"We're back" Cid grunted as he opened the door "Good" Shera smiled, she was worried about the pilot.
"What happened?" she asked as she looked at their faces.
"They said they will hurt him" Yuffi whispered angrily "I didn't thought they hate him so much" Tifa added.
"We have to take care of him, I think they want to kill him" Nanaki said simply.
"He can take care of himself" Barret said cold "He needs no one"
"Barret shut your #%# mouth you big #%# #%#" Cid cursed, why couldn't he understand that his baby needed a lot of love and care.
"Cid stop cursing" Vincent said simply.
"Vin…" Cid startled he hadn't noticed his presence "I greeted Victoria, she asked for Tin"
"Thanks" he suppressed a smile; it was nice to know she remembered him.
"I think we should go to bed it's late and I have a lot of work to do" Cid sighed "Good night"
"Night" they said and decided to go to bed too.
The girls were curious as Cloud entered Vincent's room, they wanted to see how he lived.
"Wow" Yuffi gasped "I hadn't thought his room will be so warm"
"You're right, it's so comforting" Tifa looked around.
"Do you think he chose the furniture?" Cloud wrapped his arm around Tifa's shoulder.
"No" Nanaki answered "I smell Cid's and Shera's scent I think they made it"
"Yes we did" Shera interfered "the room was so cold and sad"
"The room suits him" Tifa smiled before she gave Cloud a soft kiss "Good night"
"Good night" they went into their own rooms.
"Vincent" Cid knocked "Can I come in?"
"Of course it's your room" he mumbled and closed his book.
"I wanted to be polite" Cid smiled at him before he changed his clothes.
Vincent stared at him, he loved Cid's tanned skin and the movements of his muscles.
Cid felt Vincent's stare, he loved it to be the middle of his world but on the other hand it was sad, he had nothing left in this world except for him.
He lay down next to the gunman "You're ok?" he asked carefully.
"Why do they want to kill me?" Vincent snuggled against Cid's warm chest.
Cid sighed "I don't know but I will protect you" he kissed the top of his head.
"I know" Vincent caressed Cid's chest "How is Caroline?"
Cid felt how his heart clenched of jealousy, he tried to console him but he was only interested in that damn girl.
"Good" Cid tried to hide his anger.
"I was worried, I mean she helped me and now she could be in danger" Vincent hadn't noticed Cid's bad mood.
"She will be ok, she is one of them and a mother no one will hurt her" Cid was unbearable jealous.
"How can you be so sure" Vincent was lost in his thoughts.
"Because I am" Cid grouched and stood up "Why are you so interested in her?"
"I don't want to be the cause for her death" Vincent looked confused, was it wrong to be worried about a young family.
"I wanted to comfort you but you, Caroline here Caroline there, don't forget she's married"
"You're jealous" Vincent detected "Why are you always jealous?"
"Because you always give me a reason" Cid hissed angry.
"What do I do?"Vincent couldn't understand what Cid meant.
"You spent more time with Shera than with me; you talk about Caroline when we are in bed ohh and don't forget your precious Lucrecia…"
Vincent was speechless, he already told him that he didn't love her anymore and he was jealous of Shera himself and Cid knew it.
"I go to work" Cid grabbed his clothes and disappeared.
Vincent pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
He felt lonely and it was cold without Cid's warmth, he rested his chin on his knees "Why won't you believe me?"
`Don't pay attention to girls anymore and don't speak about them` Chaos joined his thoughts.
"Do you think he will believe me?"
`I don't know but you can try` Galian hated the sad feeling
`Vincent stop it` Chaos roared through his mind but he ignored him `Don't do this, how often we have to tell you` he added softer, they hated this feeling and they pitied the gunman.
Cid worked on the Highwind but he couldn't concentrate on his work "It wasn't fair of me" he sighed as he dropped his screwdriver.
He loved Vincent but he couldn't suppress his jealousy, it made him frantic to see him with women "I should apologize"
Cid couldn't vanish the image of Vincent's sad eyes, he noticed that the gunman didn't know what he talked about.
Cid didn't understand his feelings himself but after he turned the last few months over in his mind he came to the conclusion that Vincent loved him and maybe won't betray him.
He finished his work and returned in time, he heard Shera's cheerful voice "Breakfast is ready!" she yelled through the house.
"Morning Cid" she smiled "sit down"
"Morning" Yuffi yawned and scratched her head.
Barely five minutes later, was the whole team gathered around the kitchen table except for Vincent.
"Where is Vincent" Shera asked while she served the tea.
"I go and look for him" Cid stood up and went into his room.
What he saw let his heart hurt, Vincent sat against the headboard and he buried his face in his arms which were wrapped around his knees.
"Vin?" Cid approached him carefully "Vin" he shook him gently.
