning. "You look like you got in a bar fight." Lanie grumbled. "Alright. Take a seat," Lanie commanded, "I'm going to go grab some supplies, and I'll be right back. Castle sat down on the edge of a clean stainless steel table, one that didn't have a dead body on it and waited for Lanie to return. He could hear her heels click against the floor as she came back. She quickly handed Castle an ice pack. "Hold that over your eye." Lanie clicked her tongue as she turned on a bright light that temporarily blinded Castle. "Your lip needs a stitch or two. Castle nodded.

"How did this happen?" she asked.

"A kid we were trying to bring in decided he wanted to put up fight," Castle replied. "He was about to hit Kate, but I stepped in."

"Are you honestly telling me that a kid did this?" Lanie chuckled. "Hasn't Kate taught you anything about taking down a suspect?"

"Hey! Don't laugh at me," Castle pouted. "I was trying to be a gentlemen. Kate's face is far too nice to be tarnished with such bruises. For me, this will just add to the whole ruggedly handsome bit."

"That was very sweet of you," Lanie admitted finally. "Okay," Lanie breathed quietly, "I'm going to numb the area with some lidocaine, and then I'll fix up your lip."

"Thanks for doing this, Lanie," Castle spoke graciously.

"It's no problem," Lanie spoke honestly. The next few minutes they spent in silence, mainly because of the fact that Lanie couldn't fix his lip while he was talking. Castle sat patiently trying to take interest in various things around the room. Finally, he heard the click of the scissors as Lanie secured the final stich. "All done," she announced softly. "Now let me see your eye," she requested. Castle gingerly pulled away the cold compress from his eye.

"Geez," she whined. "I've never seen a person bruise so fast. You have a significant amount of blood pooling under the skin, and unfortunately, it doesn't look like it is clotting well. Keep the cold compress on it. That should slow it, and eventually stop the swelling."

"Okay," Castle nodded. "Thanks." He gave a lopsided smile as he hopped down from the table. His lip had a little bandage over where Lanie and sewn it back together, and he found it limited his expression. He was surprised that it didn't hurt more than it did.

"Is that all you needed?" Lanie asked quietly.

"Oh," Castle cleared his throat. "Well, there was something else, but I think I've taken up enough of your time already."

"Nonsense," Lanie argued. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Castle shook his head. "Just forget it."

"It's not nothing," Lanie argued, noting the way that Castle's eyes darted to the manila folder that was sitting out. "Clearly something is on your mind," Castle swallowed thickly as Lanie caught and held his eyes with her own.

"It's just… W-Would you mind taking a look at something for me?" Castle asked finally.

"What is it?" Lanie asked.

"Well," Castle cleared his throat, "I know that you usually deal with dead bodies, but my friend was uh… recently diagnosed with an illness and he wanted to get a second opinion." Castle took a weak breath as she tried to calm all of his senses, lest he give himself away. "So umm…would you? I mean… Would you mind taking a look?"

Lanie's eyes darted to the folder clasped in Castle's hand and then back up to his eyes.

"Sure," Lanie nodded, "Why not…" She took a step forwards and held out her hand in an invitation. "Is that the patient's history?"

"Y-Yeah," Castle swallowed, as he remained completely motionless.

Lanie frowned in concern as Castle failed to meet her halfway. His sparkling blue eyes stared absently at the wall behind where Lanie stood. She tried to catch his eyes, but she could tell that he was lost in his own thoughts and currently unreachable. Lanie realized that it must be quite difficult for him to relinquish the contents of that envelope to someone else. Lanie decided to make it easier for him, and gently reached out to prize away the folder from Castle's hand. Castle held his breath as he handed off something that he considered being so precious and so personal. Lanie was literally holding his life in her hands. At the same time, however, he knew that he needed this. He needed to be confident that they were taking the right course of action. He had to be sure.

Lanie opened the folder, took a brief glimpse inside and then shut it again.

"I…uh… I should get back upstairs," Castle swallowed. "I'll be back later." Then. "Just take your time."

"So this friend of yours?" Lanie breathed softly, reaching out for Castle's arm before he could retreat. "How close are you?"

"Close," Castle choked out, his voice even. "Very close," Castle amended.

"I'll take a look at it over lunch, and then get back to you," Lanie smiled.

"Thanks, Lanie," Castle smiled. "Thanks for doing this," Castle spoke graciously. He bid her farewell, and climbed the stairs to the bullpen.


By the time that he reached the bullpen, Kate was already inside the interrogation room questioning their young male suspect. Castle watched, seemingly transfixed as Kate punctuated one point after another. For once, he had no desire to walk inside of the small room. In fact, for once he was more than content to just watch Kate interrogate the young boy. Castle felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and idea of sitting inside the interrogation room with the thermostat cranked up as it was, just made him even more reluctant.

