ShadedViolets : One Year Later

Written By : Sarah Chhan

© 2014

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing in any way, shape, or form. This fanfiction has been written for entertainment purposes only.

Warning: AU, Shounen Ai/Yaoi, Emotional Angst, Trauma, Strong Language, Abuse

Note: This is a revamped version of my previously uploaded story, ShadedViolets, which currently has eight chapters. I will likely be removing that one and posting the rewrites here, as it is going to be completely redone. If you want to avoid spoilers, don't read the original. It will all end up here anyways.


Scene 3: Desires

Duo Maxwell fell onto his bed with a wide grin on his face. It had been a pretty good night, he felt. Considering the previous parties he'd had to celebrate his birthday, this one wasn't so grand, and it was a bit lonesome, but the short time he'd gotten to talk to Wolf had changed it all around. The kid was young and stubborn and a very long shot, it seemed, for even getting a date, but Duo had experienced such a jolt of excitement when Wolf had finally sat down at his table. He didn't know why he felt such a thrill from Wolf. The kid had his walls up, never letting down his guard the whole time, but Duo still found him endearing.

Duo felt like he was in a dream as he thought of Wolf. Though he was young at nineteen, he was still just too gorgeous to resist. His eyes were a color Duo had never seen before, a brilliant white grey color, like a cloud, and his hair was onyx black and straight, the tips waving past his brow and ears. Wolf was shorter than Duo, but only by a few inches, perhaps. And those tight leather pants he wore revealed plenty to show Duo that Wolf wasn't quite done growing, but he was still well past his adolescent stages. It was a perfect package to attract him.

Duo wondered again why he was so easily attracted to Wolf. It had been over a year since he'd interacted with anyone in a romantic way. Why now, of all times, was he suddenly interested in a young server at a gay club? Duo thought he knew part of it. He liked the way Wolf looked, especially, and he liked the way he was so dismissive and stubborn, yet still apologetic. Duo assumed that his interest had truly begun when Duo had first seen Wolf. At first, it was just the admiration of Wolf's rather sexy look, but when he'd inquired jokingly about the date and Wolf had so directly refused, it had piqued Duo's interest even more. The refusal from Wolf was the real reason for Duo's extreme interest. Wolf was stubborn, but Duo was more so.

After six nights of asking and six direct refusals, each of which got more and more laced with impatience from Wolf, Duo decided to try a different route to get to Wolf. Though it was unconventional, it had worked. True, Duo was three hundred dollars poorer, but it wasn't so bad a hit, and Wolf had ended up actually talking. Though the chat had still ended with a refusal from Wolf, Duo had at least managed to get a willing kiss. And what a good kiss it had been!

Duo recalled the sweet taste of Wolf's lips on his, and the way he had stiffened in Duo's hold at first, only to relax into him soon after. Duo wasn't certain he would be able to leave Wolf alone as he had requested of Duo. The desire to see him again was very strong, even now. Duo was pretty certain he was going to go back to Sanctum tomorrow night and try again. It was just so tempting. Duo had never really felt this way inside about anyone before, except maybe Heero.

Wolf's dark straight hair faded in Duo's mind, replaced by the messy haired image of Heero Yuy. Duo sighed slowly, his mood suddenly jumping from elation to a quiet ache of sorrow. He sat himself up, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair as his mind suddenly raced with a familiar thought. It was a thought he'd often had but had always rejected immediately. So Duo debated internally. Should he call Heero, or not?

It had been nearly a year. In twenty six days it would be the one year anniversary of the car accident that took Solo's life. A week after that accident, after Solo's funeral, Duo had left, without a word to anyone. He hadn't called or sent mail or made any sort of contact with anyone since that day. Duo didn't know what would happen when he did eventually talk to his friends again, but he felt it was safe to assume they would be mad at him. They had a right to be, anyways.

Heero would surely be furious. When Duo left, he had, in a sense, betrayed Heero's trust.

Well, it was his birthday, so couldn't he give himself a break with the no-contact rule? Didn't he have to go back to them eventually anyways? Or was he going to live alone forever? Maybe. Duo had never really thought about when he would return to his old life and home. He had left because he needed to cope with Solo's death. After nearly a year, the ache was still just as great, and the memories were still painful, and the nightmares were still never ending, but he was better. It was minor, but he was able to survive his days with less breakdowns and less sorrow. The monotony of existence had forced him to move on, though he couldn't move far, yet.

Lately the ache Duo felt for his home was greater than before. He wanted to see Hilde and the kids, and fix cars with Howie again. He missed Quatre's concerts and Trowa's circus performances and even Wufei's boring meditation sessions. But mostly Duo wanted Heero. He wanted his comfortable silence and his bland expressions, and he especially wanted to feel Heero holding him again, sleeping beside him after they made love.

Duo groaned in emotional agony, the turmoil frustrating him. He so desperately wanted to talk to Heero, to just hear his voice, whether he was angry or not.

Annoyed with himself, Duo huffed. "Fuck it," he declared absently to himself. "I'll do it." And he did. He grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and dialed in the phone number that was still easily recalled from memory. It was a number he had long ago memorized and would likely never forget. As he held it to his ear, listening to the ring, Duo found himself unconsciously holding his breath. It rang once, twice, then three times.

Click. (This is Heero Yuy. Who is this?)

Duo exhaled, feeling his chest tighten at the sound of Heero's voice again after so long. That strange feeling of giddiness struck at him, the same as it had when he'd first met Heero and nearly every time after. He hesitated, his mouth suddenly dry. "Heero?" He tested the waters, anxious about the reaction Heero would have.

There was a long moment of silence. Then Heero finally spoke. (Hey, Duo. Happy birthday.)

Duo swallowed, emotion wrenching at him. There was no anger in Heero's voice. It was surprising, and very relieving in the moment. "You remembered," he forced himself to speak.

(How could I forget?) Heero replied, and Duo could just see his smirk, the one where he was being cocky but thought no one knew about it. (I've been there for the last ten years.)

Duo didn't answer, feeling the guilt wash over him again, tearing at him like a hurricane tears apart ships in the sea.

"Yeah," he said, his voice wavering. "You have." Duo tried to breathe evenly as the strange mixture of guilt and longing filled him up. Heero's voice alone was causing a flip-flop feeling in his stomach, an abundance of desire and lust and longing, but the guilt and shame of abandoning Heero was like an anvil weighing him down, too.

How did Heero Yuy still have such an effect on him after nearly a year apart? Duo felt nearly sick from his conflicting feelings. At this moment, he began to regret making the call.

The silence had grown heavy. (Duo, I'm glad you called,) Heero broke it, his voice soft and gentle. (I want you to know I still love you. I don't - ) Click.

He hung up on Heero, cutting him off. A tear streamed down Duo's cheek as Heero's words echoed in his head. After a heavy moment of silence, he groaned loudly. "Fuck, I just don't….damnit, damnit, damnit." Duo tore the battery from his phone, throwing the pieces across the room in frustration at himself. He couldn't handle Heero trying to call back. It all just hurt too much. "Why did I do that?" he asked in his sorrow. Sighing heavily, he threw himself back on his bed, pulling a cover over his head as tears began to silently stream, unbeckoned, down his cheeks.

Once again, Duo wished he wasn't so messed up.


Thank you for reading! Please review or follow if you enjoyed! I am trying to update every week or two, latest. Thanks!