Vincent lifted his head up and let it bump against the headboard "What have I done this time?" he said after a while.
"Why do you think you did something wrong?" Cid stared at the gunman, it was barely visible but he could swear there was blood on Vincent's black shirt.
"You're still angry" he continued to stare at the wall.
"I came to apologize" Cid tried to touch Vincent's cheek but he turned his head away from him.
"I should apologize, I made you angry" Vincent said cold before he looked at Cid.
"I overreacted I had no reason to snap at you" Cid sat down next to the gunman.
"I won't make you sad again" Vincent vowed "I promise"
" It's ok … I'm a jealous bastard … I will work on my behavior" Cid took him gently into his arms.
"Love you" Vincent said, he enjoyed Cid's comfort.
"I love you too" Cid pushed him gently away as he felt a wet spot on Vincent's shirt.
He looked at his hand and saw a red liquid, so it wasn't his imagination it really was blood "Vin?" he asked serious "What…"
"I didn't thought you will come back so early" Vincent lent back against the headboard.
Cid pulled his shirt up but there was nothing "Where?"
"Left arm" he answered while he avoided Cid's gaze. Cid took his left arm carefully into his hand and pulled up his sleeve "Oh god" he looked shocked at Vincent.
"Vin … why?" he pulled Vincent hard against his chest and rested his chin on top of his head while he caressed his head.
"I need it from time to time" he answered simply "It heals fast"
"It doesn't matter if it heals fast" Cid hugged him tight "Don't hurt yourself"
Cid felt bad, how could he do something like that without him knowing.
And it broke his heart to know that he caused it because he left him alone last night "I won't let you alone anymore, you will come with me everywhere I go"
"It's only a scratch nothing to worry about" Vincent had a guilty conscience about his action.
"It isn't only a scratch it's still flashy and your wounds heal fast so it was a deep cut" Cid knew he said it to ease the situation but his shirt was imbued with his own blood and that showed him the real story.
Cid cupped Vincent's cheek and turned his head as they faced each other he could see the pain in his beautiful red eyes "Don't do that again … please" he gave him a soft kiss.
He felt him nod but he knew a promise alone was not enough. Cid heard about people like him and decided to ignore it for a while so that Vincent could calm down but he will keep an eye on him.
"Did you sleep last night?" Vincent looked tiered.
"Yes" the gunman confirmed "How long?" Cid could see it wasn't the whole truth.
"Two hours … I think …I had nightmares" Vincent gave up he couldn't win against the pilot.
"Then lie down and sleep" Cid ordered "I will stay with you but first I make up an excuse for us"
"Ok" Vincent lay down and closed his eyes, he was embarrassed it was his darkest secret and he didn't want to share it but it was too late.
Cid returned after ten minutes he told their friends that Vincent had a migraine because of his peeving demons and they believed him.
"Vin?" Cid caressed his arm "I brought some food and tea"
"Thank you" Vincent sat up and rested against the headboard, he noticed Cid's worried gaze the sight made his heart ache because he knew it was his fault, he made the tough and rough pilot unhappy and he was sure one day he will break him when he wasn't careful.
"Let us change your clothes first" Cid stood up and searched for a new shirt "I think it should fit you" he found an old blue shirt; it was a bit short but still all right.
They ate together but Vincent didn't dare to say a word, he wasn't sure about Cid's feeling at this moment and Cid didn't know what to say, was it ok to ask or should he drop the subject?
"Can I ask you something?" he wanted to ignore it but he couldn't he had to know otherwise he wasn't able to help him.
"Yes" Vincent looked like his old self, he never let his emotions win but Cid could see it in his eyes, eyes are the mirror of our soul and Cid believed in it.
"Since when and why?" he looked deep into the blood red eyes.
"It started after Hojo raped me the sixth time, I needed relief and I wasn't able to hurt him or someone else so I vent my frustration and anger against myself, after you found me I did it seldom there was no one who could hurt me. I had always a friend by my side." He looked at Cid, he told more than Cid asked for but he was sure Cid had asked sooner or later.
"So it was really my #%# fault" the pilot muttered, he had hurt his lover because of his jealousy, he hated himself for it.
"No it wasn't your fault, it was the fight with my demons, the villagers, our enemies, the fight with you was only the last impulse it needed … It's my own weakness you didn't force me to do it"
He threw the last stone at Vincent's fragile glasshouse; he hadn't noticed that Vincent suffered from all this at least not so much "Do you know that I love you?"
Vincent looked confused of course he knew it "I know" he answered honest "I really do"
Cid wrapped his arms around the gunman "Let's sleep you're tiered" he noticed how Vincent suppressed a yawn.
Cid didn't wait for an answer and lay him down. Vincent was surprised but didn't stop him it was a nice feeling somehow.
As Cid settled down next to him, he used the chance and snuggled up against him, he missed the feeling of his lover.
