CHAPTER 7 – FORTRESS OF AWESOME
Barney sat at the table across from Jack and took another sip of his wine.
After lunch at the Four Seasons, they had taken Jack to the Cigar Bar then to play laser tag. By the time they left the laser tag place it was getting dark so they had decided to go for dinner at an upmarket French brasserie in Manhattan.
Robin had just gone to the bathroom while they waited for dessert. Barney knew that it was the best opportunity to see what decision the man had made but his gut told him it would be okay.
Jack's fair complexion was flushed from all the alcohol he had consumed throughout the day. "You know Barney, I am going to approve yours and Robin's application."
Barney set his glass down carefully and waited for Jack to continue.
"I am not a stupid man. I can see that your wedding isn't for all the reasons the two of you claim it is-"
Barney opened his mouth to interject but Jack held up a liberally freckled hand to stop him.
"You're in love with her though, that is clear as glass to me…and she seems to care about you way more than just friends-"
"Bros!" Barney corrected.
"So I'm not going to write about the real reasons for your wedding in my report because… she seems to care about you way more than just bros."
"What makes you so sure?"
"A career of studying people."
"Hmm… so what are the conditions? I too have made a career of reading people."
"Well, I don't know B-Man what do you suggest?"
"You're a Knicks fan, so how about season tickets?"
"I don't know it's not exactly kosher for me to accept anything like that from you."
"Okay Bro, I know what this is…what if I throw in an all expenses paid trip to Vegas for you… and a friend as well?"
"Vegas huh?"
"You can stay in the penthouse suite at the Bellagio. I'm a rich man. You approve our application and I can make it out as a thank you gift."
"Deal!"
"Smart man, holding out for the Bellagio."
Barney picked up his wine and drank the remaining contents. Jack shrugged, his eyes twinkling.
"Yeah well, I knew I had to make you feel like you've pulled out all the stops."
"What do you mean?" Barney poured some more wine into his glass and topped up Jack's as well.
"Well, the only reason I'm doing this is because I kind of want to see you get your girl. There really is something there, but a guy like you and a girl like her need some time... and competition and therapy, but that's besides the point… Look, USCIS guys in my section; we're a bunch of romantics. It'd be nice to see this marriage of convenience work out. It's happened before you know."
"The only reason huh?"
"Okay and why would I pass up Knicks season tickets and Vegas? Usually I get offered a couple hundred dollars or a year's free meals at whatever little restaurant. It's rare for wealthy men to need my help. And you know, I may not be an alpha male but I'm still a man."
Barney processed this and shrugged. "Yeah I get it I guess."
"So you've got a year to make it happen."
"A year?"
"Yeah, after that someone else will be checking up on you guys for the next year. It's policy."
"Huh, a year…"
"Yeah, a year. So you know…make it count, Bro."
"Oh… Our dessert's not here yet!?" Robin complained as she sat back down in her seat. They both jumped but one look at her clueless face told them she hadn't overheard anything.
"No not yet Sparkles. Have some more wine."
"Hmm… so Mr. Johnson we were talking about your lack of a girlfriend…. We have to do something about that! Tonight! Oh we can take you to our bar, Maclarens and be wingmen and get women for you!" Robin clapped her hands in growing excitement, her eyes sparkling under the lights.
Barney smiled at her indulgently. She was totally tipsy.
"Yeah Bro, that's the least we can do. You spent the day awesoming with us, we can't let you go home without a nice piece of strange on your arm!"
Jack blushed furiously, shaking his head.
"Come on! It'll be fun… No wait - it'll be legen- fucking-dary!" Robin exclaimed, positively bouncing in her chair.
"Come on Bro… You're dealing with the best here. We'll get you some strange! And bros don't let other bros down!"
"Strange! Strange! Strange!" Robin chanted encouragingly.
Jack turned a darker shade of red but nodded his head slightly in agreement with their suggestion.
Barney and Robin high-fived each other and shared a triumphant look. Their desserts arrived just then, breaking the connection as everybody turned their attention to their plates.
As Robin finished her last bite of cheesecake, Jack picked up his glass and tapped it gently with his fork.
"This has been one of the most awesome days I've ever had-"
"Bro please… this was the awesomest day you've ever had."
"Okay fine, this is the awesomest day I've ever had. Laser tag was just incredible! Ahem, anyway, I have made my decision, but it has conditions."
