Discussing my impending death with the Careers made it more real than it had been before. Now, I'm ducked In a hallway, outside the cafeteria, leaning my head against the wall. Until now, I hadn't had a chance to think it through this much. It doesn't change my plans, but it does make me regret not living my life to the fullest. I should have talked to Katniss when I had the chance, back in District 12. I should have tried to repair my relationship with my mother, even if I'd fail. I should have enjoyed my life more instead of coasting through it. All of a sudden my chest is tight, and I'm dizzy. The confinement of the building is getting to me, and I decide I want to go up to the roof.

The air is not as chilly as it was the other night. It has a kind of sweet essence to it, I don't know if maybe it's because this is the last night I'll be able to take in and enjoy. The next few nights, I'll be fighting for my life, then when I've done all I can, I'll take my last breath. Down below, there is music blaring and Capitol citizens eating, drinking, and dancing. I still don't understand how they think of all this as some sort of holiday. It surely isn't for us. I hear footsteps behind me and I immediately know who it is, but I don't say anything. If she wants to talk, she will. Though I do expect her to try to sneak back to her room. I hear more footsteps, and I figure she is leaving, but instead, she speaks.

"You should be getting some sleep." I should. I decide to make a snide comment about the party down below. "I didn't want to miss the party. It's for us, after all."

"Are they in costumes?"

"Who could tell? With all the crazy clothes they wear here. Couldn't sleep either?"

"Couldn't turn my mind off."

"Thinking about your family?"

"No. All I can do is wonder about tomorrow. Which is pointless, of course." She notices the way my arms are folded, careful not to bring pain to my injured hands. "I really am sorry about your hands."

"It doesn't matter, Katniss, I've never been a contender in these Games anyway." She automatically assumes I just gave up from the start, but what I really meant was I just never planned to live. I have other plans. "That's no way to be thinking."

"Why not? It's true. My best hope is not to disgrace myself, and…" I think of telling her, "and protecting you..." but I remember that I can't do that. So instead, I say, "I don't know how to say it exactly. Only… I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?" I sure hope it does to her, because it doesn't to me. She shakes her head and I have to come with something quick. Then I remember my dad telling me, "You're not just a pawn in their games." It reminded me that I must go out showing Panem why these games are wrong. "I don't want them to change me in there. Turn in to some kind of monster that I'm not."

"Do you mean you won't kill anyone?"

"When the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everyone else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to… to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their games."

"But you're not. None of us are. That's how the games work."

"Okay, but within that framework, there's still you, there's still me. Don't you see?"
"A little. Only…no offense, but who cares, Peeta?"Okay, so Katniss is smart. That I know for sure, but when it comes to me, she is dense. It's obvious how I feel, but no matter how I act or what I say, she still doesn't notice.

"I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" I look deep into her eyes and try to muster up a little anger, to show her I'm serious. She steps away from me. "Care about what Haymitch said. Stay Alive." This bothers me and soothes me at the same time. It's frustrating to see how she really doesn't get it. Then, it's soothing to know she must care about me, at least a little bit, to tell me to stay alive even though she knows only one of us leaves the arena. I don't mean to say it, but I say, "Okay, thanks for the tip, sweetheart." It brings a smile to my face knowing that she is going to be slightly offended by that name. I have to admit it is a little fun to mess with her. Her reply is harsh. "Look, if you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble death in the arena, that's your choice. I want to spend mine in District 12." Oh, don't worry, you will. I'll do my best to be sure of that. "Wouldn't surprise me if you do. Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?" She gets up to leave, and tells me, "Count on it."

After she leaves, I don't hold back my frustration. How badly I wanted to tell her that I wasn't lying about what I said in the interview. I wanted to tell her that her survival meant more to me than my own. I had the perfect opportunity, too. Up here all alone, under the stars, the sweet smelling air… Still, I couldn't, not if I wanted to keep her alive. I picked up a rock and threw it over the edge of the roof, but then it bounced off the forcefield and lunged back at me. I ducked. I am a prisoner.

