AN: Thank you to everyone who takes to time to read my story and show your appreciation in some way, whether it's a review (which make my day, like seriously I love reading them), a favorite, a like, or a mix of the three. Enjoy! = )
Disclaimer: Not mine = (
Fuck. My head is killing me. I feel like I'm dyi- "Oh shit," I exclaim as I roll out of bed and rush into my bathroom. I barely make it to my toilet before I hurl everywhere. After about three minutes of straight puking I'm able to pull away from the toilet and breathe.
"Fuck I slept with someone" I groan out as it finally registers that I'm not wearing any clothes. I sit there for about twenty more minutes, throwing up and trying to figure out who I had slept with.
When I'm finally able to leave my bathroom, I pull a pair of boxers on before climbing back into my bed. As I'm fixing to fall back to sleep a sudden onslaught of memories overcome me and I sit up in bed quickly, looking around my room. I then bolt out of my room and search my house for any sign of Quinn.
"Fuck!" I shout, punching my front door when I don't find her in the house and see her car gone. I don't stop at one punch though. I keep hitting the door over and over again while guilt, remorse, and self-hatred rush through me. I'm a fucking idiot. I never should have drank as much as I did. Her first time never should of happened that way. I'm-
"Stop," Santana orders me, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the door. She forces me into a chair in the kitchen and I place my head in my hands and try to keep from breaking down. "What happened?" she demands, kneeling down in front of me and taking my bloodied hand to clean it.
I just shake my head in answer, knowing I'll let out a sob if I try and speak, and refuse to let Santana move my other hand from my face once she's finished working on my hurt one. She doesn't give up though and finally manages to pry it away from my face.
"Holy shit, you're crying? Rayden please tell me what happened," she pleads. I open my mouth, to try and explain how much of an idiot asshole douchebag I am, but just as I thought a sob escapes me instead. Santana immediately wraps me up in a hug and we stay like this until I'm able to calm down slightly. She shifts out of my arms and pulls up another chair, setting it directly in front of me.
"I'm a bastard," I mumble out.
"Well I'm glad you finally agree with me, but what exactly made you come to this conclusion?" she tries to joke. I make no effort to acknowledge what she says, not even a quirk of an eyebrow, and she immediately becomes serious again. "Seriously Ray. Talk to me please."
"You're going to hate me," I say with a humorless laugh, remembering what she told me after the first time Quinn and I met.
"You know I won't. Now what the hell happened? Did something happen with Quinn?"
"I slept with her," I tell her so quietly that I'm not sure if she hears me. She does.
"You did what now?" she asks, and I can't tell if she's impressed or pissed.
"Quinn and I ended up sleeping together last night," I say again, tears filling my eyes once more. I feel like such a prick, and it's made worse by the fact that I'm not used to feeling these things, especially because of a girl.
"Seriously?" she asks, and at my nod she takes a couple of deep breaths. "So you slept with my best friend while drunk. Nice going idiot," she says. I can tell she's pissed and I hang my head in guilt and shame. I hear her sigh. "It'll be ok Rayden."
"But it's won't though!" I say, voice raised slightly as I lift my head.
"Why the hell not?" she asks me.
"Cause Santi! She cheated on her boyfriend because of me. Even though I can't stand the ass he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. And the worst thing is that I took something in a drunken hook up that shouldn't have been taken! She didn't deserve to have her virginity taken from her like that. It should have been special and with someone she loved. Sure as hell not like that. And now she hates me. I mean she left before I even woke up and I won't be surprised if she avoids me from now on. That very slim chance to be with the one girl I've ever had any romantic feelings for is gone now. Over. Done. Never coming back. It-"
"Stop," Santana orders me again, placing her hand over my mouth to shut me up. "I understand you feel like a dick for what happened, but you need to understand that it was just as much her fault as it was yours. Should it have happened? No. But nothing is going to change the fact that it did, so the best thing to do now is move on. I'm pretty positive she doesn't hate you, and while she may try and avoid you, don't ler her."
"What do you mean don't let her?" I ask curiously. I still feel like shit but talking about this with my sister is making me feel better.
"You've been hella persistent so far, just keep it up. Let her know that you're not going anywhere. With Q, she feels like the only thing she has is her looks, and that causes her to be insanely insecure. She always has guys chasing her and trying to get into her pants, and with a guy with a rep like yours, I'm sure she's thinking that this is the end of you wanting her now."
"But it's never been about sex," I say indignantly.
"I know that Ray, but she doesn't. And if you let her avoid you and give up now, then that's what she's going to think happened. She's going to think that all of your efforts were for sex, and now that it's happened you're done with her."
