Title: Bringing Up Baby
Author: Isabelle
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl and Chuck Bass is not locked in my closet. But Blair might be ;)
Spoilers: Post 2.16. After avoiding one another, Chuck and Blair arrive at the Van der Bass home to find a small child left for the Bass family. This follows the first 48 hrs of C and B adjusting to having a small child to care for and realizing they're anything but over one another.
A/N –A special thank you to Tati, my always faithful beta *kiss*
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(Chapter 6)
Saturday, 9am
"Caca," Richie repeated as Blair blinked at him, then took in this snug jeans and little shoes.
She smirked, lifted the baby and placed him in Chuck's arms. "Your turn," she smiled sweetly at him.
"You have to help me, at least for the disposal process," he insisted, looking downright miserable as the smell waffled at him.
"You can do it," she replied, loving every minute of it. "I'll stand back for moral support."
He glared at her and took the kid back towards Serena's room.
"NOT IN MY BED!"
Damn it. They hadn't gotten in the elevator.
Chuck placed the baby down on the guest bed they'd shared, now that it was nicely made. Richie tried to sit up the moment Chuck laid him down. "No, no." Chuck pushed him down as Richie kicked hard and missed Chuck's precious package by a mere inch. "Shit!"
"Oh…" Blair smiled. "Those shoes would've made some real damage."
He held a hand to his balls, defending them from the kid's deadly feet. "No more kicking."
Richie lost his pacifier and tried to roll over.
"Blair! C'mon, give me a hand," he asked desperately as he pulled the baby back down in spite of the constant screaming.
"Ugh," she huffed. "You're so hopeless."
"That's why you love me," he said before he had a chance to think better of it. The pink elephant in the room has just erupted and the world almost seemed to pause.
Blair's heart beat a mile a minute. She couldn't believe he had gone there, she couldn't believe she had been stupid enough to confess such stupidities to him. She hated being the one in the lurch, she hated being the one who had said it first, still waiting for him to get over his neuroses and perhaps admit that he cared anything at all for her. She gulped and looked away, her fingers shaking slightly as she laid the baby back down.
Chuck was staring at her profile and the soft way her long lashes brushed against her perfect doll-like cheeks. "Blair…"
She sighed as she tried to yank the shoes off a struggling Richie. She let out an airy laugh. "The cotton-candy outfit is starting to look really good now, isn't it?"
Chuck gulped and helped her hold the baby down, but never took his eyes off her face. He should say it. Say it now. Confess, confess, confess. She deserved to know, needed to know. His inability to say it was destroying them faster than he could formulate a plan to save them.
"Blair…" He took a deep breath.
"You don't need to say it," she snapped at him. Her face was turned from him as she took off Richie's jeans. "I actually would rather you didn't," she said quietly. "It won't solve anything… It won't fix us, Chuck. I need a lot more than words from you now."
His heart broke at her words. In pieces, shattering on the duvet. He simply stared at her. Richie instantly sensed the change and began to cry.
"Mama!" Richie shouted, and Blair picked him up and held him against her as Chuck watched her, his soul slowly disintegrating.
No words would fix them. It was too late. Too late. He, Chuck Bass, would have to become a man of action because there was no way he could lose Blair. No way. You could cut him, kill him, throw him in a ditch, hold him back in chains, but he would not lose Blair. Not when he could save her. He might not be able to fix her now, but he would one day be able to help her pick up the pieces of one another they had both shattered. He would do it. Let it take weeks, months, years… He would get his Blair back.
"Help me change him," Blair finally said, attempting to shield her face from his dark and ominous eyes.
The way he was staring at her… burned her. Like he always did. A man shouldn't have that power over any woman; it was like swimming against the strong currents of the ocean. Struggle as you might, one day you'll tire, and eventually get lost within its darkness. And that's what he was, her darkness… that part of her that she always shielded and held back under yards of silk and pearls. Under the poise and the perfection of her decaying years as the nearly Mrs. Archibald, there it lay. Dormant and passive until the day that she let it all go.