Robin looked at Barney nervously. He placed a reassuring hand on her thigh under the table. She covered his hand with her left and squeezed it.
"I'm approving your application but you are definitely going to have to live together because I am going to periodically check on you."
An anticipatory silence descended on the table. Finally, Robin screwed up enough courage to ask the question on both her and Barney's minds, albeit for different reasons.
"Why?"
"Cause those are the rules; once you make a visit you have to make a few more. Since I'm convinced that you guys aren't trying to scam the good folks at USCIS, I won't be visiting you on a weekly or bi-weekly basis but I or someone else at our offices if I am unavailable, will be checking on you."
"Well whatever you gotta do Bro… Robin and I have nothing to worry about or to hide do we baby?"
He squeezed her thigh. Robin leaned in and kissed him. Pulling away she shook her head.
"Of course not. Visit whenever, Bro."
"On that note, let's have some champagne!" Barney called out, signalling a waiter.
Jack's face brightened up and he gave Barney a subtle thumbs up which Barney acknowledged with a brief wink.
"Oh yes! Champagne is definitely in order!" Robin agreed, smiling brightly and clapping her hands together in anticipation.
Jack hadn't given them a total pass but it wouldn't be too bad either. It was kinda fun playing a married couple with Barney, and there was no real harm in it anyway.
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"You've really just come back from a two year secret space launch?"
"Yes, yes he has, that's why he's so pale… and out of step with current fashion!" Robin cut in.
The redhead with the Superman logo tattooed on her lower back was gazing at Jack Johnson with unbridled lust.
"That's so sweet of you guys to take him out on his first night back on Earth, but I think if he really wants to blow some steam he should come home with me," the redhead informed Barney and Robin as they sat next to each other in the booth at the back of Maclaren's.
Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his skull at the redhead's blatant sexual invitation. Barney smiled.
"Go ahead Jessica, take him, he's all yours! If I wasn't married to such a hot lady myself, I'd definitely be trying to get you to take me to your place."
"Yeah he totally would," Robin nodded in amusement.
Her eyes lingered on Barney's face as he grinned mischievously at her. Barney's left arm was around her waist and she was half-sitting on his lap. His right hand was stroking up and down her thigh in a hypnotic, absent-minded motion. She could no longer remember if this was because of their lovey dovey couple schtick or if they had just relaxed into this position. She was too happy about Jack's decision and pleasantly intoxicated to care.
"Okay let me grab my purse," Jessica said, as she speed walked back to her table.
Robin and Barney turned excited faces towards Jack.
"I can't believe this! It worked!" Jack was in complete shock.
"Of course it worked Bro! I'm the greatest wingman ever! And keep that expression on your face it'll make her think she's the best you've ever had."
Robin elbowed him gently.
"Thank you, so much! Both of you, this is really awesome!" Jack gushed impassionedly.
Barney and Robin nodded as Jessica came back to their table and taking Jack's hand pulled him out of his seat.
"Okay guys we're gonna go. Don't wait up for him."
"Go! Go with God you two!" Barney made the papal blessing sign at them.
Robin chuckled as the two of them walked away. She slid her left hand over to Barney's face and cupped his chin. "I'm pretty ready to go myself."
"You are?"
"Oh yeah Stinson. We need to celebrate, so take me home and tap this!"
Barney shot out of the booth and pulled her along with him. They giggled like little kids as they stumbled out into the cold air and flagged a cab back to his place.
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Robin sat on the couch and looked at the picture of her in her veil, that Barney had placed in the living room. She hadn't noticed it earlier when Jack had arrived. She took another sip from her water bottle and critically studied herself. The picture had been taken after the ceremony and it was just her with the lights of Atlantic City twinkling in the background. If she remembered correctly, Karma had taken it. Her veil formed a white gauzy shroud around her face and the camera was softly out of focus lending a dreamy quality to the picture. What had Robin perturbed was that not only was she glowing from a little too much whisky but she actually looked like a bride, who had just married the man of her dreams. How the hell had Karma captured sentiment that wasn't even there? And why was it even bothering her at all?
Barney walked out of the shower and leaned against the door jamb.
"It's a good picture of you. Why are you scowling at it?"
She dropped the frame, startled.
"Christ, Barney, you scared me!"
"Not half as much as you're scaring that picture!"
