I stayed away from Hogwarts, i couldn't bring myself to eat, shower or live let alone take my OWLS. I stayed at home alone, surrounded by the memories of my family, now gone. When I woke after fainting my father's injuries had overcome him and he had died fast and painfully, he thrashed in his bed screaming and shouting for it to stop, to end it all. My mum was still technically alive, she didn't move she speak and they tried to wake her but she wouldn't. Not even to scream in pain. She just laid there as i talked to her but they said she couldn't hear me anymore and that she was what muggle doctors called brain dead. Just an empty shell now. She wasn't actually there anymore. For hours i talked to her empty body wishing she would wake up hug me and tell me it was all going to be okay. She wouldn't though and she would never wake up again. They let her pass, pulling all magic from her body , after I cried and said good bye. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed or move, or do anything really. McGonagall would come to check on me every few days with Dumbledore. He said I wouldn't be able to stay in my parent's house for very much longer because I was still underage. I could move back at seventeen, but i had to wait. He told me I could stay at school in the student's quarters because I was turning sixteen during the summer and was nearly of age to live alone.
I told them that would be nice but I didn't attempt to move, or even try to pack my belongings as they suggested. School had ended after a few weeks and everyone had gone home as I had been comatose in my parent's bed, day and night. McGonagall told me she made aware anyone who asked that I was alright, but had left out the specifics as to why I was not in class. I could not bring myself to do anything, school seemed so trivial because once I graduated who would be there to hug me and congratulate me on my success? I knew I would have to get up and do something eventually, I could smell myself and it was starting to become bothersome, my nose twitched and with everything I had I sat up. I was still in the clothes I had on three weeks ago, they smelled as bad as I did. Slowly I swung my legs over the edge of the mattress and braced myself on my knees. I hadn't eaten a full meal in weeks and I could feel the strain of moving on my weakened body.
"They wouldn't want you to sit here and weep." I muttered sourly. My head hurt my body too and when I stood up my knees buckled and I nearly fell catching myself on the bed behind me. I sank to the floor and rested my head on my knees. The world felt like it was falling apart. I tried reading and it didn't work. The words would swim and I found no comfort in my books. They used to keep me warm and now I feel the cold smooth pages beneath my fingers rather than the warmth of the story within I used to crave.
Tears started to fall onto my knees, gasping for breath, breakdown a moment away. There was a tapping at the window. I didn't move hoping it would go away if I pretended I wasn't here. The tapping continued, getting louder and louder. I got up wiping my eyes on the back of my arm. I popped open the window the fresh air wafted over my face and I took a lung full feeling clear. Feeling new.
There was a crazy little owl at the window. It looked as if it was going to fall over exhausted. "Oh, little man come here." I pulled him into my arms careful of the letter tied to his legs. I walked out of the bed room for the first time in weeks. McGonagall had brought me food periodically and apparently had cleaned up after herself as well. I tried to picture her doing dishes and I giggled. My throat felt dry, raw almost. I clutched the little brown owl to my chest, he snuggled into me nuzzling close. I walked into the quiet hall and crept down the stairs to the kitchen. It was hard to be there. I could see my mum dancing with my father late at night. I pressed down my tears and set the little owl on the counter. I poured him some water in a dish and pulled out a little plate full of ham for him to eat while he rested. I sat down with him and pulled the letter off his leg.
On the outside, it read Hunny Bunny. I laughed, the handwriting was sloppy print and decorated with a tiny bunny drawn on the end. Opened the letter.
Dear Hunny Bunny.
You have been gone a long time. McGonagall refused to tell us why you were gone, only that you were dealing with a lot and needed some time. We've given you time now and we are done waiting for you to come see us. You are now here by ordered to come to the Burrow and spend the rest of the summer with us until school. We will not take excuses, we have already told our mum that you would be coming, and she is over the moon excited to meet you. She's already practiced making that muggle desert you like with the chocolate. It hasn't gone well but don't tell her that when you eat it.
