A Red Picket Fence

"Well, you've met our neighbor, Vert... Vert DeShirt."

Sam laughed again. "Gag me..." She said, and laughed some more as she shook her head in wonder.


Chapter 7

Melanie and Carly worked silently while putting away the clean lunch dishes. Melanie glanced in her direction frequently, noting that Carly seemed engrossed in her task as she found the correct cupboards for each item. Mel also knew she had to broach the subject of Carly's comments about her twins early life.

"Carly..." Melanie started.

Carly looked at her and knew what this was going to be about. She really wasn't sure why she had lashed out at Sam. She felt off, angry... At everyone, everything... including herself. At first she thought that maybe her feelings were due to Mel's escapades. She was supposed to be next. She knew she wanted to experience Freddie - she'd wanted that for years. Her hope was that Freddie would be a wonderful lover. Unlike her son of a bitch, ass hat ex husband. She was happy with Sam - she loved Sam, but she wanted more, and was hoping Freddie was going to be the key to her fulfillment. But, she knew she needed to deal with this now. She would apologize again to Sam later, but right now, she needed to deal with her actions, and with Melanie.

"I know! I was awful! I'm so sorry, really, I am. I don't know why I got so... Bitchy. I just feel different suddenly. I still feel a bit angry about everything." Carly said, interrupting Melanie.

"Well, there's no need to be that angry at yourself. We forgive you. I'm just confused... Why bring that up in the first place. Sam is still really sensitive about that time in her life." Melanie said.

Carly glanced at Melanie for a moment, then looked down, clearly embarrassed. She shook her head, and looked back up to Melanie; "I know... I really do. It's just... I don't know. I'm just mad at everything, and everyone. I just feel weird..." Carly said quietly.

Melanie stared at her for a moment, and then said: "I know the feeling... I think it's just nerves. What we're starting here is different to say the least - but I'm certain it's going to work. All four of us will work... You'll see. Look, the dishes are done, and the kitchen is all cleaned up. I just heard Freddie and Sam pull into the driveway. Lets go out and I'll show you my roses. I know I've told you about them. We can discuss how we're going to trim them up and turn the rose garden back into something special. Then we can see what Freddie and Sam are up to, Okay?"

"Yeah... Lets." Carly said with a wistful smile.

Out in the back yard, from the short distance away, they could hear Freddie explaining to Sam what he was checking on their vehicles. The thick dark clouds from earlier had skittered past, the sun was shining full on again... Carly and Melanie were directly in front of the overgrown rose patch, commenting to each other about the overgrown bushes, and Sam's plans for the flower beds and the rest of the yard. Both women felt... Funny. Neither could place it, but they started making derisive comments to each other - their voices getting louder and louder.

Carly and Mel's argument had gotten so loud that Sam and Fred heard them. Fred stopped what he had been showing Sam, and returned the dip stick to it's tube as they looked at each other, obviously confused about the yelling. They both began to head toward the back yard to find out what the shouting was all about. As they came up to the corner of the house, Fred was slightly in front with Sam closely following. As Fred rounded the corner of the house, he abruptly stopped. Sam stopped beside him, and watched Carly and her sister literally in each others face, yelling at each other.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

Fred shook his head, and began to speak, but before could comment, everything exploded as Carly yelled; "YOU BITCH!" and pushed Melanie, causing her to stumble, lose her balance and fall over sideways.

After a moments hesitation, Sam sprung into the fight just as Melanie kicked Carly in the ankle causing her to fall as well. Sam straddled Carly and the two began pummeling each other with their fists while Melanie began beating on Sam's back. All three were yelling epitaphs and cursing one another.

Fred was mesmerized momentarily before he ran to them and attempted to pull Sam off of Carly, only to have Carly and Melanie slap both sides of his face simultaneously and then push him away. As he stepped back, literally dumbstruck. Sam stepped over Carly and faced Fred as she clenched her fists, pulled back, and punched him in the jaw. He retreated a few steps back, shaking his head. Sam crouched just before running the few steps between them, and then jumped up - slamming him with a roundhouse kick to his chest. Fred stumbled back a few more steps before falling down, sitting on his ass. He watched in horror as the three women continued to slap and punch at one another, some scoring fair hits that were accompanied with shouts of rage. He crawled to a coiled garden hose just a few feet away. With a determined expression, he turned on the water, pulled the hose off the reel a few feet, stood back and thoroughly sprayed the three women down, drenching them all.

