Chapter 7
I awake from a light sleep at best to see the sky lightening and the stars hiding in the sun's soft rays. It seems I'm going to be making a habit of waking up at six-thirty instead of the average five am., which I really won't complain about because it may help my friends in the arena either way. Still...I do like sleeping sometimes. Arnav is probably still asleep beside Amy in our tiny little bedroom, dreaming happy dreams... I wonder if their thoughts were happy when they saw me in the tribute parade two days ago. I wonder what the guys thought of me waving, or me in a dress and smiling like crazy. I sigh.
There isn't any time to think about that.
I roll out of bed, heading straight to the closet for another pair of shorts and simple t-shirt like I chose yesterday. I take them with me into the bathroom, undressing from my warm bed clothes and putting on the chilled outfit. I shiver, brushing my teeth and securing my hair back at the sink. It's a little dirty when I leave it behind, so I scrawl a note for Hannah to apologize before leaving my bedroom and heading for the kitchens.
Everywhere is still deserted, no sign of my mentors, my brother, or the Capitolites and Hannah. Perhaps that's for the best, seeing as I'm not sure we are allowed to be down there so early. I don't really care, but I also don't want to get lectured this early before I can think straight. I'm not one to accept in depth questioning while I'm not cognitively able to respond.
"So you're always up this early then girl." Mags says from the fancy stove, heating a teapot. I shrug, covering up rather poorly my startled expression and taking a glass from the cupboard beofre rummaging through the refrigerator.
"I usually get up earlier than this for work at home, so really I'm sleeping in." I respond, setting the four eggs I found onto the counter and pouring my orange juice. She takes in my dressed and ready figure before speaking again.
"And how long have you been working girl? Does your brother work at all?" She asks with a raised eyebrow. I stifle a grin.
"Be honest, do you think he ever would? I'm sure he hasn't worked a day in his life. That's just the way of things in my house." I tell her and I see it sinking in. Is he not the golden boy you thought he was?
"Do any of your other siblings work? Your parents?"
"My mom does errands sometimes for people in the District. Amelia isn't...no one will hire her. My father is a worse version of Adam, and Arnav tries to when he can. He works with me at the docks on Saturdays if I'm not out collecting the pearls for the quota. Amy is much too young to be worrying about that. Haven't I told you all this before?" I throw at her and she is silent again, mulling over what to ask next.
" Only a little, not enough for me to understand you. How long have you been carrying your family on your shoulders girl?" She inquires and I stop buttering the pan I finally found.
"What do you mean?" I ask quietly, taken off guard by such a personal question.
"How long have you struggled to help them? How long have you carried them through life girl?" She is next to me now, face to face against the counter. I stare into her eyes as she does mine, and I feel as if she is pulling every secret I have ever had from my soul with her gaze. Shamefully, I look away.
"I got my job when I was young. Too young to be working at the docks. But it was what I had to do, like taking the tesserae every year. Amelia and Adam never would so it was up to me. Is that what you wanted to know?" I bite, on the defensive because she is getting way too personal. She looks saddened by my reaction, putting a weathered hand on my shoulder.
"What made you save me that day?" She whispers, and I'm extremely confused.
"What are you talking about? I saved you because that's the right thing to do." She looks thoughtful at my answer.
"Who taught you that? It wasn't your father was it girl? Annie, how did you become who you are?" She asks, and I am angry she assumes someone made me.
"No one made me, I made myself. I got along on my own and apparently that's how it's going to be in these Games too!" I shout, throwing the eggs in the heated pan. She says nothing for a long time and I don't look at her; I just fry my eggs and wonder why she wants to know about me. Why does she care when I'm not her tribute?
"I'm sorry I upset you. It's just you are so hard to understand girl and to help you I need to know things." She says from her place next to me at the stove.
"You have a tribute and I can take care of myself. I have an alliance...I know how to fight with trident, and I know how to survive. Just take care of him because he needs all the help he can get. I don't want to be a burden to you." I say, taking the eggs from the pan and putting them onto the simple blue plate I scavenged for.
"It's my job to take care of my tributes, both of them." She speaks so quietly that I'm not sure I heard her. I don't ask, only shoving the eggs in my mouth and leaving the kitchen as fast as I can. I feel exposed to the old woman and I don't know what to think about it. I want her to know me because she makes me feel safer than I have in a long time... but I need time to think!
The elevator takes me down in a rush, the clock inside telling me I'm a little early. I don't care if I'm alone, I get off the elevator anyway to see the lonely expanse that is the training center. There is only dead ringing silence to greet me, so I take a seat against the wall and mull over what Mags was asking me. I mean, I help people who need me and I always will. Like how I'll always help my family...It's who I am. That's all there is to it. But what does that have to do with the Games? I feel like I'm missing something extremely important.
