Sorry about the long break. Guess that's life. Have finally had a chance to sit down.

On with the next chapter!

As always I do not own The Outsiders... just my imagination :)

Chapter 6: Hiding Relief

The nightmares continued their marathon through my head that night, just like the nights before. The only difference was that for once I didn't wake up screaming; instead only jumping out of my skin and waking up in a cold sweat. I rolled over to face the nightstand and saw that it was only 3:10 am. I rubbed my eyes as I sat up, taking a deep breath. My heartbeat was resounding off the walls of my head, and I could feel that familiar itching feeling under my skin. I took a deep breath as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong baby? Can't take what you deserve?" I clenched my fist as I stood up and headed out into the hall, trying to be quiet as it seemed that everyone was asleep. I ducked into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly before opening up the cabinet. I found my life saver tucked in the back, behind a loose piece of wood and then continued my nightly routine. One, two, three, four... it continued until there were 10 new lines of crimson spanning across my forearm and wrist. I took a deep breath as relief took over and I was in a state of complete peace. No voices, no flashbacks, no emotions. Just me and my savior. I rested my head against the side of the tub as I sat on the floor, taking in the coolness of it. So much better, I thought before I heard a light tap on the door.

I looked up for a second, thinking I was hearing things. It was quite possible. But I wasn't so lucky this time. Someone knocked on the door once more, making me realize the position I was in. Dread filled my body from head to toe as I looked back down at my arm still soaked in the sea of crimson. There was a knock again, as someone jiggled the doorknob.

"Shit!" I whispered standing up. "J-just a sec!" I grabbed a few handfuls of toilet paper and tried to clean my mess up. When the majority of the blood was cleaned up, I tossed the toilet paper in the toilet and flushed it. Pulling down my sleeves and pulling myself together as well before I opened the door.

"Hey, sorry. Stomach was bothering me," I whispered as I saw my best friend standing there.

"S'okay man," he mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I quickly moved past him and went back to my room. That was close, I thought to myself as I shut the bedroom door. I need to be more careful. As I moved across the room and near the window, I could see red specks appear across the sleeve of my shirt. I glanced over at Soda before quietly opening the closet door and grabbing an old black hoodie that used to belong to Darry. It was thick enough to absorb the still bleeding wounds and would hide the mess underneath. With that, I managed to lay back down and somehow get some sleep.

xxx

The next morning I woke up later than I usually did. My first sign was the fact that I could only hear the TV, and not Darry telling Soda to hurry up or they'd be late to work. I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my eyes before I noticed I wasn't alone.

"Hey Pone."

I looked up and saw Johnny standing in the doorway.

"Been watching me in my sleep there, Johnny?" I asked half joking as I sat up in bed and he walked in.

He chuckled a little before sitting on the end of my bed. "Nah, just came over to check on you and you just happened to wake up."

"Mhm," I smirked. "What time is it?"

"Bout nine thirty. Dar and Soda left for work about an hour ago."

"Anyone else around?"

"Just me and Two-Bit. Dally was supposed to swing by at some point today."

"Ah okay. Just wondering," I said swinging my legs over the side of the bed and standing up, a little dizzy at first but stood still to balance myself. I shook my head a little before pushing my hair back a bit. I walked over to the dresser to grab some new clothes before turning to go out to the bathroom.

"You okay, Johnny?" I asked as I noticed he was staring at the comforter, almost in a daze.

"Oh, yeah... just thinking was all," he responded shaking himself out of it a little bit.

"Well don't think too hard. Two-Bit will think he's smelling bacon if you keep it up."

He rolled his eyes at me and tossed a pillow at my head, but I dodged it. Instead, I stubbed my foot on the doorframe, causing him to burst out laughing. I shook my head and hobbled into the bathroom to change. I locked the door and shook my head, before setting my clothes down. After taking off my hoodie, I noticed the dark red markings on my skin; the dried blood staining the skin around the cuts from last night. I started the shower and continued taking off the rest of my clothes, noticing the fading bruises still across my skin. My hands clenched into fists automatically as I tried to fight back the flashbacks hitting me like a ton of bricks. "Don't tell anyone." I turned the water up as hot as it could go before stepping into the tub and just letting the water cascade over me. I scoured my skin, still trying to get their hands off of me. Trying to erase their memory, I was easily in there for at least fifteen minutes before I heard a knock on the door. Why can't anyone leave me in peace? I thought to myself as I leaned my head back against the tiled wall. Before I could even say anything, the knocking continued and eventually changed over to a voice, just as loud.

"Ponyboy, you drowning in there?"

"No Two-Bit... be out shortly here."

"Okay you better hurry up. I have to go!

"Yeah, yeah. I'm hurrying," I sighed, shutting off the water. He was gonna be drowning if he didn't stop knocking. I grabbed a towel trying to dry off quicker than I had planned, but placed extra caution around the new wounds, lightly dabbing them so they wouldn't start bleeding again.

I threw my clothes on and attempted to do something with my hair, but it just wasn't cooperating. Eventually I gave up, pulling down my long sleeves before gathering up my clothes as I made my way out of the bathroom and back to my room. "Bathroom's yours Two-Bit!" I hollered as I tossed my clothes to the back of my closet. I heard the bathroom slam as he ran in there. Definitely wasn't a surprise to hear in this house. I peered up in the mirror and saw Johnny laying on the bed with his eyes shut. I quietly went and grabbed the pillow that he had thrown earlier that was still on the ground.

"Comfy sleeping beauty?" I joked as I tossed a pillow at his head.

"Hey! Actually I was till you did that."

I smiled, "Oh well. Sorry, man."

"Whatever," he said rolling up so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed.

"So what's the plan?"

"I dunno. Wanna see if there's anything on TV till Dally comes by?"

"Sure, sounds good to me," I replied, hoping today would be good for once as we made our way out to the living room. But knowing how things have been lately, I had a snowball's chance in hell of that happening. Especially with the words that came out of Two-Bit's mouth as he joined us in the living room.

"Hey, Ponyboy. What's this?"