~Pieces of the Puzzle~
"What do you mean, 'Kitten is gone'?" Axel asks indignantly, staring me down as he towers over my lowly position in the sand.
Blinking 10 times per second, I reply thickly, "What do you think, Axel! I fucked up and he left!"
He sighs in a frustrated way, and in my mind's eye I can see him tugging his fingers through his hair. "Explain," he commands, earning a small sniffle from me. Ah, I hate being so emotional.
I explicate the situation painfully and for once Axel doesn't speak, just listens. When I'm done, I somehow manage to feel worse but I look up at the pyromaniac despite that, hoping he'll have some shred of useful advice.
But of course, Axel isn't a therapist; he's more like an encyclopedia, full of useless information like how the color red travels (in light) the farthest which is why the sunset is red. Shaking his head, he says, "I'm sorry, man. The only thing I can get from that is that I think he thought you were making fun of him for his sexuality. Or, maybe from his experience on the street, he thought you were trying to sleep with him before we left."
I groan, face-palming, "For once, I think you're actually right, but I didn't know he was gay and you would think that I would've tried to seduce him already if I was trying to sleep with him!"
Instead of arguing with me, he tells me, "Look, both you and I know that Roxas will be more help with this. Come on, let's go back and get Roxas."
"No," I refuse stubbornly, "Just go get Roxas."
The redhead hesitates, but eventually he deems me too obstinate and upset to dispute with. About ten minutes later, an unnaturally calm Roxas joins my side. At first, he simply hugs me and pats my shoulder like he used to do after a bad break up in high school for comfort. He, being one of my best friends, knows of my teddy-bear (a.k.a. cuddling) disposition and uses it against me or for support. When I nod, he finally speaks, "Axel explained everything."
"…And? Got anything enlightening to tell me? 'Cause I could really, really use it," I ask him desperately, unable to keep a little attitude from my voice.
"If anything, if you really care about him like you say you do, then I think you should go after him to try to straighten things out," he informs me, sympathetic in his eyes. For some reason, the only thing the concern does is piss me off more.
"How? He could be anywhere!" I exclaim, glaring at nothing in particular.
"Riku," Roxas pleads softly; it somehow reminds me of Sora's voice and it calms me down just a little bit, though tainted with sadness, my eyes stray to the sand again, hoping to hide my transparent emotions. "You need to think; you're the one that really got to know him. Everything you need to know is in Sora's words from tonight and all of this week. You just need to pull yourself and the pieces together."
As much as I don't want to admit it, he's right, just as usual. Listening to my blonde friend, I take a deep, calming breath, trying to clear my mind. Pull it together for Kitten, I tell myself, relaxing slightly when my thoughts come and go less franticly. I accumulate all the things Sora said and pick out what I think is important, what I think I need. The more I learn, the less scattered everything becomes; slowly but surely, things start making sense.
"Its love… love is natural, not weird, no matter who you fall for."
"Uhm… well, long story short I was disowned by my parents."
"Where areyoufrom?" "…Mississippi."
"What about you? Know any special girl?"… "No, definitely not," he says, displeased, "I have girlfriendsbut that's the way it's going to stay."
"You two know each other so well that you guys just… fit together. That's the only way I know how to explain it. My family and friends were never like that with each other."
"There's a homeless shelter in Fort Walton that I stay at occasionally… We have a policy that if someone offers their hospitality, we never take advantage of it; take what you need but then leave. It's for politeness and pride reasons, not to mention safety," he explains somewhat reluctantly, "Basically the place is a recovery and rest stop for us if we are in a really tight spot." Ok, now we're getting somewhere. If I can't find him anywhere, that's where he'll be. But still, that doesn't explain why he was so upset by my kiss…
"I don't want your pity."
"I'm just useless, trash!"
"Look, I don't know what you're trying to do, but just because I'm gay doesn't give you the right to kiss me! I appreciate all you're done for me, but I'm not going to be taken advantage of!"
