A/N: I don't own any of the characters or entities here. It's all Shonda's and ABC's.

Lucky for you, my faithful readers, this is a long chapter. Unlucky for you, there's angst ahead and I'm not very good at writing about it. So once again, please be gentle, but I do welcome your constructive criticisms! Thanks for reading!


Erica was sitting on her front steps when Callie pulled up. She was not looking very happy, Callie thought.

"What took you so long? The day is half over!" Erica pouted, knowing she looked like a petulant child and loving the reaction that came from Callie.

"You're sexy when you pout, did you know that?" Callie asked.

Erica got up and walked over to Callie's car. She leaned in and gave Callie a very wet kiss on the lips. It wasn't the only place that Callie was starting to feel wet! As Callie kissed her back, she slid her hand down the back of Erica's jeans, giving a gentle squeeze to one of her cheeks. Erica reciprocated by tracing a line from Callie's mouth to her neck with her tongue. There she started to give feather kisses to Callie while she slid her hands down Callie's shoulders to her breasts. Callie groaned and pulled Erica closer. If she could have, she would have made love to Erica right there on the driveway. Just then, a car drove by and the guy behind the wheel honked and whistled out the window. Erica pulled her hands away and hid her face against Callie's shoulder. Callie dropped her hands to her side and looked at the ground. Were they always going to be so ashamed to show their affection to one another in public? Granted, even if they had been a man and a woman, their display just now would have been worthy of a cat call or two. But Erica's reaction said it all: they were not ready to go public with this yet. Callie was suddenly nervous. She had just booked the honeymoon suite at a spa with in-room massages and champagne for the two of them for an entire weekend. What was she thinking? What would the people at the spa think of them? Worse yet, what was Erica going to think?

"Uh, I had better unload my stuff..." Callie mumbled, her voice wavering as she fought off tears. She suddenly felt very confused. She loved Erica, she knew that. But how was she going to deal with the reactions of people she didn't know? "Oh god," Callie thought. "Who cares about the reactions of strangers? It's the reactions of the people I do know that I've got to worry about!"

Erica had felt the same way as Callie did about being seen in their embrace although she did not share it with her. She suddenly felt the need to avoid eye contact with Callie and she walked back to the trunk as a means of doing that. The first thing she saw was the luggage back there. Erica let her embarrasment and uncertainty get the better of her and she snapped at Callie. "What the hell is all of this? No wonder why I sat here for two hours. You just couldn't take a joke about living out of the garbage bags, right? So you keep me waiting here for two hours on our only day off this week so that you can go and buy luggage?"

"Uh, surprise?" Callie said uncertainly. That was definitely not the reaction she had been hoping for from Erica. Callie was pretty sure that she was on the receiving end of a face usually reserved for Cristina Yang and that cut her like a knife.

"You bought luggage?" Erica repeated. "Are you planning on going somewhere? You keep me waiting here for almost two hours so you can go buy luggage? What's with you, Torres?" Erica snapped.

"Um, what's with you Erica? I bought us luggage. Us. And if you look a little further, there are roses there for you too..." Callie exclaimed, the anger building in her voice. What was Erica going to think when she also told her that she'd called the Chief, lied about a non-existant problem that Erica was having and got her the whole next weekend off? This was suddenly too much for her.

Erica picked up the roses and found the card. She suddenly felt like an ass for what she's just said to Callie. She shouldn't take her embarrasment out on her. This was new to the both of them, and Callie's reaction after the car passed indicated to Erica that she was just as scared and embarrassed as she was. Erica didn't want to be embarrassed. She wanted to shout from the top of Mount Rainier how much she loved Callie. That was just going to be easier said than done.

Erica opened the card. Inside were two plane tickets and a brochure to the spa she'd mentioned to Callie several weeks ago. How could Callie remember her mentioning this place? It was just said in passing over salad at lunch the day that they joked with Sloan about threesomes. Erica was really starting to feel badly about how she'd reacted, but once she read what Callie put in the card, her eyes really started to well up.

I never thought I'd find a love like this.

You're the best friend I have ever had.

You're the best love I will ever have.

You're worth the wait.

"Oh Callie..." Erica whispered. She put the card down and turned around, but Callie wasn't there.

Erica grabbed the card and the roses and slammed the trunk lid down. She ran into the house and called out for Callie.

"Callie?" No response.

"Cal? Are you in here?" Still no response.

"She could not have gone far," Erica thought as her frustration mounted. Why did Callie have to play hide and seek? No. Erica knew she couldn't blame this on Callie. Why did she have to act like that towards Callie? Where did that come from? Callie deserved better than the attitude she just got from her. Subconsiously Erica decided to save the 'tude for Cristina Yang and concentrate more on making Callie the happiest woman on Earth. After all, that is exactly what Callie had done for her. As Erica headed towards the back of her house, a sniffle caught her ear. She turned into the kitchen and saw Callie sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands, and her shoulder shaking as she silently cried.

"Callie, listen, I am so sorry. I don't know what my problem is. I was completely off-base. Thank you for the card-"

"Just. Stop. Talking." Suddenly Callie wasn't crying anymore. The sound of Erica entering the room had caused Callie's head to fly up. Callie wiped the tears and her nose with the sleeve of the shirt that Erica had lent her. Erica grimaced at the sight.