In the morning, I'm looking forward to seeing her one more time at breakfast, but it doesn't happen. I'm woken by Portia knocking on my door. "Let's go." We go up to the roof, and there is a hovercraft there. I'm last to board, she tells me. All tributes ride in the same hovercraft to the arena. A woman places a tracker chip inside my arm, making a face when she sees the massive cut on my hand under the bandage. The ladder ascends, and then I'm in a large room with seats on the sides, and a small buffet in the middle for us all to eat. I sit in my assigned seat, across from Katniss, but she doesn't make eye contact with me, so I assume she has nothing to say. After we eat, we all go to our seats on the walls of the hovercraft. Dawn is coming over the horizon, and I realize this is the last time I will see the Dawn.

Time flies in the hovercraft, and soon, we are at the launch rooms. I go into mine and the only one to follow me in is Portia. There is a round metal disc in the center, which is what I will stand on to be brought into the arena. I'm told to go shower, and do as I'm told. This is the last time I'll be in a hot shower, so I take my time. I desperately want to go back to three days prior and take advantage of the shower in my room with all the buttons. But if I'm wishing, I may as well wish for the games to be cancelled and the tributes sent home, but that won't happen. When I come out, the clothes are already there, waiting for me. I dress in the outfit. It's a brown and green outfit, which is good, you know, for camouflage. Then there is a thin black jacket that's made to reflect body heat. At least the Capitol didn't give us all neon colored light clothes.

Portia sits next to me on the couch while we wait for launch. My head is in my hands, and Portia's hand is on my back, moving in a circular motion. She reminds me of my brother Riley, so desperately wanting to comfort me but having no words. I sit straight up and reach out to hug Portia. She returns the hug, and I think I see a gleam in her eye, signaling emotion. "How many tributes have you had?"

"You're the first." I want to ask her if she's sad to see me go, but it would be pointless. Neither answer would help me feel better. We are called. I stand in the middle of the disc and look at Portia. She has a hand over her mouth, and one over her heart, and my unasked question was answered. I wonder how she is going to deal with this same situation for years to come. Maybe, after a few years of tributes, she'll become immune to the pain, then maybe start to enjoy it, like the rest of the stylists seem to. My disc begins to rise, and soon, I'm standing in the middle of a barren desert.

It's not too big, maybe a square mile. Then, to my left, there's a tall forest, and I know immediately that that is where Katniss will dart to. To my right, there's a steep incline, and I can't really see what's behind it. In front of the forest is a small lake, and to my northeast is the Cornucopia. I was instructed to carry as many supplies out of the Cornucopia to the nearest water source as soon as possible. I take a quick glance over at the thing: There are plenty of supplies inside, and just a few things lining the outside. Then, I notice a small, silver, bow and quiver with arrows. I immediately look in Katniss' direction. She is eyeing it, I knew it. Although my deal with the careers will keep her safe from them for awhile, the other tributes may try to kill her if she attempts to grab a weapon. She received an 11 from the gamemakers, and though the tributes don't know how, if they see her reach for the bow, they'll know she is a prime archer. I shake my head as soon as I catch eye contact with her. Then I use my head and nod to the forest, trying desperately to tell her that's where she needs to go, right away. She looks to the forest, then to me, then to the Cornucopia, and she is weighing her options; but she doesn't have much time. The gong goes off, and tributes begin scrambling towards the cornucopia.

As I'm running towards the opening of it, I see Katniss running for the bow and arrows. But she got off to a slow start, maybe because she wasn't sure what to do. She realizes she won't have enough time to reach the bow and arrows without someone trying to kill her, so instead she grabs a bright orange backpack and takes off to the forest. I desperately hope she knows how to camouflage that. It practically screams "I'm over here!". I reach the cornucopia and grab a big box that is labeled "Dried food", and carry it near the lake. Cato has got a boy from district 3, guarding the lake and what I put down as supplies. I run back and see Clove throwing knives at Katniss, and I'm infuriated. This wasn't part of the deal! I'm about to run towards her when I see Cato grab her arms, preventing her from running towards Katniss to try again, since the only thing she managed to hit the first time was the backpack. I don't have time to hear them arguing, now that Katniss is safe, I focus only on my job to collect supplies.