Robin placed the frame back on the coffee table next to the picture of her with all her dogs.
"It's just weird to see photographic evidence of the AC, you know?"
Barney sat down on the couch next to her and leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling.
"Yeah I guess."
Robin felt an urge to stroke his damp hair back but caught herself before she acted on it. Jack Johnson was at Jessica's getting a happy; there was no need to continue pretending to be that kind of intimate. She curled her hand into a fist and saw the sapphire glinting.
"Nice one getting Mr. Johnson a nightcap, Barney."
Barney smiled. "Well you helped."
"Not really, I was kinda just woo-ing a lot."
"Yeah you were actually."
"Even better, he's gonna approve us."
"Like there was ever any doubt."
Robin's eyes raked his damp, nice smelling form and she gave in the urge to lean into him. Barney brought an arm up around her shoulders and she relaxed against him, also staring up at the ceiling now.
"So we've got a quarter of my stuff here and a closet full of new clothes."
"And we have to live together."
They sat there in silence for a few minutes.
"How do you feel about having a roommate?"
"Well… you won't be a roommate seeing as you'll have your own room."
"You know what I mean!" She punched his arm lightly.
"Yeah I do, no, it's cool. I told you that you could depend on me and I wouldn't let you down."
"I know Barney and thank you, but I feel like it's a lot to ask. It was supposed to be temporary and now we have to keep this up for like two years."
"Robin, it's you! And it's me! Neither one of us are planning on settling down anytime soon so what does it matter?"
"We're gonna have to keep on lying to the rest of the group… I think I'm gonna end up feeling kinda bad."
"So what, you don't feel bad already?"
"No, not really."
"Yeah me too."
They chuckled a little at this.
"Seriously Barney, do you think we can do this and keep it a secret?"
"Oh Canada… you and I are Mr and Mrs Awesome not only in name and reputation but officially too… We can totally do this. And come on admit it, we are far more evolved than our lovable friends, so yes I don't think it'll be a problem keeping this a secret. It's gonna be fun!" Barney jiggled her shoulder as he spoke then sat up to look her straight in the eyes.
She sat up too and after a few seconds of hesitation she leaned in and hugged him - his enthusiasm was contagious. Pulling away slightly, her arms still around his neck, she looked into his eyes and smiled.
"Yeah you're right, it will be fun! 'Sides you've soundproofed your walls so it's not like I'm gonna be kept up or you'll be kept up if we bring someone home."
Barney's grin grew even wider, "Oh I will be kept up if I bring someone home! Besides, we've got this great no strings attached sex thing going on too! This is gonna be the awesomest bro pad of all time."
"Yeah it will!" Robin leaned in without thinking and kissed him.
Barney's lips met hers, and he pulled her closer. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he pulled off his towel, with her in his bathrobe it was very easy to work under it. She moaned softly as he entered her.
"Come on, let's go christen our bed again," he whispered into her ear as he rocked his hips back and forth in long, gentle strokes.
"Okay later, right now… oh… don't stop," Robin gasped sinking her teeth into his shoulder.
Barney chuckled softly; this was going to be awesome!
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"Ted we need to talk," Robin started off.
Ted was teasing his hair into his usual hairstyle before he set out for work; Robin was wearing a knee-length figure hugging, white wool dress with a cowl neck. It was one of the items of clothing Barney had not only chosen but had bought for her yesterday.
"Okay sure! Where've you been? I haven't seen you since yesterday morning after your really late night. Let me guess, you went to his place instead this time?"
Robin set her handbag down on the red sofa and put her hands on her hips.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about actually."
Ted stopped fiddling with his hair and turned to face her. This looked serious.
"What's up?"
"Okay you know how we were hooking up a couple weeks ago and it was threatening to screw everything up?"
"Yeah, but that's behind us now!"
"Yeah for now… and to be honest I think it's a little weird, living here with you without a buffer zone or a referee. Especially when I want to bring someone home-"
"I've never stopped you from bringing someone home!"
"Not directly you haven't no, but your eyes and your actions say otherwise Ted."
"Robin what are you saying? What do you want me to do?"
"I'm moving out."
Ted's face fell. He scratched the back of his head and shrugged, not knowing what else to do. Robin looked at the floor and started to play with her hands. It was only then that she realized she still had Barney's wedding ring on her finger. Her eyes flew over to Ted but he was too busy staring at his feet, and she quickly slipped the ring off her finger, holding it tightly in her right fist.