It wasn't that Chuck Bass had pulled that side of her out… He didn't pull it… didn't tempt it… he simply offered a helping hand. An outstretched hand that she eagerly took, because she thought she was drowning at the time. She thought that feeling was drowning… But the truth was that Blair didn't know what drowning was until she let herself admit that she loved Chuck Bass.
And now, when her thoughts strayed and wandered, she would start remembering all the times she'd had Chuck as a friend and a confidant, and she would curse herself for never seeing it there.
And here they were… Months later, after the ashes had fallen from their burning passion and their tumultuous non-relationship… Here they were. His eyes, as mysterious and acute as ever, always peeling back her silk and pearls and revealing the true Blair. She couldn't pretend with him, couldn't hide, couldn't do anything but the be herself. Because Chuck Bass set her free. Because the truth set her free.
A man shouldn't have that power over any woman.
"Here, let me…" And Chuck Bass became polite, pulling the baby's last shoe off as she held Richie, his strong and sure hands making light of the otherwise complicated task.
The baby finally let them peel his jeans off and looked over them as Blair held the bag open, waiting to receive the dirty diaper.
Chuck grabbed the baby under his arms and lifted him up. His bum was dirty, and they grimaced.
"There has to be an easier way of doing this," Blair said as she tied the bag and followed Chuck to the bathroom. This time Richie didn't like the water. At all. He cried as they washed him, never stopping – not even when he was re-diapered and dressed, pacifier at hand and red train back in his hand.
"What if he's hungry?" Chuck suggested.
Blair looked doubtfully at the baby. "He had his bottle."
"Liquid diet?" Chuck suggested.
"And the cheerios?" She asked.
"Hardly food," Chuck replied.
She agreed. "Fine." She picked up the phone and in ten minutes, the dining room table was filled with over 30 little glass containers ranging in color from puke-green and funny orange to creepy beige.
"Baby food," Chuck said in near disgust as he surveyed the table. Blair handed the baby to him. Richie's wide eyes were fixed on the tumblers before him, and he soon began reaching out to them.
"Definitely hungry," Chuck laughed, sitting down in a chair and preventing the kid from grabbing the nearest funky-red glass jar.
Blair inspected the items with calculating thought. "He needs a well balanced meal," she began, and Chuck doubted the kid would last long enough for her to put together the perfect four-course meal.
"Just give him something, he's starving," Chuck said, pulling a jar out of the baby's hands and sending him into hysterics.
"Ok, ok. We need meat. What if he's a vegetarian?" Blair asked, slightly scandalized.
"He's most certainly not a vegetarian," Chuck snapped. "He's a Bass. Even temporary Basses are not vegetarians."
"Ok. Chicken. Oh, nice, these are organic!" Blair smiled.
Richie screamed, losing his pacifier.
"Perfect. Chicken. Give it to him now," Chuck demanded.
"Hold up, what do you think? Mixed veggies or squash to go with the chicken? These choices really limit us." Blair chewed on her bottom lip.
Richie grabbed Chuck's bowtie, yanked and cried.
"Squash, just got with the squash," Chuck grunted prying the small fingers from his new Ives Saint Laurent bowtie.
"Hummm…" Blair looked over other jars. "I think the pear would go nicely with it, what do you think?"
"For fuck's sake, Waldorf! The kid's dying here, and I'm dying along with him!"
Blair turned to find Chuck Bass disheveled, Richie's hands yanking at his hair, one little foot on Chuck's chest and the other in Chuck's hand as he once more protected his precious package. She chuckled at seeing him like this.
"Sit him on your lap," she said, opening one jar and grabbing the small silver spoon that had come with the food. Chuck struggled to get the kid to sit down, but the moment Richie spotted the spoon, he eagerly opened his mouth and whined.
