DISCLAIMER: my plot, SM's characters and backstory…sadly…
A/N: And the shopping finally begins! Since this is the first thing to happen chronologically, I thought I'd start with it. I may jump between couples in the next few chapters to tell the story the best.
Thanks to everyone for the hits, reviews and favorites – especially my faithful reviewers musiclax, jasper-hale-lover, Hawkins, SilverVampireLover,VampiresWizaresCliquesOhMy, FanWriter95, Dom-Loves-Kel, ponycullen, xSteffers,JaylaHaileyCullen, evenstar710, the Darksider, PrincessJess, Ketia, EdwardCullen4Life, spungebob, and skyechaos! Check out their stories when you get a chance…they've got some great stuff!
Chapter 7: Don't underestimate the humans…
Emmett POV
I caught the alarm clock just before it smashed into the wall. "Dammit Emmett, make that thing stop! Why do you have to leave now? I was just going to get out my pom poms!"
Rose was trying everything she could to distract me from my mission. An hour of "snoozing" later, I had finally found the strength to break away, just before she broke the alarm. Thank goodness I had the thought to set an alarm…otherwise we probably would have missed the whole competition! Wait, did she just say pom poms? Down boy, think about Playstationland!!!
"You know why I have to leave! I need to get my supplies and get out to the Wal-Mart to get in line. I still have to load everything from the garage into my Jeep." Ugh, that part was going to be the worst. How humans ate stuff like that, I will never understand. I guess the meat was one thing…I could kind of understand that. But the breads and vegetables and desserts like ice cream; it boggled my mind. Especially the ice cream, so slimy and cold (at least to them, to me it was warm), who in their right mind would eat that stuff. I grimaced just thinking about it.
"See, you don't really want to go out in the cold and sit around with a bunch of stupid humans. Stay here with me baby, you know you want to." The sexy vixen purred her words, letting the strap of her negligee slip off her shoulder. NO, she was not going to distract me anymore!
"Rose, baby, you mean the world to me. And, you are sexy as HELL, but you know how important Playstationland is to me. Once we win, I promise you a whole week away where we don't do anything but each other. Please just let me go!" I gave her my puppy dog look, knowing that the rest of the day would be so much easier if she gave me her blessing.
"Fine, go and do your 'tailgating' thing. Come home and get me when you're done so we can hit the other stores together." She sat on the bed with her arms crossed, but I could see the smile in her eyes. I leaned in for a quick kiss, lingered for a deeper one, and then left before I lost my resolve.
"I'll see you later baby! Your monkey man is on a mission."
I threw the grill in my Jeep and raided the freezer in the garage. With as many mouths to feed as we had whenever the pack came for a visit, it was critical to keep a large supply of BBQ food on hand at all times. I threw everything in the back with the grill, as well as a couple cases of beer that I had already chilled in a cooler. These wussy humans were going down!
I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and grinned. There were only 4 cars in the lot at that point, and the line looked pretty short at the entrance. I parked close to the door and headed to the line in order to size up the competition. There were 3 men and 2 women, all of which were sitting down in a makeshift campsite huddled in sleeping bags and blankets. They looked really cold and tired; this was going to be like taking candy from a baby!
I started paying attention to their conversation as I got closer.
"We are getting the Playstation this year. If I go home without it, my wife will probably throw me out!"
"Yeah, remember the Dancing Elmo year? You had to stay on my couch for a month! She only let you back in because you flew to China to get one!"
"People think we're crazy for coming out this early, but if you do it like us, it's actually a lot of fun."
I decided to introduce myself at that point. "Hi everyone! I've always heard this could be fun, but I've never done it before. My name's Emmett." I tried to "dazzle" them the way Edward always did, or at least not make them too scared.
The biggest guy in the group stood up, trying to show some strength, I guess. "Howdy Emmett, name's Norm. This hear is Joe, Frank, Sally and Emma." He nodded around the group, indicating which name belonged to which person. Then he nodded to the security guard I hadn't noticed before.