Cid wrapped an arm around his lover's waist; he rested his chin against the top of Vincent's head so the gunman rested his head against his shoulder.
"Sleep well" Cid spoke gently; he smiled as he noticed that Vincent fell asleep already.
He used the time to think, Hojo had broken the proud gunman, he didn't want to know how often he raped him, how often he had maltreated him but he made the best out of it, like he said he didn't need physical pain anymore at least not often. Cid wasn't even sure if Vincent was able to feel the pain he inflicted while he scratched through his own flesh.
And now after Hojo was gone, he was the one who hurt him but on the other hand he had a reason to be angry, Vincent was too friendly to girls, the girls always surrounded him because of his beauty.
It was appalling how he wished he could take it away from him, his beauty his pride, just everything what could take his lover away from him.
Especially Lucrecia, he hated her for her betrayal and for her existence, he was sure Vincent still loved her and would leave him for her when she could come back.
But there were enough beautiful women in the world, he was straight and then he told him he loves a rough and bad mouthed male … but on the other hand he looked so honest when he told him `I love you`, it gnawed on his mind.
Vincent slept for five hours; it was a peaceful sleep without nightmares.
Cid's presence calmed him down; he never had nightmares when Cid was by his side.
He opened his eyes and noticed that he was still at the same position just like before.
Cid fell asleep not so long after Vincent but his sleep was uneasy, he had bad dreams about Vincent leaving him, a pretty young girl snatched him away from him.
"Cid wake up" Vincent shook him gently, Cid had seldom nightmares and that worried him.
Cid felt a gentle touch and cracked his eyes open "How late is it?" he sighed, he was relieved everything was only a dream or was it a foreboding after all.
"What did you dream about?" Cid could hear worry in his voice "I can't remember" he lied.
Vincent pressed his lips against the soft lips of his lover; he loved it to kiss him.
Vincent wanted to deepen the kiss but Cid stopped him "Sorry but I have work to do, the Highwind must be ready till tomorrow evening" but the truth was he didn't want to sleep with the gunman, he wasn't sure what he might do when Vincent offers himself to him, would he make love to him or would he mark him as his own? But the main point was that he wasn't sure about their relationship and as long he didn't find his answer he won't touch him, it won't hurt so much when he will leave him one day, at least he hoped it won't hurt so much.
Vincent was disappointed but believed him like he always did "Can I help you?"
"No" Cid stood up and got dressed "you need some rest" he gave him a kiss on his forehead and went away.
Vincent decided to join the others they will be suspicious when he hid more than normal.
"Hey Viiniii" Yuffi pounced on him, she felt pity for him and had the urge to hug him, everyone needed a hug from time to time.
Vincent showed her away, he didn't want to offend Cid again "I don't need a hug" he said cold. Yuffi was sad she only wanted to cheer him up.
"Let him alone" Barret smirked "He doesn't need something so simply like care or love, he has no heart" he added in a malicious tone.
"Barret" Shera yelled. They were stunned. It was the first time they saw her lose her temper.
"Don't talk about things you can't understand" she shot him an icy glare "Shera is right" Tifa interfered, she was sure Barrets words hurt the gunman.
Vincent disappeared as they fought; no one noticed his absence until Yuffi wanted to talk with him "Vinii…where is Vinii?"
They turned around "We ignored him" Tifa sighed. Shera was angry with herself how could she turn her whole attention on Barret instead of him "Oh Vincent" she whispered.
She noticed something was wrong with him, he didn't want Yuffi to touch him and he didn't look into her eyes strictly speaking he ignored the eyes of every female person in the room.
Normally you could feel how his eyes bore through your soul but this time there was nothing but she decided to wait maybe it was only her imagination.
Vincent stayed in Cid's room he didn't want to meet his friend and especially Barret.
"Was he right?" Vincent asked himself.
`You love Cid do you?` Chaos asked slightly annoyed.
"With all my heart" Vincent smiled as he felt the warm feeling which enclosed his heart.
`You see … he lied, he tried to hurt you nothing more`
"You're right" Vincent felt happy, he loved his lover with his heart and soul. There was nothing he won't do for him; he was the only reason for him to live.
He needed nothing more than Cid's love and his warmth, his kisses tasted so sweet and his touches felt like a slight summer rain which caress his skin.
But he loved Cid's rough side too, when his kisses were passionate and his touches rough, the sensation when his strong hands slide over his body.
He rested against the headboard and waited for Cid to return, he longed for a hug from Cid, he longed for his voice and his soft smile.
Cid stayed at the Highwind, he didn't want to go back "Why am I still angry?" he sighed as he lay on his large bed at his cabin.
"The look in his eyes he believed every word I said, he always looks like he would believe everything I say" he talked to himself while he inhaled the nicotine of his cigarette.