My despair and anger rises up again; his words still burn, despite how cold they are. It's not only the rejection that hurts; it's what he assumed about me. But I force my emotions down, trying to find the hidden meanings in his words; what could he mean in between the lines? I know where he might go. I now know he's gay, he lived in one of the United State's most homophobic states, and he was disowned by his parents. Put this together and you get an almost crystal-clear story of why he was disowned. But why wouldn't any of his school friends take him in to stay until he could support himself? And how in the world did he end up in Florida?
"I won't let this happen again."
In general, this statement is the most confusing thing he's said. But again is what stirs up my heart the most. What exactly happened, that is happening again? Everything is getting way more complicated than I'm used to and I start feeling a little overwhelmed again. I growl in frustration; Axel tugs at the stretchy band holding my hair back, letting the strands fall loose around my bare shoulders.
"You can get a headache if you leave your hair up too long," he informs me (proving my earlier point that he is a bucket of useless information), trying to help and be considerate in his own way. Touched by the gesture, I nod and smile just barely but I know he sees it.
"Look, Riku, you're thinking too much; I don't know how much you know about him, but maybe it doesn't matter. In the end, it's all about trust like Roxas said awhile ago, got it memorized? He ran away from you because you pushed him out of his comfort zone and it scared him for some reason. Though I don't know why he ran, I can tell he cares about you too. I could see it in the way he looked at you," Axel continues, revealing that he's thinking about this as much as I am.
Chuckling humorlessly, I reply, "I don't know about that, but the first thing you said was right. Axel, I don't know what to do. Should I just let him go, or should I chase after him?"
"Chase after him. Maybe a little bit of that is selfish, but I've never seen you look as happy as you were with him; don't give it up. You'll regret it. Not only that, he needs someone. No matter what he thinks he can do, he needs something to work with to get back up on his feet. You can give him that something."
"He'd think it'd be considered 'taking'. What if he doesn't want me around? What if he really just wants me gone?"
"Riku!" Roxas suddenly exclaims, actually sounding aggravated. I turn my face toward him, face blank from shock; great, now he's angry at me too? "You're being a coward," he continues, "If he didn't want you around, do you think he would've stayed with us for a week? Get a grip!"
I hate how I know Sora best, and they seem to know how to deal with him ten times better than I do. But, upon pondering their words, I realize for the most part they are right. I'm thinking too hard, and am trying to run away because I'm a coward at best. It's extremely hard to believe that Sora would actually want to stay with me, romantically or otherwise, but Roxas does have a point; the brunette could've left if he wanted to. Hell, he slept beside me for six nights in a row; 'beside me' meaning tangled in my limbs. Suddenly feeling a little warmer inside and out from the reminiscences, I smile and nod at my best friends. "You're right guys, thanks."
With a wave of determination, I stand up quickly, catching my companions off guard. When I'm steady on my feet, I wipe off the gritty grains of sand sticking to my skin and say with faux confidence, "Well, nothing is ever accomplished by sitting by the shore like a beach bum." I chuckle a little bit, wishing the action would somehow make my fear and insecurity go away or at least lessen its intensity. But this is real, not like in the books; you always have to fight the battle and the storm inside yourself as well.
"I'll see you guys later," I say in finality, at least grateful that I've finally gotten myself together and have some sort of plan. If anything, I think to him wherever he is, I want to line the pieces up; yours, and mine.
In response, the redhead and blonde both nod and send me a pair of identical smirks, silent when I run off as they understand no more words need to be said.
1, 2, 3, 9, 10- Ready or not, Sora, here I come.
It's hard to shoulder the weight of being on the streets again. For some reason, I felt like being with Ri- him, Axel, and Roxas would last forever. Like it was supposed to be that way. So much happened this week; I had been happier than I ever had, honestly.