"Are you going to go in there?" Esposito asked and Castle felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know," Castle shook his head. "She seems to have it under control all by herself. I don't want to interrupt."

For a long moment the two men stood there in silence, listening to Kate's voice over the intercom. Castle's hands curled and uncurled out of discomfort before he ultimately gave into his distress and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Hey, man," he greeted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Castle choked out, "Just uhh… tired." Castle visibly winced, hating how his own voice sounded so unfamiliar to his own ears. He grunted as another surge of pain worked its way through his body, and he bent over slightly. He tried not to show the pain he was in as he reached up to apply a gentle pressure to the upper area of his abdomen. His jaw clenched together in his determination not to make a sound. Instead, he forcefully swallowed through the residual burn lodged in the back of his throat.

"Castle," Esposito spoke finally, breaking the newfound silence, "I hate to say it like this, bro, but you look like hell."

"I'm fine," Castle gritted out. "Really."

"No. I'm serious," Esposito spoke. "It looks like Picasso rearranged your face," the detective joked.

"Uh huh," Castle chuckled. "That's it. Make fun of the guy with the split lip and the black eye." And Esposito did just that.

"You know," Esposito said finally. "I think it's cute. You being all protective." A pause. "But before next time, how about you let me show you how to take down a guy without getting your handsome face messed up."

"Sounds good," Castle replied with a nod. "But I'm fine."

"Yeah… Clearly," Esposito replied, not looking the least bit convinced.

Castle sighed and sank down onto a chair in the room as he was hit with a fit of lightheadedness.

"See? Here's the thing," Esposito spoke as he met Castle's eyes, "You can keep saying that as many times as you want, but frankly? I'm much more confrontational than Kate is at this point, and the fact is that I don't believe you for a single second." Castle's stomach lurched again, and he reached out reflexively for something to pull himself up with. The man was clearly ill, and Esposito didn't want Castle to feel any worse, but he was worried. "I think that maybe you should go and rest a little," Esposito suggested. "You could still have a virus or something."

"No," Castle blurted out forcefully, a little too forcefully. "Look, I'm fine." Castle swallowed, "Could you please help me up?" Something within the pools of blue staring back at him resonated. Esposito knew that look. He'd seen it before. Castle already knew what it was, and he looked petrified that someone…anyone would find out what it was. Castle reached for his partner's hand and Esposito pulled his away at the last minute. He knew that if he helped Castle up, that Rick would run and wouldn't look back. This was his best chance to stop Castle's evasive behavior. To get the answers that Kate couldn't seem to get. Castle dropped back the couple inches to the couch, shooting a glare at Esposito that made him sure he was onto something. He'd never seen Castle so upset in the three years that he knew him. "Not cool," Castle gritted out in a defeated growl.

"You'd tell me if something were wrong, wouldn't you?" Esposito asked finally as he sat down next to Castle. He angled his right shoulder and gave Castle his undivided attention. "I mean we're close enough friends to where you would tell me if something were wrong, right?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Of course," Castle's voice sounded strained.

"So… what's going on with you?" Esposito inquired. Castle opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it upon realizing that he couldn't do it. "I'm not an idiot," Esposito bit out sternly. "Look, Kate may be in denial because she's too afraid that there is actually something seriously wrong with you, but something is obviously wrong."

"Not now, okay?" Castle finally pleaded. Esposito nodded. And Castle finally mustered up enough strength to enter the interrogation room.


When Castle stepped off of the elevator and into the basement for the second time that day, everything seemed so very different than it had only several hours before. Castle strode across the tiled floor and pushed his way into the morgue. Lanie was busy peeling off her gloves, a surefire sign that she had finished her autopsy, the final step of which, was meticulously completing the suture of the y-incision. Lanie bit down on her tongue, hoping that she could pull herself together enough to have the conversation that she needed to with Rick Castle. Castle's foot tapped anxiously on the floor as he watched Lanie drape a pristine white sheet over the man's body.

"You need any help?" Castle offered quietly.

"N-No," Lanie stuttered, avoiding making eye contact with him. When she finally looked up, Castle realized that she still couldn't meet his eyes. Castle walked forwards and leant against the sanitary basin lining the far wall.

"So…" Castle cleared his throat, feeling the tension building in the room with each passing moment. "Did you have a chance to look over the folder I gave you?"

"Y-Yes. Yes I did," Lanie choked out.

"And?" Castle swallowed, his voice came out sounding strangled and forced. He couldn't seem to hide his anxiousness.

"As evidenced by the patients complete blood counts, CT scans, and the patient's bone marrow biopsy, the patient is exhibiting clear signs of Acute Monocytic Leukemia," Lanie breathed matter of factly.