"Hi Annie." I hear a small voice say from the elevator. Standing before me is Winston, hands shoved in huge pockets on his oversized shorts. He looks scared again, his roundish glasses lopsided and falling off his face. I pity the poor kid much more than I know I should.
"Hey Winston, how are you doing? You wanna sit?" I ask and he comes to me and slumps down the wall. He then pulls his knees under his chin, sighing before giving me a small smile.
"Thanks... I thought we were supposed to be here at 7:45. How come you got here so early?" He raises his eyebrows, pulling his legs tighter to himself. He looks almost suspicious by my behavior too, which raises the hairs on my neck in a bad way.
"I needed time to think. My mentor and I had a heart to heart and I guess I sort of lost my shit you know? I needed my space." I say with a sigh and he nods his head, the look gone as soon as it came. I still don't let down all my guard though.
"I needed some space too, Lizzy was scaring me again and I wanted to get away from her. I don't think she likes me all that much." He tells me, the sadness palpable and coming off of him in waves. I look away from him, hoping the lost puppy look won't get to me too bad. But any tension I was trying to keep up was leaving me rapidly and I spoke before I really had decided what I wanted to say.
"Who cares Winston, she shouldn't be getting in your way. In a few days you won't have to see her again anyway. For now just ignore her because otherwise you'll psych yourself out before you ever get to the arena." I give him the only wisdom I have and he smiles just a tiny bit. Maybe I should talk out of my ass more often...seemed to work like it does for Jack at any rate.
"I suppose you're right Annie. I'm not sure how helpful I'll be to you guys though." He sounds absolutely crushed again.
"We'll all teach you a little something so you can defend yourself if you want me to. Don't worry about it for now because once we get in the arena who knows what plans will change. All I know is we will figure this out together." I say nicely patting his head as the elevator slides open. Lena and Oliver slide out dressed and ready like me, Carrie following closely behind and excited.
"Well bitches, are you ready to show them what we got?" Lena asks, sitting next to me and hitting my arm lightly. I hit her back, getting a glare that means the war is back on.
"Should we really be calling each other bitches and such?" Carrie puts in, sitting on Winston's other side. Lena snorts and I roll my eyes. You aren't friends if you can't throw insults and understand they don't mean it.
"If you're really friends with someone then you can call them a bitch. Friends insult the Hell out of each other because they can. They keep each other down to earth" She tells her and Oliver whoops in agreement before taking his seat. Carrie grins only a little, but Winston has a smile on from ear to ear.
"Either way, I want to kill some dummies. My hands have been itching for an axe since I saw those things yesterday." Oliver says, his fist in the air.
"Yeah, I want to destroy some things so I have a skill to show the Gamemakers." I agree, and they seem to all agree with me on this point.
"Watch us get kickass scores, we could be the second career pack." Carrie jokes but there is something there, something I've never thought of before. What if we sold ourselves as such? Sponsors would go insane!
"Guys, that's what we should call ourselves! Like in the interviews and stuff, so the country might lean to our side too." I offer and they mull it over for a moment.
"That doesn't sound so bad, being a career pack. We'll give the Capitol something to look at, give them the show they want." Lena says and Oliver nods his head. Carrie looks like she wants to get in on this as well and Winston is nodding slowly.
"So is it agreed? Are we the second career pack?" Oliver asks and I stand up, followed by Lena.
"I'm going to say we are. What do you all say? An alliance to defeat the original pack? Give them something to be afraid of?" I ask and put my hand out. Lena puts her own on top of mine, Oliver close behind. Winston and Carrie stand slower and put their hands in as well and we stand in unity for a second before our hands drop to our sides.
We don't talk about what would happen if we were the only ones left, it is never mentioned. We only think about the beginning, where we change history by creating another pack of skilled tributes. We only talk about how the five of us can change the Game. We only talk about the glory of winning against the arrogance of District 1 and 2. We only talk about the things we can bring ourselves to discuss...because the other events are terrifying.
The rest of the tributes gather quickly after our plan is set in motion, and they all stare at how close we are, the careers staring like they are debating if we are one big alliance or not. I smirk at Adam who glares deeply at me, unhappy because I now have a leg up in this competition again. But he forgets he has the biggest advantage of all. He has a mentor who's going to get him sponsors in the Arena, so I should find a way to get my own too.
I ignore the nagging in my mind about the conversation this morning as the woman who spoke yesterday gives us the same speech. I don't need the distraction now, I need to get to the weapons when the door we are next to opens wide. I need to erase the unease of whirling thoughts about losing these people to get out. I need to just pick up some weapons and learn like I did yesterday...master some new things and strengthen others.