During my runs to the Cornucopia and back, I'm only targeted twice, most tributes are near the cornucopia. But, a boy from District 4, I think, tries to stab me with a knife he picked up, and I deflect it with the box I'm holding. The knife sticks in the box, and I pull it out and hold it up to kill him. Then I see he really is just a boy, no more than thirteen. He's also rather short and when I see the terror in his eyes, I can't bring myself to kill him. I nod in the direction of the steep incline and he runs toward it, only to have his head bashed in by a tall guy from district 11. Then he hits the ground, dead. Then, the same one makes a run for me. I know I can't outfight this guy. I try though. I take the knife and try to stab him in his arm with it, but he bends it back and it grazes mine. Not too deep, but deep enough for blood to flow pretty easily. Then, he tries to knock me out. He kicks my shin, and then punches me twice in the face, which I fall down from. I try to get up, but I see he is taking off now. The other careers are running towards me, they scared him off. The girl from 4 helps me up. "Are you okay?" She asks me. Before I can answer, the much less empathic Cato asks, "Can you still do your job?" I just nod.

I do my best not to look at the others dying, just focus on doing my job. Finally, most tributes have either hidden somewhere in the field below or in the forest, or are lying on the ground, dead. The food and other supplies are stacked high, and the girl from district 4, one of the careers, runs over to me. "Is that all?"

"All I could grab. The rest is just little knick knacks we don't really need."

"Start purifying water." I hated being commanded like this, but I have to listen. She drapes a rope she found over the supplies, and gives a nod to the boy from District 3. "There's only a few left, and Cato, Clove, Glimmer and Marvel have them, no problem. Go ahead and do your thing." I start wondering what his "thing" is. Then I see him head over to the discs we were brought in on. He brings them over, one by one, and I watch him while I'm purifying the water. He somehow strings them together and reactivates them by messing with the wires inside. Anyone who tries to steal food or other supplies will be blown to bits. Kind of gross, actually.

Hours later, the boy has taught us all how to navigate the trap he set up, so that we can get to the supplies. We eat and fill up on water. Cato tells me Clove didn't know the girl was Katniss, she just saw her back. I don't really care. I was pissed earlier, but now that Katniss is up in some tree somewhere, I'm not worried about it. They won't find her. The national anthem plays, and we look up to the sky. The Capitol seal shows, and they announce the dead tributes. The girl from District 3, the boy who tried to kill me from 4, the boy from 5, both from 6 and 7, boy from 8, both from 9, the girl from 10. There are 13 of us left.

The fact that Katniss' picture wasn't up in the sky was a huge relief. Even though I am confident she can win, being reminded that she is alive is comforting. Plus, this is the only way I know she is okay, at least until I see her again. So that leaves Katniss and I, plus the Careers: Marvel, Glimmer, Cato, Clove, and Kyra, the girl from district 4. Then there is the girl from district 5, the little girl Rue, which is also a huge relief, and her district partner Thresh. Also, the kid from 3, and his district partner, leaving a girl from district 8. I remember seeing the girl from 8 at the interviews. She's tall and strong, and has a no-bullshit attitude kind of like Katniss. I accept the fact that she may last awhile and I may be forced to kill her.

I am awakened by the Cato. "Get up, your shift." We sleep in shifts. There being seven of us, two stay awake while five sleep. If there was just one awake, they might try something. I sit next to the boy from district 3, who I'm with for my watch. Tonight, Clove gets to sleep without a shift, then it rotates. I guess by the position the moon is in that it is about 3 am. The boy and I haven't really spoken much, I think he may actually be afraid of me. He looks away towards the forest, he won't make eye contact or speak, at all. That is, until I start smelling fire. "Do you smell that" He asks me, his voice shaking. "It's fire." He and I both stand up and I see the smoke rising in the forest. I am not a killer, never have been. So naturally, I sit back down. "What are you doing?" The kid asks, accusingly. If he tells Cato that I saw a potential kill and did nothing, Cato may end our deal and go after Katniss immediately. So, I struggle with the thought. In the end, I can't bring myself to wake them, so the boy does. Thankfully, he doesn't say that I ignored the fire. "Wake up! Someone started a fire!" He shouts to them. Glimmer is up first. She grabs her bow and arrows, which makes me wince and smile at the same time. She couldn't hit even a giant bear with it. Glimmer is horrible with the bow and arrows. I'm thinking maybe she got it only so someone else didn't. None of them know about Katniss' 11 still. She kicks Marvel, who then bolts up and grabs his spear. The other three wake up. "Stay here and guard the supplies." He tells the boy from 3. I really should know his name, but why bother? Clove looks at me. "Let's go, loverboy." Cato and Marvel laugh at me. I guess that remark is supposed to bother me but it doesn't.