We can't wait to see you
Fred and George Your devilishly handsome friends
P.s. We've sent Errol out to you once already. He's gotten lost and come back
P.s.s. Ginny says hello and she wants you to come as well. Hermione hasn't been over to the Burrow yet and she wants some girl time.
P.s.s.s. Errol got lost again. we aren't ignoring you he's just a bloody awful owl.
P.s.s.s.s. Harry will be here as well! He was concerned with you too and wants to know why you haven't written
P.s.s.s.s.s. We're sending Errol out again we hope he finds you this time. If me makes it, he's an old own please feed him, we don't want him to die.
I laughed. Their hand writing was sloppy and it seemed as if they pulled the paper between each other to write it. I clutched it to my chest and laid my head down on the table. Errol nuzzled my head and stood close to me, hooting happily. There was a crack and burn of the fireplace and then silence. I could hear the footsteps come closer and then stop.
"Mrs. Rose-Singer? Are you alright?" McGonagall asked quietly
"I lifter my head and nodded.
"Good. Would you like to eat something?" I nodded
"Alright I will make you something quickly. Are you ready to come to Hogwarts again? You will be staying in your room in Ravenclaw tower but you will report to me every morning. We'll be making up your missed lessons and then you will take your Owls." She went on and on about how I will make up my classes and I just nodded, agreeing
"I know things are hard Hunn but it's time to continue on with life. You will never be the same, I'm not going to lie every single day will be hard. But you can either let your parent's death ruin you or you can let it make you stronger and you can give them something to watch from beyond." I turned around to see her in simple robes and waving her wand around making the food fly and wiz past our heads never once missing its mark. The eggs sizzled and she turned to look at me. "You know what kind of witch they wanted you to be. Now are you going to become that witch?"
Tears slid down my face and I nodded. She rushed forward and hugged me tightly.
"Oh, dear you're making this old woman soft. Don't you dare tell those Weasley twins or you'll have detention with them." She released me and slid the eggs onto a plate in front of me
"Are you packed?" I shook my head no
"I'll take care of that. You eat and shower. You are very ripe my dear worse than that mountain toll two years ago." She wrinkled her nose and laughed
"Professor McGonagall I just received a letter from the twins and I would like to take them up on their offer to spend the summer with them. I think it would be a good change."
"Hmmm you still need to take your O.W.L.S. Do you think you're ready for them now?"
"Yes. I think I am. Could I take them today?"
"Yes, you can if you truly think you're ready. I will pack your things and send a letter to the Weasley's to let them know you'll be on your way soon. Now eat up and shower. I'll do everything else." She turned away and left me to eat
When I was done eating I showered. The water felt amazing running down my skin. The smell left and was replaced with soft lavender and sweetness. I dried off watching the beads of water soak up and disappear. It felt good to be clean. I felt new. The pain was still in my heart and it throbbed frequently, reminding me. I dressed and McGonagall rushed me off into the fire place shouting the name of her office. When we stepped out of the green flames she sat me in her desk and placed my wand next to me. We started my exams immediately. They went for hours nonstop. I went through the motions doing everything as asked and writing my essays as told. I struggled a small bit with divination, never knowing exactly what I was doing, but just feeling my way through the tea leaves and the planet charts. I gave my prediction and wrote it neatly on my parchment.
When the final exam was done, I sank back in my chair and took a deep, deep, breath letting it out slowly. Done, finally done.
"Excellent. You've done so well Ms. Rose-Singer! Tonight, you'll sleep here in your room and tomorrow afternoon you may go to the Weasley's home and spend the remainder of the summer with them." She smiled widely and walked me to Ravenclaw tower.
I walked in alone and when I entered the common space I felt relaxed. Books lines the walls and the deep blue colors were so easy to be lost in. I sat on the couch and sank into the soft velvet. I fell asleep in front of the fire and felt warm, my heart throbbed and hurt, but the edges felt warm soft and tender.