That's a kind of depressing thing to say, I berate myself. Not only that, it's wrong. As I walk down the hectic street, I have to tell myself over and over that I belong at home, in Mississippi, where I grew up. But I messed that up, so I belong nowhere. I don't deserve a home or happiness because I'm a freak of nature. Back then, I thought they'd be able to accept me because they loved me, but they disagreed; I am sick and wrong to them no matter how many times I tried to explain. That's not what hurts the most though.
But I can't think about what does hurt the most unless I want to start crying. I'd done enough of that months ago. A veil has overcome my heart, and I tell myself that now I have to be strong and survive until I can somehow start over somewhere and reach success with my own hands without being a burden to anyone. The attitude isn't like the regular bubbly and optimistic Sora, but the coarse personality helps me survive when I need the most support.
"You will burn in Hell for your sins!" a familiar low voice grumbles furiously, so quickly it almost comes out a hiss. His statement would've been as funny as the Hell he wants to send me to if he weren't being absolutely serious. He lifts his hand and I cringe, waiting for a slap that will most likely bruise into a handprint tomorrow.
But the slap never comes. When I open my tightly closed eyes to look back at the holy man in the black robe, I see my father's hand around the priest's wrist, holding him back with an anguished look upon his face. Only a couple feet away my mother sits on an old, wooden pew, sobbing as if someone has died. I suppose to her, that's exactly what has happened. Ickle wittle Sora isn't so innocent anymore, despite the fact that my first kiss had only been a month ago whereas my sister is 7-months-pregnant out of wedlock.
"Please, Pastor, let us deal with him in our own way," father pleads, pain glittering his golden eyes.
The pastor yanks his hand away, but fortunately drops it to his side, taking a single step away from my crumpled form on the floor where I rest on my knees, tears threatening to spill over my cheeks. They act like I've committed the highest crime, even above murder, and I've never even been on my knees before for anything they think I have. "Very well, but Robert, you know what you must do." Later, I might contemplate how seriously overdramatic my family's priest is and hopefully laugh, but for now it's my worst nightmare.
My father nods again and Mother cries harder, blowing her nose into her handkerchief. After that, we leave the church silently, neither of my parents sparing my numb form a glance or comforting touch. They don't say another word to me other than instructions to pack my bags, and that night they send me out into the darkness; no goodbyes. They make it clear they don't want to see me again; the bonfire in what was once my grand playground (a.k.a. the backyard) is full of my things that I couldn't put in my old school bag. I had never been a clutter bug, but seeing everything I had once cherished- seeing my once simple life- burn to the ground made the tears spill over my cheeks incessantly as I walked away.
When I manage to snap myself out of the memory, I'm surprisingly already a quarter the way to the shelter; because of the stress from my memories, my body must've been trying to compensate by relieving anxiety with exercise. Being athletic, it happens to me a lot. However, my nose is a little sniffley; eh, it's not surprising. Because of the normal, nutritional meals I'd been graced with all week, I decide to start running, figuring I'd be able to get to the shelter in a couple hours or so if I run hard and even sooner if managed to slip onto a bus. And the running will force my nose to cooperate.
As I'm running, I can't help but let my thoughts stray to Ri… R-Riku. Instantaneously, my cheeks flush, and I'm not daft enough to think it's from the exercise. Let me explain; Roxas is a great friend who could possibly be my long-lost brother with a sarcastic twist. Axel is the guy you can go to if you want fun, adventure, or even just a laugh. But Riku… he's something different entirely. He's simply brilliant and eccentric, beautiful inside and out. Or at least… I thought he was. The harder I think about it, the more confused I get. The whole week he'd been absolutely perfect, like a prince charming straight out of some fairy tale. But then he has these little quirks that really make him who he is. To name some, he had small moments of cockiness, or moments where he was caught off guard and his cheeks would flush. He's protest if I ever mentioned it, but he can be simply adorable when you get around his cold-and-collected character. Or when he revealed to me he's a complete computer nerd, I learned pretty quickly that he's used to staying up until impossible hours of the night, reading, writing, and Facebooking. He quotes Disney movies, of all things, which he blames his two younger brothers for. I'm a little doubtful that's a foolproof excuse. Despite myself, an amused smile eases its way onto my lips; that is, until the scene and words of our last moments together come back.
