"Why are you still here?!" Shizuo growled upon encountering Izaya on his way back from work in the exact same spot where he'd left him in the morning, minus the excess clothes and the unnerving dog.
"I've been waiting for you." Izaya answered as if it was the most natural thing for him to do. "I spent all day here waiting for you."
That was quite obviously a blatant lie though he doubted Shizuo could tell. In fact, he had only reached Russia Sushi again about half an hour ago and dropped by for a quick visit to praise the incredible impression their sushi had made before going out and leaning against the wall next to the door just like in the morning.
"No fighting here. Fighting bad." Simon spoke up in their direction while giving out leaflets on the street in front of the shop.
"Haven't I told you to get lost?" Shizuo walked up to Izaya but kept his hands to himself for now, wary of Simon's presence.
"But I changed, Shizu-chan."
"I don't care."
"Look at me again, the way you did back in high school when we faced each other for the very first time." Izaya's hands reached up to land on Shizuo's shoulders. "A scrawny kid in a wrong school uniform who into his second week of high school had already gotten two street gangs to pursue you just to see if you could really fight as well as he'd heard and had essentially let you know about it as if he had a death wish, smirking at you in a way that instantly set you on edge, even while he was right at Shinra-kun's side, that is right where you belonged... After all, Shinra-kun was your only friend at the school who was not afraid of you and would still hang out with you despite what you could do. So you thought it was a good idea to just punch him without further introductions now that he was within reach. But he moved too fast for that and on top of that, cut you with his knife before you could stop him. Thus, he earned himself your eternal hate." Izaya finished his story, looking Shizuo in the eye seriously. "But look at me again now, Shizu-chan. I'm no longer fifteen and I'm no longer amused by making your life miserable just because. I don't even hate you anymore. I told you I loved you this morning after all, didn't I? Have you given it some thought?"
"I'm not interested in your jokes."
"I wasn't joking." Izaya stood up on his toes and moved his hands up to drag Shizuo's head down to his level but Shizuo was better prepared this time around and pushed him away before he could make their lips meet. "Shizu-chan..." Izaya sighed. "I used to be repulsed by your animalistic ways and total lack of self-control and the way you were so inhumanly simple, no intricacies to pry into at all. But I guess I realized you're better like that. Better than all the other humans who would happily backstab you even while they're smiling at you and who would..." He sighed. "Ah, forget it."
"Has something happened to you?" Shizuo asked with mild interest. There was something off about Izaya suddenly attempting to explain something to him instead of taunting him, even while Shizuo still felt unnerved by his mere presence.
He knew Simon was going to intervene if he started something so he tried to contain the urge to just send Izaya flying to make him shut up.
"I've made my secretary pregnant."
Shizuo blinked.
"What?" Izaya asked defensively. "What are you doing?!" He screamed when he was lifted off the ground effortlessly and sent soaring through the air for quite a long distance before landing on the pavement several feet away, scraping his hands raw and bruising his elbows and knees in the process.
He winced, pulling himself up into a sitting position.
"No hurting best customer, Shizuo!" Simon called out to him.
Shizuo ignored him, approaching Izaya with a disgruntled expression on his face, his hands in his pockets.
"The last thing the world needs is you polluting it with your offspring." Shizuo spat at his feet.
Izaya looked up at him with a decidedly hurt expression.
"I thought you liked kids."
"Yeah, I would probably like your kid, too." Shizuo admitted. "But thinking about what it was going to turn into would still make my skin crawl."
"That's why you need to make sure it won't turn out so bad." Izaya stood up from the ground and dusted off his clothes. "Shizu-chan, I'd like to give this child to you once it's born."
"What do you mean?" Shizuo asked, his mouth gaping open after he'd nearly swallowed a cigarette he was just going to light up.
"I mean I want you to adopt it. Namie doesn't want it anyway so she will probably be glad to give it up..."
"What makes you think I'd want to adopt your kid?" Shizuo asked incredulously.
"Well, I thought you wouldn't want me to raise it, right? And I admire you a lot now so... you're like the only person I can think of. I imagine a baby would've softened your image a lot too. That way you would have probably found a girlfriend quickly."
"If this is some kind of a joke, Izaya-kun…" Shizuo sounded threatening.
"It's going to be born in half a year, if everything works out all right. Do you want to see it then and decide? Because it would've been even better if it wasn't born bearing my name. That's like a death sentence for a baby with the kinds of enemies I have."
"But you will promise not to ever get involved?" Shizuo was astonished that he was willing to even consider this ridiculous proposal.
On the other hand, he really liked kids and the thought of having one just for himself was strangely irresistible. It would have also certainly made women like him more.
"I won't." Izaya assured him, pressing his hand to his chest over his heart.
"I'll think about that. But only because I don't want you to ruin the poor kid's life."
"Thanks, Shizu-chan. You're the best person ever, really." Izaya beamed at him.
Shizuo turned around and walked away to hide another blush creeping up his cheeks.
"No fighting today?" Simon asked when Shizuo had left.
Izaya smiled.
"I think we may even get along from now on."