"Where are you gonna go? It's not like you've gotten paid yet."
"I'm gonna go to Barney's apartment."
"Barney!? Is this a joke? There is no way he will let you move into the 'Fortress of Barnitude.' Women who aren't one night stands are illegal immigrants there!"
Robin bit her lip but couldn't stop herself, "Actually it's going to be known as the Fortress of Awesome from now on and there will be at least one other legal citizen there: me."
Ted frowned at her, in confusion. "You're serious about this aren't you?"
"Yes I am… and I'm moving out today."
"Does Barney know you're moving in with him or are you just gonna pull a Lily?" Ted asked sceptically.
"He knows. He's not exactly thrilled but he'll come round to it."
Ted smiled. "Okay, but in two weeks time when he kicks you out, know that your room is still your room."
Robin started to shake her head but stopped herself. "I think it'll be okay but thanks anyway Ted."
He leaned in to hug her but Robin chose that moment to step away and walk to her room, preoccupied with hiding the ring before she accidentally dropped it or did something equally stupid.
Ted watched her go with a frown on his face. There was something different about Robin but he couldn't put his finger on what it was just yet.
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Barney sat in his office and stared at the photo album of his marriage to Robin. Heloise had helpfully emailed him the virtual version because apparently online wedding albums were all the rage these days.
He still couldn't get used to the fact that not only did he have a real wife but that woman was Robin Scherbatsky. How the hell had that actually happened? And what was he going to do about his feelings for her? Initially when he had thought that she would be living at the apartment he had believed he could handle it, but now he was realizing that she was going to be there, in his personal space, everyday…tainting everything to the point that when this charade came to an end he was probably going to have to sell the place and every piece of furniture to even begin to get over her.
The page loaded to a picture of him and Robin blowing cigar rings towards Karma who had taken most of the pictures. If he had to give anybody a poster to advertise Barney and Robin this would be it. The only thing wrong with the picture was that she still had her veil on so he couldn't show it to the rest of the gang. But he could send them to James. Oh God James! He hadn't been to see his brother in three weeks which was highly unusual. He was always at the house once or twice a week. He reached over for his cell phone and called his brother.
"Hey Bro! I know, I know I'm sorry. I'm an asshole!"
"Barnaby Stinson, you've got a lot of nerve calling me and acting as if you didn't drop a bombshell on me about you and Robin getting married then never call me back or explain!"
"I'm sorry James. It all happened so fast and I didn't and don't know where to start."
"How 'bout the beginning?"
"Hmm, why don't I tell you in person?"
"Uh huh, when?"
"This Sunday, when I come over?"
"So you're not gonna tell me anymore than that until then?"
"Nooo... I'll tell you on Sunday, when I come over, we just went over this!"
"Okay, little brother you wanna play it like that then fine. Tom, Ralph and I will be expecting you two at noon on Sunday then."
"Ahh… I don't think I'll be bringing Robin-"
"Oh you're gonna bring her alright!"
"But James, it's kind of a secret that we got married and nobody's supposed to know."
"Good thing I'm not anybody then… did you tell Mom?"
"NO! And you're not gonna either!"
"Okay, okay, then I guess that puts Ted Mosby knowing in the realm of impossibility too right?"
"Oh God no, Ted, Marshall and Lily know nothing about this and they're not gonna under any circumstances James!"
"None of your friends know the two of you upped and got married, huh? I am totally intrigued now. Well, if you want me to keep my mouth shut then you know what you have to do, right?"
Barney sighed in exasperation, why had he told James?
"Barney!?"
"I have to bring Robin with me on Sunday."
"For starters, yes. My silence is not going to come cheap."
"James, you're my brother! How can you extort me like this?"
"Serves you right for not telling me everything straight off the bat. And you're lucky that you finally called me back - I was about to call Ted and find out if you and Robin had flown off somewhere on your honeymoon."
Barney felt his stomach drop to his feet and tiny beads of sweat pop out on his upper lip. That would have perfectly fucked everything up!
"Then I guess that was really close… listen James I gotta go, I'll see you on Sunday, okay?"
"Yep, Sunday brunch it is!"
"Alright, give Ralph a high-five for me and remember you're not to tell anyone!"
"My lips are currently sealed. Love you man, bye!"