"What about treatment options?" Castle asked.

"Castle," Lanie swallowed, "I'm a medical examiner. I mean, sure, I have a medical degree, but I deal with dead bodies, not living ones. And I'm definitely not an oncologist." Then. "I wouldn't even know where to start in your friend's case. I just don't know all of the mechanics that come with treating a cancer like this."

"Just…give it a shot," Castle begged, "Please." Lanie let out a sigh, unable to meet Castle's eyes as she realized why Castle was so invested.

"Okay," Lanie breathed softly. "The type of cancer your friend has is extremely aggressive and should be treated as soon as possible in order to give your friend the best chance of survival," Lanie replied as she carefully watched Castle's expression. "If I were the doctor on this case than I would start with a consecutive infusion of Cytarabine, followed by a three day push of Daunorubicin." Lanie paused to clear her throat. Castle nodded. "Unfortunately, there are a few indications that your friend might be prone to relapse. In light of this knowledge I would consider a bone marrow transplant in which the remaining cells are harvested after consolidation chemotherapy and no cancer cells remain." Castle stared at her, nodding repeatedly. "I also noticed from the CT scans that the patient's spleen is also severely enlarged. I think it is important that it be taken out before starting chemotherapy."

Castle stood there for a moment, just taking in all of the things Lanie had said. Some things were a pretty big shock to him and others just made him feel relieved.

"Okay," Castle finally let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Lanie." He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly as he tried to appear calm. "I really appreciate it. This will definitely put my friend's mind at ease." He turned around, and had started heading for the door, when Lanie's voice had him freezing in his tracks.

"How long?" Dr. Lanie Parish finally managed to voice out loud, her eyes locking with Castle as he turned back around. He felt quite stunned that he'd been found out. After all, he'd taken every precaution to remove his name from those files. Castle suddenly felt as if he couldn't breath. His palms started to sweat as he felt the M.E.'s eyes bore into his own.

"Excuse me?" Castle asked dumbly.

"I said… How long?" Lanie repeated. "How long have you known, Rick?" Lanie Parish swallowed. "When did you find out?"

"There must be some kind of mistake," Castle stuttered, having trouble maintaining the lie. "You see. It's my friend who is sick, not me…"

"Don't you dare lie to me, Castle," Lanie barked. "Did you honestly think that I wouldn't figure it out?" Lanie asked with a piercing glare.

"Lanie," Castle breathed as he met her eyes. He let the fear of being found out silence him for a long moment, and silently prayed he hadn't made a big mistake in going to Lanie for help. "Please…"

"Why?" Lanie asked as she took a step forwards. She could see that Castle was very close to coming apart. "Why come to me with this if you wanted to keep it a secret?"

"Because I trusted you," Castle swallowed, "And I'm scared." He closed his eyes shut, raking a hand over his face as he tried not to show too much emotion. "I need to be sure that I'm making the right choice… and I don't know anything. It's scary, having to rely on someone else to do something because you don't know how to yourself. My life is literally in someone else's hands and I just…"

"Shh," Lanie quieted him. "Rick," Lanie swallowed. "I understand that."

"Please," tears built in his eyes as he met Lanie's. "You can't tell Kate. Not yet." Then he spoke a little more frantically. "You need to promise."

"Okay," Lanie nodded. "I am a doctor, Rick. Look, I'm not your doctor, so I can't claim a doctor/patient privilege in this case. But I will keep quiet for now." Lanie felt her heart clench painfully in her chest as she thought about Kate. "All I can say is… that you need to tell her, Rick. There's no need to hide it like this. Kate, Kevin, and Javier deserve to know."

"I know," Castle nodded.

"So when are you going to do it?" Lanie asked. "Because with those results. It can't wait much longer."

"I know. I know. I…I'm going to try and tell Kate tonight," Castle whispered. "And Lanie? I…I think she's going to need you." He swallowed. "In fact, I'll feel a hell of a lot better if I know that she has you."

"I'll be there," Lanie promised. "You text me when you need me, and I'll be there in a flash. You have my word." Castle nodded. He swallowed, paced back and forth a few times, and then finally headed towards the elevator.

"She loves you, you know?" Lanie shouted after his retreating form. When she was left alone, Lanie went back to staring at Castle's medical history. She shook her head sadly, wishing that she'd never agreed to look at the file in the first place. She cared about Castle more than she'd like to admit. And, although she was a doctor, it made no sense to her why it had to be Castle, of all people. Castle was lively, enthusiastic, fun. She could only hope that the illness wouldn't take that away from him.


"Hey," Kate looked up from her desk as he approached. He plopped down into the chair looking drained.