I realize I thought he was absolutely perfect and flawless. But still, I understood that we could only be together (as friends, I mean) for the week and then we'd have to part ways. The fact that he lied to me, asking me to go with him, hurts me more than I can say. There's no reason as to why he'd actually want me to go with him, so why make it hurt more to leave him? I'm just an ugly, scrawny kid with gravity-defying hair. Oh, and I guess when he figured out I was gay, he thought he could get laid if he could butter me up enough. It's always the same; last time I was too innocent to realize I was being used, but this time I'm guarded and prepared. Riku got unbearably close though; I almost believed him. I get angry at myself from the very thought. I almost believed that he really wanted me, all of me, not just my body. He weakened me from the kiss; the first time I'd been kissed since him. I guess I owe that jerk a thank-you now, considering he saved me from being abandoned in the middle of Texas.
But then I start thinking about Riku's lost expression when I went off on him. Inwardly, I wince, wishing I had just walked away instead of giving him the satisfaction of knowing he had gotten under my skin and over the walls of my heart for just that minute. If I were honest with myself, I would say he still is in my heart, but I don't know why. Why is it that I've become so stuck on him in just the span of a week? I remember his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes, and then there was that look he kept giving me. He only gave it to me and I can't understand why no matter how hard I try; no one has ever looked at me like that. I don't know what it means, but every time I caught it my insides would melt, for whatever reason. Eventually I found myself purposefully doing things that I thought would bring out that certain look. You would be caught too if you saw his eyes bright and happy while his lips curled up into a soft smile. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry because I know I'll never see it again, or solve its mystery.
Maybe Kairi will know what it meant, I think, desperately hoping my redhead friend will be at the shelter. We met about a year ago when we were both going through Hell. However, even when she was enduring the worst pain, she'd been whole enough to help me and give me advice as well. She's like the loving sister or mother I never had. She has always been able to untangle the ball of yarn in my head; I hope she'll be able to do it again now. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm so conflicted about all of this, so mixed up inside. If anyone can help me make sense of all this, it would be her. Not only that, I realize that I haven't seen her in awhile… I miss her.
Somehow, I manage to slip onto a bus heading for Fort Walton Beach; fate must be sympathetic to me today. Thanking my lucky stars, I blend in with the crowd, praying I'll be able to slip off the bus at the right time. It's really not a long journey; it's only 8 miles from Destin, Florida to the shelter I'm headed to called Shelter Homes Inc. Not very clandestine, but it's a place I can find refuge in for a couple days until I can face the world again. Technically, I'm not in a tight spot like I said the policy stated, but I need to go somewhere I know. Somewhere that will maybe help me grasp myself again. Who knew one week could flip your world upside-down?
When I see a familiar street name, I get off at the next stop, managing to slip into the middle of a big group of people walking off the bus so the driver doesn't see me. At the shelter, I'm known for being surreptitious like this; my street name (or whatever type of name you want to call it) is Ghost. I kinda like the pet-name 'Kitten' better. Shaking my head with another sniffle, I make myself focus on my surroundings. I'm less than half a mile away from my destination; turning left, I start running again, trying my best to empty my mind. No more thoughts about them until I see Kairi. Think of nothing. You are Sora. Sora is running. Keep running.
Making record time, I get there in about five minutes or less. The building is rather plain with regular concrete walls and business-like window panes, but I know it's the place by the name on the door. Panting a sigh of relief, I brace myself before walking in, wondering how busy the Shelter is right now and if I know anyone. Well, you'll never know until you walk in, I tell myself. My hand grips the door handle and pulls it back, my tan skin appreciating the cool air that rushes out to meet me. Unlike the air, no one welcomes me when I walk in but I really don't mind. Scanning the room, I realize that I don't know any of these people. They must be new arrivals. Saddened, I make my way towards the back, knowing I'll most likely find Kairi there if she's here, helping people take care of their wounds, physically or otherwise.