"Ready?" Lena whispers, and I nod subtly as the glass slides open. We walk in a line through the doors, heads high and confident when we hit the stations. I head for the trident, the feel of it comforting because it reminds me of my home. It reminds me of the fish I catch for dinner, and I pick it up like it is an extension of my very being. It flies from me in a gracefully deadly line of speed, hitting the dummy so hard that the thing falls to the floor with the head rolling away.
It hurts like hell to know it was a fake human being, and it might be a real one soon.
"Damn." I hear a voice say and the girl from Two is near me, staring at the dummy wide eyed. I can see in her there however she really isn't that startled, but I play to her lie. Sometimes when you want to survive you have to play dumb because after all, it catches your enemy off balance.
"Yeah? I've been doing this kind of thing for forever...but I'd much rather the knives. That's what I'm getting when I get to the cornucopia. Then the game can really start." I lie to her and I see she buys into me wanting the knives. All the better she believes my bluff because while she takes the knives I'll have taken her down with the trident. And tomorrow with the Gamemakers I'll make sure one is there waiting for me.
"Oh cool, that's my thing too. Hope you're fast enough to get there before me." She smirks, taking off for the rest of the careers as they watch Lena and Oliver wield huge axes like it's nothing. I see Carrie going to town with a bow and arrow, and it turns out she's pretty good with it too. How she learned it in Eight I'm not entirely sure but you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Winston is watching closely, practicing the technique next to her as she shoots. I smile and look about, only the girl from Two seems to be unimpressed by us. I grin satisfied, picking up another trident and spearing my fake opponent through the heart with deadly precision. I ignore how much pain I feel destroying something I always had trusted.
By the time lunch rolls around I'm on a high from tossing that trident, and even more excited after I took a crash course with a sword and found myself even better at it. Lena and Oliver are chattering like little kids about the axes while they devour the food on their plates, Carrie shoving an apple in and sometimes adding to the conversation. I sit and listen for a while, keeping an eye on Winston who looks rather pleased he got a pass from the trainer for his bow skills.
"So which weapon are you going to choose? You were looking bad as hell with that sword Cresta. It would be crazy to give it up for a three pronged spear." Carrie asks across from me, and I shrug.
"I'll probably go in to the Gamemakers and show both of them. But I'm not going to bank on the trident if I can get a sword. There's always those things in the cornucopia." I respond, and Lena looks like she prefers that answer. She must have been worried on me taking chances I didn't need to be taking.
"Good, because now we all can have a reason to run straight into the bloodbath and hope we come out alive." Lena says with a cheeky grin, and Oliver laughs happily while Winston looks uncertain.
"About that, are we all running in? What's the plan for the bloodbath?" Carrie curiously asks. We never thought about that, and I look at Winston for a second before I make a decision.
"How heavy would a bow be if I had to pick it up?" She looks surprised by this question.
"I'd say the arrows and bow would be around four pounds together. Nothing much if they are the same as they are here. I would have to assume they are too." She answers and I nod.
"Then Oliver, Lena, and I will run for the weapons. You and Winston can grab us packs. Together we'll run away and try to make an establishment. Hopefully the careers won't follow us right away. If they do though we'll be together with something to defend ourselves with." I tell them and I can see Lena and Oliver like the plan. Carrie looks unsure however, and Winston looks like he wants to vomit.
"What's wrong Eight? Not liking the idea?" Lena asks, leaning back into her chair. She too notices the trepidation, and in this Game that could mean our deaths. Her eyes are narrowed on the red head, watching every move like she did mine when we first met. I don't blame her, because I too have been watching this girl closely as well. Carrie seems to want to hide under our stares, her discomfort clear in her eyes.
"I don't want to have you sacrificing yourselves for my weapon. What if that's the reason you don't make it out? I don't want to have to live with that for however long I survive in that damn place." She says and Lena loses any hostile tension quickly. She was worried about us.
"Don't worry about Lena, Oliver, and I. We'll be better off I think if there are two sets of hands picking up our survival supplies. Plus the less who go to the bloodbath, the more who make it past day one." I tell her and she drops the argument. The whole table goes silent after that as we think about our futures. In the end I think we all have some trepidation in our eyes.
When I step off the elevator after training alone I feel confident that we will all make it through the bloodbath. It is completely planned out for us to the last moment, but the only thing that keeps me from jumping up and down is the thought of what will happen after. Because after the careers are gone, and after the other tributes have fallen then it will be us...
"Not a good day at training girl?" I hear Mags ask from the couch and I look up to see her staring at me.
"Uh no-no it went fine. Can I apologize for this morning? It's just that it was...you caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting those kinds of questions and it makes me sort of uncomfortable when I'm already not thinking straight." I stutter, and she pats the spot next to her in response. I do as she tells me and take my seat, the old woman touching my cheek lightly before lowering her hand.