He needed the gunman, he made his life complete. It was the first time he loved someone this much and that scared him, terribly.
His last lover broke up because he wanted to marry a girl, as long as he could gather he had two children and a little one-family house.
In retrospect Cid thought it was better because of him he had Vincent now and he was the cream of the crop.
But how could he trust him after an experience like that, he tried hard to believe him none the less he wasn't able to overcome his fears, the thought of suffer a loss again dominate his emotions.
Cid couldn't sleep so he started to work but slowly, he didn't want to go home until tomorrow evening "I don't want to see him" he told the control desk "His honest eyes and his rare smile, I hope he will be all right without me"
Cid remembered the last night, he had totally forgotten about it because of his selfish worries.
It was a shock to see the gunman had hurt himself, he could still smell the metallic smell as he changed his shirt and the view of his wrist was burned deep into his mind.
Maybe it was better to pretend a happy relationship for Vincent's sake "I have to go home, any time"
"He won't come home tonight" Vincent lay in bed and waited for Cid.
`He said he has a lot of work` Chaos was tiered of Vincent's whining.
"I have nightmares without him"
`Oh stop whining, you're not a child anymore`
"Have I to be strong all the time? Who says I'm not allowed to feel?"
`We say it, Hojo said it and I think Cid won't like it either. He loves the strong gunman and not a weak child` Chaos words hurt, maybe he was right and he could scare Cid off with his weakness. It would be a disaster, he hadn't the intention to give his family and love away, he will keep them together at any price.
Vincent closed his eyes and ignored his demons; he was not in the mood to evoke a fight.
`Why are you so silent?` Chaos asked suspicious, normally he would try to shut him up or discuss.
`Vincent?` Galian interfered as he felt the tension but got no responds `It's not like you`
`Vincent` Chaos sighed, Vincent's behavior made him angry but he knew it was wiser to remain silent.
Vincent needed a few hours before he fell asleep but he was able to shut his mind down so the demons didn't get the chance to talk to him.
He had a nightmare, he saw Hojo who bent over him. He brushed a strand out of the gunman's face "My beautiful doll" he grinned naughty "You're my favorite toy"
Vincent tried to struggle but without success, Hojo had tied him up with an iron chain which let his wrists hurt like hell because they excoriated his skin until the cold metal reached his flesh.
Hojo laughed at him "It's your own fault … You're a sinner and nothing worth, no one will miss you, no one will remember you"
Vincent spit right into his face "You're a bad boy" Hojo hissed and hit him.
He turned Vincent around before he reached for his scalpel "Let us have fun" he licked the cold metal before he cut over Vincent's bare back but only three little cuts.
He turned Vincent around again; he wanted to see his face when he hurt him, when he will take him.
He licked over Vincent's chest before he cut deep into his flesh "You turn me on" Hojo licked some blood away; the sight of a bleeding Vincent aroused him.
He opened his pants and without preparation he thrust into him "NOOO"
Chaos had enough of the dreams which let them freak out.
He mumbled something about `Let me alone … go to hell … Hojo, nooo`
Vincent's demons decided to comfort him after they heard Vincent's heartbreaking pray for mercy or even for death.
Vincent sat up with shock, his breath was fast and heavy "C…Cid"
He looked into the darkness, the room was dark and he was still alone `Vincent … Are you all right?` Chaos asked, he didn't know how to comfort a person. It was his job to cause suffer and despair and not to ease pain.
"Yeah" he took a few deep breaths before he lay down once again, it wasn't the first nightmare this night but he decided to shove the memories aside.
`Do you want to talk?` Galian tried his luck.
"No" he wasn't in the mood to talk especially not with them. Their words hurt, they weren't real friends but he got used to them and accepted their existence.
He didn't feel all alone when they talk or argue and somehow they got along well … the most time.
`Hey we try to comfort you` Chaos was frustrated, they hated the feelings Vincent shared.
Vincent ignored them and closed his eyes. He missed Cid and he had a notion that their relationship was over. It was a matter of time that the pilot got tired of him, maybe his weak side will drove him away, Vincent mused.
Vincent reflected on his behavior and came to a conclusion, he still won't talk with girls, he won't look at them and in addition he will be strong. It was important not to show any weakness when he wanted to save his relationship and he was tired himself of being a wimp.
`He fell asleep` Chaos sighed frustrated.
`He needs it` Galian said simply
`Are you starting to be soft?` Chaos said in a mocking tone.
`I got used to him … I even think I like him` he answered honest `When we want to kill we can, when we're in the mood to get on his nerves he will join the game and he is a good boy`
`Yeah … maybe he's too good` Chaos understood the arguments and he felt the same but he could tear his hair because of Vincent's weakness. He didn't want to change the host, he wouldn't admit it but he really liked the gunman and didn't want him to die.