Having been with Riku for awhile, I had forgotten about the smell. The aroma of the whole place is simply repulsing, enough to make anyone normal puke. But because of my history, I only gag slightly, trying to ignore the spots of discoloration on the floor and walls. No one ever knows how the stains get there but we know they are never anything good. Blood and vomit are most likely the main source, but one simply doesn't talk about it, especially here where we are all trying to protect the little bits of shredded dignity we have left. Coming back is like a big slap to the face; this is what you deserve, Sora, for being the fag you are. This is what you get for believing him, the guy who took you almost two states over and then broke up with you on your eighteenth birthday and kicked you out.
I can already feel myself slipping into misery. Kairi would slap me for it, saying that the Sora she knew was a happy, bright, trusting person who never let the Darkness get to me. I always tell her that I'm not afraid of the dark and then she shakes her head, purple eyes gazing upon me sadly. I know she's right though, I'm just too stubborn to admit it. In all honesty, I miss the light-hearted, giggly Sora too; I suddenly realize I was that Sora… with Riku.
I need Kairi. Now.
I get to the back room, eyes scouring the area quickly as I stand on my tip-toes to try and see over the general crowd of the rotten place. Blue ocean-eyes don't meet the sight of dark, red hair for several long minutes so my feet flatten on the floor again as I sigh in irritated regret.
But just then, a relieving sweet voice calls out, "Sora? Is that you!"
Whirling around in place, I come face to face with none other than Kairi. Instantly, I feel my whole cold, strong character I use to protect myself when I'm alone fall apart. "K-kai?" I ask softly, eyes already watering as my bottom lip juts out.
Her soft features adopt a concerned expression. "Did something happen, Sora?"
Silently, I nod, sniffling like a child again. I bring my wrist up to wipe my nose, but her hand grabs my wrist, stopping it. She always called my nose-wiping a bad habit. I drop my hand and finally just tackle her into a hug, overwhelmed from just seeing someone I already know and love. Even though I'm taller and bigger than her, she holds her ground, patting my back softly.
"I missed you, Kairi!" I tell her from over her shoulder. She laughs, rustling my hair, "I missed you, too, So-chan."
When I pull away, I say nothing as her eyes scan over my body like a mother examining her child. "Sora, where have you been? You don't even look homeless. Where did you get the money to wash your clothes?" I had completely forgotten that my clothes were clean when I stopped by the condo before disappearing; I just put them on and left in a rage.
"Kai, do you think we could find a place to sit down and talk? I really need help," I beseech her instead of answering, rubbing the side of my arm awkwardly. Without missing a beat, she nods, taking my hand and leading me through the nameless people around the shelter. Some of them call out, "Hey, Ghost!" in greeting as we pass, warming my heart just a little. I guess I haven't been gone that long if some of them still remember me; I was the shelter's masseuse, after all.
We stop when we reach the room filled with beds in long rows, some of the spaces in between them occupied by sleeping bags. Already, some people are in their beds or torn up sleeping bags, snoozing despite the rock-hard creaking beds or floor below them. Ungratefully, I grimace thinking about it, wishing I could sleep on a real bed with a pair of arms around me as if I were the more precious thing in the world.
"Sora?" Kairi calls out again, eye brows knit together in concern as I snap my focus back to the here-and-now. The redhead tilts her head the side, silently asking for some sort of explanation, but I give none. Instead I sit next to her on one of the empty beds, wondering idly if it'll break under both her and my weight. When I think about it harder, I realize we are both underweight; there's no way it would break unless the bolts were missing.
