He moved almost entirely from the bed, swinging his legs over the edge as he let his shoulders slump. Helen waited for a long moment, her breath caught in her throat. Something about his words, as forced and frustrated as they were, touched her heart. She had always known that he carried a torch for her and, from time to time she'd let herself hope that it ran as deep as love but, for the most part, she had always thought it was simply affection, either for her body or for her mind, she was never entirely sure. But never love. Not even in her darkest nights when she hugged herself in comfort had she dared dream that he could truly love her.

Nikola was one of the few men she knew would be her equal, in any partnership. For all his lecherous ways, she knew that he respected her and, would treat her as an equal. He always had, despite what had sometimes been a rather intense sense of ownership. And, much to her younger-self's pleasure, he had never treated her as if she were made of glass. Tenderly, yes, but it came more from a place of friendship than anything else. Or so she had always thought.

Suddenly, his stark admission had her rethinking their entire relationship. She felt the overwhelming urge to revisit every kindness he had ever shown her, to spend hours over-analysing her entire life. But then she looked at the slump of Nikola's shoulders.

Carefully, she shuffled forwards, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, uncaring of the way he tried to shrug her off.

"Niko," she said softly, pressing a kiss beneath his ear. She wrapped her body further around him, crossing her ankles across his lap.

She felt him relax back against her ever so slightly.

Her tactics may have been dirty but Helen couldn't quite find it in herself to care.

"Niko," she whispered again, this time simply resting her cheek against his shoulder.

"Don't get all cosy with me," he grumbled. "I can see right through you."

"How can you when you're facing away?" she cooed.

He muttered something in Serbian beneath his breath before turning and almost throwing her backwards onto the bed. Helen yelped but before she could chastise him, Nikola's body followed her own, sealing her lips with a kiss. He threaded a hand through her hair, holding her mouth to his as his body pinned hers in place. It was strange to her that someone so wiry could possess such strength but, in the same breath, it was such a turn on that Helen found herself unable to marvel at it further. Her body melted against his, her mind screaming at her to do whatever he wished.

"I'm not that boy anymore," he snarled against her lips.

She gasped, back arching.

"I am well and truly in control of myself now," he continued, his voice still dark and seductive.

As if to prove his point, he thrust against her and brushed against where she needed him most, drawing an overly loud moan from her.

"Nikola," she whimpered, unable to keep from begging him for more.

"He is not me," he growled again before, much to her disappointment, pulling back. He sat back on his haunches, breathing heavily as he glared at her.

Helen blinked a few times, trying to clear the daze from her head. She wanted to yell at him for working her up as he had but, upon seeing such anger in his eyes she thought the better of it.

"Nikola?" she said cautiously, pushing up until she was sitting opposite him.

He made a noise quite like a snarl at her.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she said softly, frowning in confusion. "I was merely curious."

"I am not that man anymore," he said again.

"I know," she replied. "I know, Niko. And I'm sorry if I've upset you. I didn't mean to."

He said nothing, just glaring at her with fists clenched. Her heart throbbed painfully at the sight.

"Please don't be mad at me, darling," she tried. There was a long beat before he let his shoulders slump, his gaze slipping to the crumpled sheets between them.

"I loved you so much," he said softly. "I... It was different. But I loved you. And I wasn't worthy."

His words had her crawling towards him, her arms around his neck in a heartbeat. He tried to push away but Helen held tight, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"I loved you too," she whispered. "It was different and not the way you deserved but... back then I loved you too."

His arms carefully moved around her midsection, holding her rather gingerly.

"I was so mean to you, Niko," she continued. "I don't understand how you could still love me after the way I treated you. I loved you then, in my own way. As much as I was capable. But I never told you. I was so... so... so afraid, Nikola. So afraid."