Blair took a small scoop of the yellow chicken mush and brought it to the baby. Blair and Chuck's knees touched slightly as they sat before one another, the baby between them. Richie made little satisfied noises as she brought him another scoop of mush, eagerly gulping it down, his little foot happily bouncing on Chuck's knee.
"We've officially nearly starved the baby," Chuck commented as Blair continued feeding Richie until the glass container was completely empty. Richie whined a bit, and she quickly opened the squash bottle. His eyes widened, opening his mouth once more.
"Oh, you were hungry, weren't you?" Blair cooed at Richie, smiling when a dollop of orange mushy baby food slid from Richie's mouth down to Chuck's pant leg.
"That's going to stain," she smirked, and Chuck groaned loudly.
"Ma!" Richie cried when she stopped feeding him, and she quickly continued. He was looking rather full, but it didn't stop his mouth from opening when she unscrewed the pear bottle.
"Shouldn't he have something to drink or something?" Chuck asked dubiously.
Blair fed Richie the pear, watching as he 'chewed' on it and opened his mouth once more. His entire face was officially covered in mush. Yellow, orange and beige mush.
"I think he's fine… He needs another bath, though," she noted.
Chuck looked at the kid and sighed. "This is like a full time job."
"It's probably why they tell you not to have babies so young," she quipped, watching Richie gulp down his latest spoonful. On the next round, he turned his face and whined.
"I think he's had enough," Chuck said, watching the baby.
Blair leaned back and placed the half empty jar on the table. "Bath time!"
Richie rubbed his eyes and turned his head too fast to catch, pressing his face against Chuck's jacket. Even the bowtie ended up with orange mush on it.
Chuck yelped, pulling the baby back, and Blair let out a melodic laugh. "Bath time for two."
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Saturday, 10am
"I think we should leave him in diapers," Chuck commented as they watched the baby, now fully washed and playing with his toy trains on the floor of the living room.
Chuck was now changed into another sweater and new pants, seeing as his previous outfit was completely ruined.
"We can't," Blair insisted. "We need to head to the park, every child needs the park."
"No – this is a bad idea, Waldorf –"
"I always went to the park," Blair insisted.
"With people who knew what they were doing," Chuck nodded.
"We kinda maybe sorta know what we're doing," she said, but never met his eyes because she knew she was lying through her teeth.
"We have no fucking clue," Chuck specified.
She rounded on him. "So, what do you want to do? Sit here all day, waiting for him to poop and pee and want more food?"
Chuck studied Richie, who was now staring at him with wide hazel eyes. "Fine. Park. But we have to pack adequately."
Fifteen Minutes later
"What to pack to the park," Blair said softly as she typed it on Chuck's computer. Her brows furrowed. "No… no… common baby supplies." Her face lit up. "A baby center!"
Behind her Chuck, started his under the radar operation of 'hide the scarf from the baby.' It was too late, the baby had spotted it and instantly started whining for it.
"Let him have your scarf," Blair said, her eyes never leaving her screen as she went over information on one year old babies.
Chuck glared at the back of her head and reluctantly handed the scarf back to Richie. Richie decided this was the perfect new rail for his trains.
"Ok. Grab his bag," she said, and she blanched when she saw Chuck grabbed the old blue bag the baby had come with. "No… Let me call Leo at Chanel and see what he can get me."
Twenty minutes later, she sighed as they looked upon the baby's brand new baby bag.
"Better," Chuck conceded.
"Much," she clarified.
"Much," he accepted, and they had a moment of understanding, both staring at one another and simply smiling. Like stupid idiots. That's when Richie touched the bag they were staring at, and it toppled over.
"Alright, operation 'take baby to the park' has officially begun," Blair announced once Chuck had reluctantly agreed to grab the things as she called them.
Thank goodness that Bart was good friends with the owner of Bugaboo. They had a stroller delivered to the place, which Richie was now moving around the apartment.
"Diapers!" Blair said, and Chuck tossed some diapers into the Chanel baby bag.