"Sir, here is your wrist band. You are officially 6th in line. At 3AM they will begin distributing the vouchers for the special deals. You may choose one voucher that is still available when your turn comes up." He slapped a hot pink wristband on me and affixed it with some sort of ultra sticky tape.
"Uh, thanks man! I guess I'm in! So that's how you keep track of the line, with wristbands?" I was trying to get the lay of the land, this was not something I was anticipating. Each member of the group was holding onto their wristbands pretty tightly, although I could already tell they'd be impossible to take off and use again.
Norm answered me; he must be the spokesperson for the group. "Yuppers, but once they start passing out the vouchers we have to get in an actual line. Wristbands are only for the vouchers. This year, they have vouchers for the Playstation, the micro laptop, the 84" plasma tv and the "Sparkling Edward" doll."
"Cool, cool. Well, are you guys hungry? Some of my buddies down in Texas said they usually treated this like a tailgating event, so I came prepared. I got a grill, a cooler full of beer and another cooler full of steaks." I was enacting the first part of my plan; lure them in with food and beer and get them to like me. I had to play my hand close to the chest. I didn't want them to know what I was here for until I fully assessed the competition. If there were only 2 vouchers for the game, it was pretty unlikely that only one of those guys was here for it. I mean, who the hell waited hours out in a freezing parking lot for a "Sparkling Edward" doll; what the hell was that anyway?
"You got any coffee?" One of the women, Sally I think, spoke up first. Thank goodness for women's intuition. Rosalie's only contribution to this part of the plan was a huge thermos of coffee she was sure I'd need. I only took it along to make her happy; she'd be tickled pink that she proved me wrong yet again.
"Sure thing Sally, do you want cream or sugar?" I poured on the charm with every word. I opened up the back of the Jeep and started pulling out all my coolers.
"I like my coffee black." Sally said that rather strongly, and then added in a whisper, "just like Emma likes her men." I chuckled, but tried to keep my usual guffaws in check since I wasn't supposed to hear it. I wondered what the story was with that…Emma was pale and blond, with light blue eyes. Pretty, but she had nothing on my Rose.
"What's so funny?" Joe had come over to investigate the stuff I was pulling out of the coolers.
"Oh, just a little joke my wife pulled on me. I asked her to pack me a little bit of coffee, but she gave me this gigantic thermos! Thank goodness you guys are here to help me drink it. She makes amazing coffee; I'd hate to waste it." As a Cullen, I was an expert at coming up with a cover story in a record amount of time. Plus, I was sure whatever coffee in that gargantuan thermos was excellent; Esme would have nothing but the best in her kitchen.
"Cool, coffee would be great. Hey, are those porterhouses? Holy cow, they have to be 2 inches thick? Fire that grill up man! Norm, Frank, you gotta see the steaks this guy has! Throw away the PB&J, we got ourselves a gourmet feast!"
Norm and Frank strode over, trying not to look overanxious. I fired up the grill and threw on a couple steaks. Joe had already cracked open a few beers and was handing them out. I was hoping I could get out of this ordeal without having to actually eat or drink anything. I took the beer Joe offered, and stealthily started pouring it out little by little every chance I had.
As we continued to cook, the ladies wandered over to get coffee and some of the cookies I had stolen out of the pantry. I'd have to replace them or Nessie would have my head! She had a thing for chocolate chip. (A/N if you haven't read Hawkins story Bakers Chocolate yet…DO IT NOW…after you review this chapter of course!)
Everyone grabbed their beverage of choice and fixed a plate of food. We all headed over to the makeshift campsite. While the steaks were on the grill, I had dragged out my chair and added it to the collection by the storefront. I steered the conversation around to their shopping plans, hoping I still had a chance at the easy way to get the game.
"So, what are you guys camping out for? A 'Sparkly Edward' doll? What the heck is that anyway?" I really wanted to know; maybe it was something I could taunt Edward with. That would be fun.