The words were tumbling out despite her best efforts to stop them, a few tears sneaking down her cheeks as well. She could see all her past unkindnesses presented before her, culminating in the man now trembling in her arms. His grip on her had grown stronger with every word she spoke until he was almost crushing her in an attempt to hold her close. But, for Helen it wasn't enough.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice cracking as she admitted the very thing she had spent so much of her adult life avoiding. She had, after John's betrayal, done her very best to avoid this kind of heart gripping love. She refused to let herself be consumed by that kind of overwhelming passion again, instead indulging in no more than love affairs that, while satisfying parts of her, left the rest of her heart as intact as it could be. It was foolish, she knew, to lock herself away because of one mistake when she was practically a teenager. She was not the first person in history to have their heart broken so dramatically and she knew full well she would not be the last but part of Helen was so very terrified of suffering that pain again that the thought of opening her heart made her blood run cold.

But it was Nikola. Nikola was the man in her arms, his grip like iron. Nikola was the man pressing his lips ever so carefully to her shoulder. Nikola was the man who had already bared himself to her in every way possible. He had not hid any of it from her, not even when they were young. She had always been certain of the way he felt about her, as much as she had been loathe to admit it and no matter how hard he had worked to hide the depth of his feelings, Helen had always been certain of at least affection. Nikola was something of a constant in her life, no matter how much they both had changed.

The past century and a bit had given Helen plenty of opportunity to think and rethink every decision she had ever made and while there were the obvious moments of regret, the one element of life she had consistently questioned was Nikola. They had spent so many lifetimes meaning so many different things to one another and now... Well, now the idea of spending at least a lifetime with him by her side had fireworks sparking in her heart. Though she highly doubted he'd let her get away with just a lifetime as his lover.

Or perhaps partner in crime was a better descriptor.

"Nikola," she said softly, finally managing to calm her body to a point where coherent speech was possible.

Nikola merely shook his head, burying his body further into her embrace.

"Nikola," Helen said again.

"No," he grumbled.

"Nikola," she said, this time firmer.

Nikola sighed and released her, rolling to the side of the bed and jumping to his feet without even a backwards glance. With startling efficiency he proceeded to gather his scattered clothes, neatly folding them as the pile in his arms grew larger.

"Nikola?" Helen cried, startled. "Nikola, what are you doing?"

He didn't reply, simply straightening the vest he held in his hands.

"Nikola?" she said again, moving to kneel on the edge of the bed.

He again ignored her, keeping his face studiously blank in a way that made Helen unreasonably angry.

With a growl, she reached back for a pillow, lobbing it at her troublesome vampire. He flinched as it made contact with the side of his head.

"Nikola," Helen ground out.

He blinked once at her before turning back to his task.

Helen threw another pillow.

He turned to her once more as the pillow impacted his behind.

"I swear this will not end well for you," she promised. Something flashed through Nikola's eyes before he frowned at her.

Helen sighed again and shifted back to rest on her elbows.

"Get back into this bed this instant," she said firmly. "I wasn't halfway to done with you, Nikola."

She watched his face as the clothes slowly fell from his arms, understanding finally sparking in his eyes.

"Why aren't you kicking me out?" he asked slowly.

"Why should I kick you out?" Helen replied.

"Because it's how this works?" he offered. "We get naked and then I get told to get out."

Helen's anger softened at that. Had she really been so callous towards him? Surely she hadn't told him to leave after every encounter they'd had. Had she?

"Nikola," she said carefully. "I..." There were words that wanted to come out, beautifully eloquent speeches to serve as apology for her past behaviour but she couldn't bring herself to talk. Instead, somehow, she found tears forming in her eyes.

Nikola took a stilted step towards her, something excruciatingly happy forming in his eye that she could see him working to conceal.

She wanted to reach for him, as if it could erase or even temper the damage she had done to their relationship, but her entire body seemed to freeze up. Her breath started coming in short, sharp bursts while her vision began to blur. There was so much she ought to tell him, so much that Nikola deserved to know but as the realities of where they were sank in, Helen could just about see her world falling apart at the seams.

But then his arms were around her, his body pressed against her side, his lips against her temple. He was whispering things, sweet things against her skin, his hands petting her gently as their bodies began to rock gently together. His touch was soothing to an extent but none the less, Helen's mind was still almost completely absorbed by swirling thoughts of their no doubt limited future.