"Check," he said.
"Extra clothes."
"Check."
"The wet wipes things."
"Check… Wish we had known about them before."
"You're interrupting the flow."
"Sorry."
"The blanket."
"Check."
"Bug spray."
"Humm… check."
"Flow…"
"I'm flowing."
"Fine. Baby food."
"Check."
"Bottles."
"Check."
"Extra pacifier."
"Check."
"Band aids."
"Check."
"Know-it-all baby book."
"Check."
"Baby."
"Check."
CRASH!
Blair stopped, and Chuck glanced behind her and groaned loudly. The vase. The precious vase he had attempted to save before had now been utterly destroyed. The stroller was apparently quite dangerous.
Richie let out a loud wail.
"Oh, my God, he's hurt!" Blair cried.
They both rushed forward, and Chuck quickly picked up the baby. He was unscathed, but shaking like a leaf. He handed the baby back to Blair, and Blair quickly coddled him, telling him it was alright and that the stupid vase was so mean.
Chuck surveyed the damage. It was a disaster.
"Kid's a menace," he said under his breath.
"Stop it, Chuck. He's upset and very sorry. Aren't you sorry?" She baby-talked.
Chuck's eyes narrowed, and Hilda glared at them as she came in and dutifully started cleaning up the mess. "Let's just get out of here before he destroys the Chinese dolls."
"Chuck! We forgot the changing mat!" Blair cried as they struggled towards the elevator. Chuck – now carrying two bags, a stroller, and a large umbrella – glared at her.
Her only package was Richie, who was suckling on his pacifier and staring at Chuck with wide eyes, his precious scarf in one hand and a train on the other.
"I can't get it. I ran out of hands. I'm the two-hand model, you know," Chuck ground out.
Blair hefted the baby.
"What if we have to change him?" Blair asked.
Chuck sighed, and she waited patiently while he placed the bags down and went for the changing mat. When he finally returned, they entered the elevator along with baby, stroller, and bags.
Richie began to sing as the elevator went down.
The elevator stopped. Floor 12.
The doors opened. An elderly couple saw them, smiled and entered. With a dog. The small pooches that could be easily tucked into a Louis Vuitton carrier.
Richie's eyes zoomed in on the animal, his eyes wide as he leaned forward.
"Bow wow…"
The woman smiled kindly at him and at Blair. "How old is he, dear?"
Blair gulped and looked at Chuck for help.
"A little over a year," Chuck repeated the words Lilly had said. They had sounded right, and Lilly was bound to know more about kids than they ever would, considering she couldn't stop having them and adopting them.
"Ohh," the lady said happily. "Such a lovely boy."
Said lovely boy reached out and yanked her furry dog's ear.
Blair had thought that last night's elevator ride had been the longest and most awkward in the existence of elevators. She had been wrong.
This was the longest elevator ride on the face of the planet.
"No! Bad, Richie!" Blair cried, scandalized. The little boy had dog hair left in his hand.
With the dog yelping, the woman screaming, the man laughing, Chuck holding back a chuckle, Blair attempting to control Richie, and Richie still wanting more of the puppy – it was out of control.
Twelve floors later, Chuck had to appease the elderly couple with a month's free rent and limo service for them and the mangy dog.
The couple flew out of the elevator, and Richie, sad about losing his new toy, yelled for the dog.
"No dogs. For you. Ever," Blair snapped as she carried the baby out into the lobby.
Behind her, Chuck lugged all of the items for their little excursion. Arthur quickly came to help Chuck when he saw him pushing the stroller with the baby bags and the umbrella.
"Where to, sir?" He asked, eying the child in Blair's arms. Richie was now fascinated with the bustling people around him.
"A kid park," Chuck commanded, helping Blair into the limo.
Arthur stared at the closed door for a moment and thought that this was, by far, the oddest thing he'd ever had to do for Charles Bass. And he'd seen it all.
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To be continued