"So, what happened?" she asks, not wasting a moment to get to the point. Sighing, I lay down, placing my head in her lap. I close my eyes as I try to think of where to start; small, dainty hands start softly tugging my hair. Feeling a little more soothed, I decide to start on a whim. "Well, it all started last Saturday…" From there, I explain everything; that first night, how Riku just… took me to the condo like it was normal. I tell her how he insisted I stay, but never forced me to do a thing. I tell her how he'd get me stuff but then make sure to cover it up with excuses. I tell her about his friends (and I guess they're my friends too… unless they hate me now) Axel and Roxas, about how they got together after getting drunk and how they always seemed to be fighting with each other but yet picking on Riku. I tell her how they were like family, like brothers. I tell her quickly about the different things we did, and I rush through my confusing feelings about Riku, explaining the weird déjà vu sensations I kept getting, the attractions, and adoration I kept feeling for him.
But then I tell her about earlier today. I tell her about what he asked, what he tried to do. I lose a lot of my composure as I explain what I said, tears streaming down the side of my face. She listens attentively, only asking questions when necessary. After about twenty minutes, she knows everything important. For several minutes after my long explanation we stay silent together. But instead of breaking the silence, she slaps my forehead with the back of her hand. Although it doesn't hurt, I exclaim, "What was that for!"
"Baka," she says simply, calling me an idiot in Japanese. When I open my mouth to protest, she hits my forehead repeatedly, chanting, "Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka!" I start fighting back a little, pushing her hands away lightly to avoid her onslaught of discipline.
"Why am I an idiot? What did I do?" I ask her desperately, sitting up in an attempt to get away from my surrogate mother/sister. But she pushes down on my chest, trying to get me to place my head in her lap again. "Lemme go, lemme go, lemme gooooo!" I frantically request.
"No, I have advice to give you, scared-y cat!" she tells me, the words forcing me to comply.
When I'm situated back in her lap, I look up at her expectantly, knowing that whatever she says will most likely be helpful. But at first, she doesn't say anything again. Her hand lifts up then hovers over my chest. For a couple moments, I think she's going to hit me again, but she doesn't. The hand is put right on the left side on my chest softly, just above the fluttering beat of my heart.
"This has changed," she tells me ambiguously. I look at her questioningly, watching her serious, melancholy expression rest on my heart. When she catches my look, she continues, "Your heart, Sora; when you came to this shelter, you were hurting and heartbroken, but your spirit was still the same, still intact. You would sob for hours over losing your beloved teddy bear, but would stand strong when a new arrival came and needed someone to listen to their tragic story. Despite the pain others had inflicted on you, you still gave out love freely, touching the lives of people who you don't even know. You're losing that, Sora, blinded by fear and sorrow until you can't see how much this Riku guy loves you."
For several moments I just stare at her. Then I sputter. "H-he doesn't love me! He just wants to screw and bolt!"
"What makes you think that?" she argues back calmly, clearly bored. She does this to make me feel stupid; it works astoundingly well. She hasn't lost an argument yet, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
"H-he…Look, does it matter the reason? He's just… just…"
"Sora, if you can't come up with a valid argument, you might as well be telling me I'm right," the redhead points out.
I sigh, wishing I didn't have to make the mood dark and serious. Averting my eyes down to her stomach, seeing her baby blue shirt without really seeing anything, I whisper, "Zen did just that, Kai… I'm afraid Riku will do the same thing." Tears crawl back to the rims of my eyes at the mention of him; I hadn't said his name in a long time. I never wanted to.
"What do you mean, So-chan?" she asks affectionately, patiently. I put my arms over my eyes to hide the tears; I've always been prone to let them fall, no matter how hard I've tried to hold them back. It's one of the things I hate about myself.
"When my parents kicked me out, I went to Zen's 'cause I had nowhere else to go and we were together… and he had been planning to move to Florida for college for awhile so he decided to let me come along. I stayed with him for about a month but then he took my virginity and kicked me out a couple days later on my birthday. What if Riku does what he did?" I profess, doing my best to keep my voice calm.