"I remember when I was reaped for my games," she tells me softly out of the blue and I perk my ears to listen out of curiosity, " I was eighteen when they called my name. I was a worker at the docks just like you actually, but my father owned the boat I worked on. All my brothers and sisters worked beside me as well, but I was the oldest so I worked the most hours. I was our biggest provider after my father got hurt when I was sixteen, so I can relate to you helping your family but I was in a more stable environment. When my name was called all I could think about was coming home to them. All I could think about was making a better life for them. I felt so lost too, on the train and parade, like there was no chance I would ever make it. I felt all alone. But when I got here I found allies like you girl, and I was on my way to being a Victor. But it all changes when you get into the arena...because...there is only one person who can come out. Have you thought about that girl?" She asks and I stare at her, my eyes stinging shamefully.
"I-I...I mean of course I've thought about it. They're my friends. I just...I don't know what to think about it. It's stupid for me to be so scared too, and the thought makes me want to cry. That isn't something I do, but it keeps stinging and I'm not sure what I want to think anymore. I'm lost and I hate it" I pour my heart out to her and she nods her head slowly, taking me in.
" Girl, why are you always trying to be so strong?" She whispers.
" Because if I'm weak, I know there will be no one to catch me when I fall. But if I'm strong then I won't have to worry about that. Why are you asking me these questions? Why are you telling me all of these things? Why? Because I have no mentor and you feel sorry he hasn't shown up since yesterday? Why do you feel the need Mags?" I ask, standing up. She touches my hand gently, effectively calming me down and easing me back into a sitting position. I need answers.
"I see something in you that I haven't seen in a long time girl. I see something great that can't be held back by anything. I see the strongest tribute I've ever had the fortune to mentor." She says to me, and I don't have anything to say. I only sit there for what seems like an eternity as she waits for me to take it all in. Oh so patiently she waits and finally I say the only thing that comes to my mind.
"Is there any way to get up onto the roof?" I get out and she smiles a little as if she was expecting this answer almost.
"Hit the top button on the elevator numbers, the one that reads thirteen. It'll take you where you want to go and you don't need to worry about being overheard by them or I." She instructs but that is not what I want.
"I want you to come with me though. I just need some fresh air, but there are things I need to talk to you about and I'd like to not do it where we can be...uh... interrupted."I say awkwardly, but she seems to know what I mean. I don't trust Adam to keep his mouth shut if he hears about our plans at the cornucopia. But I need someone to know what we are planning. If this old victor really does believe in me the way she says she does then I need some answers before I run headlong into a fight to the death.
She simply nods and we move together to the elevator, the little button shining as her weathered hand pushes it in. We go spiraling upwards until cool air hits my face, knocking the breath from me in the best way. I step out and breathe it in while Mags follows me, taking in the sight of the blazing sunset from the roof top. After a moment she taps my shoulder in question and I look down.
"Well girl? Say what you want to say while you have the chance to say it." She orders kindly and I open up with everything I have been thinking about. I tell her about Lena, Oliver, Winston, and Carrie. I tell her about our plans, and I tell her about my fears for once we achieve our goals in the arena. I tell her all I have.
" I recall a similar problem, with a boy from twelve and a girl from three. I wanted to win and return to my family but...they were so very special to me, these two people. I stopped thinking about how they would need to die... for me to return to my brothers and sisters. It wasn't until it was us three and the boy from two that I realized just what had to happen. So in the night I made a decision to leave them to their own devices and see who won. But there was nothing that could prepare me for what happened after that. She went quickly when the boy from two found her, though I think he tried to make it slow. My other friend did not go so gracefully, his broken neck not enough to kill him fast. I killed him myself with a knife I had taken from camp, and the trident flew straight through the other boy's head." She tells me, but I'm not sure I understand what I'm supposed to get from this. All I feel is a pit wide in my stomach.
"What is the moral? What am I supposed to be learning? Is this supposed to help me?" She smiles sadly at my answer.
"You have choices to make Annie Cresta, and either you'll be dead or haunted in the end. Can you make it out instead of them? Can you say goodbye or will you stay until it is only you and you have watched them fall?" Mags throws at me and I falter for the first time in a long while.
"I..." but there is nothing to say, because what will I do?
"I'm a mentor dear and I have asked a lot of you today, but you needed to understand who you are, what you will be going back to, and what you will have to do to come out alive. That's what I want you to see. There is no moral, there is only choices. Because saying morals can survive in this place is a terrible mistake in judgment." She says and then I am alone on the roof, wind blowing and mind racing.
The tears still sting behind my eyes, but I never let one fall.