He was with SCIU, the biggest threat to her work she had ever come across. And not only was he working with SCIU, he was voluntarily doing so. She understood his logic, even if it was somewhat flawed and, to an extent, she could understand his want to steal from the government who had stolen from him most of his life but she could not see any possible outcome that would allow her to never again give him up whilst still allowing him to opportunity to prove himself as her man on the inside.

"I won't give you up," he whispered softly, making Helen's breath hitch. "Never, Helen. Not even if you want to throw me out right now. I spent over a century not giving you up and..." His voice cracked on the last word and his arms tightened around her.

It still boggled her mind that he had waited around for so long, hanging on the scraps of intimacy she'd given in to over the years. In all honesty, it scared her. How could she reciprocate when she already knew her heart to be damaged almost beyond repair? She could not love him the way he deserved yet she was too selfish to willingly give him up.

"Nikola," she murmured, nuzzling against his chest. "Oh, Nikola. You just..."

"I just love you," he replied stubbornly. "I can't stop, it seems."

She let out a watery laugh at his belligerent tone though it sent bolts of pleasure through her.

"I know I'm not very good at it," he allowed, his tone softening. "I... I don't know how..."

Helen laughed again, pulling back to look sadly up at his face.

"I don't know how to do this either, Niko," she admitted, stroking his cheek. "And to be honest, I don't know if we can."

He frowned at that.

"I already told you, I'm not giving you up-"

"No no," Helen said with a shake of her head. "No, Nikola. It's not that, I don't doubt you... It's, well, it's everything else. It's me. It's SCIU. It's the network. It's Will. It's... it is everything but you, Nikola. After all these years, I can still recognise that stubborn streak you nurtured to a point of absurdity. I believe you, Nikola. I trust you."

And she did. No matter what, she knew she could trust him on this. He did love her. He wouldn't knowingly hurt her, not really. Not in any way that would leave lasting damage. He would always at least try to do right by her, in much the same way she would always try to do right by him. She always had, really. Never had she actively sought to hurt him. Pushing him away, denying her feelings time and time again, it was not about hurting him. Helen had, for all these years, been trying to hurt herself. Because if she was broken and damaged and incomplete and entirely unreachable, then Nikola couldn't be hurt by her. It was easier if it was on her and not him.

After her brief panic attack, Helen could feel her mind returning to normal. She could still see all the drastic options playing out but, so long as she didn't focus on the specifics, she was able to maintain some kind of logic.

"Nikola," she began, pulling back just enough so that they could properly look at one another. "Nikola, we can't do this." She felt him try to pull back but her grip was firm. "Not because I don't want to or because you don't want to but because of everything else. You said it yourself, working with me is treason. Everything has changed, I'm not who you think I am anymore."

"I don't care," he said stubbornly. "Helen, I-"

"Let me finish, you silly man," she chastised, pressing two fingers against his mouth. "It's... It's difficult. There is so much you don't know."

Nikola pulled her fingers from his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of her hand in a move that left her chest tingling.

"I..." she tried.

"I love you," he said somewhat roughly. "I love you, Helen and I swear to God, after everything I've been through, we've been through... Trust me when I say that nothing is going to get in my way. Not after I finally got you naked and willing."

Helen barely stifled her chuckle at that.

"You're distracting me," she replied, not quite able to coax the right amount of displeasure into her voice. "This is a serious matter, Nikola."

"Then perhaps you ought to stop clinging to my naked body," he teased as if to distract her though Helen had a sneaking suspicion that he was perhaps a little terrified of what she might say next.

"There is so much about me you don't know, Nikola," she said softly. "And there is so much more I cannot tell you, at least not yet. I can't ask for your blind faith, Niko, not after everything we've been through. But..."

"Start at the beginning," he suggested. "Tell me what you can. I think I'll be the judge of what is and isn't fair, though."

Helen took a deep breath and looked towards the roof for a moment.

"It doesn't matter," she said, not meeting his eye. "Even if I could... There is too much between us now. You and SCIU, me and the United Nations. It's too messy, Nikola."

"Messy?" he echoed, starting to sound like a wounded little something that tugged at Helen's heart.

"We can't be together, not in any way that would be even remotely acceptable to me," she replied.