Callie's expression was a mix of sadness, confusion and anger. "I don't want you to be sorry, because I'm not crying about what you said out there. I'm crying because of how confused I am and about how angry you're going to be when I tell you what I did today. I'm crying because I don't know what's come over me and I feel like I'm on full-throttle, looping rollercoaster mood swing mode right now."

Erica's face had taken on the pursed-lip look again. Callie hated that face. She hoped that after this she'd never see it again.

"And what, exactly have you done to make me madder than I just was?" Erica tried to put some anger into that question but her voice came out all weak and wavery. She was about to burst into tears herself.

"I called the Chief this morning and told him that you were having friendship issues and you needed next weekend off. I told him I was taking you on a weekend trip because you'd had a 'change in friendship' with one of your friends and you just needed some time for yourself. He gave us both some personal time."

"What? You did what? You lied to the CHIEF?" Erica was indignant. "Callie, I swear, if he pulls me off of a single surgery because he thinks I'm having some kind of a personal problem, I will see to it that you-"

Callie didn't bother to wait for Erica to finish her threat. "I also booked us the honeymoon suite at that spa you'd told me about and ordered us in-room massages and champagne because I thought it would be a fun weekend away for the two of us."

It only took a split second for Erica to change gears. "What? Why would you book us the honeymoon suite? Are you trying to announce to the whole world that we're gay? I don't know about you, Torres, but I have a reputation as a world class surgeon. I don't need to tarnish it by showing up at some trampy motel with my lesbian lover. Have you lost your mind?"

Callie felt like she'd been slapped. "Yeah, I guess I did. I really must not have been thinking clearly because I THOUGHT THAT YOU LOVED ME!" Callie screamed. She paused and took a deep breath. Her next words were quiet and ominous: "I am not ashamed of us. I'm not even sure if what we're doing here even makes us gay. You and I both dated men before this happened. All I tried to do today was try to do something nice. I tried to take us somewhere where we could just be ourselves and have fun. So much for trying to do something special for you, Erica. We both said we didn't have to decide today who we would tell about us, but you've just made it abundantly clear that you have no intention of ever telling anyone."

Erica opened her mouth to speak but Callie held up her hand to silence her. "I'm sorry if I make you feel ashamed. I LOVE YOU. I was trying to find a way to show that love to you. Who cares if anyone else sees it? Who cares about your reputation, Erica? Your work speaks for itself. If anyone ever holds our love against you, then they're not worth your time and their opinion is also worthless."

Callie stood up. Her throat hurt from screaming. Her heart hurt more. Erica may be the world's best person at repairing sick hearts, but she also had a keen knack for smashing them to pieces. Callie kept her head held high and tried to march right past Erica and out the door. Erica stepped in front of her before she could leave the room. She didn't dare touch Callie right now. She knew that. Callie was hurting and Erica had just admitted that she was too ashamed of their affair to let anyone know. Her words poured out of her along with her tears: "Callie, wait, just wait. I- I cannot believe I just said that."

"Neither can I. What do you want from me Erica? What are we doing here?"

"Well, we're fighting. And I don't like it. And you're hurting, because of what I said just now. And I'm confused and scared and I really don't want to lose you. I told you that day in the scrub room that I don't make friends easily. Now you can see why. And since I'm being bluntly honest, I also have to say that I'm worse at relationships than I am with friendships. I'm scared of this relationship, Callie. When I am with you, in private, everything feels right. I may be the heart surgeon, but you fix my heart every time you smile at me. Waking up with you in my arms this morning was the best feeling in the world, Callie. It felt right. It felt pure and clean and safe and..." Erica's sobbing was making it difficult to understand her. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath.

Callie just stood and stared. She couldn't believe that Erica Hahn was crying. Attilla the Hahn had a soft side, apparently. Callie wanted to hold Erica right now with every fiber of her being. But she couldn't. Because if Erica didn't want to be seen by other people being held by her, then she couldn't bring herself to hold her in private, either.

Erica continued on, calmer but still crying. "I'm sorry Callie."

"You're sorry you can't let other people know that you love me? Or are you sorry that you even said you loved me in the first place?"

Erica looked like Callie had just slapped her. "I have no regrets about telling you that I love you. I meant it and I still do. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not keeping my mouth in check. I am sorry for even thinking what I said, and I'm sorry for ever saying it. I want to love you, publicly and privately. I will do it if you give me the chance. My only regret is how scared I am of doing this. I should know that with you by my side, I can handle anything. And I should also know that our relationship shouldn't require any handling, because it should feel like the most normal thing in the world. Please Callie, please, give me a chance. Just one chance to prove it to you. I will not let you down."

Callie couldn't help but cry. She had wanted so badly to tell Erica how much she loved her, and last night was pure magic. What the hell had gone wrong? Did it matter? Couldn't the two of them just try again? Callie started shaking her head "no" but moved in and hugged Erica. Just hugged her. The two of them sank down on to the floor and cried. Neither of them kept track of how long they were huddled down on the kitchen floor, but to Callie it felt like ages. They had stopped crying but were still holding on to one another, both of their bodies occasionally shuddering and randomly sniffling. After what seemed like an interminable amount of silence, Erica's stomach growled.

"I'm hungry too." Callie whispered. Erica giggled. Maybe they could give it another try, Callie thought.