It doesn't take long to find her. We discover her, the girl from 8, sleeping by a campfire about ten minutes away from our camp. She wakes only when we are already standing over her. When her eyes open, she jolts up. I'm not surprised that Cato is the one to kill her. He takes his spear, whispers, "It's nothing personal," and lodges the tip into her throat. Cato withdraws the spear and cleans the blood off with some leaves he finds on the ground. "Check her." He directs Marvel. Marvel flips the girl over. "She doesn't have any supplies. Just a match book."

"Nothing useful. Take the matchbook anyway." Clove tells him. I have just witnessed a death for the first time in my life. I'd seen dead bodies, I'd seen murders on television when the Capitol decides to broadcast one. But this is the first time that I saw someone take someone else's life right in front of me. So, I am still. I have to remember to breathe. I think the girl from district 4 feels the same, as she is looking down trying to gather thoughts. Glimmer seems to notice us. "She would have never made it anyway, building a campfire in the middle of the night like that. If we didn't kill her, someone else would have found her and killed her." It doesn't make it okay.

"Better clear out so they can get the body before it starts stinking." I knew Cato was brute, but this seems a little insensitive. Still, I keep my mouth shut, I know better. "Shouldn't we have heard a cannon by now?" Asks Glimmer. Clove replies, "I'd say yes. Nothing to prevent them from going in immediately."

"Unless she isn't dead," the girl from four says.

"She's dead. I stuck her myself." Cato angrily replies. She doesn't like his tone, obviously, because answers back in the same way, "then where's the cannon?" She smiles. Marvel adds, "yeah, don't want to have to track her down twice."

"I said she's dead!" The girl from 4 and Cato argued for about a minute. I like her more than the other tributes, she seems to be more empathetic. But she is probably more stupid than the girl from 8 to argue with our leader. Finally, I try to end the argument before Cato sticks someone else with his spear. "We're wasting time! I'll go finish her and move on!" I get different looks from the group. Cato, Clove, and Marvel look surprised, and the other two look a little disappointed, like I was as ruthless as Cato. I tell myself to pay no attention as I turn to walk back.

"Go on then, lover boy!" Ugh. "See for yourself." I don't hate Cato, though I should. He kills without mercy, he is the Capitol's little hand puppet. He doesn't show remorse, and to top it off, he's a jerk. But I know that he can't be that bad. I try to imagine Cato in his home district, 2. District 2 is the hand puppet of the Capitol. The Capitol's favorite is District 2. In return for all their cooperation with the Capitol, they receive way more rations than everyone else, though I don't see what makes them so special, to my knowledge, all the districts cooperate with the Capitol. Except for 13, but that's been obliterated. Anyway, Cato must be different with his family and friends. I start thinking maybe Cato and Clove are romantic but then laugh at the thought. The chances of two sets of star-crossed lovers are extremely low. Plus, they act like a team now, but neither Cato nor Clove would risk their own life to save the other's.

I don't want to kill her. I see her there, lying on the ground. There's a bloody, gaping hole in her neck, and she can no longer breathe. She is slowly suffocating to death, and I feel sorry for her. I pick up my knife, and the look in her eyes tells me to finish her. I nearly vomit at the thought, but it is far better than letting her suffer, so I close my eyes and I finish her. When I come back, they all stop talking, and I can tell they are talking about me. "Was she dead?" Cato asks. "She is now." I stop to hear the cannon fire. "Ready to move on?" Dawn is rolling in now, and we half run, half walk back to our camp. Cato has decided it be best that we sleep during daylight. It's easier to keep watch, and it's easier to kill at night, when other tributes are sleeping.