"Acceptable to you?" His tone was now bordering on belligerent. "And what about what is acceptable to me, Helen?" he sneered. "What about what I want?"

"It's not about what we want, Nikola-"

"Yes it is," he growled, grabbing her by the arms. "This is precisely about what we want. For years, Helen, you've done the right thing. You've been the good little girl for as long as I can remember and I'm sick of it. What do you want? Screw the bureaucrats and the paperwork and the governments, all of it! I don't care about them, Helen. I never have. I care about you, only you. You are the only thing I've ever really wanted and I refuse to let your astounding ability to over-think absolutely everything and anything get in the way of happiness, our happiness... Your happiness."

He was breathing heavily, his eyes bright with a passion that made Helen feel entirely peculiar. Suddenly, her own breaths were coming faster and faster, her heart beating out an erratic rhythm as her hands began to shake. The depth of Nikola's emotion was evident on his face, the flush in his cheeks reaching to the very tips of his ears only this time it had little to do with embarrassment.

It took her a few moments to realise but Nikola had just been wholly honest with her. He had played his hand with no bluffs.

Helen swallowed.

"This will not get away from me again," he murmured, eyes glazed in a way that made her think he had forgotten that she was there. Not that she minded overly much. Helen was still far too thrown by the gift he had just given her. For all she'd been certain of his feelings for her, such openness and sheer honesty brought the first prickles of tears to her eyes. How could she give anything back to this man? He wanted to give her so much of himself yet Helen knew her heart was tattered. She could never give him her whole self, no matter how much she wanted to. After everything, Helen wasn't sure she was even capable of love.

Not that she deserved it, really.

There was something about Nikola that was, despite his best efforts, pure. He was a complex man but a simple one too. He was motivated by sometimes selfish desires but it was always... simple. He pursued greatness because he knew he was capable of it. He took from the government because they took from him. He pursued her because...

Just contemplating the answer gave her the chills.

She couldn't allow Nikola to give his entire heart to her; it simply wasn't fair to him. No matter how much she wanted to love him back, her heart simply wasn't up to loving him, let alone with all that she had.

Nikola's fingertips grazed her cheek lightly, collecting moisture Helen hadn't realised was there. Carefully, he lifted her chin until she was looking into his eyes once more. His gaze was solemn, as if he was resigned to a frightful fate and Helen found she couldn't allow it. She launched herself at him, their lips meeting messily as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Nikola wobbled back a little at the ferocity of her attack but soon had his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his body while Helen let her emotions control her. Her hands tangled in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp as she did her best to almost swallow him whole. It was messy and sloppy and she could feel Nikola starting to grow tentative beneath her but it only served to drive her passion further.

A soft breeze floated through the open window, goosebumps spilling over Helen's skin as she started to shake. Every inch of skin not pressed tightly to Nikola's warm body rippled with the cold, forcing Helen to squirm her way deeper into Nikola's embrace. He seemed willing enough, warm hands sweeping up the length of her back until Helen's feverish kisses toppled them both, Nikola falling to the bed with a huff that she swallowed in a kiss.

"Helen," he murmured against her lips, trying to pull back but she was relentless.

Half growling at him, Helen ground her hips against Nikola's, enjoying the way he gasped.

"No, Helen," he tried again, pushing at her shoulders. "Please just..."

Finally he succeeded in freeing himself from her grip but, before Helen could feel the sting of rejection, he flipped them, pinning her to the bed with strangely gentle hands.

He looked down at her with nothing but love and concern in his eyes and it made Helen's heart thump painfully.

"Nothing is going to come between us, Helen," he whispered. "Not your secrets, not SCIU, not the Network. Nothing. I will always love you, no matter what you can't tell me. You've always kept secrets, for as long as I can remember you've been keeping things from me but I can live with that, Helen. So long as I have you, so long as I have your heart, I can live with secrets. Don't keep you from me."

Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in the softest kiss she had ever received. It was more chaste than anything she'd experienced in all 274 years of her life and yet never had she felt such passion. Her entire body tingled, nipples tightening as she arched up against Nikola. He pulled away with the smallest of sighs before one hand trailing up her side, again, achingly soft.