Barney put the phone down and stared at the screen unseeing as Jack Johnson's words came back to him from last night. As far as making some headway on getting Robin he supposed brunch at James and Tom's would either make or break them. His heart clenched in apprehension. How was he going to get Robin to come with him? And was he really going to try and get Robin?
His phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and couldn't help the smile that broke out; Robin.
"What's up Scherbatsky?"
"Hey Barney, just wanted you to know that I've pretty much moved all my stuff in now."
"Already!?"
"Yeah… is that a problem?"
"No, of course not! I just didn't think you'd have told Ted already seeing as you left my-our apartment just this morning."
"Ted hasn't called you?"
"No, why would he?"
"Cause I told him this morning just before he left for work that I was moving out and going to live with you."
"You did what!?"
"I couldn't exactly just move out and not say where I was going now could I?!"
Barney's heart was racing; Ted knew Robin was moving in with him!? His left arm started to ache dully as it was prone to do when he was very tired or stressed since the bus accident. He jiggled it absentmindedly.
"Barney!?"
"I'm here, I'm just thinking about how to spin this."
"I don't think you-we need to spin anything. It's fine. He's okay with it."
"He is?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm… then why didn't he call me after you guys spoke?"
"I don't know. Maybe 'cause he's busy?"
"Huh… okay, well I'm almost done here. I'll meet you at the bar in about forty-five minutes?"
"Yeah that sounds great, I'll see you there. Bye!"
Barney stared at the phone for a few seconds before he slid it in his pocket. He knew Robin and he knew Ted, better than they knew themselves even. There was some other aspect of this that she hadn't told him and Ted not calling him showed that his bro was troubled and maybe mad at him.
He shut down his computer and got ready to leave the office wondering how to handle this.
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Barney walked into MacLaren's to see Lily and Ted sitting at their usual booth. They looked like they were deep in conversation.
"Hey guys! What are we talking about?"
"Barney!" Lily exclaimed excitedly.
"Hey Barney," Ted said softly.
Barney slid into the booth next to Lily and shrugged off his overcoat. He also undid one button on his suit jacket.
"We were just talking about the latest group development actually," Lily said with a searching look.
"Huh." Barney said mysteriously as Wendy set a double gin and tonic in front of him and another beer for both Ted and Lily.
Ted looked at Barney expectantly and Lily was practically vibrating out of her seat as she waited for Barney to elaborate. He didn't, choosing to take a sip of his drink instead. Lily smacked him on the arm.
"You and Robin living together!?"
"Robin and I living together? Where did you get that Lily?"
"From Ted who got it from Robin!"
Ted nodded in agreement, looking at Barney with a confused expression, "You do know Robin is moving in with you right?"
Barney frowned thoughtfully then, shutting one eye as if just remembering, he smacked his forehead. "Oh yeah, we are! Is that today?"
Ted and Lily shook their heads at him, writing it off as Barney just being Barney. An unspoken tension seemed to dissipate immediately.
"Yeah Barney it is. Robin came in this morning and told me she was moving out. Why didn't you tell me?"
Barney tilted his head to the right a little, studying Ted.
"Dude I've got a lot going on, what with the Venezuelans and the North Koreans, I forget some of the smaller stuff you know?"
"Well, Ted says he went up to the apartment before coming down here and all her stuff is gone."
Ted shook his head and smiled ironically, "You know I bet she hasn't even moved in to your place Barney… you know how secretive Robin can be right?"
"Oh no, she did ask if she could move in with me and I begrudgingly said yes… and besides if she wasn't moving in with me where the hell else would she be going?"
"Well, there is that guy she came home with two nights ago… they were so into each other they didn't even see me going into the bathroom," Ted volunteered.
Barney choked on his drink. "What guy?"
Lily thumped him on the back.
"I don't know. Some Benjamin Bratt lookalike she brought back to the apartment two nights ago. He left around 6:30 yesterday morning while I was having my breakfast. I even made him a cup of coffee."
Barney felt the blood in his face drain away. "Benjamin Bratt… seriously?"
It was all he could manage but it was enough to get Ted talking about how the guy had seemed reasonably intelligent. He was a personal trainer apparently. Lily made a joke about how he would be able to work out all the kinks in Robin's body but Barney was lost in a fog of jealous anger. Luckily, Marshall arrived just then and sat down next to Ted, bringing a welcome reprieve from the subject matter.
