VII – The Planning

Not surprisingly, Igraine's tactics were quite persuasive. After Merlin left her chamber that morning, his thoughts were dominated by Igraine's suggestion regarding Morgan. The thought of using his power was tantalizing. The thought of demonstrating his dominance over Morgan was enticing. Even though chivalry was not generally Merlin's style, the thought of avenging the attempted murder of his Lady was tempting. And all could be said to be in done in the name of protecting Arthur and Camelot. The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that he not only could accomplish this task, but he should do it. Now quite interested in the idea that Morgan's pregnancy be ended indirectly, Merlin decided to abandon his plans to ride out with Arthur's men that day. He strode purposefully through the great hall, collected a few instruments, tools, and a loaf of bread, and made his way down into the nadirs of Camelot to his secret room.

Igraine watched him from the balcony overlooking the great hall and smiled smugly to herself. She knew where he was going. He was going to think and scheme and plan. And she would leave him alone—at least for a while—to allow him to flesh out the outline of the plan she had proposed to him. But Igraine decided she would not leave him alone for more than a day. She had seen what being alone in that room with only his obsessive thoughts and cryptic drawings could do to him. She had no intention of letting him slip back into that state after he had come so far in terms of his humanity in the past weeks. As much as she desired to feed off of his power, and as much as she wanted to crush Morgan, Igraine cared deeply for Merlin. She certainly did not want this mission to damage him.

"You look concerned," Guinevere said walking up beside Igraine and looking out over the great hall in the direction that Merlin had gone. "Who are you watching for?" she asked.

Igraine turned to Guinevere, smiled, and placed her hand on the young woman's forearm. "Please Guinevere, I promise I will tell you what you long to know in time. But right now I have no such authority. Please understand."

"There is only one man who would warrant such secrecy," Guinevere said, "and I have seen the way you watch him—and the way he watches you. I did not think anything of it until this morning. When I thought about it, I realized that you have been his only confidant in Camelot. Now you are apparently much more than that. I only hope you do not have to hide it forever." Guinevere smiled, gently removed Igraine's hand from her arm and walked down the hallway.


Merlin secured the door behind him and surveyed the state of his room. He had not been here since using his power to save Igraine. It both thrilled and terrified him to recall the amount of power he summoned and harnessed to accomplish that feat. "A worthy use," he reminded himself. The room was in disarray. Merlin really could not recall what he had put himself through in the seven days that he had spent there. He must have come to after saving Igraine, retreated to his room, and eventually blacked out again before finally regaining full consciousness. He slowly walked around the room trying to determine what he had been up to in those seven days. Everything he saw made him think about using his magic, and that thought excited him far more than it ever had in the recent past. He had not actively plotted to use his power in the last ten years. Of course he had summoned it for various purposes during that time, but each time he had used it, it was a spur of the moment decision—never premeditated. Now, the mere thought of using his power was stirring the very depths of his sole.

Merlin couldn't make any sense out of the various drawings and symbols he had left the last time he was there, so he gathered them filed them away. Perhaps someday he would come to realize their meaning so he did not want to destroy them, but he preferred to start thinking about the Morgan problem with a clear head. Having cleared the room of all distractions, Merlin began to pace, thinking, working things out in his head, and pausing to record his thoughts now and then. As the day wore on, Merlin became more and more focused on his plot and, as a result, more and more aroused by the thought that soon he would use his magic. His relatively simple plan was to transform himself into the form of one of Morgan's servants and to slip substances known to cause miscarriage into her food and drink. The only uncertainty in his plan was that Merlin had never transformed himself into another form before. Most of his thoughts that night were devoted to divining a way to do so safely. It was dangerous and took great control—even Morgan had not yet mastered the skill and she had much practice. However, the pleasure Merlin felt from the mere thought of summoning his power to accomplish this end put him in a state of euphoria—a feeling matched only by the state of ecstasy he achieved after most of his encounters with Igraine. It prevented him from worrying about the danger involved in his plan.


By the next morning, Merlin was so stimulated from plotting and planning that he was seriously considering summoning his power to do something—anything—to get some relief. A knock at his door distracted him from the thought momentarily. He went to peer through one of the cracks and saw that it was Igraine. He sighed, relieved. First, he would not have tolerated anyone else, and second, there was more than one way to gain relief from his highly aroused state.

"Merlin," she said softly, expecting the worst. "Let me in."

The door flew open. Igraine looked into Merlin's eyes and saw that he was alert and lucid. In fact she saw something more. There was fire in his eyes. But it was not the same fire she had become accustomed to seeing when they were together. This fire was not for her, and she was surprised and a little frightened when he advanced on her without a word—not bothering to ask her for permission and handling her more roughly than he ever had before. But the moment he touched her, she felt his energy pouring into her. It was far stronger than it ever had been and she immediately became intoxicated by it. She would have given him anything he wanted in that moment to keep him near her. All other thoughts left their minds as Igraine received her fix and simultaneously satisfied Merlin's urgent need for relief.

It was only after he was finished and had separated himself from her and she was coming down from her own high that she fully appreciated the source of his odd behavior and the accompanying incredible power she received. She realized this was the beginning of the answer to her question about how strong the power could be if Merlin actually used his magic, and it was dangerously addictive. Igraine wondered if the normal level of energy he fed her would be satisfy her after experiencing this. The only way to ensure this heighted state of power was to keep him focused on the Morgan problem. So she encouraged him to continue working on the plan to take down Morgan and promised to return later that evening to check on him.