His fingertips ghosted to the edge of her breast as his lips flitted against hers once more, his other hand smoothing over the curve of her hip, the touch so careful and restrained she would have wondered, had she the brain power, if he thought she was made of the finest glass.

However, all she could do was gasp softly as her body sprang to life beneath his touch. Each fleeting caress of her skin set her nerves on edge, stoking a fire deep within her that had beads of sweat pooling between her breasts. Though Nikola was still between her hips, his hips pressed to hers, Helen barely had the presence of mind to note the fact, let alone take advantage of the erection against her thigh.

Instead she moaned, back arching to bear her neck to his feather-light kisses while his finger tips continued to leave trails of fire across her skin. His touch was tender, reverent, almost fearful yet the most erotic thing she'd ever experienced. He traced patterns across her breast, the pad of his thumb slipping across her nipple with the faintest of touches yet it made her cry out and push into his touch.

She wanted more, needed a firmer touch but his hands moved to her sides, gently learning the soft ridge of each rib. Never before had Helen felt so utterly worshiped. The way his fingers traced her body, discovering her inch by inch had her mind spiralling close to sweet oblivion while her body melted beneath his touch. It was so... so... so... She couldn't find the words to describe the tendrils of emotion that shot through her body, each making her heart thump heavily in her chest. Every beat of her heart somehow solidified and intensified the way she felt until, finally she could take no more.

"Nikola," she cried, her voice tight. "Nikola, please."

What she was begging for, she didn't quite know but he seemed to understand her silent plea, even if she didn't. His mouth moved with slow deliberation until their lips met and his kiss sucked the air from her lungs. Their hands were everywhere, holding one another close as if afraid of the cool night breeze that threatened to sneak between their bodies until finally, finally, he was sliding into her, making her gasp as tears sprung to her eyes.

"Helen," he murmured against her lips. She tried to reply, tried to form his name but all she managed was a series of breathless moans as her body began to shake. For a long moment, neither of them moved, content simply to feel one another but, with the mere shifting of his weight above her, Helen found herself unable to stop her body rushing towards the cataclysmic end she hadn't realised she needed to badly.

And Nikola, it seemed, was no better. Their joined bodies moved in perfect time together, adjusting and shifting without conscious thought or decision. In fact, Helen wasn't entirely sure if she'd ever be able to stop. The warmth curling low in her belly was beginning to blossom, the fire stoked by Nikola as he muttered endearments in her ear, his voice becoming more and more strained as their pace increased.

Helen was no stranger to sex, not by any stretch of the imagination and she had long supposed that Nikola was much the same but, in all her years, she'd never experienced anything nearly as consuming as what she shared with Nikola. Whether it was the result of decades of pent up sexual desire for one another or simply a by-product of the centuries long denial of her attraction to him, she didn't know and, for the most, didn't care. All that matter in that moment was holding on to it, holding on to him.

And Nikola apparently agreed.

He grunted softly above her, taking her lips once more with his for a messy kiss before stroking his nose against hers.

"Never let you go," he muttered under his breath, as if trying to keep the words from her. Helen shuddered, holding tighter to his shoulders while the truth of his confession washed over her.

"Never," she whispered in reply. "Never."

And she couldn't let him go. Not now. Not after this. Their lives were messy and complicated and part of her wondered if they could ever do something as straight-forward as have a relationship like normal people but Helen would not, could not, change what they did have for anything.

They could hide it, wait it out, pretend little had changed. Anything. So long as it meant that one day Helen would get the chance to love him back the way he loved her.

With a soft kiss to his cheekbone, Helen fell back against the bed with a sigh of pleasure, her lips curling in a smile as she let go completely and utterly, surrendering to the man currently loving her with all the he had.


Ta-da! Sorry it took so long! In my head, from this point until SFN2, Helen and Nikola are hiding their relationship to avoid wrath and such :P

I know what I'm gonna do for Chimera but I make no promises as to how quickly I can get it written and posted, even if it's a short one.

Thanks to khudgens91 who, after figuring out my not so sneaky title for ACH, chose this to be her reward fic :P Hope it lived up to expectations.