"Hey," Castle replied. "So whatcha thinking?" Castle asked finally as he noticed the cute way in which Kate's eyebrows were furrowed.

"I don't know," Kate swallowed. "I want to believe the kid, but I don't know if I can trust him."

"What do you think?" She asked him as she hoped to glimpse his mindset on the case.

"I'm not sure if you should take his word for it," Castle replied. "I know that your gut is usually right, but I would lean with the evidence on this one. It seems like Zach is lying about his relationship with Lily."

"He was in love with her," Kate argued. "He believed that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. I don't know… I… I just don't think he hurt her."

"It's not enough to believe anymore," Castle argued. "Sure. You can believe all you want. But it doesn't mean anything if both parties don't feel the same way. Maybe the feelings were one-sided. Maybe Lily didn't love him, and Zach decided that if he couldn't have her that nobody else could have her either."

"What happened to you?" Kate asked in surprise. "You're the one always spouting off mumbo jumbo about true love and romance and…"

"Because I was stupid and naïve," Castle replied shortly. "Eventually, you grow up and you realize that none of it exists. You make your own happiness, and sometimes you fail at it." Kate's jaw fell open. This wasn't like Castle at all.

"Whoa… Whoa, Wait a minute," Kate spoke forcefully. "What is this really about?"

"Nothing," Castle shook his head. "Just forget what I said. I didn't mean anything by it." He went to stand up. He wasn't sure he could handle staying for one more minute. It had been a hell of a long day.

"No," Kate shook her head, "Why are you acting so upset?" Kate asked as her hand latching onto his wrist. The touch burned like fire, and her grip was strong enough that it hurt. He looked down to the point of contact and silently wondered if he'd find a bruise there tomorrow.

"Kate," Castle's voice was ragged, strained as he pulled away. "Let it go." Then, in a defeated voice he said, "I'm tired. I just want to go home."

"No," Kate persisted. "I've given you time, and it seems like the more time I give you, the further you push me away." Her eyes sparkled in the dim light, and he could see the determination in them. It was one of the things he'd fallen in love with, the fact that she could be so very relentless. Now he wished she would give up. "You went from a man that could always talk to me about anything, to a complete stranger in the matter of a few days." Kate tried her hardest not to get emotional, but the feeling lodged deep in the pit of her stomach couldn't be squandered. "You made me believe in those things, Rick. You made me believe in love. You. You made me believe it was possible to overcome insurmountable odds. And now you're acting like it's all a bunch of crap. And I take personal offense to that."

"Kate," Castle's voice cracked painfully. He knew it was futile.

"Now you're telling me you don't believe in those things anymore," Kate continued. "You're pushing me away, and I want to know what happened." Castle looked into the depths of her eyes. He refused to speak.

"I want to stop this, but I can't stop it if you don't let me." Kate spoke sincerely. "Rick," Kate's eyes were full of warmth and sincerity. "Alexis and I talked. I can tell she's worried too. Please, Rick."

"Kate," Castle shook his head. "I can't talk about it. Not now."

"Then when? When, Rick?" Kate asked. "When you're dead?" A shiver shot down Castle's spine as she spoke the last word. He knew she was trying to make a statement but it was nearly too much. If only she knew how powerful a statement that was, perhaps she would have chosen her words a little more carefully.

"Soon." He promised. "Just give me a little more time," he pleaded as he stood up. Kate mimicked his movements, wondering if she'd said too much. She felt slight relief when he gave her a soft peck on the lips, not caring who saw. "I'll see you at dinner tonight."

"I'm going to have to meet you there," Kate replied. "I still have a lot of things to do."

"Okay," he forced a smile. Then for good measure, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered in her ear. "You look beautiful today, by the way. I must say…"

"Thanks," Kate felt her heart pick up its pace in her chest. Kate watched as he walked slowly to the elevator.

"Wait!" she called out. But it was poor timing. At that precise moment Ryan came sprinting up.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Gates needs you in her office." He breathed out in a rush. The expression on his face told her it was urgent.

"It sounds like you're needed elsewhere," Castle said with a sad smile.

"I guess I am," Kate confirmed. "Take care, Castle." She nodded, gave him one last smile for good measure and then followed Ryan. Castle nodded and then wordlessly slipped into the elevator.


AN: So this is basically the halfway point right here. Because the chapter was so long, I had to divide it into two parts. But don't worry, I'll post the other one tonight as well.

Part two contains the moment that you've all been waiting for (the pinacle of the first part of the story, if you will). Castle and Kate get put through the emotional ringer.

Also, just to be safe I would have some tissue near when you read it. I don't think it will make you cry, but I've gotten yelled at before for a lack of warning.

Please Read and Review! I'd really like to know what you guys think about it!

On to the next chapter!