"Oh… " she replies softly. Her hands resume their places in my hair, tugging, braiding, and unbraiding softly. She stays silent for a long time, the only thing breaking the silence being my sniffles as I try to pull it together. But of course, she doesn't leave it at that. After the moment of silence, she starts, "Sora, how did Zen treat you compared to Riku?"
I snort, "Completely different. Zen would ignore me a lot of the time unless he wanted to fool around. I cleaned and cooked, but I thought it was just natural since he was busy with college classes and I was being a free-loader. I was planning to get a job though…"
"Mhmm?" she hums, urging me to continue. I swallow thickly, preparing my next set of words, "But Riku did everything for me as if I were fragile or something. I don't like to be babied but I could tell that wasn't what he was trying to do… When I actually commented on it, he said it was 'polite'. Have you ever heard of someone being polite to a homeless kid?" When I get no reply, I plow on, suddenly feeling like a puzzle; some new pieces are clicking into place but I still have no idea what the ending result will be. "And he always seemed to be careful around me but curious. He would always ask me questions about myself, but if I couldn't answer them, he'd let them go no matter how much he wanted to know; I could see it in his facial expressions. He made me feel weird, too."
"Weird how?" Kairi asks finally, eyes bright with recognition; she knows something I don't. I decide to ignore the look and answer, "I'd get this warm feeling in my tummy, even after having a whole gallon of ice cream with him- he likes rocky road a lot, you have no idea- and my heart would beat faster whenever he got too close. But it wasn't that I was afraid, just… I don't know. I'd blush at the things he would say an-"
"Didn't you feel these things with Zen?" she interjects suddenly. My train of thought stops, switches gears and backs up, turning down a new road. After a couple moments, I explain, "Not… really. I was nervous around Zen. I felt desperate all the time; I always wanted more from him. I worshipped him like a servant or something." Somehow, telling someone about him relieved some pressure I didn't know I'd kept locked away. I'd never really talked about Zen to this extent. I just bottled it up inside because I didn't want to burden anyone with my sob-story, especially when there are so many others who've had it worse.
"So you're saying Riku makes you feel happy and safe," Kairi continues, looking at me in disbelief.
"Yeah!" I tell her, suddenly smiling even as I wonder why she's staring at me so oddly. "I could be myself around him; I wasn't walking on eggshells all the time."
Out of the blue, she slaps my forehead again, "Baka! Don't you see?"
Gaping at her in outrage, "Gees, Kairi, why do you keep hitting me? What do you want me to see?" By now I'm completely lost. What did I say? I thought we were getting somewhere…
Instead of answering me, she just huffs in frustration. "Sora, this is something you gotta figure out yourself. If I tell you it'll ruin it."
"What do you mean 'figure it out yourself'? You know I can't do that!" I exclaim, falling off the bed when she suddenly stands, twirling to face me with her hands on her hips.
"You-" she starts, but then her voice is cut off by a small voice coming from the doorway. "Kairi?"
Immediately, the redhead freezes and her whole expression changes. She turns slowly as a pale, blonde girl in a dirty white dress emerges from the doorway. A brilliant smile adorns Kairi's face as she breathes out, "Namine."
"Where have you been? I couldn't find you," the petite blonde named Namine asks in her small tone, taking Kairi's outstretched hand as soon as it is offered as she invades the redhead's personal bubble, placing a small peck of a kiss on Kairi's supple lips.
Needless to say, I'm a little shocked.
"I'm sorry, I've been talking with an old friend," she says, adoration clearly written in the purple orbs of her eyes.
"You mean him? The guys have been calling him 'Ghost'." The blonde peers down at me, expression curious. Her eyes widen a bit when they get to my face. Quickly, she whispers something into Kairi's ear and the redhead nods. My eyebrows scrunch together; what's going on?