"That's ridiculous," I say.
"Is it though? I mean if this was any other girl who you hooked up with, virgin or not, would you have cared? Would you be feeling any of these emotions at all?"
"No," I answer honestly.
"Exactly. Quinn's not used to being the girl that someone fights for. Hell the only reason Finnept's even with her in the first place is because she's hot and popular. She's never had a guy want her for just her. They only want her for her looks. Exactly how you are with every other girl but Quinn. It's hard for her to believe she's actually wanted for the real her, and not the her she lets everyone see."
"You're right. And I'm not giving up on her. I'm not in love with her yet, but I know I will be eventually and that's something I never thought would happen. Like ever. I'm going to show her that I want her for the real her, the one I've been getting to know over the last two weeks, the one that I've come to adore, and that I'm not giving up without a fight," I say, a new determination seeded within me.
"Fuck bro that party was insane," Noah says as he walks into the kitchen, one hand holding his head. "Um...did I interrupt something?" he asks awkwardly.
"Na, you didn't, and yeah it was crazy," I tell him, a genuine smile spreading across my face.
"Buck up Puckerman, be a man, not a pussy," Santana tells him as he winces at the volume of my voice.
"Fuck off Satan," he mumbles as he walks over to the cabinet we keep our medicine in and pulls out some aspirin.
I've been trying to get Quinn to talk to me for over two weeks now, but it's not working. Even though she won't talk to me I haven't given up, and I don't plan to. I've been leaving little random gifts in her locker, like her favorite flowers and chocolates, and other small things like that. I've been wanting to sing to her again, but I haven't found the perfect song yet.
"Quinn!" I call out as I see her at her locker on friday. I see Finn glaring at me from the other end of the hallway before looking longingly back at Quinn. She broke up with him the day after my party, which I'm ecstatic about.
Quinn looks up from her locker, and when she sees it's me she shuts it and walks quickly into the girls bathroom. Tired of being avoided I follow her, and once I see that the bathroom's empty besides us I lock the door.
"What do you want Rayden?" she sighs out tiredly.
"I want you to stop avoiding me and talk to me," I say, studying her appearance. She looks flawless to anyone who doesn't take the time to really look, but her eyes are tired and sad, and she had bags under them.
"We don't have anything to talk about," she tells me in her HBIC voice.
"The hell we don't. I like you Quinn. Not because you're hot or because you're popular. I like you for the nerdy girl I know you are. I love that you like comics. I love that you love to read. I love how smart you are. I love how you are constantly surprising me, and how you keep me on my toes. I absolutely love your eyes and how easy I can read you through them. There's really to many things that I love about you to list unless we want to be here all day. I like you Quinn. I like you so much and I know that we have so much potential, so please?" I plead.
"I-I just..." she quickly sweeps past me and out of the bathroom and I don't try to stop her. I walk out of the bathroom dejectedly and skip the rest of the day, knowing that Noah will take the girls home.
I spend the rest of the weekend finding the perfect song and rehearsing my ass off for monday, and when it finally comes I'm ready. I'm nervous and scared as fuck though.
"Are you ok?" Santana asks me as I walk out of my closet in a pair of white basketball shorts and plain black t-shirt.
"As ok as I can be," I answer her as I slip on my chanclas and we head to my truck. Once we arrive at school we split up, the girls to find Quinn and me to find and sulk with Noah. I go through the day on auto-pilot, avoiding anyone who's not Noah, Santana, Quinn, or Brittany, and before I know it it's time for glee.
"Mr. Shue can I perform please?" I ask as soon as he walks into the room, not even giving him time to greet us.
"Oh. Of course Rayden. The floor's all yours," he says before taking a seat next to a sulking Finn.
"Quinn I don't know what else I can do to let you see how much I want to be with you and this is my last option. It seems like all of my efforts are for naught though, so this is it. I'll always be here waiting for you, if you ever change your mind though. So...this is for you," I tell her with a sad smile before sitting down at the piano.
You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you
Like everything that's green, girl I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too
'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
Never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Anyone can tell you you're pretty
(Yeah)
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the makeup
And I wanna show you what I see tonight
When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
Never let you forget it
'Cause baby I wanna make you feel wanted
As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
Never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Yeah, baby I wanna make you feel -
Wanted
'Cause you'll always be wanted
As soon as I'm done playing I stand up and leave without waiting for anyone's reaction. I go home and dive into my bed, burying myself under a mound of blankets and wallow in my sadness.
Please review? Please? I love them lots. The song is called "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes. It's an amazing song. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! = )
