A/N Incase you are wondering , in the month Bella did sleep with Jason. She has done Weed Coke and Meth. Chapter 7 I got home and removed my blade from my pocket. "You're never leaving my sight" I muttered to myself. There was too much excitement that happened today and I was still a bit nervous to go to Mikes so I can it across my wrist and let my mind wander. Which was a terrible idea because soon it lead to him and even though I hated him it still hurt. Eventually I remembered the meadow and how wonderful it was. That was where he first kissed me. His ice cold lips crushed onto mine. It was the definition of perfection. The knife in my chest did a 360 then deepened through my heart. I gasped out in pain. I reached for my blade and used more pressure then ever before. My arm looked like it was going to fall off. But it felt so good. I ran to the bathroom to try and wash it our and stop the bleeding. When it wouldn't stop I knew that it was going to need stitches. Panic flooded through my body. They were going to find out! Everyone was! Charlie believed that I fell at school and that's why I needed the bandage. Everything was ruined! But what if I stitched it myself? I started running around the house looking for the suing (A/N I'm not sure that is correct spelling?). I tripped and stumbled many times until I found it. I got everything ready and I began to stitch my arm up. I braced myself for pain but once again it didn't come. It was like I was just cutting myself. I was nothing but numb. This was going to be the perfect feeling for Mike. I left a note for Charlie saying that I was going to Angela's house (he didn't know about my new friends because I didn't think he would like them. He had arrested them multiple times) I got in my truck and drove to school. I saw Mike arguing with Jess so I pulled up beside them, lit a smoke and said "Mike you ready?" he looked at Jess then at me and bit his lip "Umm… Yeah, Okay lets get going" "Jessica's mouth went in the shape of and O as she watech mike drive out of the parking lot, with me fallowing him. I was still extremely numb when we got to Mikes house. I was surprised I could even drive. We walked into his house and he lead me to his room. I started to take me shirt off. The usual routine "Bella can we talk for a sec?" he asked nervously "Yeah what about?" "What has happened to you?" "What the fuck do you mean?" what the hell kinda question was that? "You're so different now, doing drugs, smoking…" he really did sound concerned. But he shouldn't be. So I placed a finger on his lips "Shhh" "But Bell…What about Jason? What if he finds out?" "Don't worry he knows I'm here…and what a I'm doing" I started to unbutton his shirt. "He's okay with it?" "Yes now hush" and I silenced him with a kiss I pushed him down on the bed and crawled ontop of him unbuttoning the rest of his shirt as he pulled mine off. I pulled my mouth away from his and kissed his neck "Bella I can't do this" "I think you can" I said still kissing his neck I slid my hands down to take his pants off but his hands stopped me. He rolled over so that I was off him and he got up and started to pace the room. It was only now that I saw him with only Jeans on that I realized he had really been working out. "Have you been working out? You look really good Mike" I said He ignored me and continued to pace. After 5 minutes I spoke again "Alright what's wrong?" "UGH! I'm looking at you Bella with just a Bra and some shorts on and it looks like I could crush you! You really don't realize how much weight you have lost" It didn't matter how numb I was he crossed the line "OH MY GOD! Not this AGAIN Mike! I'm FINE but if you don't want this…" "Don't want this? I have wanted this since the first day I met you" "Then stop worrying" He came over to the bed and we started up again. *** I was putting the rest of my clothes on while Mike watched on the bed. "see you next Friday I called as I left the room" I was halfway home when all the numbness was gone and the pain came back. I started to cry. I was breaking my promise to him. Even though he broke all of his. I didn't realize how much I missed him. Realizing this made me hate him even more. I finally made it home I was glad that Charlie was still not here. Must be at Billy's I thought. I ran to my room and tripped over the floor board. It came out and flew across the floor with me. When I went to put it back in something caught me eye. All of my presents from my birthday, including the pictures of me and Edward. The knife in my chest deepened and tears began flowing out .i was glad that I now always kept my blade in my pocket. I took it out and ran it across me arm. But I was still hurting so I did it again and again but none of them were deep enough. So I used all my strength and ran it across my wrist I knew that this would need stitches again. But I wanted it. I sat there for a minute letting the blood flow out. After that I looked for my needle and thread to stitch my arm back up. It felt so good when I was numb. Only when I gave myself stitched could I think about him. But this time instead of memories of him I thought about killing him. He did this to me. And I hated him with every fibre of my being. "Bella you home?" Charlie called "Yeah I'll start dinner in a minute" I wrapped my arm back up and headed downstairs. "Wanna just have Kraft dinner?" he asked "Sure dad" I hated dinner it was the only time I had to eat. Even though I just threw it up later I could never get all of it. Charlie was eyeing me the whole time I was cooking. Did he actually think I didn't know how to cook Kraft dinner? I was finally done I sat down Charlie eying me again and said "We need to talk." "About what?" I said nervously "Bella it looks like you have lose 25 pounds!" Anger flooded through me. I couldn't imagine how angry I would have been if I wasn't so numb. "Dad I'm Fine!" I tried to calm down. Anger wouldn't win this fight. I tried again "Seriously I am. You see hoe much I eat a dinner" which I hated to admit, was a lot. Once I got eatint it was hard for me to stop. "Then how are you losing so much weight?" he really was worried "My Metabolism is probably speeding up" "You're right… I'm sorry" wow he actually believed that? "it's okay you're just being a good dad" I said smiling We started eating and I decided not to throw up tonight. Just in case he would wake up and find out. After dinner I went straight to bed