"Hey bro, didn't see you after lunch today. Tina said you were swamped."
"Who's Tina?" Ted asked.
"Barney's secretary. She looks like a model and wears really tight-fitting designer suits. Half the male staff members have a thing for her," Marshall supplied helpfully.
"Yeah you did," Ted said fist-bumping Marshall.
"Had to," Marshall replied.
"Barney are you okay?" Lily asked solicitously.
"Of course I am why wouldn't I be? Just thinking about work, but let's forget about that!"
"So how about a housewarming party at your apartment!?" Lily suggested excitedly.
Barney's eyebrow shot up.
"Oh yeah, dude that would be so awesome! We could actually take this party over there right now when Robin gets here… unless it's a scam and you guys really haven't moved in together-"
"Of course we've moved in together. Why would that be a scam?" Robin intoned as she pulled up a chair to sit at the end of the table.
There was a chorus of 'Robin!' from the rest of the group. Barney was quiet, studying her as he tried to understand how she could have gone home with a Benjamin Bratt lookalike then spent the whole day making googly eyes at him yesterday.
"Hey Roomie!" Robin chirped happily.
"Hey Scherbatsky," Barney reciprocated with the same chirp. It rang fake only to his ears.
"So you guys have really moved in together? When did you decide this?" Marshall asked.
"Uh… I don't know a couple of days ago. I've been really spaced with work stuff which is why it had slipped my mind."
"Barney are you going to be able to handle an illegal immigrant in the Fortress of Barnitude?" Lily teased.
Barney gave her a withering look.
"Actually Lil it's going to be known as the Fortress of Awesome from now on," Robin corrected.
The whole table oohed and ahhed in appreciation of the new name. Barney smiled his most blinding and charming smile.
"Yeah well if the Fortress is gonna change up it's gonna change up right! Robin likes Scotch, smokes cigars, sleeps around like a true Bro – unlike you Ted – and she can sack up with the best of 'em."
"You got the sleeping around part right," Marshall added.
"Hey!" Robin protested.
Marshall gave her an apologetic smile and she grinned back at him.
"But what about the day to day living together stuff, how do you know if you two will be compatible?" Lily asked.
"Well, I've got quite a bit of traveling to do these next couple of months so I'll barely be there anyway."
Everyone including Robin turned to Barney, who held up a hand.
"Its work stuff. You guys know I can't talk about it."
"But you're a bank manager now, how-"
"That's what you guys think. Now enough about work. Let's talk about Robin's Benjamin Bratt lookalike!"
Everyone turned to Robin and started to tease her good-naturedly. Robin coloured under all the attention and stubbornly made herself meet Barney's unreadable eyes.
"There's nothing to tell. I met him two nights ago and he came upstairs with me."
"Yeah you did!" Barney said, holding his fist out for a bump.
Robin obliged, masking her confusion at his reaction.
"And, are you going to see him again? Ted says he's a personal trainer."
"How'd you know that?"
"I made him coffee before he left yesterday morning."
"Oh, that's why he said thanks for the coffee in his text message. I thought it was a euphemism."
"Well? Are you going to see him again?" Lily pressed.
"What? No! Maybe… I don't know."
"He seemed like a really nice guy," Ted offered.
Robin frowned, and took a deep a breath, finding it easier to meet Ted's eyes than Barney's, "I wouldn't really know. We didn't do much talking."
"Uh oh, did he not rock your boat?" Barney asked knowingly.
"Umm… it's kind of a blur, really but I guess I could go out for dinner with him and see, right?" Robin addressed the space just in front of Barney's nose.
Barney downed the rest of his gin and tonic and shrugged. "It's totally up to you but if the sex didn't make an impression through the drunken blur I'd say you already know all you need to know."
"I disagree."
"You would Mosby."
"It is totally possible that Robin could go out on a date with him and have sex with him again and realize he's rocked her world."
Lily and Marshall nodded in agreement. Barney signaled Wendy to bring him another drink. Then resting his elbows on the table he leaned forward.
"Kids let me impart with you some knowledge…"
The whole table groaned good-naturedly but leaned in to hear what Barney had to say.
He smiled to himself smugly. They would never guess how much this subject-matter was killing him. If Robin wanted to play hardball though, he'd be more than happy to oblige.
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