Sally piped up at the mention of the doll. "Sadly, yes, I am a 45 year old woman waiting 6 hours in the freezing cold for a stupid sparkling doll. For my 15 year old daughter! A doll for a teenager! But she deserves it, she helps me out so much around the house and it is the only thing she wanted for Christmas."
I was even more confused now. "But what is the doll for? I've never heard of it?"
"Have you ever heard of the Twilight books? The doll is of one of the main characters. My daughter is obsessed with it too, but luckily she doesn't want a doll. She says she prefers to think of the characters the way she has envisioned them in her mind, whatever that means. None of us have read the books, so we don't know what the big deal is." Emma came to my rescue and tried to clue me in.
"No, never heard of it either. So it is basically just a doll that goes with a really popular book then? Okay, no big deal to me." That was pretty stupid in my mind. If it was some cool action figure like a life size GI Joe or something, then maybe I would understand.
"Me n Frank are getting the Playstation. Last year he was supposed to get it, but he drank too much and slept through the opening of the store! His wife just let him back in their bed in October, heh!" Norm laughed; probably this wasn't the first time Frank had been kicked out of the bedroom.
"Yeah, I'll only be drinking coffee tonight! I had that one beer, but that is my limit. There is no way in hell I am leaving without one of those game systems." Frank narrowed his eyes at me, as if he was daring me to challenge him. It definitely wasn't time for that. A bit of attempted sabotage maybe, but not an outright challenge.
"I hear you buddy. I wrecked my wife's car and she wouldn't put out for three months…and when you are used to 3 times a day, that is a LONG three months!" Let's start by making them jealous. I had a picture of Rose somewhere, didn't I?
"Th-three times a day? Is that even possible once you're married? You guys must not have kids, right?" Joe looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. I slowly took out my wallet and flipped to a shot of Rose in her bikini that I took our last trip to Isle Esme. Well, "bikini" might not be the right word…perhaps "piece of tiny string" is more appropriate.
"Does she look like she's had any kids? Nah, we live with my family so sometimes it is hard to get privacy, but we manage somehow. It's pretty hard to resist her, no matter who I think can overhear us. Over the years they've learned when to clear out!" That was so true; Edward "heard" us a few too many times, so now he usually waits to listen to our minds until he can actually see one of us. Sure, he'll happen upon a fantasy most of the time, but it isn't nearly as bad for him as when he catches us in the act!
Even the women couldn't tear their eyes away from my woman. And I couldn't blame them, I couldn't either. Damn, she was so HOT…what the hell was I doing here?
"So, what are you here for? If she is gonna withhold sex if you don't get it, you must be pretty desperate, he he!" Frank recovered fastest, probably thinking this might be a ploy to distract him. He might be trickier than I thought. I had to think fast to come up with something believable.
"Oh, I'm here for the TV." There was a collective sigh of relief from the crowd; it seemed there wouldn't be a competition for that. I guess they figured if it came down to it, I might use my size to get whatever I wanted. Well, they probably figured right! "And the wifey could care less if I get it; it's for my game room, which is a place she rarely ventures." It's true; I could definitely use another TV for Playstationland. And it was almost as good a deal. I could always order the game system on the internet or ask Alice to go to Japan or wherever they make it to pick one up. Goodness knows that crazy pixie loved any excuse to shop. I didn't need to cause a ruckus just to get a Playstation; as long as we still won, that was all that mattered.
We settled in, waiting for the vouchers. I mainly just listened to their gossip, throwing in a few tidbits so they felt comfortable around me. After a while, about 20 more people had gathered around us, all with their wristbands marking their spot in line. Since Joe was also getting the TV, I was the last one to get that voucher. Some dude who was the next person behind me became absolutely irate when I took the last TV one. The security guard took him to the side and told him he had to calm down or he wouldn't be allowed in the store at all. That didn't really help, but the menacing glare and slight growl I threw him definitely had an effect.
After that, he just kept to himself, planning out loud the fastest route to the electronics department. Apparently, even though there were only 2 vouchers, there were possibly more than 2 of the TVs available, and the rest would go to the first person who reached them. Whatever, I was gonna get an awesome new TV and help my Rosie win her game!