They stopped fighting, glaring at each other, before turning toward Fred. He blanched as he realized the women's thoughts and anger had now aimed at him. He saw their hate, their complete revulsion, and it was now channeled only at him. This would not end well at all.

Suddenly, the day darkened as more clouds blocked the sun. As if on cue, they all looked sheepishly at one another, and then toward Fred.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Fred shouted.

All three sopping wet women continued their silent, surprised - slack jawed stares at each other, then back to Fred. Fred dropped the hose, and walked over to them, sitting down on the soaked lawn, directly in front of them.

"What the fuck is going on?" He asked all three of them as calmly as he possibly could. He knew that this was no time for a yelling match... Something was obviously wrong.

Carly still on her back, with Sam still standing over her, looked toward the roses for a moment, stood and asked; "Where did you get that ugly garden gnome?"

Fred looked at Carly like she was insane... Asking about the stupid garden gnome at a time like this.

"Freddie got it for me..." Melanie said, as if it was the most natural thing to say after road house bar fighting with her twin sister and old friend, now turned lover and house mate.

Fred glanced at her, surprised. "No I didn't. I thought you got it."

Melanie snapped her head toward her husband. "I didn't get it. I thought you had..."

"Well, where the hell did it come from then?" Fred asked as he stood, pulled his wet, sticking pants away from his skin and walked between the three women. He crouched down, avoiding the overgrown, thorn studded branches, reached between them to pull the ugly, cast plastic statue out of the middle of the roses. 'How did this ugly gnome suddenly become the subject here?' He thought to himself. Looking at it, he thought the gnome had a very disconcerting, nearly evil, certainly malevolent, smile cast into it's features. Ugly was actually an understatement. From it's black cast base, green 'coat' and red hat... And it's hideous facial features. It certainly wasn't anything that would be winning any prizes in Home and Garden magazine... Maybe first prize in Home and Gargoyle.

Cradling the slightly heavy gnome in his arms, he stood and strode the few steps back to the women.

"Get that thing away from me! It's really pissing me off!" Sam growled vehemently as she backed away from him.

Fred flipped the statue over, examining the side of the base. A small switch was embedded in the side of the base labeled 'On / Off'. He switched it to the off position, and the three women actually, loudly, sighed.

He looked at them all questioningly... Obviously still puzzled about everything that had happened over the past three or four minutes.

"Melly, does this thing light up at night or something?" Fred asked as he turned the plastic casting end over end, examining it.

"This is crazy... It was on the front porch a few months ago. It had a note on it... Something like 'For you'... I don't know. I thought you got it, Freddie. I've never seen it light up or anything, though." Melanie mumbled, nearly to herself.

"What is this... Thing?" Fred asked himself, out loud.

"What's crazy? I'll tell you what's crazy. That thing. It's like it was pissing me off." Carly ranted. The other two women glanced at her, and nodded. Agreeing completely with her statement.

Fred was still examining the oddity. Periodically mumbling things like "...solar panels on the back of it's hat... ...no lights, anywhere. So why the solar power source?"

"Freddie, where did that thing come from?" Melanie asked as she moved beside him.

He shook his head, and shrugged as he continued inspecting the curiosity.

"What is it, Freddie?" Carly asked.

"I really don't know..." He said. "Let's go in... We can all change into some dry clothes, and try to figure this out." He knelt down next to Carly; "You've got a split lip," he mentioned as he helped her stand before moving toward Melanie; "and you're going to have a hell of a bruise on your chin."; he said as he gently touched her cheek.

"Sam, your knuckles are bleeding... C'mon, dry clothes and first aid for you three." Fred said as he helped Melanie up.

On the way into the house, Fred noticed that Melanie and Carly were walking with a slight limp, Carly's arms were badly bruised and Sam is holding her right wrist... 'Yeah, there is something pretty awful going on here' he thought.

Standing in the laundry room, directly inside the back door, just off the kitchen, the drenched women stripped out of their soaking wet clothing in silence. All three of the women were acting very embarrassed, he can tell... Unfortunately Fred has no words that would help. Fred's clothes aren't drenched, but they aren't dry either. He decided to join them, and change too.

Both sides of Fred's face was red, and stinging. He also has a large bruise coming up on, and to the left of his sternum. Carly has the split lip as well as multiple bruises on her right side and both arms. Melanie has a bruise showing on the outside of her left breast, her chin and her ankle have started swelling. Sam has a bruise on the left side of her butt, a sprained wrist and seven cut and bleeding knuckles.

Fred looked around himself, and felt slightly amused that they are all four totally nude in the same room... The laundry room. And this examination of each other has nothing to do with anything sexual.