I'm awoken by Clove at 6pm, now I'll be on watch duty with Kyra, until we're supposed to wake everyone up at 9. The kill list is normally in the sky about 9:30. Kyra isn't afraid of me, probably because she knows I'm not a killer. Still, how does she see through what I did earlier? She's quiet for awhile. She's sitting, facing the incline, and I'm sitting next to her, but facing the opposite way, into the forest. I notice she's got one strand of hair pulled over her head onto her face, and she's braiding it, but she's doing it differently than most people do. "Who taught you to do that?" I ask her. She looks up at me, then back to her hair, and she's quiet for awhile. Then, she answers me. "My sister." Her voice and the look on her face is different now, and I know that something is wrong. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind. But for every question you ask me, I ask you one."

"Seems fair." She nods and then wipes her eyes. "My sister Olive was a contender in the Hunger Games 6 years ago. She was strong, but at the time, she was only 12, so she didn't have much of a chance. She was gone the first day. I was only 10 when I lost her." I feel bad for her, obviously. But I feel even worse for her parents. How much would that hurt? Losing two children to these sadistic games? "Do you have any more sisters?"

"Yes, one. She's eleven now. I'm afraid that my family's luck won't get any better and she'll end up here too. My turn." I nod. "Tell me about your family."

"I have two brothers. Next year, they'll be too old for the Hunger Games."

"That's good. Both parents alive?"

"Yes."
"Well, you seem to have it pretty well. Except for that girl. What's her name again?"

"Katniss."

"Well, I won't be the one to kill her, I give you my word." I smile to say thanks. "Do you have anyone like her at home? I mean like a guy, of course." She nods her head. "Well, I guess I probably won't anymore. The odds aren't in our favor, either."

"How is he doing?"

"He was upset. I wasn't with him for long, but we'd been brought up together, so even though we were only technically a couple for a year, it was like losing a husband when I told him goodbye in the Justice Center." I want to ask her what she thinks of the Capitol, since most careers are the Capitol's lapdogs, then I remember we're being watched, so I keep quiet. We talk some more over the next couple of hours. She tells me about life in District 4 and I tell her about 12. She asks me about how I fell for Katniss, how I knew her. She asked me if Katniss felt the same to which I replied, "I wish, but no, I don't think so." Somehow, she figures out there may be another guy. "She's already attached to someone else?"

"No. There's a guy back home that loves her as much as I do though. Plus, he comes from a poor family as well, and they've known each other a lot longer. Katniss didn't really know me until we were up on that stage."

"What's he have that you don't have?"

"History with her. The same background, the same struggles. He's helped her feed her family. I have, but not as much as him. He's older and taller than me too."

"Well, if you're willing to risk your life to save her, then she's crazy for not loving you the way you love her."

"That's the thing, she doesn't know. I couldn't tell her. If I did, she'd refuse to let me." The look in Kyra's eyes are full of sorrow. She feels bad for us, I guess, but she's probably also thinking about the guy back home. The anthem plays and it dawns on us that we're late to wake the rest of them. We shake them awake quickly, but they don't miss anything. The only face is of the girl I helped kill. It still makes me sick to my stomach.

Tonight, they decide we'll be going down that steep incline, Cato saw the guy from 11 and the girl from 3 head down there. When we reach the incline, we start stepping downhill. Now I can see that it's just a big open field of tall plants. I'm no farmer, so I can only guess… wheat? Corn maybe? There are long rows of it, and it goes on for at least a mile in every direction. They could be anywhere in here. "We should split up." With the boy from 3 guarding supplies-he can't do much, he has no talent other than assembling the mines, and he's small- there remains the six of us. Kyra and I are instructed to go straight ahead, and Cato is about to tell the rest of them who they go with, although we all already know Clove with go with Cato, when he stops. I've never seen his face like this: Full of terror. I can only imagine what is behind me in the direction he's looking in. In his eyes, I see a reflection: There's fire in the sky.