"Hi, Sora, I'm Namine," the blonde suddenly says. With a quick smile I leap onto my feet and say hello, wondering how she knew my name when she called me Ghost only two seconds ago.
"Nice to meet you, Namine," I tell her genially, a small blush painting my cheeks, "How do you know Kairi?"
Instantly, the blonde girl giggles and Kairi blushes. When I tilt my head and give Kairi an inquiring look, the redhead blushes and stutters, "Sh-she's my girlfriend."
I think my jaw drops to the floor. Kairi is gay too? Wait, what? Why am I just now hearing about this? "Wh-what? Whoa! Uhm… congrats, Kai! I didn't know you…" I catch myself, blushing harder and averting my eyes to the floor.
"Thanks, Sora," she replies, positively beaming. So she's serious. I finally calm down a bit at Kairi's soft expression and Namine's loving-yet-mischievous smile, her blue eyes bright. My eyes wander down to their intertwined fingers and I suddenly wonder; why did Mom and Dad think this was so wrong? The thought comes so suddenly I'm thrown off guard from it; I had always been told homosexuality was wrong, and that anyone gay would go to Hell and burn for eternity, but looking at them, you can tell they are genuinely in love. You can plainly see the affect they have on each other. How could someone as angelic like Kairi go to Hell anyway? I almost shudder at the thought; her burning for eternity would be more sinful than what she possibly does with this blonde girl at night.
Another puzzle piece clicks in place; for the longest time, I opted to agree with my homophobic parents, figuring I must be screwed up for falling in love with another guy, and I've always tried to avoid any attractions I have to someone of the same sex… But I could never stop the way I felt. And when it came right down to it, I saw nothing unnatural about it because love is love. If you ask anyone if love is wrong, they will say no. I tried, I really did, to see it my parent's and church's way but… What I said to Riku comes back, "It's love… Love is natural, not weird, no matter who you fall for." I was honest when I said that; the words just tumbled out of my mouth naturally. Wouldn't it make me a hypocrite to not follow my own statement and condemn myself for agreeing with it?
"Do you think you'll be ok, Sora?" Kairi asks, diverting me from my racing thoughts.
Numbly, I nod, not exactly sure what I'm agreeing to. But Kairi smiles, so I assume it was the right thing to do. "Alright, I'll see you later then, Sora; think about what I said, ok?" the redhead finishes, tugging Namine over towards the door. I don't really pay attention as they walk away, but I do hear the blonde say one thing before she vanishes into the next room with Kairi; "He's looking for you; to line up the pieces."
The weight of the words have a unexplainable effect on me but I couldn't tell you why; my knees buckle and I sit on the bed I had been lying on earlier as if I heard someone close to me had just died. Somehow, the simple statement makes perfect sense to me, and that's what scares me the most; I can see Riku in my mind's eye, driving everywhere he can think of to find me. And then there's a hidden connotation behind it all, but it's trapped, like on the other side of a mirror; in another reality. It's all too much.
But I'm forced to send away the shadow of the other meaning as a chilling thought sends a shiver down my spine: Are we putting together the pieces to the same puzzle?
A/N: Yes, the line break signifies that it's in Sora's POV. I don't like actually saying it because it kind of kills the mystery to me… You're supposed to catch the hint but it you didn't at first, sorry XD.
You know, I'm not too confident about this chapter… It's pretty uh, crucial, but… Idk. Tell me if you got most of everything? (some things are meant to not make sense) I've been editing it some of yesterday and all of today but I'm not sure what else I can do with it (not only that, it's gotten really long… Sorry lol) so all comments/ideas for improvement would be appreciated XD
Thank you to these AMAZING reviewers: Kriegsmachine, HeartAngel,Tori Sohma, Mei Chan is Random, Maxx, Digimatic, ichigokazuki, XxPretty-OddxX, 3, katy2000 (aka Kaitlyn Cole), and Shayala
Oh, and kudos to anyone who can guess the kingdom hearts quote in this one;)
Updates soon! :D