"This is really fucked up..." He loudly mumbles. The other three hear him, and silently nod their heads in agreement.

Melanie gathered up all their wet clothing and dropped them in the washing machine, added detergent and turned it on without comment.

Obviously, still embarrassed about their fight, the three women said nothing, all the while avoiding eye contact with anything but the walls. Fred realizes this, and knows he needs to put things back to normal - as normal as it can get after this insanity. That statue is doing this, he knows it... He just doesn't know how. The best thing he can think of at the moment though, is to shift the blame. He needs to absolve Melanie, Sam and Carly of their recent pummeling of each other, and get them thinking like he is. They all need a common direction, or everything is going to fall apart, for all of them.

"There is something in that gnome thing that did this to you, that makes you crazy angry. I don't know how, or why, but we're going to find out. Let's go get this figured out. First, let's get some healing started. Carly, you're the pharmacist, what do we need?" Fred stated.

Carly nodded, while her eyes came alive. She had a purpose; "Let's check your medicine cabinet, Freddie. Melly and Sam, gather us up something to wear."

Still nude, Carly rummaged through the first aid items, placing the chosen medicants on a towel tossed over the sink. While she did this, Fred went into the bedroom and changed into another set of sweats, while the twins went through the meager stock of clothing available to them.

"...I knew we should have brought more things! Freddie, do you still have those old sweats you shrunk in the dryer?" Melanie asked as she sorted out clothes from the few things the three of them had packed and tossed them to Sam.

Fred scrounged around and found the requested items, and a couple more things - T shirts, a pajama set - that he'd shrunk. Carly walked into the room, still nude, but carrying a towel full of soothing salves, anti-bacterial sprays for cuts, a compression wrap, aspirin, a few plastic baggies filled with ice and a couple bottles of water from the kitchen refrigerator.

Carly worked with an effectiveness and efficiency that would have impressed Fred's mother. Soon, they were dressed in various and odd clothing and having a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. Fred had left for the garage a few minutes previously to fetch his tools, and begin dismantling and examining the noxious gnome statue. Melanie placed his coffee in front of him as he returned. He smiled up at her as she winked at him.

The three women watched intently as their shared lover disassembled the gnome. As he took the four screws out of the base and separated the statue from it, they could see a number of circuit boards...

"Let's try an experiment. I'm going to turn this on for a moment... Tell me what happens." Freddie explained as he glanced up and around the table.

They all nodded. He flicked the switch on, and looked around at them... As one, they all shook their heads... Carly shrugged. Nothing.

He turned the switch off.

"Alright, once again, but this time..." He held a flashlight directly in front of the small solar panels on the gnomes hat, and pressed the switch on.

"SHIT!" Melanie exclaimed. He glanced around the table and noticed that both Carly and Sam were gripping the table edge so tight that their fingertips were white.

He slid the switch off, again.

"Wow..." Sam said, exhaling. Carly nodded, slack-jawed.

"That thing really pissed me off!" Melanie said.

"Well, now we know the problem." Fred said nodding.

"But, why?" Sam mused.

"That thing showed up just about a week before we had the huge fight." Melanie reminisced as Freddie nodded in agreement.

Fred took some wire cutters out of his toolbox and cut the power wires coming from the solar panel. "I don't know why, but it's fixed now... What the hell is this for?" He asked.

As he sat the statue upright, a few small, folded papers fell out of the top portion. Unfolding one, he read it aloud. "These are the instructions and directions... They don't say anything that we haven't seen already... Place in sunlight... And, wait, look what it says here; 'use the remote switch from up to five hundred feet away to turn the signal on and off. The green light on the remote indicates proper operation. The red light indicates a problem.' well, someone can control this... Thing. I've cut the power wires, it won't work, so what do you think about putting this back out in the garden and seeing who comes to 'fix' it?"

Sam had picked out another of the folded sheets as Freddie read and explained his. She glanced over it before exclaiming; "Look, a web site!", as she shoved the paper toward Freddie and furiously typed the address into her phone. Fred picked up the nearly blank paper, looked it over for a moment, and then set it back down on the table. Sam read for a moment before announcing that the site required a log in and password.

"And look here..." Melanie said as she pushed a paper she had picked up over to her sister. Sam and Fred both smiled... The paper read 'LOG IN: Housebreaker376' and 'PASSWORD: 05567552'

Sam's smile turned into a cheshire cat grin as she typed in the information... In a moment, she shook her head and frowned as she mumbled "...that fucker..." and passed the phone to Freddie.