Finally, 3:55AM the security guards came to the doors, explaining the opening procedure. "Everyone stand in line, one person behind the other. At exactly 4 o'clock, we will be opening the doors and you will be free to file into the store. DO NOT RUN, I repeat DO NOT RUN! Anyone caught running to get in the store will be removed and not allowed to return until Saturday. We've had too many people hurt at these things; you will be allowed to move more quickly once you are actually in the store."
After 5 more minutes, they opened the door and the pandemonium began. I had been in some serious fights with other vampires, the Volturi, grizzly bears, you name it, but I had NEVER seen anything that compared to this. These people were INSANE! As soon as the door cracked open, there was a huge push as the people from the back of the line shoved the people in front of them in an attempt to get in sooner. I was sucked into the store without even noticing how I got there.
I tried to make my way back to the electronic department, so I could get my TV and leave this madness behind. But I kept tripping over stupid humans who were throwing themselves down aisles in an attempt to reach an item faster. Holy crap, what has this world come to?? I was never so glad to not be a human. As I made my way past the toy section, I saw two grown women trying to tear each other's hair out over a puppet!
I finally reached the electronics department, and headed over to the TVs. I was about 15 feet away when I noticed the crazy dude in a heated argument with a cashier. The cashier had his radio on and was discretely pressing the alert button for security.
"I'm sorry sir, but we only have the 2 TVs that were advertised. They may go on sale again before Christmas, so you might be able to get it at this price again. And no, there are no rainchecks for these specials." The cashier was trying to calmly explain to this moron that there was no TV for him. Good, I though to myself, he didn't deserve to have such picture quality in his life.
"But I need this TV. The men in my head told me that if I got the TV they'd leave me alone finally. You don't understand…I need them to go away." The crazy dude was getting crazier by the minute. I realized what was happening next about 5 seconds too late, so all I could do was sit back and watch the drama unfold. "Fine! If I can't have the TV, nobody can!" With that declaration, he launched himself at the box holding my precious TV and then all I heard was glass shattering and the screams from the cashier for security.
Dammit! Now what the hell was I going to do? Rose was going to kill me if I didn't come back with something after I left her in the state I did. I searched the store for about an hour, desperate to find something that was as good a discount and was something we could use. That second part really ruled a lot of stuff out. But luck was finally on my side! I found a cool toy we could use, maybe to play a new game instead of baseball.
This was a big plastic ball that was called a "Play and Freeze Maker" (A/N link on my profile). I didn't know what it did exactly, but it was on clearance for 95% off. The box it was in was torn, so maybe they had to discount it more because of that. What was left on the box sounded pretty fun:
Shake, pass and roll the ball for 20 minutes
Ideal for camping, picnics, parties or travel
Ice and rock salt are added to one end of the ball
Seriously, it sounded like it was made for us! Who else would play with something that was hard plastic and you loaded it up with ice and salt? My mind reeled at the possibilities that this new toy presented. If nothing else, I could probably use it to torment the smelly dogs…that would be worth it at 1000 times the price!
I made my way up to the checkout, shocked again at the bizarre site I found. Each register had a line 10 people deep, and everyone's cart was jam packed. What did all these people buy? It was all I could do to find one thing in this store. I used my intimidation tactics on some particularly wimpy looking guys in the express line and managed to get out of there after only another 20 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that we'd need the Jeep later and it was starting to get light out, I would have run home! As it was, I doubt the speedometer dipped below 150 mph my whole trip home. After the madness that was my Wal-Mart experience, I was ready to relax with a little madness of my own. And we still had 2 hours until Rose's stores opened…we could accomplish a LOT in 2 hours!
A/N: Hehe…check out my profile for a link to what Emmett actually bought—or ask me in a review and I'll tell you! It helps to pay attention to all the fine print on those boxes!
Please review this chapter – I'm hoping we can make it to 50 with this chapter! I love getting feedback, it inspires me to keep writing and helps make my stories better. Thanks to all my faithful readers and reviewers. You guys rock my world :)
